dear older lady (question 1) “discreet and chaste”

“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:  that the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.  The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:1-5


Good morning!  Last week I sent out a message to all my xanga subscribers about an idea I had for my blog.  I don’t know about you, but there are times when I want to ask an “older lady” a question about spiritual things, or even life and family.  I have met so many amazing Christian women on xanga and I thought it would be profitable to get all of our minds working on these ideas.  I asked women to send me questions that they would like to have answered by an “older lady”, based on Titus 2.

I had a great time reading all of your responses, and learned right away that we are all interested in receiving information from older ladies, even the “older ladies”!  In other words, perhaps we are all younger ladies and older ladies!  Life is made up of stages. . .for instance. . right now I am a 32 year old mother of 5. . .but 10 years ago I was a mother of 2 small toddlers.  In 10 years, in a blink of an eye, I grew and changed (by the grace of God).  That’s the way life is.  Isn’t it wonderful that God designed the fellowship of believers in such a way that we can help, teach, and encourage one another? 

Let me say a word on attitudes.  My blog is a safe place for precious friends to visit.  My desire is to have lots and lots of interaction with these “older lady” questions.  But we also need to beg God for humility and wisdom as we share our thoughts and ideas.  Ugly Pride is not welcome here. . .but I understand that we all deal with prideful thoughts.  Just last night I had to beg God for forgiveness because I felt ugly pride against another person.  The wonderful mercy of God cleansed and forgave my soul right away.  And that is what we can do here, pray over our comments and ask God to shine His love through them, and be ever watchful over our own hearts and keep them clean before Him.  Let us try to be positive and encouraging, edifying and peace-loving.  Whenever possible, share God’s word to make your point.

So here is the first question from one of you out there.  You are free to answer it and add further thoughts as the Spirit of God leads.  Examples from your own life would be another possible way to comment.  Also, if you have a mother (or grandmother, or aunt, or mentor) who is a believer, ask her what she thinks and then come back and tell us!



What does discreet and chaste mean to you?


Webster’s dictionary:

Discreet (adj) 1. judicious in one’s conduct or speech, esp. with regard to maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature; prudent; circumspect. 2.  showing prudence and circumspection: a discreet silence.

Chaste (adj) 1. not having engaged in fornication; virtuous.  2 free from obscenity; decent: chaste conversation.  3. undefiled or stainless: chaste, white snow.  4. pure in style; subdued, simple.  5. unmarried



0 thoughts on “dear older lady (question 1) “discreet and chaste”

  1. Wow!  Webster’s dictionary says it well.  That is a continual challenge for each of us – young or old. 
    I will never forget the defination of circumspect from a speaker who grew up in Scotland.  He said that in his area they had stone walls around many properties – some with broken glass on top to discourage intruders.  He said “walking circumspectly” is when a cat is walking on top of a wall that is covered in broken glass.  It is a very careful walk.
    I expect discreet and chaste fall in that category – A careful walk that pleases God. 

  2. I think this is a great idea- I’ve always said that everyone is older than someone. Even within the family- my 20 yr old is older than my 14 yr old, etc. It’s important to actually teach these principles and then just as important to live them. If I train my daughters one way and my attitude reflects another, than all is lost. It’s interesting that I have been reading and studying this very passage of Scripture recently.
    Another word for discreet could be moderate or temperate, also self-control, although that seems to put an emphasis on self. The first thing we have to understand is that the only way we can actually attain this is by God’s grace; we can’t acquire this virtue on our own strength. Rom. 7:18-19 captures this idea of moderation: “I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” The first thing we have to face and admit is that lack of self-control in any area of our lives is sin.
    Self-control is our defense against our sinful desires; each of us has a different temptation that we struggle with. For some, it might be eating, for others sleeping, busyness, worry, doubt, the way we use our time, our emotions, reading material, spending money, etc. Each of us has to identify through the help of the Holy Spirit what our sinful struggles are.
    Whatever it is that we allow to take root in our minds and occupy our thinking will sooner or later determine our behavior. Sinful thoughts and sinful feelings lead to sinful behavior. There is one behavior, if diligently pursued, that will help us in our struggle against these sinful desires: the daily practice of meeting with God.
    Chaste= pure, holy, innocent. It is sexual propriety in thought, word and action. For the unmarried, it is premarital purity; for the married, it is sexual purity within marriage. Three things will help us retain this purity:
    1-Set our hearts and minds on things above- “Seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth.” Col. 3:1-5
    2- Make no provision for the flesh- we should not read, view or listen to anything that puts impure thoughts in our minds.
    3- Be honest and be accountable- take personal responsibility for admitting when impurity is there. Find mature and Godly friendships so that others can pray for our struggles and hold us accountable to God’s Word.
    Yikes- sorry this got so lengthy; this is something that needs to be actively taught in our local churches.

