spirit

Grace is home. She’s twenty now and so much me, part of me, and most especially of all her own self, too, that she keeps me endlessly praising God for the gift of this dear daughter of mine.

The house is full again even though Jacob and Ethan don’t get home until tomorrow. We had Michael and Brittnee here last night and the chaos made me dream again the dream I have of all of us living together in this same house for always.

Then, at the end of the day, the heavy wet rain turned into heavy clumps of slush and then big heavy snow. I kept running out to the porch to look, it’s amazing how the weather effects the spirit! I jumped up and down! Seth stripped down to his underwear and stood in it!

Yesterday in Sunday School the teacher mentioned the Spirit of God and what that means and in my mind I thought, “God has spirit”!!!!!!!!! you know, like spirit week at the High School, with cheering and motivation and pep? And my mind was blown. I usually think of the spirit of God as holy and quiet and peaceful, which is also is, but what about a YAHOO GIDDY UP AND GO Spirit? I love it! I want more of it! I’ve been quiet and pensive enough for a lifetime. I’ll still be these things, I have to be……..but this other sort of spirit has been sorely lacking for me. And I want it! (blessed are those who hunger and thirst)……..

I think this is why today’s mantra was “kick it”. Grace and I got in the car and set out to get all the Thanksgiving shopping done and that’s what we said periodically to one other, “we’re kicking it!” I even did a high kick on the way into Costco.

The word of the day was QUEEN.

Such spirit!

“Breathe on me, breath of God, fill me with LIFE anew.”

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
Fill me with life anew,
That I may love what Thou dost love,
And do what Thou wouldst do.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
Until my heart is pure,
Until with Thee I will one will,
To do and to endure.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
Till I am wholly Thine,
Until this earthly part of me
Glows with Thy fire divine.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
So shall I never die,
But live with Thee the perfect life
Of Thine eternity.

hymn by Edwin Hatch

Then I looked inside.
Then I went inside.

with a thankful heart

You are so so very much loved.


Psalm 103

O my soul, bless God.
    From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name!
O my soul, bless God,
    don’t forget a single blessing!

He forgives your sins—every one.
    He heals your diseases—every one.
    He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
    He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
    He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
    He renews your youth—you’re always young in his presence.

God makes everything come out right;
    he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work,
    opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
    nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children,
    God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out,
    keeps in mind that we’re made of mud.
Men and women don’t live very long;
    like wildflowers they spring up and blossom,
But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly,
    leaving nothing to show they were here.
God’s love, though, is ever and always,
    eternally present to all who fear him,
Making everything right for them and their children
    as they follow his Covenant ways
    and remember to do whatever he said…….

if you would keep your spirits up

Happy Friday! Rich arrived home early today and I’m sitting at the table while he reads his Lincoln book, which he bought in Washington D.C., right next to me.

I have a chicken simmering on the stove with onion, two bay leaves, & salt and pepper in chicken stock. Soon I will make chicken and homemade biscuits.

If Josephina sees this post, yes I’m blogging the photos I just texted you.

It’s been a nice day despite the darkness and rainstorms.

I went for a walk before the rains began. I listened to a podcast while soaking in everything around me, including this bright pink seed…….so pretty. It’s still in my coat pocket waiting to be glued into my nature journal.

early morning face happy to be outside in the fresh air

This is what a pinecone looks like after it has been in the road and frequently ran over with many tires. The children’s art teacher used them (representing Christmas trees) to glue on her homemade Christmas cards one year, and even decorated them with tiny sequins and glitter. So I always think of her when I see them. This is in my pocket, still, too.

I went and had my hair done with Amy today and took an “after” photo right before driving to Barnes and Noble……….

……where I saw this big book of inspiration (did not purchase because I already have three FLOW books for Paper Lovers which will take me at least 25 years to use up, so I took a picture of this because they are copying Flow’s idea and just had to show Jo……..I looked through it and it’s almost exactly the same concept.

“……Henry David Thoreau recognized the redemptive value of exposing oneself to harsh winter: ‘Take long walks in stormy weather or through deep snows in the fields and woods, if you would keep your spirits up. Deal with brute nature. Be cold and hungry and weary.”

