another sarah story

Posted on March 11, 2016 by Shanda

I woke from a deep sleep and opened my eyes in a pitch dark room.

“That was NOT knocking on my door I just heard,” I reassured my very sleepy self and turned over to drift….away…..

The door opened slowly.

“Yes?” I said, politely. (I’ve trained myself through the years not to shriek)

“My stomach hurts!” said Sarah’s small voice.

“Are you hungry?”

“I….think so!” she said, uncertainly.

I didn’t realize at the time that she was looking for a different answer and simply wanted to sleep on the couch. But yesterday was another procedure day and she had to miss meals for it and I automatically thought that a stomach ache would make logical sense from lack of food.

It was 5:15 in the morning and soon she was munching on cereal but offered up this piece of information, “Usually when my stomach hurts you say go and sleep on the couch…..”

Ah.

When the cereal was gone she said, “It still hurts.”

I knew just what to say this time. “Let’s go get you on the couch.”

She smiled.

I asked Rich why she didn’t just get on the couch in the first place rather than wake me up.

“She’s not that type of girl. She needed to get your okay first.”

This is a photo she asked me to take of the Lego man at the hospital. We were there on Wednesday to get her stent removed. Unfortunately, she was very anxious about it and when it came time she started passionately crying. The doctor asked us to come back the next day so she could be sedated. At a children’s hospital every member of the staff knows the very best way to treat their small and vulnerable patients. They explained that because Sarah was so young, it was important for us to avoid any procedure that would cause any lasting fears or trauma. Even something as simple/quick as a stent removal needs to be done thoughtfully and with Sarah’s anxiety reduced as much as possible.

She liked the lego man because he was holding a picture of someone she learned about in school. “It’s a ferret? I mean, a fairy? And if you catch him he will take you to the end of a rainbow for a pot of gold.” This is what she was in the process of explaining when I took the picture.

It was 73 degrees that afternoon and we went to the woods and she played with her animals while I leaned against a solid, friendly pine tree and read a book.

A flock of chickens came walking out of the woods.

“Who’s chickens are those?” she asked, confused because they seemed to have journeyed from far away.

“Ours!” I answered.

She sat next to me and ate an orange and made me shoo away the hens if they came too near. Which they did, because they wanted oranges, too. We threw little bits of peel and laughed when a hen ran to pick it up and then drop it back down again, only to have another hen do the same thing because chickens don’t eat the peels either.

We were directed to not give her food after midnight and to only give her jello, ice pops, gatorade, apple juice, or water up until 11:30. To take our mind off food we went shopping. I don’t take her shopping too often because she absolutely LOVES it. She carefully looks at everything in the store and makes honest, careful decisions about what to buy. I had to remind her yesterday that there are limits and she, after all, has no job.

She picked out the pink sneakers that have lights from Target, and the sparkly pink braid from Justice.

We went back to the hospital at 2:30. The sedation entailed two syringes of clear fluid inserted into each nostril at the same time, with four of us holding her in position. She sat in my lap as she cried and sniffled and fidgeted with disgust, holding a towel over her nose and mouth to catch any drips. A VERY DREADFUL way to take medicine. But soon it did the trick and she was relaxed and smiling. The stent was removed in less than five seconds and the two of us were absolutely exhausted by the whole ordeal. A whole lot of fuss for a 4 second stent removal. UGH.

After we observed her and gave her a slushy I left her with the nurse and went on my way to the parking garage-6th floor-to get the vehicle and drive it to the hospital entrance where Sarah arrived in a wheelchair. She was confused as to why we wouldn’t let her walk, “Don’t my legs work? Can’t I walk?” “Yes, you’re just a little wobbly right now.” “No, I’m not!”

They said the medicine would make her forget the procedure but I keep waiting for her to forget and she hasn’t. The main purpose of the sedation was to make it less traumatic and it certainly did do that, she was calm and cheerful for the whole rest of the day. We drove through rush hour traffic to the nearest Wendy’s (she always craves a #9 after a doctor’s appointment–which is a grilled chicken sandwich *no fries*) and I got a big waffle cone with strawberry topping from across the road at Sonic. It did it’s part to soothe my nerves.

