all these changes

Posted on April 4, 2023 by Shanda

A beautiful day. Just came back from a wander in the woods. And a first; I found myself reaching down to handle the moist cool earth, and underneath a log I found an empty snail shell. No sign of it’s inhabitant, so I brought it home in my pocket. There is dirt imbedded in my hands, and to my ears the birds sound beautifully quite full of new song. My steps crackled and crunched over leaves and twigs in the woods. When I came to a fallen tree I walked the length of it to try my balance. I heard spring peepers and saw a pair of mallard ducks, swimming gently down the stream (merrily merrily). I found an old nest! It was easy to get to. I carefully broke it away with its supporting branches and carried it home.

It’s a time of quiet and pensiveness for me—mother-me. The mother who is watching the birds and flowers bloom, gathering old nests and listening to songs, is the mother who is also preparing to very soon watch her son marry his darling, and another son chose a college and finish his senior year.

When the heart is full, it must overflow. Tears come as I think about the passing years. Wondering how I could have let them go without doing more, being more, loving more. I wanted to. And yet a mother is also a woman of her own, and during all those years I was also growing. Becoming more, (rather than DOING MORE) in other areas of life outside of motherhood. I can’t be disappointed about giving the children less than all of me, because then I wouldn’t be myself. They are secure in my love, and the love of their father and siblings. Together we grow in love and grace each day. and yet, I wish almost greedily, for more ordinary days of simply me, and them, together.

Caleb has not made the decision for school lightly, he gave it a great deal of thought and preparation. And now he is all set to attend Liberty University in the fall, a college about nine hours from home. Caleb, one of the “younger ones”. My sweet boy. I would rather not. And yet, the way it all worked out was “a shower of blessing” from above. Each thing that fell into place, each unexpected gift (such as a local life-long classmate of his as a roommate) (such as my best friends daughter also going) (such as him running into a camp friend), gave us such full hearts we couldn’t help but praise God and thank Him.

So it was, while Rich was with Caleb in Virginia, and I was at home with the others, that my mom texted with me with her own wise mother-words:

You will be a better Shanda as all these changes happen. I think I’m a better person now, more like Cindy should be. Not someone else’s person.

The truth of it all went straight to my heart and I knew she was right. And, like I’ve thought so many times before, if life is like a roller coaster I want to be the woman who throws up her hands and enjoys the thrill of the ride, (with some screaming now and then) rather than the one holding back in resistance.

Moss is the most vibrant green of New England in early April.

Found underneath a half-decomposed log in the middle of nowhere. I’m beginning to think that there IS no nowhere.

go pats!

Posted on November 6, 2022 by Shanda

I, am here.

And they, are there.

How exciting for our Caleb!

all for love

Posted on June 24, 2021 by Shanda

It’s eight in the morning and I am sitting on the porch. I fell asleep last night thinking about my blog and woke up this morning thinking about my blog. I’m writing this on the verge of tears, but I must write. Something about the nakedness of it all is giving me anxiety…….I share my heart here, I always have. There are some things too painful to share, and that’s okay. I understand that, now.

I am healing. I am so in love with my life; being a mama, being a wife, being a friend, being a woman, but most of all I am learning to love simply being myself. We are allowed, and indeed it is necessary, to put ourselves first. Not in a selfish way, of course. However, I have learned that it is quite selfish to put others first to an extent that I am neglected and suffer because of it. For so long now I have done this. And wondered why I felt so “off”. Why I couldn’t quite feel my best while pouring all of myself into my people and work. Why it (life) felt a little “wrong”.

There are many reasons why a person can become mentally and emotionally unhealthy, it’s often a slow journey there, but finding oneself in an unhealthy state doesn’t matter as much as the subsequent desire to be well. Oh God, how I want to be well. This desire fuels me onward and only recently I have discovered that in my instance, and in most instances, it is possible to find mental wellbeing. In fact, this healing for me is happening now. The hurts and pain cannot be forgotten, but they can be processed, with help from friends. The brain is amazing, God made it that way, “and it was very good” (Genesis). And I realize that it’s not easy and sometimes not even possible to the extent that one might wish. Certainly, perfection is never possible, but improvement in any area of life is my highest goal.