  3. My mind isn’t ready yet to tackle the question, but I felt compelled to come by and tell you that I’ve been off the computer for a few days due to travelling to Middle Daughter’s, and I didn’t want to miss giving you a pat on the back and a big hug for your Saturday post.

  4. I prayed for you and this idea you have of posting questions.  I am looking forward to thinking of this one during the day and coming back to see what people have written!

  5. I think, to me, discretion is something like this ~ self-control so as not be offensive to others while leaning on the Lord and trusting in His grace to keep us in a path which pleases Him.  Chaste ~ some of the same principle in practicing self-control and training our minds and hearts to turn away from unpure temptations, etc. and to turn toward the Lord in all things that He might cleanse and purify our hearts and keep us true to Him.  I do not say things very well ~ joy4jesus424 said it way better ~

  6. To me:Discreet = not drawing attention to yourself by acting boldly or with impropriety. Carefully weighing your words/actions before you speak/act. Ask first, “If I were standing at the throne of God, what would He think about what I am about to say or do?”Chaste = (aside from the sexual purity definition) means what is in your heart. The heart encompasses dirty and mean thoughts of a sinful nature. To filter those impurities out, through prayer and a relationship with God, is the only way our *hearts* can be made chaste (not just by our actions) and the heart is what God looks at first. There are many “do-gooders” in the world, but their hearts & motives are tainted, rather than pure.I’ll be 55 next Saturday. I *think* I’m old enough to answer these questions. LOL!!! But, I’m not too old to learn from younger women, too. It really should flow both ways.

  7. When I think of discretion, I think of the words we speak. Sadly, too many of us women can tend towards gossip and cattiness. How can we be a positive influence if we cannot keep a confidence? It is so cruel when you are on the receiving end of gossip. God hates it. I believe that godly women are chaste in their speech, dress and actions. This doesn’t mean we are prudes, or not up to date, but we should live with sensitivity to what pleases the Lord.

  8. For me personally, when I think of discreet…I am reminded to prayerfully speak and respond.  To prayerfully and timely respond, patiently, thoughtfully…not flying off on a whim. 
    Chaste, when I think of chaste, I think of a lady.  I think of modesty, to me modesty would be the opposite of anything that would entice.  To be simply spoken…Sweet.  Sweet in the old fashioned sense of the word.  A sweet look and way.
    Lovely thoughts here, I pray xanga will remain a peaceful place void of envy, strife or pride or any of that stuff. : )
    If you go to my site, I have a link to my eighteen year old daughter’s site.  She has some very good tips on this very subject.  : )   Take care now, I’m off to tidy up, I am working on scheduling myself a bit better myself better these days. Take care now, wonderful thoughts, questions and scripture.  Hugs,  ~Amelia

  9. a discreet silence out of love for God and others, even when your flesh wants to say something. ? just a thought on what it might mean for me anyway ;)chaste – inward heart of purity – desiring God over desiring the world. I like what fwren said too about that.

  10. Oh Ms. Shanda… you have NO idea the blessing you have been to me today! Also, thanks to all of you who have commented so far. I am reading each word, slowly absorbing them and letting them sit on my heart. The Spirit works in amazing ways, for the past few weeks I have suffered (and have caused others to suffer!) greatly because I have NOT been discreet and chaste!!! God has been working on my heart, and the timing of this post is no accident.
    I haven’t even finished reading all of the comments yet, but I will in the upcoming days!!
    blessings… beth

  11. What does discreet and chaste mean to you?:The Webster’s dictionary definition is pretty good.But I also think on a different level. We as Christian women have a big responsibility to selflessness, vs selfishness that our societyingrains us to have. When this question was immediate thought was of what being discreet and chastity isn’t. Even in the church there can be lines where we can no longer see the difference between us and the rest of society. We are called to come out of ourselves and yes it can be a process but somethings we should just stand against. I think of Women’s meetings at my old church that seemingly turned into male bashing meetings and the few of us that made comments about that behavior being inappropriate were quickly shunned and ostracized for commenting. We need to have discreet and pure hearts. Seeking God’s will before our own. I want to not think of things from my perspective, but from HIS perspective. I know things I may feel are odd may be the very thing God has for me in HIS will. Like when I quit a very lucrative job as a supervisor RN to be a Keeper of my Home and raise children. I was not really raised Christian in a biblical sense even though my parents call themselves Christians. All of the things I currently do are radical to how i was raised. It took me many years to severe my old will and try to let God put His will in me and sometimes I have struggles in some areas especially lately since becoming the mother of 6 and currently a month away from expecting number 7. I find myself needing to remember to be grateful for every little pain and inconvenience I am feeling. I know a a carrying a person to raise for the kingdom but allowing my flesh to suffer is hard.I have more thoughts on chastity and purity. Some are obvious,some make you really think deep. But then again I am very analytical.Blessings,Angie

