braided egg bread (life with purpose)

Posted on April 4, 2016 by Shanda

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23.

I know without a shadow of doubt that motherhood is my calling.
I remember as a teen all I wanted to be “when I grew up” was a mother.

Women can be and do so many things. For me, for now, being a stay at home mom is what makes me feel the most content and satisfied. For others, a feeling of utter contentment occurs as they perform their own particular gifts. Although I am open and prayerful to doing more, (librarian?volunteer?photographer?dentist?) for now I have no other yearning or interest for anything else other than mothering these seven children of mine and tending our house and home. Eventually these years will be over and I trust that God will lead me toward a new way of living. I look forward to the future.

What was in my heart and soul as I mixed up bread dough with Sarah?
Joy that made me reach for the camera. Love as I saw how big she was getting and yet she is still small enough to live in the moment. Peace in the safety and security of knowing all my family was home. The sun was shining, *all was well* (never taken for granted, because someone could skin a knee at any moment). Gratitude to God for giving us our daily bread–bread for our stomachs AND our souls.

Making bread is a very humble pursuit. Our ancestors baked bread daily and it became an endless chore for them. It’s a treat for me, I bake bread when I want to, not because I need to, but the connection I feel with the ages makes the process satisfying. Such humble ingredients; yeast, water, milk, butter, salt, and flour.

Whatever has happened before will happen again. Whatever has been done before will be done again. There is nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9

The Bible says truthfully there is nothing new under the sun. Motherhood. Baking bread. These things have always been and always will be, as long as the sun and moon endure. But these humble acts are our prayer of praise to Him as He opens our hearts and makes them tender toward all our blessings.

“Meaning can be found in relation to Him, thus making life here tolerable, even delightful, and making ultimate existence possible, through Jesus Christ. All those things that make life here so weary and boring can have new meaning, when you understand who God is, what Christ did and you connect yourself to the genuineness of being a child of God.” ~Warren Berkley

“Crack it a little harder and use BOTH your thumbs to open the egg– like a door!”

She did it with enthusiasm for each time.

We admired the deep yellow of our good eggs.

“That one is a lighter yellow.” she noticed.

She loves the feel of sinking her hand into cool, soft, flour.

Surrounded by smiles and color.

Making homemade bread.

Mainly she wanted, more than anything, to eat the dough.

She absolutely loves bread dough.

I love her.

Letting it rise in a big big bowl. Learning about patience.

David wandered through to tell me that he found a special way to wash his hair in order to make it grow faster (he wants long hair). You use eggs. Rub them in the hair and let it stay in it for an hour. Then rinse and condition with coconut oil.

This information solved The Mystery of why the coconut oil kept appearing out of the kitchen cupboard. I enthusiastically felt his hair and it was amazingly soft.

He also said that rubbing your scalp induces faster hair growth.

Motherhood. Full of gripping facts and experiences.

Goldilocks! said the nineteen year old as he walked by.

Braids! said the sixteen year old as she walked by.

Art in the kitchen.

Children underfoot.

Teens in the other room laughing, talking, making music.

Gratitude in my heart.

Painting with egg.

It’s finally done, dance!

….slicing, buttering, placing it in their hands, watching them come back for more….

Home is the art of life….Home is where we feel at ease, where we belong, where we create surroundings that reflect our tastes and pleasures…making a home is a form of creativity open to everyone. ~Terence Conrah

Take steps to practice joy in your daily life, and it will expand naturally. Let joy fill your heart, and your heart will gladden your health. Dr. Mao Shing Ni

“I practiced joy that day as I baked bread. The children were with me, we used up eggs, the smell was wonderful, the braids of dough were fun to form, they baked up large and golden, and the taste was fantastic. It was a joy to slice, butter, serve and give to my loved ones. Feeding others is a gift to the giver.”