Yes, I thought about blogging and then as I sat down with my computer just a moment ago, I found myself starting to cry. I was feeling fear about opening up. But what made me proceed, was the urge to lovingly give. I know my blog is a delight to others, because you told me (thank you, sweet precious friends). I know in this small blogging-way, I even find a bit of my true self whilst writing and posting photos. I know that the spirit in which I share is the spirit of “take this gift, it’s from me, to you.” I truly love each person who comes here to read and share a moment or two, with me and my words.

But be careful of words. The actions of a person are much more telling that the words they say. I pray that my work here (which seems more like play) never hurts, but only serves to love.

That being said, guess what?

Grace and Brogan got married!
on June 12

It was a beautiful, magical, wondrous day.

I’ll tell you all about it, as soon as I can.

Tomorrow we travel to Jekyll for the rest of the summer but I plan to be blogging throughout.

Thank you for mercifully listening and for being here. If you would like to email me at any time the address is goodtobehome76@gmail.com. I love your comments here, as well, please be advised that they go to “pending” until I approve them. Thank you my dears.

You are loved.

~Shanda

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 1Cor13

good things

Posted on February 5, 2019 by Shanda

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of your wonderful deeds.”

Tuesday morning

listening to music

staring out the window, the eaves are dripping, dripping, dripping (in time to the music)

lots of photos to share;

((for the people I love))

On Friday night we were watching the Incredibles 2

I was sitting weary but happy at my favorite spot at the table when Seth came by and said “I want to sit on you” and he sat on my lap. I couldn’t see the movie very well after that but I put my nose in the back of his hair now and then and breathed in this boy of mine. I gave that look across the room to Rich that he knows means, “Take a picture!”

The very next morning, he was 10 and opening his big bag of gifts with some of his best friends watching curiously.

He was given Dude Perfect things to play with, a new outfit, a stuffed animal dog that breathes thanks to a battery (he named it Oliver), and other little things.

I mixed up his requested birthday cake, which was Red Velvet, and then off we went to the wrestling tournament at our High School. Rich is the head coach and hadn’t slept a wink the night before in all the excitement……

Richtourn

Here he is, opening up the day of wrestling.

Meanwhile, the birthday boy had a good friend with him all day and they (along with other boys) had the greatest time in the gym and also in the wrestling room nearby, playing football and running around. They came to me now and then, mostly to get money so Seth could buy himself stuff in the cafeteria. Since it was his birthday I didn’t say things like, “Don’t get candy with this” like I normally would.

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David with his friend Tristan. Best boys in the world (the whole team is awesome)

There is so much sitting around and waiting at these tournaments. David stayed bundled in his warm ups until it was time to wrestle.

I found myself a spot at the top of the bleachers so I could rest my back against the wall. Sarah stayed nearby and we played cards and she also had a book and her DS. I was able to chat with another wrestling mom which was fun, her name was Shannon.

Dave after a win, going to the center to take off his ankle strap and get his hand raised.

“Mom, can I have your phone?”

“Only if you sit over here and have your picture taken with me, birthday boy!”

David getting set up to pin.

My wonderful son.

Another wonderful son (Caleb)…..watching one of our guys wrestle.

Later on that night (what a long day, also Dave got 4th place in his bracket), Seth blew out his birthday candles and we ate the cake. I had been concerned that it wasn’t going to be perfect……..but it was. (in all humility)

Isn’t it just so pretty on a Shamrock fiesta plate? By the way, the newest color is another shade of green and they named it “Meadow” and I cannot wait to get a piece of it!!!!

(((Walter pictures))) This cat is adored! He’s sitting on the floor staring at me as I type, too, it’s quite funny.

Well, and then on Sunday we all know what day it was. Superbowl number 53 and my team was in the game. Every time my husband flies into L.A. he gets me merchandise so I was all set to wear Rams stuff from head to toe.

We cleaned and pushed furniture around, plowed the driveway, ordered pizza and wings, and prepared for a houseful of friends all day long!

I was tired out so around 4 I went to bed to rest. I was highly amused by the frequent visitors I had……

Seth even stole my hat!

