shame

Posted on March 18, 2015 by Shanda

A little confession for you: I’m a try-hard Christian at times (more times I care to admit). And then, every once in a while (about once a week) I get knocked to my knees in desperation because I simply cannot be a good girl (no surprise there, why not just learn this lesson??). I open my mouth and the attitude and words that pour forth are shameful. I want to be a good example to my children but daily I fail. On Saturday my heart was rotten, I was thinking wretched thoughts, feeling the most grumbly of feelings…..Rich and I had to run errands and as I scribbled in my journal in the car, I began to cry and the words gushed out to my dear husband….he sensed the despair and recognized it for what it was, condemnation. I was reacting to my failings all the wrong way, by condemning myself and my religion. “What’s the point of being a believer if I have to continually struggle against myself and LOSE?” I cried, “When I discover a fault in myself, or my own faults and sin are exposed to everyone around me I feel so much shame and blame my religion.” Then I get upset because of the time I am putting into self-evalutation and my thoughts run like this: “You have so much pride. You are not a good Christian at all. What is wrong with you? Despair, cry, give up!”

Rich, in seeing the way I was beating myself up, encouraged me to think positively, to remember the gifts God has given to me and the very special ways he has created me. But I couldn’t. It was too much self-focus once again. I took up my daily Bible reading and said, “The answers will be here, I know it. I just need to read this.”

My testimony is this: In whatever situation I am facing, the Lord is right there with comfort, teachings, and rebuke, if only I take up my Bible and read it. If only I see and hear what He has to communicate to me. He is so faithful! This weekend I read aloud in the car about the time that God made Balaam’s donkey speak. An angel was blocking the way and the donkey could see it but Balaam could not. Three times he lost his patience with the animal and beat him in anger and frustration.

Rich told me I was doing to myself what Balaam was doing to the poor donkey. Beating myself unnecessarily. It was so funny I had to laugh. Listen:

“What have I done to you that deserves your beating me three times?” says the donkey to Balaam, and says myself to myself.

“You have made me look like a fool! If I had a sword with me I would kill you!” Says Balaam to the donkey, and says myself to myself.

But then Balaam comes to understand what is happening and is full of remorse, and Rich applied the passage and told me I have to stop beating my ass. (!)

Balaam goes on to say to King Balak, who wanted him to curse the Israelites for him, “God has blessed and I cannot reverse it.”

THIS IS THE ANSWER. Praise God in Jesus that He has saved my soul and there is NO condemnation to those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1. My heart sings. He has blessed and in no way is that blessing ever going to be reversed!

Rich reminded me that what I was feeling, that wretched feeling, was my own personal fight against the flesh, which is something that ALL believers face. It hurts sometimes, until we remember that we have the victory in Christ Jesus.

It was pretty amazing, because my testimony continues, in the mailbox that very day….we received this month’s issue of Tabletalk magazine with the main topic this month being SHAME. Article after article, all written seemingly for ME and my heart’s struggles. Food for the soul, truth for the doubting one.

“Jesus lived and died not only for the guilt of our sin but for the shame of our sin.”

“If we live each day bearing the shame of yesterday, and we’re worried about the shame of tomorrow, we will never experience the joys of abundant life in Christ today. Let us lift our weary eyes from gazing upon our shame and fix our eyes on Christ, the author and finisher of our faith.”

“Shame is not the final conclusion we make about ourselves.”

“The end of Christian identity is righteousness, not shame.”

“Shame is made manifest by isolation, self protection, self-hatred, self-destruction, self-preservation, and the illusion of control.”

“Satan’s voice will lead to shame, but God’s voice will lead to glory.”

“Our shame begins to unravel as we see His dear person and know His matchless work to be our own. United to Him by faith through the Holy Spirit, our whole position changes. Redeemed and reconciled to our heavenly Father by the Son of His love, the basis of our true shame is dealt with and our alienation removed.”

So, my own struggle with trying hard is dealt with like everything else is dealt with, through the cross and the gospel. Praise Jesus! I will feel the fight at times, I will feel shame, but I am not left there….He leads me along into the glorious truths of what Christianity is all about, Jesus and His righteousness which He so generously bestows on all who believe in Him. This world is not my home, I’m just passing through……and by grace I will say, like Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7

boredom buster for all ages!

