thoughts about brother ass

Posted on May 26, 2016 by Shanda

We are composite creatures, akin on one side to the angels, on the other to tom-cats.

It is a bad thing not to be able to take a joke. Worse, not to be able to take a divine joke; made, I grant you, at our expense, but also (who doubts it?) for our endless benefit.

Man has held three views of his body. First there is that of those ascetic Pagans who called it the prison or the “tomb” of the soul, and of the Christians like Fisher to whom it was “a sack of dung,” food for worms, filthy, shameful, a source of nothing but temptations to bad men and humiliation to good ones. Then there are the Neo-Pagans (they seldom know Greek), the nudists and the sufferers from Dark Gods, to whom the body is glorious. But thirdly we have the view which St. Francis expressed by calling his body “Brother Ass”. All three may be–I am not sure–defensible; but give me St. Francis for my money.

Ass is exquisitely right because no one is his senses can either revere or hate a donkey. It is a useful, sturdy, lazy, obstinate, patient, lovable and infuriating beast; deserving now the stick and now a carrot; both pathetically and absurdly beautiful.

So the body.

There is no living with it till we recognize that one of its functions in our lives is to play the part of the buffoon.

The fact that we have bodies is the oldest joke there is.

CS Lewis, in The Four Loves

Isn’t it a relief to have a proper view of oneself? And to laugh at oneself? It is akin to the times when the children and I are sitting around the living room, watching TV, and little Seth says, “Wait for it, wait for it….” and before I am properly aware of what’s happening so I can stop it, out comes a giant toot from Seth’s bottom and loud laughter from his siblings. I try to pretend to be affronted, but I too am laughing and have to admit that the laughter is good.

We have inner treasure (our souls) in an outer jar of clay (our body). Our outward self is dying (our bodies), but our inward self (our soul) is being renewed day by day. We are like both angels (our soul) and tom-cats (our body).

I have spent lots of time over-valuing my body; my appearance, my health. These griefs are “common to man” and will never go away completely. But reading Lewis’ thoughts released me from some of the pressure, pressure that I put on myself as an at times, vain woman.

With Lewis’s wisdom in mind, I have a choice; I can sometimes laugh.

(St. Francis himself took a much harsher view. Although he referred to his body as Brother Ass, he treated it (his body) cruelly in an attempt to punish and/or “tame the beast”, so to speak. He grieved the “ass”, and had a hard time tending his body with compassion, much less with actual laughter.)

WHO CARES about appearances and perfection? Well, we all do to a certain extent. But if we “go further up and further in”, we realize that yes indeed it is true; beauty is in the soul, and not in the body. It may be that our body is beautiful for a time, but not if you hang around it for very long. It will most certainly “toot”, produce strange smells, do strange things, & drive you crazy.

Doesn’t it feel good to laugh about it?

From now on I want to teasingly say to myself when I get caught in a depressing reminder that thing are going downhill bodily speaking despite my best feeding and nurturing, “Oh brother Ass, you donkey, you” and put it on a lower level of seriousness and higher level of comedic relief.

If I hear a loud sound coming from one of my children, I would like to say, “Brother Ass is in the room, I see.” But alas, I am not comfortable saying “ass” as it is mainly used as a curse word these days. I tried it with my oldest son Jacob the other day and he turned around and said in confusion, “What?” Frankly, I don’t need little Seth running around saying “brother ass” at school …… so I guess I will use the other word, which is Donkey.

Take good care of your Donkey self today, with a healthy dose of laughter, and remember your soul, which is everlasting and renewed day by day by the grace of Jesus.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 2 Corinthians 4:16

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 2 Corinthians 4:7

tired

Posted on May 16, 2016 by Shanda

I am currently sitting on the couch fully dressed and ready to go to yet another Children’s Hospital appointment with Sarah Joy in regards to her kidney. I have my robe on over my clothes because I am freezing. It’s 46 degrees outside with a very strong and persistent wind. In other words, it feels like a rather blustery day, today. I will take the robe off before I pick Sarah up from school, hopefully, and put on a winter coat.

I am exhausted. I am thinking about all the things that my family has planned for the next month: prom for Grace, Senior banquet for Grace (who is dating a senior) and Ethan (my senior son), baccalaureate, graduation, field trips, concerts, a church picnic and baptism at which my son Caleb will be baptized, graduation party for Ethan, Rich has two business trips, and all this along with the little league games that happen several times a week and the little surprises that life throws at us now and then…..and I am exhausted. Did I mention I am tired?

I keep thinking: “Do one thing mindfully at a time with as much love and care as possible.” This is easier said than done. Especially the “mindfully one thing at a time” part.

I also keep thinking “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

And lastly, I keep thinking “I want to sleep, but at least I’m not crying or anxious.”

This morning I found nine fiesta bowls, three plates, a bunch of paper plates, and four mugs in the basement, left there by Ethan, Grace, Caleb, Kylie, Zak, David, Caleb, and Zach. (all teenagers) Seriously? What I have to say is this: “There is to be no more eating downstairs, my dear children.”