Isaac was the first to arrive and pretty much the first thing he said after taking off his coat and hugging me was “is that a red velvet cake?” and he ate 2 pieces. 🙂

I sat right in between my sis and my bro and it was a delight. It was also a delight to see our girlies play and have fun. Naomi braided Sarah’s hair and then they made batch after batch of slime upstairs. They didn’t even make that big of a mess….I just had to vacuum the next morning what with all the glitter and foam beads everywhere.

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This picture makes me so so so so happy! Rich invited his wrestlers to come watch the game and we had some parents stay, too. Our friends Chris and Carolyn came again this year (they have in the past as well) and it was great to see them and catch up. We had TON of food to enjoy. I’m just so thankful and happy to have good friends through our community. Look at Seth and John standing on the bookshelf behind the couch. And Sarah sitting with her Uncle Isaac. And sweet Naomi sitting between me and her mama. I really need to print this and put it on my fridge. I’ll smile all day.

Well, alas, I was disappointed in how the game turned out. My team lost to my son’s favorite team and Caleb has such a sweet heart that he felt bad and just stood next to me in silence as we watched the Patriots celebrate after the clock ticked down and the game was over. “You can be happy, Caleb!” said Rich, but Caleb didn’t have it in him. I had to go get groceries the next morning so I thought I would see if I could get Caleb a shirt to show him I was a good sport. 😉

I took this photo at 6:20 this morning!!!!

By the way, when you have wrestlers in the house they’re gonna wrestle. Caleb got a huge goose-egg on his forehead and another boy hurt his thumb (Rich even wonders if it’s broken). That shadowy spot on Caleb’s head is The Bruise.

I went for a nice walk yesterday again, the temps reached 60 which felt so nice after days and days of frigid temperatures. I even saw a Robin taking a bath in a stream in the woods. The birds were happy, too.

(after a long day) we were texting Michael and the kids and laughing on the couch.

Pictures from this morning. (see Walter?) Grace, David got the ink pot unstuck from the table finally.

I sang him a song about a Handsome Handsome Cat.

I praised the sunrise.

And a few minutes later, the morning golden glow.

“Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for all mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”

permitted

Posted on January 24, 2019 by Shanda

We left at 8:15 this morning to drive through rush hour traffic to go to the DMV testing center. The weather was astounding; pounding rain and in the 50’s after days when everything was frozen solid and not even 10 degrees. We drove through it together, my hands on the steering wheel, his hands clutching the laptop on which the driver’s manual was displayed.

Neither one of us slept much last night for whatever reason.

When I tried to make conversation he said, eyes on the computer screen, “Shhhhh, stop” and so I just reached over and patted his shoulder with a laugh. I’m glad he’s safe and comfortable enough with me to be true.

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We arrived 15 minutes before the doors would be unlocked and Dave thought it was just way too long of a wait. He was nervous.

Just as I knew he would, he passed easily.

“That was incredibly nerve wracking.”

“My hands were shaking the whole time.”

“Okay now I gotta do my History homework.”

And that’s what he did.

We also got Dunkin Donuts coffees and listened to music.

Me and my buddy Dave. How I love him.

I dropped him off at school and then got groceries…and very wet…..came home, and crashed on the couch. I didn’t do a thing for the past 2 hours but watch TV and snooze with a cat on my lap.

When Caleb got home from school, he joined us.

This is the view from here.

Happy Thursday, friends.

it was a month ago…..

Posted on December 3, 2018 by Shanda

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Ask her what she craved and
she’d get a little frantic
about things like books,
the woods, music.
Plants and the seasons.
Also freedom.
~Charles Frazier

Grace turned nineteen on November 4.

When she was home from college for Thanksgiving break she said, “You didn’t blog about me on my birthday”. So here I am, better late than never, with my sincerest apologies to you, dear Grace!

Grace was born in the very early hours of the morning all those years ago, our first daughter after two sons. Born at 38 weeks, but so tiny that everyone stopped to admire her and call her “Peanut”, I delighted in being her mother. I found a white bib that had a small peanut embroidered on it and of course I had to buy it for her and I bet it that bib is still here in a box somewhere along with many other keepsakes from that precious time.

She’s all grown up now and in the middle of her second year of college and doing very well. She has her own dorm room this year which has been nice for her, but she keeps so busy she’s rarely in it except to do homework and sleep.