Braided Egg Bread from allrecipes.com

2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast (if you buy in bulk this is 4 1/2 tsp of yeast)
1/2 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
2 cups hot milk
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup butter
2 teaspoons salt

1/2 cup water
5 eggs
11 cups all-purpose flour
1 egg
2 tablespoons sesame seeds (I didn’t have these)
Proof yeast and 1/2 cup warm water in a large mixing bowl.
Combine hot milk, sugar, butter, salt, and 1/2 cup water in a medium bowl. Cool to 110 degrees.
In small bowl, slightly beat 5 eggs, then add to cooled milk mixture. Add milk mixture to yeast mixture. Add 2 cups flour and beat until smooth. Slowly add remaining flour until it forms a stiff dough. Knead on a floured board for 10 minutes (5 minutes with a bread hook). Place in a large glass or plastic bowl lightly greased. Turn dough over to grease both sides. Cover and let rise in a warm, dark place until doubled in volume, approximately 60 minutes.
Punch down, cover, and let rise again until double, approximately 30 minutes.
Punch again, and form into three parts. Form each part into a 20-inch roll. Braid rolls on a large, greased cookie sheet. Cover and let rise until doubled.
Lightly beat remaining egg and brush loaf. Sprinkle with sesame seeds. Bake in preheated 350 degree F (175 degrees C) oven for about 55 minutes until nicely browned. May be made into two regular sized loaves. Reduce baking time slightly.

recipe source: allrecipes.com

special

Posted on March 31, 2016 by Shanda

EVERYONE say HI to RACHEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night at the winter sports awards Dave had my camera and she squealed, “Take my picture so I can be on your Mom’s blog!”

She’s adorable. Grace tells me that Rachel is a devoted reader of this blog and for that I say, “I’m so very glad you enjoy it and yes you may save any photo you want!” xoxo

I had to run over to get in a picture, too, (along with goofy wrestling boys in the background). Gosh, I look tired almost like I had spent half the day saving my flock of hens from a fox. (true story)

Rachel is the fabulous Mary Poppins in our upcoming school play so she’ll make another appearance here soon…..stay tuned!

It was a fun night honoring the winter sports. We had pizza in the cafeteria, awards in the auditorium, and then broke into groups in order to honor individual sports.

Rich was this year’s head coach for wrestling. He presented each of his boys a certificate and told everyone in the room his favorite memory of the season for each of the boys.

Doesn’t Ethan look handsome? As soon as the night was over, Jacob walked up to him and said good naturally but emphatic, “Now get my brand new tie off, E!” I laughed and laughed because Ethan doesn’t ask to wear his brother’s clothes, he simply takes them.

Rich was told by another coach that his wrestlers were the best dressed team of the night. I would have to agree. 🙂

Caleb, Seth, and Sarah Joy wanted to be in a picture, too. I simply must mention that Sarah is amusing us lately by trying to be stylish. She puts thought into her attire and dresses herself in certain outfits every day. Today she carefully chose a dress to wear. Last night it was all purple: pants, shirt, and sparkly headband. She wanted to wear her earrings again after months of refusing to wear them. Personally, I think she’s being influenced by a friend at school to dress up more fancy. IT’S SO SO CUTE!!!

Ethan proudly wearing his brother’s tie.

I had my camera around my neck down low, shooting “blindly”, and this was the shocked expression I got from David when I said, “I’m shooting you, Dave.” (with my camera, of course)

Caleb and Seth were busy fooling around in the hallways. At one point, Seth was hanging upside down behind Caleb as Caleb held his legs.

Grace and Caleb

Me and my handsome, handsome husband who has a BIRTHDAY TODAY!!

Happy Birthday, love. ❤

all the exciting stuff we did on saturday

Posted on March 29, 2016 by Shanda

We drove out to NY on Saturday. We stopped at the mall in Albany because I had Macy’s money that was going to expire that day and I wanted to see if there was a good selection of fiestaware….there wasn’t. The only thing they had besides the typical place settings, mugs, plates, and bowls was a single white disc pitcher so that’s what I got. It was free so I was happy. Rich and the kids ate at the food court before we hit the road again.

Grace and Jacob were not with us on Saturday because G had a singing obligation and J had to work. They drove out on Sunday morning with Emily, Jacob’s girlfriend.

The next stop on Saturday was a very popular chicken BBQ place. The kids played on the playground and Rich took a nap on a picnic table, while yours truly ordered a chicken dinner take out.

I sat in the car to eat it because it was too cold outside for me.