After we came home she was full of adrenaline and we had to make her stay somewhat quiet. However, this morning she’s all tuckered out. The excitement finally caught up to her. We look forward to a nice day together. (Right now she’s watching Gordimer Gibbons).

kidney stone adventures, con’t

Posted on March 4, 2016 by Shanda

I’ve thought this a thousand times since yesterday but I took Sarah to her second procedure by myself because Rich was on a business trip. I’ve thought it frequently…..not because I’m resentful of the fact but because I’m proud of it. If you only knew the way I was when I was first married, in my early twenties I was still having heart palpitations and driving with my hands whitely clutched to the steering wheel as I drove on the highway, for goodness sakes. In my mind, highway driving was a near death experience. Yes, if you only knew how I was from childhood. My mother told me that people didn’t think I could talk when I was so very small, because I couldn’t bring myself to answer their friendly questions. I would rather die than get up in front of a crowd and speak. If I’ve done anything extra brave, its because I was taken over by a power greater than I, namely, love –for music, producing solos, for babies, producing many doctor’s visits and going through child birth seven times, for God– in leading Bible study one year, for travel–in boarding an airplane, etc (that’s about all the brave stuff I have done). LOL Perhaps this affliction is more common then I believe (am I a freak?), but the truth remains– I have lived life nervously but I.have.lived.it.regardless! Amen. I would be a timid mouse in an underground hole if I didn’t have a family to bring me out into the world.

Sarah had robotic surgery in January to remove a bucket-load of kidney stones. At that time she was given an internal stent. So this next procedure was using a scope to look in the kidney to make sure everything was indeed cleaned out and to take the old stent out. It was scheduled to last about 2 hours. (last time was 8 hours)

So yesterday when the two of us left home we went to Barnes and Noble. Sarah didn’t have to be to the hospital until 11:30 so I wanted to pass some time doing something fun. She picked out a shopkins keychain and I bought two Harry Potter books (3 and 4). Then we went to the children’s play area in the mall so she could play. She soon became tired so we walked down the hall and back before getting back into the car. We made it back to the highway and into the city. I found the parking garage and got the car parked up on the 6th floor. It was freezing cold, as usual, and we shivered our way to the lobby to take the elevator down to ground level. We crossed the street into the hospital…Sarah, myself, and my big brown bag full of stuff we needed. We checked in and received our identification stickers and made our way to 4G for surgery registration.

A lady took us in her little office to check us in. Then, we waited for a few minutes in waiting room before another lady took us down a floor to triage where the patients get prepped for their surgery. Sarah used the bathroom before we put her adorable hospital pajamas on. I forgot to mention that she had a bath at home before we left and I combed her hair back and braided it. She looked small and sweet, like a squeaky clean piglet. Since we had surgical experience, we were not as nervous as the first time. She asked for an iPad and the nurse got her one that had an Elmo case on it. Sarah promptly found a Lego game to play and I read Harry Potter #2 and was interrupted many times by friendly nurses and doctors, asking many questions which I answered, calling Jacob one time so that I could get the exact name of the antibiotic that Sarah was taking daily. Jacob was all stressed out because he couldn’t find his special cord that he needed to print his paper. He wanted to tell me all about it which made me laugh because in his mind it was much more important than having a child in the O.R.? He didn’t think of it that way, I’m sure. I love him so much….and he was helpful to the extreme yesterday as he watched the kids after school (and he did get the paper printed so it all worked out).

One cute thing was that Sarah rated her hunger pains as a 6 on the pain scale (10 being the worse). Poor thing!