The other day (when it wasn’t 46 degrees), David and his friends played in the stream. It’s funny because of of them is named Michael, and since we already have a Michael here all the time, we differentiate them by calling the younger one “up the road Michael”. (Because he lives… up the road.)

I was attempting a photo of the hanging baskets which are so pretty, but you can’t really see them very well. Thankfully, the house, garage, and lawns are pretty tidy at this point and there won’t be much to do to prepare outside for the picnic and party. I’ve been doing a lot of gardening, which is probably why I’m so tired. My body is trying to get back into the swing of things after a long winter.

David could not find a golf tee so used a pencil. Genius (although it took about five minutes to get the ball to balance).

Entrance to the trails (we call one the Dam trail and one the Adventure trail) by our house.

starflower

Fringed Polygala

“this exquisite, orchid-like wildflower resembles a tiny airplane without a tail.”

Lady slippers, almost ready to bloom

violets

The largest wintergreen berry I ever saw. And then I ate it.

make a wish!

I picked a small bouquet of violets, buttercups, bluets, and Kentucky bluegrass.

There is something quite calming about looking through the grass for just the right flower, bending, picking, adding it to the bouquet and then doing it over again and again until you’re done.

And this little bird…a very dark photo….which is a hazard of shooting in manual mode but then seeing something you have to photograph before it flies away so you don’t think to change your settings and then the picture is either blown out or too dark. However, I can identify the bird as an…..OVENBIRD. Thanks to my Merlin ID app on my phone (indispensable!!) “Secretive warbler that lacks vibrant colors, but compensates with its enormous voice.”

Yep, that’s right. I got a photo of a secretive bird! I do feel proud.

*****

Well that about does it for this blog post and thank you all very much for listening. As a writer of blogs and journals, I do feel better after a good scratch of the pencil or tip tap on the computer keys!

“If you’re completely exhausted
and don’t know how
you’re going to keep giving this much of yourself
day after day
you’re probably a good parent.”
Bunmi Laditan

the very interesting outdoors

Posted on May 12, 2016 by Shanda

During all these years there existed within me a tendency to follow Nature in her walks.
John James Audubon

Several days ago, after Aunt Colleen and Uncle Roger visited me, I meandered back to the interesting patch of violets we had discovered. We liked them because of their pale and dainty purple faces. I took a photo while flat on my tummy and, unsurprisingly, it proved to be a quite comfortable spot for a short rest. I could hear my two youngest children playing together on the trampoline. They called to me, “Mom! Hi, MOM!” and I waved to them and smiled. I soon heard a beautiful bird song in the trees. Often I hear bewitching birdsongs but alas, cannot see the bird. But this time, as I sat and folded my legs up Indian-style, I peered into the trees with my chin high and saw a startling spot of red. As Colleen and I visited, we had talked of birds and flowers. I asked her if she ever saw Scarlet Tanagers at her house. I told her how a few years back I had seen one and would like very much to see another, never expecting that after her visit one would come close enough for me to hear its singing, and see it’s bright red feathered coat.

I watched the Scarlet Tanager until it flew away. Then I saw a small red thing in the grass next to me. I picked it very carefully up, expecting it to be a mushroomy fungus type of thing.

But it had legs.

It was so all over red! Quite fascinating indeed.

dandelions and apple blossoms

planted peas and radishes in the garden

took care of the hens

checked on my toad babies

sat on the front porch to chat with a friend

watched as two turkey vultures landed in the trees by the stream down at the edge where our property meets state land

There is a sense of glorious freedom in the air this week. In the beginning of the month, for dreary days on end, there was nothing but gray skies and cold rain. But now, once again, the sun is shining and every plant, bird, animal, and human can’t help but be a little more active, a little more cheerful.

I sat against a pine tree by the pond to watch the vultures. At first I wondered if I was watching a courtship, since there were only two and they were staying close to each other. At one point they were both on the same branch, side by side.

But then I saw a rustling in the bushes underneath them. Jacob and I walked over and looked, but we didn’t see a dying animal. However, we did not search thoroughly because I, for one, had a very creepy crawly feeling and he kept saying “I have to leave in 10 minutes for school, Mom.”

They are a rather gothic-looking bird, wrapped in long black feathered cloaks. Red bald heads and a white beak complete the deathly attire. They are useful but chilling birds, as they are attracted to the scent of dying animals and dumpsters.

They flew away as they sensed that Jacob and I were observing them but they came back at the end of the day while Rich and I were away at a little league game. Sarah told me later that she saw one up close while she was on the play set.

I feel like there might be more to this story. I will investigate later on and see if they return today.

I always look for this turtle, as I can usually find it out sunning himself as I walk along the edge of our lawn. We have a stream that goes along the far side of our property, and the water is always a good location to see a variety of different flowers, birds, and other creatures.

I loved how the turtle had its funny legs hanging loosely out of his shell, soaking up all the warmth of the sun. His neck was stretched out as far as it could go, to keep an eye on me (his enemy, he thinks, but I would never hurt him). Soon he slipped back into the dark water. It was fun to imagine his sweet and simple life.

