It’s eight in the morning and I am sitting on the porch. I fell asleep last night thinking about my blog and woke up this morning thinking about my blog. I’m writing this on the verge of tears, but I must write. Something about the nakedness of it all is giving me anxiety…….I share my heart here, I always have. There are some things too painful to share, and that’s okay. I understand that, now.
I am healing. I am so in love with my life; being a mama, being a wife, being a friend, being a woman, but most of all I am learning to love simply being myself. We are allowed, and indeed it is necessary, to put ourselves first. Not in a selfish way, of course. However, I have learned that it is quite selfish to put others first to an extent that I am neglected and suffer because of it. For so long now I have done this. And wondered why I felt so “off”. Why I couldn’t quite feel my best while pouring all of myself into my people and work. Why it (life) felt a little “wrong”.
There are many reasons why a person can become mentally and emotionally unhealthy, it’s often a slow journey there, but finding oneself in an unhealthy state doesn’t matter as much as the subsequent desire to be well. Oh God, how I want to be well. This desire fuels me onward and only recently I have discovered that in my instance, and in most instances, it is possible to find mental wellbeing. In fact, this healing for me is happening now. The hurts and pain cannot be forgotten, but they can be processed, with help from friends. The brain is amazing, God made it that way, “and it was very good” (Genesis). And I realize that it’s not easy and sometimes not even possible to the extent that one might wish. Certainly, perfection is never possible, but improvement in any area of life is my highest goal.
Yes, I thought about blogging and then as I sat down with my computer just a moment ago, I found myself starting to cry. I was feeling fear about opening up. But what made me proceed, was the urge to lovingly give. I know my blog is a delight to others, because you told me (thank you, sweet precious friends). I know in this small blogging-way, I even find a bit of my true self whilst writing and posting photos. I know that the spirit in which I share is the spirit of “take this gift, it’s from me, to you.” I truly love each person who comes here to read and share a moment or two, with me and my words.
But be careful of words. The actions of a person are much more telling that the words they say. I pray that my work here (which seems more like play) never hurts, but only serves to love.
That being said, guess what?
Grace and Brogan got married!
on June 12
It was a beautiful, magical, wondrous day.
I’ll tell you all about it, as soon as I can.
Tomorrow we travel to Jekyll for the rest of the summer but I plan to be blogging throughout.
Thank you for mercifully listening and for being here. If you would like to email me at any time the address is firstname.lastname@example.org. I love your comments here, as well, please be advised that they go to “pending” until I approve them. Thank you my dears.
You are loved.
We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 1Cor13
Yay!!!! Congrats to Grace and Brogan! Can’t wait to hear about it and see the pics! So many new chapters beginning in your life, and the lives of those you love, Shanda. God is so good.
Thank you for being brave enough to share your heart, and thank God for His healing, His way on His timetable.
I am one who delights in your blog and things you share. Please keep sharing…for us, but also for yourself. Writing is so cathartic to me, and I sense it is for you, also.
Got your letter. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I cherish your letters. Will respond to the Island.
Love you dearly. ❤
For me too, I am in that place. The youngest of 6, is now soon to be 17. I’m in that place of healing myself, loving myself. It seems so foreign,but it must be done. I am still that little girl, going back to that place with my Father. Thankyou for being raw. You are loved by the Father.
This post has deeply affected me. Your gift with words is amazing. “The hurts and pain cannot be forgotten, but can be processed…”
Thank you Shanda for sharing your heart with all of us.
Congratulations to Grace and Brogan — as they are beginning a new life together, hopefully a long and happy life, so are you beginning a new phase of your life, with fewer people to care for and more time for yourself. Enjoy the freedom that life will provide you!
I’ve been following you for years, since the two youngest were born. Your real- ness is a salve to my soul. Thank you!
I look forward to your posts always! And love a little peek into your heart. I don’t know what all happened to you but somehow it resonates. Would love to sit down for a chat in person one day. 💕
Lovely couple congratulations. Shanda your children are beautiful félicitations et meilleurs vœux. Soline. France
I always look forward to your posts! You are a blessing to many!