We drove to our hotel. The kids swam for a while and Rich went running in the work out room. I rested (I was suffering from a sinus headache all day) and then went down to watch the kids swim.

After swimming we drove to an antique store in B. that I knew had fiestaware because my Mom and sister had texted me pictures a few days before. I will post the photo of what I bought at the end of this post. It didn’t take long at the antique store and then we went to a really popular produce stand in the area (where Rich and I grew up). We all picked out our favorite fruits to eat from this place that I have been going to since I was a child.

They allow sampling of the fruit.

The spring flowers were lovely in the sunshine.

This was pretty much the best day ever because after that, we went bowling.

And then! Pizza!

Caleb and I were both reading Harry Potter #4 but he had left his copy in the hotel so we shared my copy while we waited for our pizza to arrive. We have both moved on to #5 now and I’m beating him. (He finished #4 first) As soon as he got off the bus today I said, “I’m on page 130!” and he said “Quit reading!”

It’s always so so good for Rich and I to go back home and visit our old haunts!

(We are high school sweethearts and both our families go back several generations in our hometown)……..

AND NOW:::

I spy with my little eye ONE retired Sapphire Carafe and THREE mini disc pitchers in retired apricot, yellow, and juniper. So exciting.

happy easter family pics

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Shanda

Blessed Savior, we adore Thee,
We Thy love and grace proclaim;
Thou art mighty, Thou art holy,
Glorious is Thy matchless name!

Great Redeemer; Lord and Master,
Light of all eternal days;
Let the saints of every nation
Sing thy just and endless praise!

From the throne of heaven’s glory
To the cross of sin and shame,
Thou didst come to die a ransom,
Guilty sinners to reclaim!

Come, O come, immortal Savior,
Come and take Thy royal throne;
Come, and reign, and reign forever,
Be the kingdom all Thine own!

Glorious, Glorious, Glorious is Thy name O Lord!
Glorious, Glorious, Glorious is They name, O Lord!

~B.B. McKinney

Blessed be Thy glorious name,
which is exalted above all blessing and praise. Nehemiah 9:5

In a small country church we gathered to worship the Lord together; Mom, Dad, the brothers and sisters, and children. The people were warm and welcoming, the Pastor preached with humility and respect. My mom took my hand and held it. Dad gave me a hug. I looked at each familiar sweet face. Truly a family is one of the greatest blessings from God, and going to church together on a beautiful Easter morning is a joy unmatched.

I was glad when they said to me, Let us go into the house of the LORD. Psalm 122:1

The people there had prayed sincerely with love for our Sarah when she was going through her kidney stone situation and they were so gracious to her on Sunday, happy to finally meet the little girl they had prayed for. God bless them and their wonderful congregation!

Then our family all drove to a resort hotel for an excellent Easter buffet. We all swapped kids so they could ride with their cousins.

My brother Dave, one of the most important people in my life.

My brother Nathan with his family. So very special to me. I can help but smile as I look at this picture.

My 18 year old son, Ethan.

My brother Isaac with his wife Cassandra. A wonderful couple. So happy to call them “mine”.

Nate with our niece, Abbie.

Dad and Mom with the beautiful lake behind them.

Emily and Jacob

The little cousins; Sarah had the best day, she thrives on “girl time”.

The big cousins; this picture makes me grin.

My beautiful sister, Amanda, with her family. We are so thankful that we live near each other and watch the children grow up together. I think this is one of the best portraits I’ve taken, I love how it turned out.

Guess who took this portrait???????
The Easter bunny!

We stayed in a hotel the night before Easter and Sarah slept in our room with us. The boys were in the joining room. I was already awake and just lying there in bed, hoping to fall back to sleep, and meditating on what exactly it means by “husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church.” How does this look in practical everyday married life? And why don’t we hear as many Bible studies about this concept as we do about “wives, submitting yourselves to your husbands”. Oh yes, I was thinking and thinking, it was quite fascinating. My eyes were shut and Rich was by my side in the bed. Well, it was still totally dark when Sarah got up to use the bathroom which was directly in front of our bed. As she turned on the very bright bathroom lights, I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. As soon as I did, that very moment, Rich’s hand clamped right down over my eyes like a suction cup. I laughed as I was shown this small but endearing sign of my husband’s love.

