Well……. the baby is home from school today and the baby is now nine. I’ve been making her cake all morning and it won’t be done until later on….. after two baseball games. Also son David is currently at states for hurdles (!!!!).

(My brother David is having a hard time signing into my blog…..let me know if it was a struggle for you and how you fixed it. Thank you!)

Back to the nine year old. She’s on the couch on her stomach playing Geometry Dash on her brother’s kindle with her bare feet up in the air. Grace and Brittnee are here as well, but they are in the other room talking to Pastor Gary because (happy news!) Brittnee is getting baptized this summer. Hopefully in our pond like David and Caleb before her. (pond blessings)

Back to the nine year old.

She’s had a nice day so far. She’s been playing with her little plastic cats that she loves so much. She drank delicious hot chocolate made with cinnamon and vanilla, served by her sister who says she’s “practicing for when she works in a coffee shop”. She ate homemade macaroni and cheese also made for her by her sister who knows how to make a great pot of comfort pasta. She went for a walk with Grace and me in the wet wet woods. It’s 58 degrees today and as cloudy as all get-out.

I always noticed the peonies on this day…..because when Sarah was born on a beautiful Sunday morning in 2010, the peonies in the flower garden were in bloom. This year, they are still tightly closed. It’s facinating how each spring is a little different.

**************

Here are nine photos for the nine year old; some of my favorites from the past week or so.

Happy Birthday to our beautiful girl. Mom and Dad love you so much dearest Sarah.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

Have a marvellous day, friends! You are loved.

“I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word. Keep me from lying to myself…….” Psalm 119:28, 29

I haven’t wept today. But I told Grace over and over that I wasn’t going to be happy and I didn’t want her or anyone else trying to cheer me up because it was not going to work. After the kids left for school I ate a yogurt and then went on a walk. I listened to a MLJ sermon and when a car went by me I wondered if it would hit me, without really caring too much. However, by the time the walk was over I realized that I had the interest & energy to go to Target. Not for fun mind you, but for business. I told Grace, “I’m going to Target…..” She lifted up her face (she was reading) with a hurt “she doesn’t want me” expression. To which I replied, “…and you’re coming with me!” I warned her though, that it wasn’t going to be fun.

We made our way to Target and she read out loud from the current book I’m in; Beartown. I just want to get it done so I can move on to the next one. Grace is a willing reader but she starts out with a normal voice and tends to get quieter and quieter. I try not to say anything. Every once in a while I might lean toward her and say politely, “What was that word?” but for the most part I take it as a listening challenge. With her help I got through three more chapters.

We went to Target and I parked crooked. This proved to be wise as it helped us find the car after our shopping (they all looked the same).

I had a matcha latte and Grace had a chai latte. We shopped but it was a bust as the hoverboard I need to buy Sarah for her birthday was not there. We did get the plastic cats though. When Christopher rang us up he asked how our day was going and I said, “Not that great.” and Grace said, “I’m trying to have a nice day.” And I explained, “It’s hard for her because she’s with me.” and Christopher said to Grace, “I understand.” I think he was flirting with her.

We made our way to the next shopping destination. I won’t get into it but I will say I bought earrings, a necklace, and a skirt for myself and it made me no happier.

And then we went to a bookstore.

All in all, I wouldn’t call it a fun day but despite my dogged determination, I laughed quite a bit.

P H O T O S

Grace and I went for a walk and she wanted to take my picture (“you look like you don’t have pants on”) so I made my “I’m not going to be happy today” face. We stood in the road and laughed so hard that I said, “We would have never gotten as much pleasure out of a smile.” And she agreed.

I’m holding an ice cream cone and wearing Rich’s sweatshirt. And new sunglasses.

When facing the unknown, hope is as reasonable as despair.”

Martha W. Hickman

Thank you for being here friends,

You are loved.

PS, I am in a Lemony Snicket mood.