Well, after over an hour of waiting for surgery, it was finally time. The hospital has small motor cars for the kids to drive down the halls to the O.R. if they wish. But Sarah became sad and decided at the last moment NOT to drive. The two of us decided it would be nicer if Mama carried her so I did, wearing yellow scrubs, and brushed the little tears off her face. She was quietly upset…no shaking or talking…just silent tears. I took her in the room where there were about 7 or 8 people, I think there were two of everybody. Two doctors, two nurses, two anesthesiologists, etc. Sarah sat cross legged and facing me as they put the mask on her and encouraged her to breathe deeply and make the balloon close and open. There were numbers on the screen and they cheered her on to see if she could beat the previous record of that day which was in the 600’s. She promptly got 724 and started to melt in my arms. Down she went, gently onto the bed sound asleep. Meanwhile, I felt like I was suffocating with the surgical mask over my nose and mouth. I pulled it down and kissed her cheek and left. I was a little sad but felt mostly like “okay, lets get this over with”……plus I was starving.

The nice male nurse walked me back to my stuff and said that Sarah was exceptional because usually when kids get nervous and cry like that on their way to the room, they end up having a complete breakdown once they are in there and fight the mask and everything. Nothing wrong with that of course…and I did see the look of panic that flickered in Exceptional Sarah’s eyes as she made the choice to breath and not fight.

They put our coats and Sarah’s bag in storage and I took my purse to the cafeteria and got a bowl of salad and a package of fig newtons. I brought my food back to the waiting room and the quiet room section was free of people so I went right in there and set up my Kindle, put in ear buds, and watched two TV shows which I had downloaded at home that morning. I ate my salad, drank some coffee, and texted with Mom and Dad, Rich, Colleen, and Hannah. I updated FB and was cheered by all the instant encouragement there.

After a while, a hospital worker updated me that the Doctor was “removing stones”. This information caused me distress as I imagined that her kidney had more stones in it then we had previously believed. I braced myself for a long wait as Hannah encouraged me to replace every worry with a truth from God. I had just opened a magazine when in walked the doctor telling me they were through and that Sarah was doing great!

I was so surprised and grateful. I followed him to a small conference room and he went over all they had done. He said it took longer then they originally thought–not because of stones–but because he had put dye in her system to see how her urology system flowed and he believes he may have found the area that could be a partial blockage. She will need further tests but he had not not ever seen a child with as much stone burden as she had when he first saw her back in October so he tends to believe there must be some abnormality somewhere that CAN BE FIXED when and if we figure it out….there is even a chance she could outgrow the problem. In the meantime, her right kidney (which is the one causing all these problems) is swollen which to me has been the freakiest bit of information so I asked him several times if that was okay and would she be okay. To make a long story short, he said her kidney is like a stretched out balloon at this point and now that the stones are out it could and should heal. He said she should have further testing to see if her stone making condition is metabolic but I said she already did that (with another doctor) and there was nothing abnormal except citrate levels so he said that was very good. He said we should do another 24 hour urine collection test at some point. He said we are just letting her heal and recover now but there are tests to be done in the future to check for a blockage or a reflux abnormality. If they do find something she will need more surgery.

She goes back on Wednesday to get her stent pulled out, which is now attached to a long thread-like string taped to her leg. This is a blessing because if he had put in the other kind of stent she would have had to go to the O.R. again.

He walked me to Sarah in recovery and she was sitting up with two nurses leaning close to her. She was groggy, pale, shaking slightly, and crying. She had red circles under her poor little eyes and as I got close I smelled that smell of the gas (or whatever it is) that they use to put her to sleep. Ugh. They were giving her Morphine which helped settle her down and she dozed as I talked with the nice nurse and called the pharmacy to make sure they had the prescriptions I needed to fill.

We left after an hour. I went first to go get the car and they wheeled her out in a wheelchair. Off we went through rush hour traffic (white knuckles? not too bad). I finally made it to the entrance of the highway for the first time like ever, without making wrong turns and getting lost (even with the map on my phone, lol). CVS was crazy busy, Sarah peed her pants in the car but thankfully I had extra clothes and helped her change as I was in the line to the drive through pharmacy window. Sarah spent most of the trip home on my iPhone watching a movie. They said it would take a half hour for the medicine to be ready so we went to Wendy’s drive through. She wanted a chicken sandwich. I did have to carry her inside to use the bathroom again but she was able to slowly walk back herself, holding my hand.