I want to try to draw these curly, swirly vines with green leaves just popping out. Wouldn’t they make a nice border for a picture?

jackanapes2

Watching fish swim this way and that way is mesmerizing. Meditation is quite natural while watching them. There are fish of all sizes in the pond, which I like to think of as our own giant fish tank. The smallest minnows stayed closer to me and I was able to watch them for a long time. The way they swim is a marvel. Smoothly they swim along and then *STOP*– with no hesitation or slowing down, before swimming along again.

Every black speck is a toad tadpole. Sometimes a bunch of them get stranded on dry land from living too dangerously on the edge of the water. They die, but if I happen to be walking by I do some life-saving and scrape them back into the pond again. Their little tails wriggle. I ring Jacob on my cellphone to tell him to call the dog up to the house. If Parker the dog is outside he does whatever I do, and a dog watching tadpoles is never a good thing.

rather elegant, wouldn’t you agree?

bits of purple in the woods

what a wonderful way to clear the mind

and dazzle the eyes

with shades of pink

and blossom time

I sat by the stream in the open meadow at the dam and saw a tiny speck of orange. A Baltimore Oriole!

This sweet little bird wanted me to leave.

It had a nest nearby.

But my seat was soft. It was moss.

I saw a Solitary Sandpiper next! Oh what a day for birds.

This bird bobbed up and down as it walked, so very charmingly! It made me want to hum a song. A bouncy song.

I love the refection it made of its solitary self as it edged along the calm water of the open stream.

I wanted to get a little closer to it, so I took my seat off the soft moss and climbed up on the rocks.

But then……….

I froze (and so did he). I considered. The rocks I was upon were the very best apartment complex for the snake population I ever did see. Surrounded by water, open sunshine, and many small meals. But while I admired the wise choices of this snake, I decided not to take another step on those rocks……good bye snake, good bye birds. I’m going home now.

In my hands I carried a stick covered in ridges and indentations from a bug?or worm? The bark was off so it was smooth other than the hollow tracking marks. It looked like a secret message written in another language, if only I could decipher it. I had a sprig of apple blossoms, two sweet white violets, a marsh marigold (which promptly wilted in the vase at home) and another yellow wild flower.

I revelled in my alone-ness. It felt so good (nature’s spa treatments) to walk in my flip-flops through marshy cool waters. I had been prowling about for an hour or so and felt quiet, dirty, rested, and as deliciously solitary as the Sandpiper I had met. I came out of the woods at the end of the long pond to see that I had company. The lawn men had arrived, and one of them was busily cursing his weed eater as he worked along the side bank by the pond.

It was very tempting to turn around and go right back in the woods.

home routine and nature sightings

Posted on April 29, 2016 by Shanda

“I enjoy doing housework, ironing, washing, cooking, dishwashing. Whenever I get one of those questionaires and they ask what is your profession, I always put down housewife. It’s an admirable profession, why apologize for it. You aren’t stupid because you’re a housewife. When you’re stirring the jam you can read Shakespeare.” Tasha Tudor

Living is always at a quicker pace when you’re raising children but lately I’ve been able to enjoy a calmer morning routine. As soon as I get up, I wander to the coffee maker. The teens are getting ready for school and we talk a little before they leave. Rich has already left for work, and he typically kisses me while I am still asleep (this morning it was tenderly on my hand). We have a nice connection to start the day.

I look out the door to see what morning birds have come to the feeder, which I keep full of sunflower seeds. This morning I saw something interesting but soon realized is was a banana peel that someone threw up into the bushes. It had landed and sat on a branch very much looking like an exotic bird.

I make a cup of coffee and drink it throughout the morning and I realized that I like coffee of all temperatures.

I wake up the three younger kids at around 6:50. I stopped picking out small Sarah’s outfit because after I leave her room she goes ahead and chooses something entirely different.

This morning Seth was sent to school with a puffy eye. He had a bad allergic reaction to the dust at the little league field last night. He looks pretty terrible….and he loves it. It does itch, though. I wrote a quick note to the teacher so she wouldn’t send Seth to the nurse. Seth played very well last night in his game and received the game ball. I didn’t go. It was around 53 degrees and Rich took them by himself.

After the kids have left for the day, I usually blog, or run on the treadmill. We have an “exercise room” in the basement with a treadmill and a TV. If the TV wasn’t down there I wouldn’t darken the door of the exercise room. So this TV that I watch while doing my half hour run is how I have now become a watcher of Investigation Discovery Television…..true crime is quite fascinating. It’s my TV station of choice unless the little kids are at home, of course.

I usually tidy up the house in the mornings….and it’s been a great feeling to have time to clean and have it STAY clean while the kids are at school.

It’s amazing how much a person can get done as they work at a steady but NOT FRANTIC pace…..for so many years I have rushed from one thing to another….but now I have time to settle down do things little by little…and still see a result and have time to read, blog, go for walks, and watch crime tv. LOL

Once or twice a week I go shopping for food, and of course once in a while I might have to take someone to a doctors appointment (this week it was Ethan).