  12. I’m still “chewing” on what resolved2worship had to say on discreet.  That was good.  It is usually impossible to undo damage after speaking indiscreetly, so I need to think first and be sure my words are with grace and nothing that would put another person down or belittle.  With both, I just think of a sweet tempered, graceful lady with the love of God oozing out from her, carrying peace in her very presence!
    (guess I qualify for “older”, I’ll soon hit the 3/4 century mark!)

  13. Discretion seeks to build up and to edify another rather than a tearing down or dishonoring them. It carefully guards the tongue and makes speech acceptable to God, and brings grace to the hearer. Its greatest wisdom is silence, if it considers that its words are not the very words of God. Chastity is the pure and refined heart. It “takes all thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ”(II Cor. 10:5) which in turn reveals inner beauty and loveliness from a sincere and pure mind. It considers conduct, speech, and attitude which does not attract attention to self, but to Christ Himself.

  14. Great idea!….so much wisdom in the above comments.
    Discreet –  My husband and I were talking about something like this last night…..seeing the need for us, especially as a body of believers, to work on what the Lord has given us to do within our giftings, with grace and humility….not judging what others are doing….they have different giftings and different assignments so to speak.    I think that has a part in discretion.  So much of our culture revolves around being seen or getting credit.  Definitely being judicious in our speech…..I need to ask the Lord for control over my mouth as many comments would be hurtful or judgemental.  Again, not giving into pride.  Keeping my lips quiet and being prayerful and looking to the Lord for wisdom.   
    Chaste- yes to both outward sexual purity, in conduct as well as dress, as well as inward purity. Taking captive all that which would fill my mind, heart, and desires….for that is what I act out of.  Yes, keeping our eyes on Jesus is needed.

  15. To be discreet- well, from what I have studied about the word, I would have to say that it applies to more than what we say.  Not only does a discreet woman watch her words and choose them carefully, but she also is prudent and cautious in her actions.  A discreet woman is not rash or hasty.  She will know how to avoid mistakes and sin, and she will choose the best way to get something done.  All that being said, this is an area that I am continually working on in my own life.  The Bible refers to a woman without discretion as a jewel in a pig’s snout.
    To be chaste- I think that one of the most important aspects of being chaste, is to be modest.  Many women do not realize that the way they dress causes a stumbling block for their Christian brothers.
    Thank you, Shanda, for the opportunity to search the Scriptures and exhort one another unto good works.  May God be glorified in each of our homes!

  16. This is such a great idea and I loved reading all the responses!  I agreed with much of what was said.  I haven’t really thought much about these words, which I’m ashamed to admit.  Discreet and Chaste seem like old fashioned words but I think we need a lot more of them to be used in today’s world.  I don’t consider myself old but I will add my thoughts . . . is that okay?  When I think of the word discreet I think of someone who is wise enough to think through decisions and prayer fully consider how to respond.  I think of someone who does not “air the laundry” so much that the whole neighbor hood knows her life but does know for what she stands up for.  When I think of the word Chaste I just think of purity and someone who’s heart is set apart to the Lord to please him by not engaging in sex before marriage and fall into sexual temptation. 

  17. I look at discreet as something that is kept to oneself.  If you know a secret about someone or something and you choose to keep that to yourself – you are being discreet.  I also think it has to do with a quiet spirit.  You are not in turmoil or tossed to and fro by your emotions.  In other words you are not a volatile person. You tend to have a calming personality when you are discreet. 
    Chaste – I think is remaining pure.  Both physically and spiritually. 
    Great question…

  18. Chaste- this is something that is on my heart for so many of the young women I know. In these days of cell phones and texting,I am appalled at the inapropriate texts and jokes that get passed around by Christian young women who I know want to live godly lives. Somehow it doesn’t matter if it’s not in person. But the guys don’t respect them and I shiver at the comments they make about these girls. My hope is to teach my daughters that purity is more than just visual. Modesty begins in the heart!