Posted on March 16, 2015 by Shanda

I wasn’t feeling well on Saturday so Rich took all the children out for a few hours so I could rest. David stayed home with me because he loves spending Saturdays at home in his own little world of creativity and good wholesome fun that involves things like balloons, vinegar, cornstarch, food coloring, yarn, wooden Thomas the train tracks, and empty play dough buckets.

He was so utterly interesting that I got off the couch and sat next to him on the floor. He was attempting to catch a bird. He’s been catching birds for about 6 years now. He doesn’t do it on a constant basis, just when the mood strikes. We had a lot of bird activity at the feeder on Saturday and when David stopped and noticed them, the mood struck once again.

I typically have a terra cotta planter on this little table, filled with sunflower seeds. David removed the planter and put a pile of seed underneath a big play dough bucket. He propped up the bucket with a train track and tied a long piece of yarn to it.

The little table with the bird seed is only about five feet from the side entry way door. The storm door is full length glass so David ran the yarn under the door and sat right on the other side of it with the end of the string in his hands, which were charmingly dirty from other experiments.

I sat next to him with my camera and a piece of paper to jot down his quotable quotes. Everything he said made me laugh.

This chickadee landed on the track and knocked it over, causing a loud groan from Dave.

He went out to set things in order again.

Whenever there was a “misfire” he would go out loudly apologizing to the birds. “Everything is okay….that was supposed to happen!” He wanted to make it clear to the bird community that there was nothing to get suspicious about.

“I love to do this,” he told me as he settled back down with the string in his hands.

He had to get up to brush the seeds completely UNDER the bucket because they were choosing seeds that were in safer locations……”Now they’re dedicated to go all the way under there.”

He was very patient. Much more than I. A bird would come and I would say, “Why didn’t you pull the string?”

“I couldn’t! It wasn’t all the way under. I don’t want the edge to come down on the bird’s neck and break it!”

Hearing this piece of wisdom made it easy to bring the conversation around to the subject of the guillotine. “What’s that?” He asked, with his eyes on the bucket. “When you lay down and they let the sharp metal fall on your neck.” “Oh yeah. I hate those!” I laughed, imagining that this hatred was typical of the whole of humanity.

He was also very careful because if he killed one right in plain sight of the other birds they would never come back around to the feeder, he said.

After another miss, he sat down and immediately another bird came around. He was astonished. “Mom, look at this. Stupid birds, they go right back. Fool birds. That’s what I call them. Fool Birds.”

“I have to wait for one to stall, then I’ll get it.”

“I love to do this.” He was all smiles. “It’s like fishing, hunting, and trapping.”

He caught one.

He took a clipboard (you could also use cardboard or whatever) to put on top of the bucket. He wasn’t planning on holding it but I encouraged him. He was shaking a little as he tried to gently catch it in his hand.

“He is the hero of the woods; there are courage and good nature enough in that compact little body, which you may hide in your fist…….” Ernest Ingersoll

“Thus it is, that in all the lands of snowy winters the chickadee is a loved comrade of the country wayfarer; that happy song ‘chick-a-dee-dee-dee’ finds its way to the dullest consciousness and the most callous heart.” Anna Comstock

The little chickadee was a brave fighter. He bit Dave’s thumb and held on tight.

I got to hold it, too, and then we let it fly away. He caught three that day.

Now that you know how Dave catches birds, you can try it too! Let us know how it goes. It’s a great activity for anyone, old or young.

This morning I found Dave peeling a balloon off of a big ball of ice. He had made a water balloon and put it in the freezer over night. He was surrounded by siblings as he peeled it. It wasn’t frozen all the way, so he trotted it back to the freezer……

in my pockets

Posted on March 14, 2015 by Shanda

To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter… to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird’s nest or a wildflower in spring — these are some of the rewards of the simple life. ~John Burroughs

Look at my pretty eggs. It’s been months since the hens have laid. Indeed, I give thanks for the one persevering Hen who kept on despite the dark cold days of winter. A sign of spring is that the rest of them have finally started laying again, too.

I carried them home in the pockets of my jacket yesterday. Dave brought home four more today. SO thankful for this simple, delicious pleasure.