Our girls; the brown eyes and the blue.

Love’s redeeming work is done, Alleluia!
Fought the fight, the battle won, Alleluia!
Death in vain forbids Him rise, Alleluia!
Christ has opened Paradise, Alleluia!

And He said to him, “I assure you: Today you will be with Me in paradise.”

easter baked beans

Posted on March 24, 2016 by Shanda

“Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.” 1 Timothy 1:2

“The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” 1 Timothy 1:5

My soul, admire the boundless love of God to thee and others of the human race.
Worms are bought with the blood of the Son of the Highest! Dust and ashes
redeemed with a price far above silver and gold! ~Charles Spurgeon

“I will not glory, even in my orthodoxy, for even that can be a snare if I make a god of it… Let us rejoice in Him in all His fulness and in Him alone.” Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones

“It is grace at the beginning, and grace at the end. So that when you and I come to lie upon our death beds, the one thing that should comfort and help and strengthen us there is the thing that helped us in the beginning. Not what we have been, not what we have done, but the Grace of God in Jesus Christ our Lord. The Christian life starts with grace, it must continue with grace, it ends with grace. Grace wondrous grace. By the grace of God I am what I am. Yet not I, but the Grace of God which was with me.”
– Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Good day to you, friends! It has been a lovely week at our place, although there is a sickness going around. I’ve been sick since Tuesday but am feeling better although tired out. Grace was home with me yesterday, and it was cozy indeed.

There is no school today for the children. Ethan drove to the mall with Dave, Grace, and Emily (his girlfriend’s sister). Rich and Jacob are at work. Caleb, Seth, and Sarah are home with me and playing together.

Jacob’s girlfriend Emily was taking care of a duck yesterday. While she was at school, she had Jacob bring it over to our house so he could watch it. Of course we all fell in love with the duck.

And Grace wanted to keep it. She began researching but what I told her was true; you really shouldn’t keep one duck. It would be a very lonely duck.

So after a visit and much quacking, it went to be adopted by a family of ducks.

Easter Baked Beans

(way back in October I wrote about my intention to try all sorts of baked bean recipes. Well, I finally got to recipe #2 and it was delicious)

First I’ll give you the recipe and then I’ll tell you everything I did differently. 🙂

Navy Bean and Apple Casserole

1 lb. dried navy beans, 2 cups
6 cups cold water
1 tsp salt
3 large tart apples pared and sliced
1/3 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1/4 lb. salt pork, sliced

Wash beans and turn into a 3 quart saucepan. Add the water and salt, heat to boiling, and simmer gently, covered, about 2 hours. Drain, saving cooking liquid. Arrange beans and apple slices in alternate layers in a greased casserole, sprinkling sugar over each layer. Pour in 2 cups of the cooking liquid and top with slices of salt pork. Bake, covered, in a very slow oven (250 degrees) for about 2 and a half hours, or until beans are light brown and thoroughly cooked. If they become dry in cooking, add more cooking liquid or hot water. There should be enough liquid on the beans to make a gravy-like sauce over them. 5-7 servings.

*****

I saved out 2 cups of the cooked beans to use in a chili recipe. I peeled and diced the apples and only used 2 apples because of my reduction of the amount of beans. I sprinkled onion powder and cinnamon on the beans (about 1/8 of a tsp each). I used bacon instead of salt pork (what is salt pork???) and I diced it instead of keeping it in slices. It took longer for mine to bake, in fact, I let them go on for about 6 hours (I don’t know why it took so long, maybe my oven temps are off?). I used a can of chicken broth that I had leftover in the fridge for cooking liquid. I took the foil off for the last hour so they would thicken up and brown. Adding cinnamon made them perfect–the bacon and apple basically melted into the beans making a wonderful flavor. We all liked them, and Sarah had three bowls full. They would go well with a ham dinner, which is why I have renamed this recipe “Easter Baked Beans”.