After a morning of errands, cleaning and/or the treadmill, I have a quiet lunch, and then go outside for a while. After I come back inside I might read a book and take a catnap to prepare for our very busy afternoons and evenings…..David gets home first at 2:30, then Seth, Sarah, and Caleb an hour later. Then it’s homework, snacks, dinner preparations, little league, picking up Grace and Ethan from drama rehearsal, and so on……

After the kids go to bed Rich and I generally watch TV in the dark living room while dozing.

Then…..bedtime. love and zzzzzzzzzz

I took these pictures with my phone at Target last week when I freaked out noticing how much taller Dave was then his older sister.

A couple pages from my Nature Journal. Nice, right? Don’t worry, I found these things A.D. (already dead)…….

Before and After dinner for 7 (the other 2 were staying after school and they finished everything up later on that evening). My family loves dorito chip salad.

Rich’s new car!!!! We are going to have so much fun with it.

I’ve had more time this spring to be an even better chicken-keeper! I love visiting my hens throughout the day. I let them out in the mornings along with giving them a nice treat of dried mealworms. Now that I know a fox is around I DO NOT let them out if I’m going to be gone. There are two big waterers in their coop and a large feeder, so if they are stuck inside they still have plenty to eat and drink. There is a nesting box for egg laying purposes.

A cat or two or three usually follows me to the coop. Gentleman Gray was purring like a steady determined motor as I held him. I love pressing my ear to a purring cat!

This is my Father’s world,
and to my listening ears
all nature sings, and round me rings
the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world:
I rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
his hand the wonders wrought.

These rest of the photos were all taken with my Nikon camera. I loved catching these two Tufted Titmice together in the bushes next to the feeder.

This House Finch had such a lovely song that it made me stop and peer into the sunny bushes until I saw it…….by the way, I have a bird identification app on my phone that really does help! It’s called the “Merlin Bird ID” and you put your location into the app, tap the size of the bird, the colors, and where you saw it, and it gives you a list with photos and more info on each bird it could be.

Way up in a pine tree, perfectly safe, was a red squirrel making such mean noises at me!!! It scolded and shook its tail and made such a fuss that I stood much longer than I typically would, to watch it. I fell in love with it, truthfully. I get so sad sometimes because all the wild creatures are scared of me and all I want to do is pet them and take many photos of them.

Come to think of it, I would be scared of me, too.

Ferns, ferns, beautiful baby ferns starting to unfurl.

Oh it’s so lovely in the woods in dappled sunshine.

Isn’t this pretty? I focused the camera on our stream in the background, making the wire fence in the foreground blur.

One of my goals this spring and summer is to study the types of trees we have in our woods so I can call them by name……(see quote at end of post)

Again, sadness….because I never SAW the loud woodpecker I heard hammering up in the trees close by. It became scared of me and stopped its work. I sat by the stream for a while, binoculars around my neck and camera in my hands.

Clear across the stream I saw a busy Robin with its beak FULL of soft looking dried grass.

A marsh marigold was getting ready to bloom. My books says this, “One of our loveliest wild flowers is the bright yellow Marsh Marigold, which grows in wet places in the Northeast and Midwest and is known also as Cowslip. A key characteristic is its thick, hollow stalk, up to two feet tall, which carries shiny green and heart-shaped leaves. The many flowers are about one inch across and have five sepals. The pistils are in a whorl and produce many seeds because insects have to climb all around to get at the several nectar glands. It is well worth having in your wild garden. You could cook the leaves for greens–if you must.” Alfred Stefferud, in How to Know the Wildflowers

There is another photo here of it in bloom.

Back at the chicken coop.

I am still trying to positively identify these birds, they are making a nest under the eaves of the chicken coop.

This fish was swimming around guarding a circular nest in the pond.

“When I’m working in the barn or house I often think of all the errors I’ve made in my life. But then I quickly put that behind me and think of water lilies. They will always eradicate unpleasant thoughts. Or goslings are equally comforting in their own way.” ~Tasha Tudor

I transplanted these wild violets from our yard into a flower garden last spring and they came back so healthy and pretty.

I peered around our brick chimney to sneak a picture of a Blue Jay at the feeder.

Arrow Leaved Violet

I love these wild flowers because although violets grow in abundance all over our property, this species is not as plenteous. Deep dark purple blossoms, harry stems, and different shaped leaves make them unique. I took this photo by the rock wall near our mailbox.

The top book was written by Alfred Stefferud in 1950. He was a great Dad, who took along his young daughter as they intently studied the native flowers that grew near them. Here one of the first pages from the book:

We Start An Adventure

This book began on Sunday afternoon when my young daughter Christine and I were hiking on Short Hill just behind our house
It was a springtime rediscovery of things we had missed in winter–the rabbits busy in the bushes, squirrels talking in the trees, Dogwoods trying out their first leaves.
In a damp spot near a runnel we delightedly sniffed the rare smell of Skunk-Cabbage. Farther on we spied Bloodroots, their flowers still clasped in cylinders of leaves. We greeted drifts of Trilliums and Violets as old friends.
But now and then we came across a plant we did not know. One intrigued us because it grew in a clump of ferns, where we thought it should not be. One had leaves like an Oak, only larger. Another was definitely a Violet–but which one? We were disturbed, because this close to home we had found strangers.
I went on looking at trees, which were my particular interest. Christine resumed collecting moss and stones, which were hers. She was humming a verse we had sung that morning in Sunday School, “All nature sings and round me rings, the music of the spheres.”
She stopped: “Wouldn’t it be fun to know the plants that grow in our own backyard and everything about them?”
“Everything:?” I repeated. “Why, everything even here would take a thousand lifetimes with ecology, taxonomy, paleobotany—”
“Now, Dad,” she scoffed. “You’re trying to show off. I don’t know a word you’re saying. I don’t care about that. I’d just like to know the names of flower and who they are.”
“Who?”
“Yes, the same as people. Where they live. What they are. Their families. What they are good for–”
“And why there are so many? Why some are red and others white? But couldn’t you enjoy the flowers as much just seeing them here? What difference if you call a Trillium a Trillium or Wake Robin or any name you make up, like ‘White Lady’?”
“Well, maybe.” She thought a moment. “But I would’t feel then that I really did know them.”
“Hm. Very interesting,” I said. Always a teacher because once a teacher, I continued: “I feel the same. What say we find out a detail or two about every group of wild flowers–enough so we can tell them apart and they become personalities to us?”
Chris liked the idea, and we started at once. In the months that followed we derived great enjoyment from collecting names and facts in our heads and notebooks. We did not collect the flowers themselves; we preferred to let them live. When (often enough) we encountered something we did not know, we consulted a field guide or reference book–which we found to be most enjoyable and useful but sometimes too complex and cryptic in wording…….
Chris and I discovered, as we went along, that our adventure with wild flowers was giving us a deeper appreciation for everyday things….
We added to our store of knowledge, which I think is always a good thing, no matter what the knowledge. We unlocked a treasury of words. We got new insight into the orderliness of nature and of men who work with nature. Our wonder grew at the devices of plants for continuing their species. We had a glimpse of several sciences that closely touch our lives.
We came to feel ourselves part of a vital conservation movement, so important that I call it patriotism-in-action. Most of all we had fun and relaxation, Christine from her 6th grade books and I from other books that easily can be substitutes for living and finding out one’s self. All this from a simple subject, a pleasant adventure just outside our door!

turtles, flowers, dogs, & birds

Posted on April 21, 2016 by Shanda

I’m skipping right over Tuesday and blogging about yesterday because Tuesday’s pictures are on my phone and I don’t feel like retrieving them at the moment…..

We spent the entire day at home as I was feeling kind of crappy (allergies? not sure…but I was tired and fuzzy headed).

The kids basically did whatever they wanted to do, within reason of course.

Just another carefree day, the kind we love best.

I went over to take care of my poor chickens. And on the way back from the coop I found a teeny tiny turtle in the grass by the pond!!!!! I put it in the front pocket of my sweatshirt and darned if it didn’t run right back out onto the ground. Baby turtles are FAST.

It was so cute. I took it in the house to show the children. Sarah didn’t want to touch it but I “made” her. (encouraged) She was shaking and giggling nervously. But once she had it “This is my first time touching a turtle!” She didn’t want to let it go. She wanted it for a pet.

The two of us sat by the edge of the pond and watched it enter the water for the very first time. Then we walked around trying to find more turtles, but we didn’t. Maybe we will on another spring day.

There was a line at the nesting box. This photo is of the front of one hen and the back of another. I say “poor” chickens because, as I have mentioned in past posts, there is a fox after them. So they have to stay locked up for now. Mr. Fox has only killed one hen and that was heartbreaking enough. This morning I plan on driving to Agway to purchase a supply of tempting feed and treats for my poor hens, to make their stay in the coop more tolerable.

I do let them out in their fenced in area if I am able to be at home to continually check on them.

Ethan spent the day with his girlfriend, Tessa. She brought her dog to our house, so Parker the Dog had a lovely time yesterday with his bestie, Benji. They got wet, they got muddy, they played their favorite dog games.

Benji received an egg from my pocket, just like Parker, but he was clueless. See the invisible question mark above his head? Parker was already lapping out raw egg from HIS shell which he broke himself with his teeth. Benji’s egg is by his left paw, right where he dropped it.

So Caleb took Benji’s egg to the pathway and broke it for him……yum. Nothing like a raw egg still warm from the chicken (so they say).

Later on, my husband got home and took the boys to Little League practice. (Grace made chili for dinner). I sat on the porch with my book but didn’t read it because my friend Sarah Joy had lots and lots to talk about. I had my camera with me and shot two bird pictures from my chair on the porch as I listened to her chit-chat. Not too bad for spur-of-the-moment photography, with the birds about a mile away (slight exaggeration).

A Flicker sat on the very tippy top of the dead tree in front of the house. I read that they eat on the ground—they eat mainly ants and beetles, using their beak to dig them up. They are such a beautiful bird, one of my favorites. They have polka dots, a nice black “necklace” and a patch of red on the back of their necks.

And then Sarah and I saw a duck.