Reading this almost had me going BACK outside for a walk this afternoon in the rain (I mean, I would have taken an umbrella……..)

Journal Prompts from a magazine

I left the bookstore with a coffee, a piece of quiche and a new paperback. I drove to home sweet home in the rain.

Whilst listening to uplifting Christian music on K-Love.

Cozied up with my new book (number 2 in the series)……

…..and a pretty kitty.

But, as luck would have it, and moms everywhere can relate, as soon as my eyes got tired and I started to think about taking a little nap, son Caleb called. “Mom, are you at home? Could you please bring me my hoodie and my white football jersey?”

Yes, son, and I’ll bring you a bag of food, too.

All of these things kept my spirits up.

Now, off to make chicken and biscuits for my family….it’s gonna be a good dinner…stop on by!

**********

You are loved.

four and four

“Something inside me loosened, unknotted. Compassion and warmth welled up in me….there was nothing I wanted for myself, I just wanted to give. Christy, page 402

“Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
You guard all that is mine.” Psalm 16:5

“Satisfy the hunger of your treasured ones.” Psalm 17:14

“In prayer we act like men; in praise we act like angels.” Thomas Watson

********

Just four photos from today and four quotes that I recently found and scribbled down in my journals.

I had matcha green tea today, I covered my Message Bible in pretty paper, I’m reading a good book that Grace will borrow when I’ve finished it, and my cat loves squeezing into a tiny amazon box……….

Praising God for a beautiful day.

You are loved, dear friends.

dinner. dessert.

I was stirring dinner on the stove when David joined me in the kitchen and sat up on the island.

Dave: “If I didn’t have arthritis I would be an amazing ninja.”
Me (concerned): “What the heck, who has arthritis? You sure don’t!”
Dave: “Well, then I guess I’m a ninja.”

Then Rich got home and I ran outside to greet him. “You’re 11 minutes late!”

“It’s cozy inside. And just so you know, Seth and Sarah are dice stacking again so brace yourself.”

I made a variation of Hannah’s chicken and noodles that she made for my family years ago when she visited from Alaska, very easy. Put a whole chicken in a pot, add 2 boxes of unsalted organic Chicken broth, salt, pepper, a couple bay leaves and granulated onion. I also added an onion cut in half this time but it’s not something I normally do. Let simmer on the stove for hours until the meat is falling off the bone. Take the chicken out of the pot, pick the meat off the bones, add the meat back to the pot (after skimming off fat), and then add a bag of the best egg noodles available in the store (the ones I use are “homemade” packaged dy noodles and they don’t get slimy or soft in the pot). Stir and simmer until the noodles are done. Add more seasonings if necessary.

I thought it was perfect but David left the table for garlic powder and then dropped it across the room. The top came off and there was garlic powder on the floor. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up,” he said going to the pantry with me calling after him. “GET A BROOM AND DUSTPAN NOT THE VACUUM CLEANER IT WOULD RUIN THE VACUUM CLEANER!” Meanwhile, Seth decided to use the garlic himself and OOPS used the “spoon” side instead of the “shaker” side and added about a tablespoon (1/4 teaspoon=1 clove garlic) to his bowl. I grabbed his bowl and ran to the sink with it. I spent way too much time on dinner to waste even a bowl of this good meal. Using my fingers I got the clumps of dry garlic off his chicken and noodles, rinsing my fingers off between attempts. “Is there WATER in it now?” he worried. “No.”

The garlic is cleaned up, David is sneezing because as he swept he breathed it in. He has a cold so he admitted it cleared his sinuses and not only that “the vampires will leave us alone now so we don’t have to worry about that anymore.” “I never was worried about that,” says his Dad. We all used the garlic, even though I thought the dish was perfect as it was.

People complained that it was too hot (in temperature). They were burning their mouths. Now I can’t help myself, I’m laughing. “I like to serve my food at volcanic temperatures.” I admit with a flip of my hair.

That was dinner.

Speaking of food and the kitchen and spices, here are the promised Julia Child kitchen photos I took while at the Smithsonian.