{this moment}

Posted on March 13, 2015 by Shanda

{this moment} ~ A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

handmade (day 4)

Posted on March 12, 2015 by Shanda

With fingers shaking with exhaustion, I bring to you day four of our admiration for all things handmade. Yes, I am tired, but it is only the common tiredness of motherhood, so I am thankful. For instance, it’s taking a long time for Seth’s amazon.com order to come. He asks so much for his little dog Duke which he ordered days ago. Seems like forever. And another boy is having a little trouble, and another one (a girl) doesn’t get home until way after dinner is over, and a couple others stay up too late playing video games, and another one forgot to do his homework, and another one was so grumpy…..and several are still coughing. But, it’s not a big deal, the sun is shining and soon the snow will be gone along with all the problems. LOL

I read Seth and Sarah Curious George and the Pizza this midmorning which gave Seth a powerful hunger for pizza of our own. Did you know that when a child is recovering from being sick you’re supposed to do whatever they ask? Me neither, but in this case it seemed good and proper so we got in the kitchen, argued about who was going to stand where, and made HANDMADE pizza and they were so cute that I had to document the process with the camera.

Seth was telling her that his was going to be better but she didn’t care.

She was busy spreading around sauce and she was entirely capable…. sauce sauce sauce, rub, pour, slap, sauce.

And then when it came to the cheese…..she put a tiny bit right in the middle. Very amusing.

What she really wanted to do was eat all the dough raw but we talked her out of it.

Seth’s was stuffed crust.

We each made our own pizza and we all exchanged slices with each other.

Seth, can I have a piece of yours? Sure!
Do you want a piece of mine? Uh…. Okay!
Try mine!

She had to blow on her pizza a little bit and we made up a song about it.

I was pretty proud of mine, too! We were all proud of our pizza.

Talking to her brother….

quick and easy pizza dough recipe here. (SO SO GOOD!!!)

************************

MORE HANDMADE:::

On Saturday, my Mom and Dad gave me a handmade wooden box , and they also gave me this handmade trinket hook board.

I hung it up today, it was obviously made for the wall above my sewing table. It should have only taken two holes in the wall, but of course it took me four since it was a struggle for me to get it straight…….(don’t tell Rich)…..

They decorated it with buttons from my childhood clothes. I loved these heart buttons then, and I still love them now. (first day of Kindergarten dress)

They used other little odds and ends, too. I hung some of my necklaces from the hook on the left.

And a beaded necklace, with a paper heart made by Dawn, was hung on the hook on the right.

The two metal pieces are an “S” for my initial, and a “38” for my age. Everything was meaningful……

Even the board was from my Grandfather’s chopper (farming machinery).

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I’ll be back tomorrow with no words, for a “this moment” friday post.

handmade (day 3)

Posted on March 11, 2015 by Shanda

Good morning! The sun is shining, my house is relatively clean (miracle), I have two delightful children by my side (one is getting over the flu) and there are strong, talented construction men in the bathroom making much needed updates and repairs. All is well. God is so good to us, filling our lives, which can be so very very dreary, with many blessings and encouragements. I am so thankful to belong to Him, thank you Jesus for your care and guidance and love.

TODAY, on “handmade”, day NUMBER THREE, I share with you a photo of a very little something I made for my dear mama recently. It is a small wall hanging made of scrappy pieces, and embellished with lots of sewing, some beads and buttons (NOT plastic, just because mom and I love heavy glass beads and old buttons)….snips of ribbon, and my very first humble attempts at crazy quilt embroidery.

I actually forgot to take pictures of it before I gave it to her. This is a phone pic that I had sent to Joanna and Dawn asking for their opinions on it. Dawn suggested buttons and I did sew some on (after I took the photo). I placed vintage white ones down the flowery red ribbon.

I sewed a metal ring to the top, just below the edge so it was hidden, for her to use in which to hang it.

I’m anticipating making another! It was a perfect little project for my busy life, because it’s small, unfussy, there is no pattern…… it’s almost instant gratification.

Here are a few pictures of the photos which inspired me on pinterest:

THEY are handmade by MANDY PATULLO, and she calls them textile collage strippies

I LOVE them, they are so pretty and creative. I’m thankful for the inspiration on pinterest and the blogging world! In the spirit of such, how about (pretty please) sharing your favorite pinterest or blog links, featuring handmade crafty sorts of things, in the comments?

Happy Wednesday, friends!

handmade (day 2)

Posted on March 10, 2015 by Shanda

“she painted the world with her love”

An absolutely lovely handmade gift arrived in my mailbox on Saturday.