She’s healthy and strong, with lots of dear and close friends.

She loves to read and write, sing and play piano. She loves to be useful.

I hadn’t taken many photos of her lately so when she was home for Thanksgiving we got the camera out for a couple of “Now You’re Nineteen” photos. We were downtown that day for “small town shopping”.

The quotes are from Grace’s own personal collection of favorites. (she has hundreds) ❤

“Come, let us have some tea,
and continue to talk about happy things.”

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Don’t be so cool you can’t cry.
Don’t be so smart you can’t wonder.
Don’t be so set on your sunny days
That you can’t love the roll of the thunder.

He has made everything beautiful
in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

a very special September 16th

Posted on September 17, 2018 by Shanda

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new mama

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first baby!!

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My brother Isaac and his wife Cassandra had their baby!!! and invited us over yesterday to meet her. Rich and I left David in charge of Caleb, Seth, and Sarah at home, and spent about an hour and a half visiting our new little niece.

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It was wonderful to hold this beautiful baby girl. She’s perfect.

Rich had a turn holding her, too. I think he was surprised that I would share.

Isaac with his baby girl.

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I took these portraits after she took a little nap and was relaxed, calm, and content in her Daddy’s arms. Rich remarked to me after we left how sweet it was to see her obviously know and love her parents.

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Welcome to the word, sweet Elena! You are loved beyond words.

*****

When it was time to leave, we went in the backyard and had Isaac take some photos of us, as it was our 23rd wedding anniversary.

It was a very special September 16th, and one we will always remember because it was the day we met baby Elena.

Praise the LORD!
Oh give thanks to the LORD,
for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
Psalm 106:1

ready

Posted on August 30, 2018 by Shanda

Dearest Father in Heaven,
Bless this child and bless this day
Of new beginnings.
Smile upon this child
And surround this child, Lord,
With the soft mantle of your love.
Teach this child to follow in your footsteps,
And to live life in the ways of
Love, faith, hope and charity.
~Gaelic blessing

We had a full and fun summer with just enough boredom, chaos, and lack of schedule to make the first day of school somewhat of a relief. Okay, maybe I’m speaking for myself. I was wondering why I wasn’t sad in the least to have children get on the bus a few hours ago and I think it is because there were no major changes this year….no one is going into their senior year, no one is entering High School for the first time, no one is going off to college for the first time. “Sigh” everything’s sort of the same as it was a year ago.

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David saw me get the camera and said, “No”, but even as he said it he was getting up off the couch to go to the door…….he knew it had to be done and maybe I’m fooling myself but I think he was glad that I was still going to take photos just like all the years before. He is in 10th grade now and will turn 16 in a month. Caleb is 13 and in 8th grade. My heart swells with pride and love when I look at them. They’re just so great in typical teenager boy fashion.

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Seth is in 4th grade this year and has the same teacher that his big brother Caleb did in 4th grade, and he’s excited that he has a man teacher for the first time. We visited his classroom yesterday and he was thrilled to discover that he had several of his good friends in his class. Seth took special care in putting together his first day of school outfit which I thought was adorable. He grew a lot this summer, into a big solid boy.

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Sarah had an entire new outfit that I bought for her yesterday (she even picked it out herself with no help from me because I was busy chasing Seth around the store). But at the last minute, she went with an old- but stain-free-, comfortable- but pretty-, shorts and shirt. Then she grabbed the kitten and jumped.

Sarah is in 3rd grade and has the same teacher that both David and Caleb had in that grade! She also has a male teacher for the first time and he’s just the nicest man, we see him and his family around town often. It’s such fun to have repeat teachers, and really get to know them.

Jacob, Ethan, and Grace are all off to college and settled into their dorms. The boys share a room which has no air conditioning so they sweat and swelter, and Grace has her very own room which I am sure is a relief to her after having to share with Sarah all summer. I’ll do a better update about the college kids eventually.

After I waved the kids onto the bus, I got dressed, tidied up the house, gathered up laundry, and emptied the dishwasher. I also let out the chickens, and had to shampoo Seth’s rug. Now I’m done with chores I’m going to the garden center to spend my rewards cash before it expires in 2 days. I guess it’s time to get some fall mums.