Once you gaze upon them you will find yourself running to your own kitchen to make chicken and noodles for dinner!! I bet!

Every nook and cranny was amazing. I had to be very careful not to press my nose to the glass as I studied every angle possible.

lighting, knives

open cubby holes

magnets on the fridge

I apologize for the glare in some of the photos…..I had to take the pictures through glass.

pans hanging everywhere!!!

I have lid envy!

((((cat))))

Outside the kitchen there was a television with clips of her classic show, as you can see, she can still draw an interested audience.

The badge!!!

her Emmy award

Yours truly. (Truly a Julia fan!) It was a thrill to see her kitchen, I loved it so much, it’s, in my opinion……. PERFECT!

Ready for dessert?

Cheesecake Pie

1 (8 inch) graham cracker pie crust
8 oz cream cheese, room temperature
2 cups milk
1 pkg instant pudding mix (any flavor)

In a deep bowl, with an electric mixer, beat cream cheese until light and fluffy. Blend in 1/2 cup milk and continue to beat until smooth. Add 1 1/2 cup milk and the package of instant pudding mix, beat just until smooth (about 1 minute). Pour into graham cracker crust. Chill. Served with whipped cream.

NOTES: I used a square baking pan and put the graham cracker crust (made myself) on the bottom, it’s easier to cut and serve to my family this way. Also, Caleb stayed home sick from school with this wretched cold going through the family (I have it, too) and he told me that as soon as he got up he ate a lot of whipped cream out of the can and it helped his sore throat. Impressed with this new remedy, I told him to remember that trick for when he is a Dad someday, and his child is sick. He’ll be the only one soothed with whipped cream. Makes sense to me!

Okay, off to a chorus concert with Sarah Joy!

Thank you friends, for stopping by and saying hello!

You are loved.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

more pics of DC

The children had the day off from school today. It was a beautiful sunny day, so bright it almost made me squint. I was able to sleep until 8:30 and then got up to make coffee. I sat at the table and wrote letters and David sat next to me eating his pancakes. When he sneezed a bunch of times he asked me if I thought sneezes became more forceful as a person aged and I said I didn’t know. Then we talked about lungs and how sad it was that people smoked or vaped and damaged their good lungs in such a fashion. Dave started sounding a little judgemental so I tried to tell him, “Humans are weak creatures, Dave.” “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not a beta male,” he said as he got up to put his plate in the sink. “What in the world does that mean?” I asked. “Beta males tend to be followers. That’s not me. I’m an alpha male.” in all seriousness.

I laughed and laughed.

Later on, I asked Caleb and then David if they wanted to go downtown with me. I was thinking about coffee and postage stamps. They both declined. Caleb declined in a friendly absentminded fashion, but David declined hesitantly with fear that he was hurting my feelings, maybe. I said not to worry,” wouldn’t you feel worse if I just left without inviting you?” “I would say ‘Where’s Mom?'”, he admitted. Right.

I didn’t invite Seth and Sarah. They were a bit overwhelming today. They’ve found a new passion and it’s noisier than bottle flipping. They’ve begun “dice stacking” instead. To do this you need “casino dice” and straight-sided cups. Well, we don’t have casino dice (they have been ordered after Seth wore me down) so every board game in the house has been ransacked for regular dice. As far as straight sided cups; two of my plastic spice jars have been emptied into sandwich bags and two containers of baking powder have also been put into baggies and their metal tops cut off with a steak knife. Seth and Sarah do this dice stacking game and also play with their plastic animals, which involves taking books out of the bookcase to make platforms for them. Everywhere they go they leave behind messes and I love it. (and make them clean them later on)

“Whoever turned the bathroom into not a bathroom better fix it,” David said in his best alph male voice. Turns out that Sarah turned it into an animal land (remember my theme song?) The sink was full of water and there were animals posed everywhere and David just couldn’t use the bathroom like that.

I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW DEEP DOWN THANKFUL I AM FOR THESE CHILDREN!!!!!!!

Caleb, who complains too much but then gets goofy and then comes to give me a hug and almost knocks me off balance and says “I hope I can cook as good as you someday.”