After we got the medicine (18 dollars for bladder spasm medicine, pain meds, and antibiotic) we headed home. My head felt as if it was going to explode. It was about 7 or so when we arrived and all the other kids were home. Before I had even sat down, Rich pulled in the driveway. I was utterly relieved, boy did that hug feel good and Rich confirmed what I had been thinking—that I had done a great job taking care of Srarh.

Sarah screamed and moaned the first few times she went potty at home. Grace was upset and spent a bit of time with her and I gave her a good dose of the narcotic pain medicine they gave us which helped tremendously. I thought Sarah was amazing. While she was in the midst of pain she said, “I wish I was somebody else right now.” To articulate this was smart and completely understandable, I thought. She got through the night just fine without me, which amazed us as well. I saw her at 6 when she came in to ask if she could turn on a show.

She has a slight addiction to ginger ale at the moment. 🙂 She said it tastes just soooo good.

She’s cheerful today. She happily did a little painting with Jacob which was precious to see. She had the tape on her arm from the nurse bandaging her after pulling out the IV and she said it bothered her all night. I promptly took it off which she didn’t appreciate but at least it was gone, leaving behind just a small bruise from the needle and red tape burns. She still has the white circle chest stickers on and after what I did with the last bandage she won’t let me near them. She managed to get one off herself after a bath.

She hasn’t needed any pain medicine today!

That’s about it for kidney stone news. This has been quite an adventure. 🙂 But we aren’t complaining because we believe this is a childhood issue for her and won’t be something that will effect the quality of her entire life…so very thankful for that. Time will tell. We have today and it’s been a lovely one of relaxing and snuggles and also truffles with my girlie. Right now she’s bored and can’t wait for the boys to get home (mean mommy said no more TV). She loves her lamb from Dad, too.

Speaking of her Dad…Rich and I have got to get out tonight and get prepared for tomorrow, which is Ethan’s 18th birthday and he’s having a bunch of friends over.

at barnes and noble

play scape

in the bathroom…she was excited to see a picture of Snoopy!

playing the iPad provided by hospital

waiting

back home! Rich gave Sarah gifts–nail polish and a stuffed Lamb.
Sarah was busy eating Pringles.

we had a long day but we were glad to be home

painting with Jacob

she added a cardinal because we saw one out the window as she was painting

me and my little girl ❤

the scary vegetable peeler

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Shanda

No lie every time I peel things with this nasty peeler I cut myself! The injuries are not usually this bad though. Truth be told, today’s injury wasn’t quite this bad, either. (I used David’s fake blood to make the picture more dramatic.) However, it is true that every time I use the peeler I peel not only a potato but also a knuckle or a finger or a fingernail. Today I slam-dunked the thing into the trash and good riddance!

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In other news, today Sarah took me to Kindergarten with her!

black bottom muffins, etc.

Posted on January 22, 2016 by Shanda

The coffee shop on Jekyll Island sells these muffins and my Dad loves them. I was determined to find a recipe because they are delicious. Indeed, with the internet it didn’t take any longer than five seconds to discover what I was searching for….black bottom muffins….the name makes Sarah Joy giggle. “Did you say bottom?” she laughed.

The muffin is more of a cupcake. The chocolate cake part is soft and delicately sweet. The middle is cheesecake!

I made a batch yesterday (one batch=12 muffins) and they were gone in no time.

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 egg
1/3 cup white sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup white sugar

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup water
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 tablespoon cider vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line muffin tins with paper cups or lightly spray with non-stick cooking spray.
In a medium bowl, beat the cream cheese, egg, 1/3 cup sugar and 1/8 teaspoon salt until light and fluffy. Stir in the chocolate chips and set aside.
In a large bowl, mix together the flour, 1 cup sugar, cocoa, baking soda and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Make a well in the center and add the water, oil, vinegar and vanilla. Stir together until well blended. Fill muffin tins 1/3 full with the batter and top with a dollop of the cream cheese mixture.
Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes.

