This afternoon I was interviewed. Here are my answers to those questions.
P.S. I interviewed my self.
Q. What is that smell?
A. Oh. Do I smell? It is probably Frank’s Red Hot, rotten juice, and poop. Sorry.
Q: I’ll just move my chair back a little. Okay. Let’s begin. You say you are a stay at home mom, but we noticed that you were gone all morning again today. What were you doing this time?
A: I am a stay at home mom but I prefer the term Domestic Goddess. (smiles and winks) This is currently a very busy season (back to school) in a very busy season of life (teenagers, elementaries, and preschoolers to care for). It is true I was out again this morning. My oldest son Jacob had a check up and so did my two middle children. We went to the Doctor’s, the Tractor Supply store, and Target. Then, we had Wendy’s drive through for lunch.
Q: How did the appointments go? Did the boys grow much over the last year?
A. Yes, they did. Jacob is now 6 feet, one inch tall. David and Caleb each gained over 10 pounds and grew three inches. All three of them are perfectly healthy and I am very thankful.
Q. When you dropped off your son at the High School, something fell out the back of the vehicle when he was getting his football stuff out. What was it?
A. That….. was an entire bottle of Frank’s Red Hot. I had just bought it at Target, a nice big bottle for two dollars. We were going to have it with our chili dinner tonight. It smashed in the driveway right in front of the school, we picked up the glass and left a large red puddle.
Q. Did anything significant happen when you dropped off the other two boys?
A. Yes. When I was in the office I saw David’s teacher from last year. She was happy to see us and told me she missed David and that we had a wonderful family. That made me feel good. Then, I filled out two tardy notices for the boys and wrote David’s name on both of them. The secretary had to fix it for me.
Q. We saw you pull into your driveway when you got home and then we heard you made very loud groaning noises. Did something happen?
A. Yes. Um. Well, the last time I went to Costco I had left the heaviest boxes in the car for the boys to get out for me. The boxes have been sitting in the car for days and days. Well, when I got home today I noticed that someone had taken the bulk juice pouch box out and left it in the driveway behind my car. I never saw it, so ran over it with car. I was pretty upset because I hate waste and I hate buying juice pouches. I opened them all up and counted 10 popped juice pouches. I had to bring all the rest inside to wash in the sink because they were covered in juice.
Q: Did you groan for any other reason?
A: Yes. I had bought a five dollar meaty dog bone for Parker today and apparently left it in the cart. I looked all through the car and couldn’t find it. SO frustrating.
Q: Why do you have suitcases lying in the grass on your lawn?
A: I have suitcases on my lawn because my younger three boys watched one of those ridiculous Lego cartoons the other day. They were inspired to continue training to be Ninjas and took the suitcases outdoors to practices their turns and high kicks. In other words, the suitcases are the enemy.
Q. Oh my. Is your life always this crazy?
A. Next question please.
Q. Why do you have a pan of rotten tomatoes on your porch?
A. (groans again? and startles interviewer) (sighs) Yesterday I felt terrible about the tomatoes. I really had to get working on that last half bushel for my homemade sauce. I noticed that some indeed were spoiling, so I sat and sorted through them all to get ready to use them up today. I asked my daughter Grace to take the rotten ones down to the chicken coop and just this morning I noticed that she took the good tomatoes down to the hens instead of the rotten ones. I’ll never get over it. I mean, it may take a while.
Q. Can you say a little something about the poop?
A. But of course. While I was putting away the groceries, Seth and Sarah were playing outside. On my way back through to get more bags, I noticed that Sarah had her pants down around her ankles so I went to help her. She had left a little poopy pile on the lawn and I had to clean her up. I washed my hands but I guess the odor is lingering this time.
Q. Well, you seem like a very busy woman and I’m sure exhausted. If you had an afternoon to yourself and weren’t so tired, what would you do?
A. Take a nap.
Q. Would you like to share your “this moment” picture with us today?
A. Surely. So glad you asked. Actually, I have several to share.
|painting on the patio|
|sarah picked my only blooming dahlia|
|sunflower managed to survive|
|fireplace stone work, he’s almost up to the ceiling now|
|so I put it in a small pitcher|
|as I was frying this morning’s bacon|
|I had an audience|
|the little diners|
|boys wore matching shirts|
|so tired, but happy to tears with my Caleb in my arms|
|we end with a goose in the bible study parking lot|