David who so obviously enjoys being near me and watched Forrest Gump with me yesterday and shed a tear or two and plays the piano and puts himself on a fitness schedule and feels bad when he tells me no when I invite him places.

Seth who snuggles next to me in the evenings during TV time and sings me *Mom Is a Good Mom* songs and wants to give me hugs to hurt my bones and brags that his feet are the same size as mine and is so noisy sometimes that I tell him he’s being annoying and he pretends to get offended but he’s smiling with accomplisment.

And Sarah who loves to read and plays and holds her own with her brothers and was the only one who went out trick or treating last night and is the only daughter at home now and wants to be just like her big sister Grace and is NINE already and my baby.

What would I do without them? Or their three older siblings? My heart aches with love and longing. Longing for what? I guess just for all of it, to remember it and look forward to the rest of it, wherever God leads me as a mother, I don’t have many regrets. The biggest one being that I cared too much about sleep at times. Really, sleep is overrated. Yes, it’s scarce for years but then it returns. I would say now; don’t worry. And if the child can’t nap now and then that’s okay, too. I used to be such a stickler for naps for the children. It was my only free time of the day. But I wish I hadn’t been. I wish I had just rolled with it more. I did get more lax through the years. Typical I suppose. We even let Seth and Sarah stay up later at night …… we like having them with us. We know how fast they grow.

I made a big big pan of apple crisp today and David peeled the apples for it.

It’s been a nice day.

Here are some more Washington D.C. photos from Sunday:

Washinton Monument……sky high and ringed around with flags!

The sneakers that hurt my feet.

The two older boys were wrestling in their first meet of the season and we decided to sit and rest. Rich checked the live feed just as Ethan was in his match! Simply providential!

Ethan wrestling…..as we sat in the shadow of the Washinton Monument, watching proudly. Kinda sweet!

Rich at the Washington Monument, “lean on it” I said. So he did. The Lincoln Memorial is seen in the distance behind him.

The reflecting pool looking toward the Lincoln Memorial.

(I love how it turned out with the sunshine.)

soooooooo beautiful

And then, the moment I was waiting for……my favorite president:

His birthday is February 12.

My birthday is February 12.

We are birthday twins!

This is one of the many reasons why Abe is my favorite.

There was a crowd but I had Rich wait, and work, and angle to make it look like it was just Lincoln and me.

words of Lincoln

Rich trying to see if he could find Jacob’s wresting match.

Shows the greatness of the columns and the monument.

Lincoln Memorial looking to the Washington Monument

Arlington Memorial Bridge (the cemetary was closed by this time and we didn’t get to go inside).

We walked 9 miles on this day. The only body part between the two of us that got tired was my feet. And I blame my sneakers for that. When I came home I bought new ones.

Tomorrow I will share photos of Julia’s kitchen!

Happy Friday evening!

You are loved.

the white house

Rich took me along on a quick business trip to Washington D.C. He only had to be gone for a day….we left Sunday morning and got back late Monday night. But so fun! I had never been to D.C. and I was greatly looking forward to seeing the sights.

The White House……….to see it my whole life in history books was one thing, but then to see it in person was amazing. I love history and you know what? I love that the USA has a White House for the President. “It’s Good to be Home”……..in a White House.

Majestic.

I purposely wanted the crowd in the photo with me…..it was fun to be part of humanity, interested in the White House on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. (I accidentally stepped in a mud puddle right after this was taken).

I have a very limited time online and darling daughter Grace called from college while I was uploading photos and I have no more time because now I have to go get Sarah from cheerleading. I will share more of our D.C. adventures tomorrow, Lord willing.

(My favorite parts…..The Lincoln Memorial and Julia’s kitchen!!!!) Swoon.

*********

quote from my reading this morning:

Eternal God, in whom we live and move and have our being, whose face is hidden from us by our sins, and whose mercy we forget in the blindness of our hearts; cleanse us from all our offenses, and deliver us from proud thoughts and vain desires, that with reverent and humble hearts we may draw near to you, confessing our faults; confiding in your grace, and finding in you our refuge and strength; through Jesus Christ your Son.