Here she goes again, typing about misery and woe. Oh the feelings of deep feelers. If only we could do something to numb the pain. Like alcohol or drugs perhaps? But that won’t work, will it? We need something a bit more righteous to help us through the tough times. This is what helps me:

crying. a lot.

breathing deeply

talking to someone I trust

writing writing writing writing

blogging

music (I am very selective about what I listen to when feeling blue, as certain songs can plunk me into the depths of despair at the drop of a hat)

watching TV. Star Trek, don’t laugh, is a safe show for my nerves. I am not forced to feel anything deeply (important) while watching Star Trek….. and it very often puts me to sleep.

hugging people, animals, trees, pillows, or even my own self

doing the next thing (I hung laundry outside today while crying)

keep loving.

reading. I read the Bible and my current book (Beartown by Fredrik Backman) but something I love to do while depressed (love?while depressed?….such an oxymoron) is have my journal ready for every.single.good.quote that I come across.

Like this one,

“People say that sorrow is mental but longing is physical. One is a wound, the other an amputated limb, a withered petal compared to a snapped stem. Anything that grows closely enough to what it loves will eventually share the same roots. We can talk about loss, we can treat it and give it time; but biology still forces us to live according to certain rules: plants that are split down the middle don’t heal, they die.”

Beartown, page 138

(Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity)

walking outside

noticing nature

being ready to laugh when possible (look for humor) Like the other day when I said “I don’t want to go to Costco I’m depressed” and Brittnee replied, “You can’t be depressed. You have too many children to be depressed.” I had to laugh.

taking photos

cleaning something

being honest without being a complainer (there is something magical about being honest, it really does help lift the spirits)

praying

stomping the feet (preferably with loud shoes on), sighing deeply while groaning, putting something away a little bit louder than necessary, or shutting a door or cupboard harder than needs be. I would never suggest smashing fiestaware.

Here is something (I confess) that I do all the time that never ever ever helps: RUMINATING OVER ALL THE THINGS THAT AREN’T HELPFUL. What if? How can I fix it? Why? Will this thing happen? How did it that thing happen? I’m afraid! I’m not strong! I can’t do this! I simply must make sense of this! Who what where when why?

Can anyone please tell me how to shut off my mind? I would really appreciate it.

A true blessing these days is that I’m able to sleep at night. That’s one way to stop thinking!

photos from today:

***************

Caleb came to sit with me and is rocking back and forth quickly in his chair and eating a roast beef sandwich. Jacob came through the house and came outside to say hello to me after work. Sarah is playing a cat game in my flower garden nearby. Rich just got home.

**sitting in the sunshine**

“That’s both a big and a small thing. Knowing that there are people who will never abandon you.” Beartown page 50

What helps you when you’re feeling melancholy?

((you are loved))

Hi and Good morning!

Having to make my blog private, my former readers must send a request to me through wordpress in order to be accepted as a new viewer. When the request comes to me I am given NO information about you except your chosen username. The problem for me is, I feel that I need to know who you are, and a few of you have chosen usernames that have no meaning for me as your humble blog creator/writer.

I need to feel comfortable here, so I ask that you (don’t be shy) leave a comment today and tell me anything you want to tell me….(for instance, what’s your weather? Are you wearing socks? Do you know me in real life? Have you read my blog for long? How did you find it? What made you go through the effort of requesting access? What’s your real name? Do I know you from past comments and interaction on the blog?) Any ol’ comment will do!!

I would truly appreciate it. I have a list within my settings of each of your usernames (only names, no email addresses) and I will be keeping track of who I hear from. If I NEVER hear from a particular user, I will have to remove that person from my readers list simply because I have no idea who you are. This in the long run will make a more comfortable way for us all to communicate here.

If you’ve already left a comment on the previous post you don’t have to leave one here unless you really want to. I always love to hear from you, my dear friends.

Thank you,
Shanda, for blog housekeeping

From His abundance, we have all received
one gracious blessing after another.  John 1:16

Have a happy Sunday my friends,
You are loved.

I’ve been listening to this over and over.