John 12:12=24

Posted on March 21, 2016 by Shanda

Yesterday at church Seth was sitting close by my side, just where I like him to be. I gave him a pen and paper to give him something to do and it soon became apparent to me that his mind was occupied with, not religious matters, but mathematics. He was busy writing a story during the sermon and this is what it said:

The ~~lazy~~ Dog by Seth

Captr One

Once thar was a dog the dog was rily smart. The dog new what 100 + 100 is and 200 + 200 is but one day the dog didint no what something was and it was 100 + 800 and he thinnked and thinnked but he couldn’t do it so he ascked the techer. The techer didn’t now so the techer thincked and thincked and the techer got it and it was 900.

Chapter 2

The techer was smorter then the dog the techer new wat 100-15 was it was 85.

That was all he was able to get done during the sermon. It was quite a laborious task for him. He whispered a couple of questions to me when he needed some help with it. One question was “How do you spell ‘what'”(he didn’t care about the other words) and the other was “What is 100 minus 15?”

He informed me that it will be 90 chapters long. To which I replied, “90-2=88”

Then he told me that he knew what 12 plus 12 was. He told me this after staring at the sermon text for a while.

don’t curse the darkness; light a candle

Posted on March 20, 2016 by Shanda

“Many times I would go to my mother with my heart and mind terribly bothered. I had so many questions that tortured my little mind. My heart was aching. Mother would patiently listen to me, and then would tell me, ‘My boy, the Bible says that the whole world lives in evil. Everything is so dark, there is no other way than to expect God to do His grace to this world. These conditions, these evil things, make it a greater responsibility for us Christians to light our torches, to be a light of hope for many who want to see something better than what they experience at present.’ There was a Chinese proverb that she knew, and many times she would tell it to me, admonishing me to look unto Christ, who is the sun of righteousness, the light of the world. This was the proverb that she would tell me: ‘Don’t become bitter. Don’t curse the darkness. It is better to light a candle.’ So, she would encourage me to do any good act, to be ready to help man and beast, those who were in need. Whenever she was unable to go and call on some sick or on some bereaved, she would send me with some little gift (some fruit, some flowers), something that would bring some hope, a beam of light in their hearts.” ~Philotheos Zikas (b.1907, Greece)

banana cream pie

Posted on March 18, 2016 by Shanda

Yesterday after a spaghetti dinner, I asked my husband if he would take me to Agway because we were out of chicken feed. He agreed, and it was a lovely drive together. When we arrived home, he drove the truck close to the coop and unloaded four bags of feed. I got out with him and gathered eggs, there were so many that my pockets were full of them. In fact, one fell out of my pocket as I stepped back in the truck and Parker the Dog ate it. Rich drove us back up to the house and that was that.

Well, this morning I received a text from him. On the way to work he had to make a sudden stop, and when he did, out the corner of his eye he saw something fly from the passenger seat and smash into the dash. And what do you suppose it was? Yep, I had lost another egg out of my pockets and left it behind in the seat to become a missile. It broke and everything. ha ha (sorry honey!)

Another fantastic way to use up an overflow of eggs is homemade pudding.

Vanilla Pudding

In a heavy medium saucepan combine 3/4 cup sugar and 3 T. cornstarch or flour. Stir in 3 cups of milk. Cook and stir over medium heat till bubbly. Cook and stir for 2 minutes more. Remove from heat. Gradually stir 1 cup of milk mixture into 4 beaten egg yolks or 2 beaten eggs.

Add egg mixture to milk mixture in saucepan. If using egg yolks, bring to a gentle boil; if using whole eggs, cook till nearly bubbly but do not boil. Reduce heat. Cook and stir for 2 minutes more. Remove from heat Stir in 1 T butter and 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla. Pour pudding through a fine sieve to remove any clumps. Then pour into a cooked pie shell or a bowl; cover with plastic wrap, pressing wrap to touch the top and prevent a “skin”. Chill.

Chocolate Pudding

Prepare as above except add 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder along with the sugar. Use 2 T. cornstarch or 1/4 cup flour, 2 2/3 cups milk, and 4 eggs yolks (not whole eggs)

RECIPE SOURCE: Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook (mine is falling apart, it’s well used)

NOTE: The part about the sieve is not in the original recipe. But, although I am sure no one in my family would even notice a tiny clump or two, I cannot stand little tiny clumps of cooked egg and so far have not perfectly mastered the technique of cooked custard. So I use the sieve just in case. Also, I know I mentioned that I would be sharing recipes that used five or more eggs. But I figured that you will want to double the recipes because homemade pudding is so nutritious and delicious.