~Book of Common Worship

dear friends, you are loved.

xo,

Shanda

a saturday in late october

Happy Saturday! Besides being a taxi service for our son Caleb, who required two back and forth rides to town for football and band, Rich and I got some stuff done together. We went to our favorite farm store for meat and eggs and to the hardware store for tools to work outside.

Then, we forced our reluctant children help us work on the side flower beds by the driveway and I took my camera outside just for the fun of it. Don’t worry, I was working, too. Working and directing the reluctant children.

Seth did some weeding and fixed the rock border.

He found a salamander under a rock.

And a worm.

And then a bee landed on him and I made him hold still because it “won’t sting you if you just stand quietly. It was difficult for him because the bee seemed to like him and didn’t fly away for about a minute and Seth almost couldn’t stand the tickling.

Dave

Dave and Caleb

Rich was in a zone pruning the peach tree.

I always stay alert so I can stop him before the trees and shrubs he prunes are completely gone.

Sarah didn’t do anything but take some branches away to play with her animals. She and Seth play this so often that I finally made up a very silly “theme song” for them called “Animal Land”.

The boys wanted to know why Sarah wasn’t helping and I said because she’s a princess but that wasn’t the real reason. It was really because I had enough trouble with the three boys to try to add another one to the mix.

Sadly, when Caleb took away her branches later they lost the dog named Skye. The one Seth JUST got at the hardware store an hour earlier. So now that’s part of the story line……….tears were shed and they looked for him, but he still wasn’t found. I wonder where he will turn up. Maybe he ran back to the store?

The other person besides Sarah who was no help was Parker the Dog. He did a little sniffing around and that was it. No bones.

I did a lot of weeding and also got stung by the same kind of bee that was on Seth. I think it’s a yellow jacket? They were attracted to an old can of peaches that I had dumped over the porch railing the other day (very convenient to dump old food outside over the porch railing). I was violently stung just a couple inches above my underarm and it HURT SO SO BAD. I burned my finger yesterday and have an oozing blister the size of a pea on it and now a bee sting on a very sensitive part of my arm that still hurts! I asked Rich to take me to the ER but he said no. I’m not allergic to bees. But at least I look cute. “Saturdays are for overalls”. Rich found my sunglasses for me today when he went to move my car. They are new from Eddie Bauer and I had promptly misplaced them. He found them in the car stuck in the crack of the drivers seat. I’ve been sitting on them for a week?

David and Seth moved wood to the porch for winter time fires.

Back in the house…..Sherlock found a new place to sleep….

I roasted sausages and vegetables for an early supper.

And since the oven was on, I made peanut butter swirl brownies (Seth photo bombed).

While they were baking Rich and I had to go downtown to pick up Caleb. I got nervous about my brownies what with the burned bread the other day and when we got home I startled the dog by running into the house crying “my brownies!my brownies!” He jumped up off the floor and practically ran in circles wondering “what was wrong with Mom now?” I laughed so hard at his reaction to me that I said, while taking the brownies from the oven, “I almost peed my pants!” Rich said, “I think Parker DID pee!”

The brownies were baked PERFECT. What a relief.

The peanut butter part is cheesecake! Sooooo good. I asked had David if he wanted them, or regular brownies, or chocolate chip cookie bars. He picked these. Ethan likes them, too.

So does Caleb. Caleb, Seth, and Sarah cut into them while they were piping hot and went right outside in the cool air with them.

“Did you guys bring your fiesta plates back in the house?”

“I did,” said Seth.

“I did,” said Sarah.

Rich is going through photos because his work requested some for a slideshow they are putting together for him next week. I’m sitting next to him blogging and when we are done we are going upstairs to rearrange Seth’s room because the window by his bed broke and we have to cover it up until the new window arrives.

Guess what?? The two of us are going on a little trip tomorrow. Stay tuned! I’m very excited about it and will take my camera along so I can properly document each moment.

You are loved.

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog today. I’m so very thankful. xo

~Shanda

thanks to burnt bread

I was emptying the dishwasher yesterday while the kids waited in the house by the kitchen door for the bus and I don’t know what Seth did to trigger the memory but as I put dishes away I remembered the time, years ago, when he took a baseball bat to the Christmas tree and forcefully hit a glass ball ornament.