It was thoughtfully created by my friend Dawn, of the blog 4:53. Dawn has been an inspiration of mine for years and is constantly working on the most beautiful little crafts of all sorts. She sews, works with papers, paints, embroiders, and loves so many of the same things that I do, including our Savior and Friend Jesus, that I consider her a Kindred Spirit of the very best kind.

It was such a pleasure snapping pictures of the loveliness, but first I had to politely ask kitty Sherlock to step aside. He thought the pretty thing covered in flowing ribbons was a cat toy.

Don’t worry, dear Dawn, there was no harm done by the naughty cat.

The journal was held together by an elastic which had a fabric flower glued to it (the back of the flower was covered with felt to make it look neat). Once the flower was off, I eagerly opened the book, which was bursting with pages upon pages of pretty touches.

Most of the pages had a folded-over edge, with an embellishment such as a tag, quote, playing card, or doily sewn to it. The ends of the threads were left long, making for delightful dangling out the top and bottom of the book.

two favorites: books and Jane Austen

In truth

a family is
what you make it.

It is made strong,
not by the number of
heads counted
at the dinner table,
but by the rituals
you help
family members
create,
by the memories you share,
by the commitment
of time,
caring, and love
you show to one another,
and by the hopes
for the future
you have as
individuals and as a unit.
~Marge Kennedy

Thank you, Dawn, for this beautiful gift. I’ll cherish it always, and very much enjoy adding some of my own *jots and tittles* to it, too.

For more information on this journal and a peek at many of her other works, visit Dawn’s lovely site. She would be more than welcoming to see any visitors that might happen to drop in. You just might want to pour yourself a cuppa something’ hot before you do, so you can pleasantly linger. 🙂

handmade (day 1)

Posted on March 9, 2015 by Shanda

Since childhood, I’ve been surrounded by creativity, by “makers”. Grandparents, aunts, and mom especially. It seemed as though every visit with family involved an informal show and tell, and every Christmas or Birthday involved a handmade gift or two. As I think back on those days I realize how much those times influenced me, even when I was little and focusing more on play than on what the grown ups were doing.

Consequently, I have grown up into a profound respect and appreciation for a variety handmade items and find that the things made by individual people move me in ways no factory made item could. For example, if you take an item purchased from Target and place it by the side of the same type of item made by your friend or neighbor, the handmade wins every time. It oozes with an aura of thoughtfulness, love, personality, giving of time and energy, and warmth.

There is a spiritual element to the handmade, too. One of the names for God is Maker.

On Saturday, we had a nice day-long visit with my parents, beginning with the unwrapping of gifts.

The first thing I opened was a beautiful wooden box that Dad constructed and Mom beautified. It was so meaningful that they made it together.

They used a seashell for the top that matches the color and grain of the wood.

I wondered as I opened it why it was so heavy.

Gently lifting the lid, I discovered fiesta coasters to match my collection of dishes! There were nine of them, one for each member of the my family.

Underneath the coasters was another thoughtful touch. The bottom was lined with an old map of my hometown, including the location of Rich’s and my first house.

This simple wooden box is a priceless gift and one that I am honored to have received from my parents. I will happily use it to beautiful my home, and hold coasters.

“Everyone who has any talent at all in sketching, painting, sculpturing or carving, should have the opportunity to use that talent. The expression is important for the person, and can tremendously enrich the lives of other people. What can you do?” Edith Schaeffer

the one and only E

Posted on March 6, 2015 by Shanda

Grace is recovering from the flu and we are on the couch together watching The Well-Diggars Daughter. If you have not watched this golden French film….it’s perfect and lovely…heart warming. David and Seth are also home recovering from the flu. For the last week, I have been Nurse Mother. There is a huge pot of chicken noodle soup on the simmer in the kitchen, along with various medicines, tissues, drinks, and tender loving care, ready and waiting to meet their every need.

One son in the family has remained healthy, the one and only Ethan. He is thankful that he didn’t spend his birthday, which was yesterday, sick like the rest of his siblings.

He requested a Boston Creme Pie and an Apple Pie for his birthday dessert. With the extra work I had as Nurse, I decided to order the pies from a bakery half an hour away. Grace was home from school so she graciously watched Sarah (and, Finding Neverland) while I was gone. I picked up Ethan and Jacob from school. With coffees from Dunkin Donuts, we went on our little road trip to the Bakery and then ate Ethan’s choice for lunch; chinese buffet.