(recipe source: the wonderful and convenient allrecipes.com)

You know what makes me sort of sad? When I was married 20 years ago I spent so much time dreaming as I turned page after page in my new cookbooks, planning on what I would bake next for my husband. I have a beautiful collection of books to this day….but do I look at them now? Hardly ever. I think one of my new year’s resolutions will be to make more recipes out of my cookbooks rather than from the computer. Just because.

This is a Sarah update.

She had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday with her surgeon and new urologist. The surgeon was very happy with her healing progress. She does have a stent which will have to be removed in February which will entail another magical sleep in the O.R. At the same time, the Doctor will look with a scope into her kidney to make sure every stone fragment was removed during her first surgery.

The urologist went over her 24 hour urine sample results and sure enough, she is a stone-maker. He sent us to get blood drawn that day as well, which Sarah did not appreciate despite the fact that they had a cartoon playing right in front of the lab chair and she was sitting on my lap. She was just simply done with all the needles. But we managed just fine and she came away with another toy so……

He called with the lab results which were PERFECTLY normal (praise Jesus) –all but her vitamin D level, which was low (common for our area). So she is taking a supplement and I’m giving it to all the children in the house, too.

She has to eat an orange a day (and/or lemons, lemonade or limes) and drink twice as much as I was making her drink before. (ugh) She also has to avoid salt. In a few months we will do the urine test again to see if the diet change has helped.

Sarah went to school on Wednesday and Thursday. She did absolutely fine other than being a little more tired than usual. I kept her home today, however, because she was looking pale to me and although she has been acting fine here at home, I feel much better keeping her with me. She is currently watching a movie.

Ethan is home after getting done with midterms early. I went to pick him up (with Sarah) and we went through the Dunkin Donuts drive thru. We stopped at the grocery store where I left them waiting for me in the warm car eating their snacks while I ran in to get half and half and the ingredients for three bean salad.

It’s a beautiful day, sunny, and a freezing cold 27 degrees with an icy wind. When I look out the window at our ponds I think to myself that the ice must be about ready for skating. In the meantime, I am staying close by the fire that I made this morning in our fireplace. It is a comforting, popping and crackling sound, not to mention toasty warm.

Happy Friday, friends!

You are loved.

“Nothing is lovelier in life, than the spirit of contentment. Fretting mars the beauty of many a face. Discontent spoils all one’s world. Out of whatever window he looks — the discontented person sees something that is not pleasing.

But a contented person sees only good everywhere. The happiest homes in the world are not those in which are the finest carpets, the costliest pictures, the most luxurious furniture — but those in which contented, joyful hearts dwell. A mind at peace, beautifies the plainest surroundings and even the hardest conditions.” J.R. Miller

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13

sarah wants to show you her new pants

Posted on December 3, 2015 by Shanda

Aren’t they adorable? As soon as I saw them I had to get them for her. She LOVES big cats.

Praying for all my blog friends today. You are loved.

animals, brownies, & liberty fabric

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Shanda

Ideally, my blog posts should be nicely organized by single topics. But I have all these pictures that I’m anxious to share, plus a brownie recipe, so we will have a post devoted to three topics today:

Animals
Brownies
Liberty Fabric

It would be a crime NOT to have chickens on this property. Every morning, I let them out of their coop and the entire flock spends the day making rounds to all their favorite places; the pond, the nice dry leaves under the trees, soft dirt in order to take dust baths, under the wild berry bushes, the bank behind the house.

Whenever the urge to lay an egg happens to a hen, she makes her way back to the coop for a nesting box or the garbage barrel. Sometimes there are a few eggs in the box when a chicken arrives, and I find them kicked out later on…..at least I imagine that must be how they end up on the floor amongst the wood shavings?

I’m happy to gather the eggs in my shirt, some of them still warm, and bring them back to the kitchen like treasures.

Gentleman Gray took an all-day nap in the sock basket. He dreamed he was back in his litter, curled up with his brothers and sisters.