  19. This is a great question.  I must admit I think I will take this question a read the comments for “gain” and not “add” anything of my own to this one.  This is one area I always have to keep in check.  I am tall and long legged for instance, I always have to keep in check the cothes I wear, not on purpose but I must be aware of how much I am offering to show the world of my body 🙂
     Also, I tend to want to be “real” all the time and in the name of being “real” I can tend to be on the oversharing side of things.  I don’t have a lot of “discreet” in my words because I do not have those “filters” I must remember to put through my words.  It always pertains to myself, I am actually an excellent “secret keeper” to someone else but I tend to share too much information about things that I should keep personal. 
    There is a line though.  I want to be 100% free, open and honest beacause there are so many people who struggle with “I am not good enough” or “I can’t believe I did that or thought about that” and my heart is to be so open and honest that others might feel like they are ok too. 
    So, thank you for this question, much for me to think about.

  20. I don’t really have anything to add then what has so lovely been shared. I do want to openly and honestly say that this is something that I personally am working on in real life, in my blog, and anything that might be associated with me. Thank you for doing this.

  21. I must admit that I was not intrigued when I first read your question.  It wasn’t until I started reading the responses that it seemed so apporpriate to my own life.  I could not possibly add anything better to what has been said, and in fact I feel this was a lesson for me to take in and not one to add to.  I went to my own bible to read this scripture and while I do prefer your verse what stands out in my bible is the word reverent. “…reverent in their behavior, not slanderers,…teaching what is good,…so that the word of  God may not be discredited.”  It seems to encompass discreet pretty well.
    I was amazed once again how your blog has touched me, spoken to me and then I re-read it and realized, it wasn’t your question, but another godly woman that has spoken through you to me.  Amazing how God shows me our connectivity to one another, how we are all put here to edify one another. 

  22. I have really enjoyed reading everyones thoughts, what a wealth of information pile in one spot. I must admit, I am not sure if I am classified old or younger, LOL. I will be 40 in December but I have only been saved for 12 years so I consider myself a babe in Christ compared to some. Thank you for starting this, Shanda. What a blessed to be able to learn from other Christian ladies.

  23. I wanted to leave a comment, too!  When I first typed out the definitions of these two words, I kept thinking, “I must share this with Grace sometime soon”. . .not every detail, but the basic “8yearold” version.
    I loved reading through all the comments!  There is so much wisdom here and lots to think about.

  24. discreet~knowing what is appropriate. allowing my words & actions to be filtered through the Holy Spirit.(just talked with kate about that word the other day)chaste – more than just outward actions. it’s the conduct of our hearts – thoughts. motives. Virtuous in spirit. “Blessed are the pure in HEART for they shall SEE God.”(talked a little w/ kate about this word.. but like you – it’s the child version. in her case, the 10yearold one. but still so much we can share w/ our girls even early on) :)such a great idea Shanda – to exhort & encourage each other as Christian women. it is somewhat of a “lost art” in our society.. and I, like you, am grateful for the group here. and the ones who surround me personally that point me to Jesus & help me along the journey~ sweet blessings to you today. Friend. 🙂

  25. just a thought – -for those of us w/ girls I think it would be a great idea to have them read these “Older Woman posts” (when appropriate of course), so they can be learning from other godly women as well – like us! great opportunity to open conversation w/ them on the things of God.

  26. Just had another thought about “chaste”.  When my older boys were approaching the years of interest in the opposite sex.  We did a lot of reading and studying in books about keeping oneself pure.  I was so blessed in my own walk …even though I had been married and pure in my relationship with my husband……I saw so much how the authors were speaking of the romance between us and the Lord.  So it all drew me into offering up any areas of my life that were not pure in my relationship with God.  So that is another area that we are called to….as Hutch 5 said above…..being virtuous in spirit.   blessings on your day! Jenny

  27. I like the Webster’s definition, but I really enjoyed reading the responses so far. For me – Discreet means not gossiping and making my behavior pleasing to God. Not always an easy task.Chaste – keeping my thoughts, words, and actions pure. Turning from the world and its selfish, sensual ways and clinging to the Biblical Truths. I think we need to be very choosy about the things we do and say. Filter things through the scriptures – what we watch on TV, clothes we wear, friendships we make, etc. We need to put the Lord in His rightful first place and that will help us line everything up underneath. For me, many times, its easier said than done. I hope that makes sense.

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