I thought about this and then remembered my reaction when it happened.

I ran to get the camera.

That’s me. That’s who I am. I ran to get the camera for a photo of tiny Seth by the tree holding a whiffle bat with a silly smile on his face. It’s on Facebook somewhere, it may even be on the blog somewhere, too.

I didn’t sigh or cry or complain or get upset.

I took a picture of what I saw as precious, valuable beyond measure, dear dear messy BEAUTIFUL life. The real life I love.

Yesterday morning, before the children left for school I asked Seth and Sarah, “Should I make homemade bread today, a cake, or cookies?”

“Bread,” Sarah said firmly, “Homemade bread. I like the kind that’s braided.”

I haven’t been emotionally well and I haven’t been online in three weeks. Last night, with shaking hands, I went back on my laptop. I went on my blog and read comments. I saw that my friends here were asking how I was. I saw that my brother stepped in and reassured. I went on Facebook very briefly. I don’t feel safe there. I feel safe(r) here. So I’m trying to sneak back to my favorite writing-outlet, this blog that I’ve loved sharing in for so many years. Thank you friends, for caring. Thank you for taking the effort to continue to read. Thank you for asking for new posts when I was feeling so low I didn’t want to bother ever again.

I felt (and still feel) very fragile, vulnerable, childlike, humble. I have said to my husband (my hero) more than once, “I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again.” I believe this is true, but maybe parts of me will be…..better? And surely there are still parts of the old me still inside, which I noticed yesterday, thanks to the burnt bread.

I’ve been at home, TRYING, in the quiet of the days. I’ve been reading, studying, watching tv, playing the piano, walking, writing, petting my cats. Thinking, learning, praying, singing, slowly, very slowly, healing.

Yesterday when I over-proofed Sarah’s bread so that the braids were practically unrecognizable, and then burned it, I found myself……….remarkably…….

……amused.

I was amused (!) by the outcome of hours of work and very careful following of a recipe written in such detailed fashion that there was really no reason for it to fail.

I went for the camera. I took a photo. I laughed a little.

I felt like myself again. That same woman who ran for the camera when her son made a mess did it again! Ran for the camera!

I went outside to find Sarah, who in all this time had gone to school and come back again and decided to jump on the trampoline as she waited for the bread to bake. I was very curious to know what she would say when she saw my unfortunate creation.

We came in the house holding hands and eager. She was eager for bread, I was eager to hear what she would say.

“Oh! It’s burned!” is what she said, in the same tone of voice that she would use if she woke up expecting to go to school and then remembered, “Oh! It’s Saturday!”

Not that big of a deal, apparently. We’ve been cutting the burned part off and enjoying our 2 inch high “is it a braid or what” bread. If you put it in the toaster you can’t get it out unless you dig with a knife.

It’s the worst looking bread I’ve ever made, but tastes pretty darn good.

I’m glad I burned it. If it had been perfect I wouldn’t have gotten out the camera, but because it was burnt, I took a picture of it. And felt encouraged because I saw my heart again, the heart that can find amusement in the messes of living.

I burned my finger on Grace’s curling iron this morning which wasn’t as amusing.

I made the first fire so that I could burn a notebook of my writings that I knew I would never want to read again. Like my friend Lea Ann said, it had to go.

I collected hickory nuts from the side of the road.

I am at peace.

The same God who made the colorful sunset…..loves you and me!

A few weekends ago all of the children were home. It was wonderful.

The same weekend…..there are six dear ones in this photo. Enjoying the fall day, and each other.

Our Davy is seventeen now.

dazzling

I’ve been seeing a lot of bird activity. This afternoon I saw four turkeys in the woods and stopped to watch them for a while.

I’m reading The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle (newbery book) and it’s AMAZING!!!!!!

Seth the football player, playing outside on the driveway here at home. We’ve been busy each weekend watching his games. He’s so good and quite adorable, I might add.

Sarah Joy, right before heading to the house for bread.

Home Sweet Home

Thanks to the burnt bread…..here I am, blogging again!