Sherlock the big and handsome bright orange cat, sleeps on my bed all day.

Ethan with his dog. Or shall I say Dog with his Ethan?

Emily our neighbor friend, with her big beautiful boy dog, Benji. Benji comes for playdates with Parker.

The day after playdates always leaves Parker and me kinda tired. So we took naps on the couch yesterday when everyone was back to school. (they had the day off on Wednesday).

So, what to do with all those delightful eggs? The #1 thing to do is make a big batch of brownies.

2 cups vegetable oil
3 1/2 cups sugar
4 tsp vanilla
8 eggs
2 cups flour
1 1/3 cup cocoa
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Blend oil, sugar and vanilla, then add eggs and mix well. Add dry ingredients and mix thoroughly. Pour into a greased 11 by 13 inch pan and bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes. All brownies are best slightly under baked.

I first fell in love with Liberty Fabrics after seeing the blog Posie Gets Cozy. The lady on that blog (Alicia) has made so many beautiful things with that fabric line and I only dreamed of doing the same. Alas, that dream has still not come to fruition, because I did not MAKE Sarah’s little blouse, I bought it on super-duper clearance and I was so happy to do so!

It’s thin and light and perfect for her because she gets too hot at school sometimes. It makes a nice layering piece and it’s so pretty.

Yes, I have a lot of fun with my little girl. Rich teases me.

We think the kitten is saying “help me”.

so awesome

Posted on August 28, 2015 by Shanda

But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life. Psalm 42:8

But thank God! He has made us his captives and continues to lead us along in Christ’s triumphal procession. Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume. Our lives are like a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God.

2 Corinthians 2:14-15

“Anne smiled and sighed. The seasons that seemed so long for baby Rilla were beginning to pass all too quickly for her. Another summer was ended, lighted out of life by the ageless gold of Lambardy torches. Soon….all too soon….the children of Ingleside would be children no longer. But they were still hers…hers to welcome when they came home at night…hers to fill life with wonder and delight…hers to love and cheer and scold…a little.” Anne of Ingleside, page 156

Yesterday was a big day in my life.

It was the first day of school and for the first time in over 18 years I have no babies home with me.

It’s a funny thing, though. My firstborn, Jacob, starts community college on Monday, so really I wasn’t home alone at all.

I’m right back where I started from, home with just Jacob.

Yesterday we went to Bible study and he drove me……

Today we are going to the college to purchase his last needed text books and we just might stop by Target, too.

*****

And by the way, little Sarah ran off the bus into my arms yesterday after school yelling, “That was so awesome!!!”

She was rather full of herself for the rest of the day.

we all wore the same dress

Posted on August 27, 2015 by Shanda

When I was a little girl, the same age as you, I went to school, too.

I started out in a Kindergarten class, just like you.

And do you know what?

My Mama made me a dress, she made it herself, a special little dress for me to wear to school.

“She did? Where is it?”

It’s right here, this is the very dress that I wore.

And do you know what?

Your sister Gracie wore this dress on her first day of school, too!

Let’s try it on you.

Oh Sarah, it looks so pretty!

Do you want to wear it for your first day of school, too? Just like Mama and Gracie?

“No.”

Why not?

“It’s itchy.”

It is? I can fix that. What if you wear this pair of soft shorts underneath? Is that better?

“Okay. Can I wear my new shoes?”

Yes.

Mama’s going to miss you but I know you’re going to have a fun day at your school.

I love you.

wild flowers

Posted on July 20, 2015 by Shanda

The Queen Anne’s lace is exceptionally tall this year.

{this moment}

Posted on July 4, 2015 by Shanda

I remember the first time we took baby Sarah to the ocean. She crinkled up her eyes in disgust and would not put her hands down to touch the sand.

We took the children to the beach yesterday and five year old Sarah was busy enjoying herself the whole day long. Digging in the sand, collecting every shell in sight, swimming even though the water was cold, playing with nearby little girls, twirling her new hula hoop. We were there for six hours and she cried when we had to leave.

She loves the ocean.