Another NOTE: Rich’s favorite is a pie made of vanilla pudding over a sliced banana! I’m also going to try pouring cooled but not too solid yet pudding into a popsicle maker.

*****

David got home while I was finishing up this blog post and he showed me two Barnes and Noble gift cards that he won today at school. The first one was given because he was the student who had read the most books this school year. Then, he won another when his name was taken out of a raffle box. He also told me that he looked swag today. I said, “I do not know what that even means.” And he said, “It means I looked cool.” This was his outfit: jeans, a blue t-shirt, a black jacket with the sleeves rolled up, a bracelet worn on his wrist, neon green socks, and black hyperdunk sneakers.

This is the first I’ve ever heard of him even caring to look swag.

*****

Happy Friday!

I am so sorry to have disturbed you

Posted on March 16, 2016 by Shanda

The first photo is of a rainy day duck (in our pond) on a very cold day, poor thing.

The rest of the pictures are from today…….when…..

…..all by my lonesome, I went for a ramble in the forest by our house. The air was sweet, woodsy, smelled of moss, and was gentle on the face. The tops of the tall trees swayed softly in the breeze. I stopped to look up up up at the blue sky and bare branches bending and waving, never stopping yet almost rhythmically, like the ripples of water in the pond which are never still.

I picked and chewed on wintergreen.

I walked as quietly as I could.

I noticed that the Mountain Laurel was brightening up.

I had my camera and put things in my pocket; acorns, moss, and a piece of bark.

I thought it would be nice if Joanna was with me, too.

Or a cat.

Or Grace.

I saw a tree which had woodpecker holes all over it (the photos are all of the same tree) I guess it’s full of nice tasty bugs.

I was following the voices of wood-frogs.

I saw something in the water that looked too big to be a frog. It was rolling around just underneath and small breathing bubbles were popping at the surface. Alarmed, I stood and observed. Soon I realized I was witnessing three or maybe even four frogs mating all together in one clump. They were almost silent the 10 or so minutes I stood there….only one of them let out one very small froggy-groan. I don’t think things were going well.

I moved on.

The beaver dam pond was full of mating wood frogs but the moment they sensed my presence they stopped their callings. “I am so sorry to have disturbed you”, I said, but I was rather offended, too. I wished there was some way I could let the wildlife know that I am a friend. I sat under a pine tree for a long time. There was a babysitter in the nursery of frog eggs staring cautiously at me.

Then, just as I was almost home, I came to a running spring and saw the marvelous sight of a robin thoroughly enjoying a bath.

“I took a walk in the woods
and came out taller than the trees”
~Thoreau

I want to read allllll the books

Posted on March 15, 2016 by Shanda

I would be most content

I dropped of David at school after an appointment and went to the library to return books.

I wandered the aisles and realized…..I wanted to read all the books. I imagined being stranded and locked up, in a library and I didn’t mind the image. So many books. It’s amazing how many have been written, how many are contained at the library, free for the borrowing.

if my children

a stack of my own books by the bathtub

grew up

what we listen to in the car

to be the kind of people

reading in a coffeeshop

who think decorating consists mostly of

currently reading:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

and

The Memoirs of Gluckel of Hamelin This book is the published diary of a German Jewish woman who began writing it at the age of 44 in the year 1690. She was compelled to write because her beloved husband had died and it gave her something to do during the long lonesome nights. She had 14 children and she wrote the diaries for them. In it, “She tells how she guided the financial and personal destinies of her children, how she engaged in trade, ran her own factory, and promoted the welfare of her large family. Her memoir, a rare account of an ordinary woman, enlightens not just her children, for whom she wrote it, but all posterity about her life and community. Gluckel speaks to us with determination and humor from the seventeenth century. She tells of war, plague, pirates, soldiers, the hysteria of the false messiah Sabbtai Zevi, murder, bankruptcy, wedding feasts, births, deaths, in fact, all of the human events that befell her during her lifetime.”

building enough bookshelves.

~Anne Quindlen