We went inside after this and she read me 30 pages of a 1904 school Primer (early reader). She snuggled up into my side and I smelled her hair and listened as she read in a sweet voice, laughing together at the funny parts. (we totally get 1904 humor).

childhood delights

Posted on April 19, 2016 by Shanda

“God doesn’t need us to serve Him as a means to attain His love or affection. He wants us to serve him out of the love and affection he already holds for us in his heart. If you have never tasted that reality, you cannot imagine the freedom that lies ahead of you. My Father brought me to the place where I realized that even if I never preached another sermon, never counseled another person, never led someone to Christ again, he would still delight in me as his child.
“That doesn’t mean he approves of everything I do, but he has freed me to know that he loves me–absolutely and completely. I had served God for thirty-four years, always with an undercurrent of trying to earn his favor. It has only been in the last twelve that I’ve learned to live in that favor, and I’m never going back.
“That’s when it became clear. It is not the fear of losing God’s favor that takes us to the depth of fellowship with him and transforms our lives with his holiness. It is our certainty of knowing his unrelenting love for us, even in the midst of our weakness and failure, that leads us to the fullness of his life.
“Fear had never taken me to the depths of his life or his transforming power; discovering his delight has. I now know that the key to God’s favor doesn’t rest on what I give him but on what he has already given me.
“He delights in you, too. Can you see him that way, exalting and dancing with joy over you? Are you afraid you can’t offer him enough to make him notice you?
“Then come with me and let me show you something. He doesn’t delight in you because of your deeds or your gifts. He delights in you simply because you are his. The Lord your God is with you….He will take great delight in you.”

He Loves Me, by Wayne Jacobsen, page 58

It’s spring break and the weather is lovely. We spent most of yesterday outside, but did a little shopping, too. I needed a new crock pot, after all.

These are the four that went with me. We went to the coffee shop and they each received a soda to enjoy, while I had a chai tea latte.

Then we went to visit some cats. (Grace is cat-sitting for her boyfriend).

Target.

At this point I was getting grumpy. But I got my 7 quart crock pot.

After eating bananas and sugar snap peas we started to perk up again.

We drove home.

playing Star Wars (also Sarah asked me if she had enough hair for three buns)

reflection

David threw a worm in the pond for the fish, which swirled and twirled to get it.

a friendly but cautious fish

too cold, way too cold

“Can we watch a princess movie tomorrow?”

all tired out.

It was a busy day and several of us got slight sunburns.

Little children, sweet and lovely
Buds from Heaven sent to earth!
Let us love them, teach them, guide them,
Fill their lives with joy and mirth…
Looking up with eyes of laughter,
Holding out their tiny hands;
Bless these little ones, oh, Master!
Precious children of all lands!
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, “Little Children” (1940s)

dazzling glimpses

Posted on April 11, 2016 by Shanda

Guess how much God loves you?

The gift of Jesus. That much.

The dark sky at night, full of brilliant stars. That much.

A playground full of laughing children. That much.

The different colors, movements, and depth of the sea. That much.

Words -as good medicine to the soul- put down just for you, on paper. That much.

Sacredness, Holiness, hearts full of love, in the very trenches of life. That much.

The gift of something you need, at just the right time. That much.

Knowing you can wait. Knowing you can let go. Because He is to be trusted. That much.

Always belonging to Him. That much.

no matter what! That much.

Accepted fully, because He is your Father God. That much.

He is your Anchor, your Rock, your Beacon of light, your Home. That much.

Knowing your life is eternal and you’re journeying to Heaven. That much.

and I could go on and on……….

Actually, it’s impossible to FULLY grasp how much He loves His very own, precious and darling children…….this is definitely an area that we can dream BIG……

When the Morning comes, we will finally see the Light as it is meant to be.

For now, there are dazzling glimpses all around and that is enough (overwhelming, really). Our eyes fill with grateful tears.

In the small, ordinary world of common life, there is so much to see of Him. His blessings and gifts are scattered though each day.

Dear Thia, I hope you see this photo! I wasn’t even looking for violets yet! I happened to look down as I was going into the house this weekend and this one was blooming, sort of ragged-like, but THERE!, in the stone path by the door. I bent right down and pointed my finger at it so Sarah could see, too. The photo is for YOU, my friend. (first violet of the season)

Which prompted me to go check on the other places violets grow. David and Sarah came along.

We didn’t see any others, but we very much enjoyed a short jaunt.

The snow has melted away……

I was surprised by these bright orange mushroomy things growing on a fallen down tree. When I pushed on one with my finger, water came up on the entire surface and immediately dripped out! They were like water logged sponges.

I ate an apple from home, along with any dandelion greens I found on our walk. What a yummy snack this made….the bitter of the greens and sweet of the apple were a good combination. A walking along sort of salad.

Well, David is growing very much these days. He is 13 and a half and almost, almost as tall as his brother Ethan. Sometimes when I see him out of the corner of my eye, walk by me through the house, I think he IS Ethan. He thinks he’s trouble but I tell him no way is he ever trouble. Curious and busy? Yes, but that is a sign of his bright mind…..this weekend he decided to make himself a perfect pot of rice, and he did just that. Following a youtube video made by a professional chef, he made rice. When it was done, he packed it into a buttered teacup, and tipped it over onto a plate. As it was in a domed shape, he put a pat of butter on top to melt through, salt and pepper, and then pushed his spoon in to take a bite…..he shared one with me! And it WAS perfect.

