A bit under the weather today. I was up last night with a nauseous stomach and just felt super gross all night and allowed myself to sleep until 8. I decided not to go to Bible Study but then I started discouraging myself with self-condemnation since it was a BIBLE study I was going to skip— when every other day I wouldn’t hesitate to go out shopping or what have you even if feeling under the weather. The pros and cons were battling it out in my mind so I called my husband and explained it all to him: I didn’t know if I felt up to going to Bible Study, but I did know that I needed to go to Tractor Supply because I ran out of bird seed. What sort of good godly woman would skip Bible Study because she wasn’t feeling well and yet still go to the store is what I wanted to know.
“God’s birds need to be fed.” is what he cheerfully answered unto me. And that was what did it! A good laugh lightened me up and I remembered something. God allows me the freedom to make choices for myself, He loves me and never leaves me based on what I do or don’t do, or ever at all. I am free. The Bible Study I go to is very comfortable and I am just one of the participants, I’m not a leader or anything. It’s there to bless women in the community, not to take attendance or make demands.
In essence, NO ONE CARES. Lol
So, did I go?
Yep! After all that I still went. Out of duty? Out of the belief that it was the righteous thing to do? Nope!
The only reason why I went was because I wanted to. That was why. I wanted to go because chances were very high that someone might say something or read something that might change my day and my outlook. I wanted to go because I wanted to be around these women who show me what genuine and safe love and acceptance looks like. I wanted to go because I love those ladies too, and I need the fellowship, which is a beautiful word to describe the way humans can be together. I tend to isolate and I know I need people and experiences to add layers to my life. Anyway the Bible Study didn’t disappoint. I was “glad to go to the house of the Lord.”
As I drove away afterwards, I decided to treat myself to an iced matcha latte from Dunkin. Now, I had a bit on my mind from the study that I was thinking about and maybe that’s why I ordered a “venti” in the drive through, out of the habit of mostly getting matchas at Starbucks. WELL! They startled me into the present moment by correcting me, “WE only have small, medium, and large HERE!” — oh well my apologies I want a large.
I get up to the window and had to wait because the system was rebooting because of the wind. Fine. After waiting for several minutes I was finally able to pay and was handed a matcha which looked just like a Venti but not necessarily a Large. “Is this a large?” “No, You didn’t order a large”. “Yes I did —remember I asked for a venti and you all laughed and said what’s a venti and I said— it’s a large.” It was all good natured and fun banter but still, I needed my large because, hydration. Ohhhhhh yes he remembered and conceded the point. He was gonna correct the misunderstanding. I went to hand back the medium which hadn’t even made it all the way into my cup holder and he said with a wave of his hand “oh just keep it, and I’ll make you a large.”
Then I was thinking “how the heck am I going to drink a gallon of matcha”…but quickly realized “wait Shanda, you’re sort of under the weather today and feeling a bit weird and I bet this is what’s going to cure you. God knows a good matcha latte has a lot of health benefits that you can’t remember off hand but you KNOW you read an article online somewhere that affirmed your propensity for endless matcha lattes. They’re scientifically proven to be good for what ails ya. This, THIS, is why you’re out of the house today. You THOUGHT it was for Bible Study and birdseed, but it was for the medicinal properties of Matcha!!!!!”
The End ….. only it’s not.
Because I’m still drinking them.