The waitress asked them if they were twins. They are only a year and two months apart, so almost irish twins. They act like twins, though, since the day Ethan was born they’ve been the best of friends. For example, I had originally asked Ethan to go with me alone for lunch, but he asked if Jacob could go because “it would be more fun that way.” He wasn’t being cruel, he was only being honest. I love these brothers. They are good for each other. Ethan’s the only one in the family who doesn’t treat Jacob with respect for being the firstborn. LOL

Ethan had 20 dollars Grandma and Grandpa, and with an extra six dug from my purse,he and Jacob went into GameStop (a used game store).

We arrived back home with a game for Ethan, a calligraphy pen for Jacob, and birthday pies.

After so much Chinese food for lunch, he decided on pizza for dinner. Rich brought it home from Ethan’s favorite place, Frank Pepe.

He loves the clam pizza but their supplier is having bad luck, so we ate shrimp instead. With lots and lots of garlic yumminess. There was a meat pizza for the others. As I gaze at the photo, I am tempted to go get a cold leftover piece from the fridge.

At first, he seemed more interested in playing his games than opening his gift. But it wasn’t true.

One of my favorite parts of being a mom of many, one of the beautiful little things I didn’t expect, is the joy in seeing the siblings get in each other’s way to watch a brother or sister open the birthday gifts. All so very excited.

I had made Ethan wait until later on in the day to open his gift, because Rich was the one who took care of everything, although Sarah and I wrapped it. Look at those faces!

A smile for his Dad, a smile that says “thank you, I love them”.

The smell of leather.

For the rest of the night there was a sound of cowboy boots on all the wooden floors.

A much cherished gift.

I, for one, became over-stuffed with pie. Look at that cream in the middle! And it’s real! Not cool-whip or frosting, but real lightly sweetened whipped cream. The cake (Boston Creme Pie, rather) was entirely delicious.

Apple pie was good, too.

Seth missed out on the birthday song and pie because he fell asleep on the couch. David missed it because he was feeling sick with the flu. There are leftovers for them.

After a while, I left Emily, Ethan, Jacob, and Grace playing a video game together with their Dad watching over them. I got into bed with a grateful heart, all tired out from a day of happiness, celebrating my beloved son Ethan’s 17 birthday.

All those years ago I tucked him into my arms, a perfect fit, with so much love.

seth, breakfast, cats

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Shanda

GUESS who got his wrestling metals back after giving them away to a kid on the bus?

Seth and Caleb knew just where the boy lived so Rich went with them for a quick visit. They don’t live on our street exactly, but just a few minutes and simple turns away from us. The dad answered the door and once the situation became clear, he let his wife deal with it while he promptly disappeared for the rest of the visit. The mom was friendly and apologetic and confessed that they have also had some problems with their kids giving things away (pokemon cards are being stolen from them, too). The boy gave back the metals and all was well.

What’s the deal with Pokemon cards? Seth says everyone’s collecting them and trading them. He himself has ended up with a small stack and because I know for a fact he doesn’t have any to trade, I say, “DON’T take anymore pokemon cards from your friends!” At Caleb’s school they are collecting football and baseball cards.

Rich and I both do Caleb’s homework with him, common core math is a killer!

Davy drew this 3D optical illusion and took the picture. cool, right?

Breakfast #1 — plain greek yogurt topped with half frozen blueberries, unsweetened organic coconut, 1 sliced strawberry, cinnamon, and ginger.

Breakfast #2 — stir fried veggies, sliced ham, 2 fried eggs, piece of toast.

Breakfast #3 “Balboa Brunch” from the cookbook The American Country Inn and Bed & Breakfast Cookbook Volume 2

BALBOA BRUNCH

3 Tablespoons Butter
3 cups sliced leeks, white part only

12 slices white bread
1 pound cooked small shrimp
1 pound Swiss cheese, grated
3 Tablespoons chopped fresh dill
5 eggs
2 1/2 cups milk
salt and pepper to taste

Butter a 9 by 13 glass (or, fiestaware) casserole dish. In a medium skillet melt the butter and sauté the leeks until they are tender. Remove the crusts from the bread and arrange half in the prepared dish. Top with half of the sautéed leeks, half of the shrimp, half of the cheese, and half of the dill. Repeat the layers. In a medium bowl beat together the eggs, milk, salt, and pepper. Pour the eggs over the casserole, cover, and refrigerate overnight.
Bake in a 350 oven for 50-60 minutes, uncovered.
Serves 8