He also determined to use his allowance to purchase a pair of sunglasses, which I find him lovingly polishing in the kitchen with Windex.

Because they are like mirrors.

We found out last week that yes, as suspected, Sarah Joy has hydronephrosis of her right kidney, the very same one that the Doctor had to clean stones from. So the doctor thinks that the stones were possibly caused by a blockage somewhere in her kidney which causes it to not drain properly (and collect fluid, rather like a stagnant pond, he says). This would be a satisfying explanation of her kidney stone woes. Of course, knowing this (as of last wednesday) means she will have further testing done to see what to do next. I have had time to process and we are all in hopeful spirits and I have been able to, by the grace of God, not wrap her up in bubble wrap and keep her in my arms at all times. She’s allowed to be as wild and free as her siblings……… 🙂

Dave kept a walking stick with him. Or maybe it was a sword? Regardless, we did see frog eggs and talk about how we hope they survived last weekend’s snow and freezing temperatures. Will the frog population be down?

Jesus is the Source of Living Water….water is so refreshing and satisfies thirst….we can’t help but think of Him even as we walk along the trails in the forest. A Bible word study on water is always fascinating….and google makes it oh so easy now.

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

I think this might be witch hazel coming into bloom?

“I want to take a nap here!” ~Sarah

Then I got a text! It said that Seth had practice at 3! And it was 2:10! And Rich was gone on a 10 day business trip! Oh, what to do? I had already spent the MORNING at the baseball complex for Caleb’s practice. I was out in the woods! *sigh* David wanted to turn and go in a straight line home but Sarah and I wanted to go around a longer way. He said, “I can’t leave you unprotected in the woods.” but then he said, “Bye” when Sarah and I started going the other way, our way! And I said, “You said you couldn’t leave us unprotected in the woods!” and that is when he smiled and I took his picture.

Sarah is a photographer! She told me just what to do and say for my photo. “Smile like this” (shows teeth). “Say Cheese” (clicks) “Good. Say it again.” (clicks picture). “Good.”

“You’re a natural photographer, Sarah!” ~ me

She was dismayed several times on the walk. 1) when she walked through water and got her sneakers wet through to her sock. 2) a stick scrubbed her leg. 3) a briar scratched her.

To make getting back home faster and easier, I carried her across the swampy parts. There was no one to take a picture of THAT. She was quite heavy, as she is now a big *almost 6 year old* and tall for her age. We both said “oomph” a lot.

Guess what?

I drove to the field just in time for practice with Seth, Caleb, and Sarah, and no one was there. It had been cancelled.

We enthusiastically hummed, and drummed our hands on the car seats, all the way home.

unexpected snow

Posted on April 5, 2016 by Shanda

“Snow falling soundlessly in the middle of the night will always fill my heart with sweet clarity” ~Takemoto

When we woke up that morning….

….the peonies were covered in snow.

The *all but opened* tulips were exposed to freezing temperatures. The question is will they still bloom?

I quickly picked our *just opened* daffodils. (They are now sitting on the windowsill in a vase, looking out at the white white world, thankful to have not frozen to death.)

We had to resurrect the snowsuits, gloves, boots, and hats.

Children had a snow day yesterday.

Even now, there are little glassy specks of snow in the air (20 degree air).

It was dazzling beyond words. It pulled us outside to only try to capture God’s beauty with a humble camera which never does nature justice, the pictures it takes only save a small flat, tasteless, odorless, lukewarm piece of it. They should be cold as ice and as big as the sky!

In reality there was wind in our faces, cold snow falling in our shoes, pain while looking into the bright sun on snow, shock of having a greening spring all of a sudden turn back into black and blue winter, along with the sound of water running and birds singing!

glee!

145988249758746

In the woods it was quiet, whispery quiet, and a shade darker under the branches which were like ceilings of snow. We were bird watching in a breathtaking world of new fallen snow.

The birds felt glee, too. April snow is invigorating. Because it’s so unexpected, beautiful, and won’t last long!

Red-budded tree branches drooped down with heavy snow.

Walking with my love, who was wearing thin pajama bottoms and confessed it was kinda cold. The snow was so wet and sticky it clung to our boots like mud.

And the pond?

I could never in a million years get my mirrors this sparkling clean and clear.

And the trees bent and bowed their heads, looking at their reflections and praising God.

All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing praise to your name.

I am so sorry to have disturbed you

Posted on March 16, 2016 by Shanda

The first photo is of a rainy day duck (in our pond) on a very cold day, poor thing.

The rest of the pictures are from today…….when…..

…..all by my lonesome, I went for a ramble in the forest by our house. The air was sweet, woodsy, smelled of moss, and was gentle on the face. The tops of the tall trees swayed softly in the breeze. I stopped to look up up up at the blue sky and bare branches bending and waving, never stopping yet almost rhythmically, like the ripples of water in the pond which are never still.