Thanks for stopping by, friends, it’s a beautiful day.

You are loved.

PS, kids I’ll be home and waiting with cookies when you get off the bus.

this is the sweet face of great relief

Posted on June 13, 2018 by Shanda

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“I feel like a huge burden that I’ve had since I was a child was just lifted off of me.”

Here are the memories she doesn’t want to forget about learning to drive:

That time when her Dad had her drive around and around and around an empty parking lot at school backwards, this way and that way until she cried, and then he had her do it more.

The time she and I were going to the plant store and I didn’t tell her how long it was going to take to get there and she drove for an hour.

When she first really drove it was with her older brother Jacob and it was raining but she didn’t know how to turn on the wipers and when she did turn them on they went so fast she got nervous and asked Jacob for help.

She went to the H.S. to practice backing into parking spots and no one was there so her Dad got out of the car and walked laps while she practiced parking which was exactly what she needed…to figure it out on her own.

She had two college friends (April and Ryan) and Caleb and Kylee praying for her before her test this morning.

She and Caleb talked on the phone and went over traffic rules the morning of her test. And he reminded her to turn on her lights and put on the emergency brake which were the two things she did wrong on her practice test last weekend.

To help them with their nerves, they had a movie going in the waiting room for the students about to test, and a box of munchkins for them to snack on, but she didn’t want to eat anything or watch anything …. but she did eat a munchkin because she felt she would be rude if she didn’t. The movie playing was “Sing” and she was annoyed because she wanted to concentrate on her test but with the movie playing she started getting interested and watched it.

The songs she sang to herself while she waited for her test driver were, “Give me Oil in my Lamp” and “I love You, Lord”.

The man riding along to test was very nice; an elderly grandfather type.

She didn’t think she would do well, she didn’t think she would pass.

She and her dear friend Kylee both took their test on the same day and passed. And when she walked in to the office to hand her paper sheet to the lady for her paper license the lady said, “Look at you, you little show off,” because she got nothing marked wrong.

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She walked over to the garden center after her test to find me.

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vanilla cake, vanilla frosting

Posted on May 31, 2018 by Shanda

Sarah birthday1

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What a special evening our youngest had with her brothers and sister. They played games together, and big brother Jacob made the quick trip to the grocery store in town to buy some ice cream. He came home with strawberry, peanut butter cup, cookies and cream, and party cake ice cream. Rich and I sat contentedly in the living room with the sounds of a full house all around us; doors opening and shutting, chatter, laughter, basketball bouncing on the driveway, footsteps walking or running, upstairs, downstairs, drinks in the kitchen, on and on, so much energy! Soon it was time for the birthday song and cake. Sarah watched her Dad light the candles. She watched so intently as her siblings continued to be silly all around her. Her face as we sang was precious to see, all sparkling eyes and big smile. The cake was amazing. Even Ethan agreed, and he doesn’t typically like cake. The birthday girl was offended when I bragged, “I made it myself.” because she helped make the frosting.

Cake:

1 cup whole milk, room temperature
6 large egg whites, room temperature
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups cake flour
1 3/4 cups sugar
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
12 T. unsalted butter, cut into 12 pieces and softened

Oven set to 350. Grease 9 by 13 cake pan. Whisk milk, egg whites, and vanilla in 4-cup liquid measuring cup. Using stand mixer fitted with paddle, mix flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt on low speed until combined. Add butter, 1 piece at a time, and beat until only pea-sized pieces remain. Add half of milk mixture, increase speed to medium-high, and beat until light and fluffy, about 1 minute. Reduce speed to medium-low, add remaining milk mixture, and beat until incorporated, about 30 seconds. Give batter final stir by hand. Scrape batter into prepared pan and bak until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean, 20-25 minutes. Cool completely. recipe from Cook’s Country Cookbook (it’s the cake part of the recipe for Lane cake).

Frosting:

1 stick butter
4 T. milk
1 tsp vanilla
4 cups powdered sugar

Cream butter, milk, and vanilla. Add powdered sugar one cup at a time, beating until light and fluffy. Makes enough frosting for one 9 by 13 cake.