I picked and chewed on wintergreen.

I walked as quietly as I could.

I noticed that the Mountain Laurel was brightening up.

I had my camera and put things in my pocket; acorns, moss, and a piece of bark.

I thought it would be nice if Joanna was with me, too.

Or a cat.

Or Grace.

I saw a tree which had woodpecker holes all over it (the photos are all of the same tree) I guess it’s full of nice tasty bugs.

I was following the voices of wood-frogs.

I saw something in the water that looked too big to be a frog. It was rolling around just underneath and small breathing bubbles were popping at the surface. Alarmed, I stood and observed. Soon I realized I was witnessing three or maybe even four frogs mating all together in one clump. They were almost silent the 10 or so minutes I stood there….only one of them let out one very small froggy-groan. I don’t think things were going well.

I moved on.

The beaver dam pond was full of mating wood frogs but the moment they sensed my presence they stopped their callings. “I am so sorry to have disturbed you”, I said, but I was rather offended, too. I wished there was some way I could let the wildlife know that I am a friend. I sat under a pine tree for a long time. There was a babysitter in the nursery of frog eggs staring cautiously at me.

Then, just as I was almost home, I came to a running spring and saw the marvelous sight of a robin thoroughly enjoying a bath.

“I took a walk in the woods
and came out taller than the trees”
~Thoreau

alive

Posted on February 27, 2016 by Shanda

Everything is flowing — going somewhere, animals and so-called lifeless rocks as well as water. Thus the snow flows fast or slow in grand beauty-making glaciers and avalanches; the air in majestic floods carrying minerals, plant leaves, seeds, spores, with streams of music and fragrance; water streams carrying rocks… While the stars go streaming through space pulsed on and on forever like blood…in Nature’s warm heart. John Muir

Hello, it was one of those weird weeks when things are sort of crappy but sort of unexpectedly nice, at the same time.

Rich was away for five days in a row and we dealt with the stomach bug while he was away. Sarah was supposed to go in for surgery on Thursday morning but as things would have it, I went to bed that night and NEVER SLEPT because my stomach was roiling. My stomach felt as if it contained a turbulent, oily sea. I was looking forward to vomiting. Sarah had been sick on Monday, then David, and then Ethan. They shared it with me! I called the hospital at 4 in the morning so I could stop thinking about it. They kindly rescheduled her surgery for this next coming Thursday. I was happy. I thought to myself, how nice, Rich will be back by then and I won’t have to go with Sarah alone after all. I thought this for about 24 hours before I found out that Rich will be in Baltimore on that day. I just have to laugh. At least he will be home that evening.

I spent Thursday on the couch, with Ethan on the other couch. It was the most relaxing sickness I think I have ever had. This was the unexpectedly nice part. The throwing up went away and I was left completely spent…..totally wiped out but with a smile on my face because I had no energy to even OVERTHINK…praise the Lord! 😉 I didn’t feel guilty in the least for not cooking dinner, not cleaning, drinking lots of sugar laden ginger ale, not tucking the boys into bed, watching too much tv, not showering, etc, I was just plain too tired to care! LOL (and so was E).

I fell asleep on the couch with Sarah at 6:30 pm Thursday, it was truly heart achingly sweet to be snuggled up with her. We woke up and went to bed at 8 (when the little boys got home from wrestling practice thank you Jess) and I slept until 10:30 Friday morning. It was awesome, and even better–Rich got home during that time. He got out of bed in the morning to get the kids on the bus and then came back to bed and we both slept in.

Today is Saturday and he took the kids out for a little while. Ethan broke his iPhone dropping it while playing basketball so they went to take care of that and to go shoot bow. He sent me a picture of them eating lunch at Buffalo Wild wings. He has David, Ethan, Tessa, Zak, Sarah, Seth, and Caleb with him. LOL -the more the merrier- Grace is at school helping out at a band retreat and Jacob is working today until three.

When they left I watched a little TV and then went outside for a walk. Yes, I’m feeling much better and it was wonderful to be outside. Cold, but wonderful. (34 degrees currently).

Dried Queen Anne’s Lace

I didn’t charge him a portrait fee. In fact I paid HIM for sitting so nice. I gave him a warm hen egg from my pocket. He loves them. (he eats them)

I try to point my nose to the ground AND up to the sky, so as not to miss much.

Granted, I’m a pretty loud walker (trying to scare away bears) so it’s a miracle if I can get a bird within 35 feet of me. Today I had a short lens but I cropped this pic….see the titmouse on the branch? There were several of them, including some chickadees, and they were being quite communicative. They were clearly mad that I was walking with a cat.

Sam had a great time running around, up and down trees and boulders, leaping over streams and such.

One of my favorite colors—dark brownish yellow–

Who knew the inside of acorn caps was such a pretty brown?

curling thin papery tree bark with veins of moss

moss under a sheet of ice (turns out we had two storms Thursday night…one in my tummy and one outside the window….tons of rain, thunder, lightening, and wind)…all that rain left puddles to freeze up again so prettily.