Rich had two dozen pink long stemmed roses delivered to me along with a bunch of balloons for my birthday. Their beauty drew my attention for over a week but by today their heads were hanging so I took some sharp scissors, and snipped them off to dry in a box lid. Once they dry I will thread them and have a garland of memory-roses.
He knows my happy color is pink. It’s the little things that mean so much. Like the color pink, and roses, and surprise snow, and the sound of my children in the house for Presidents’ Day long weekend.
I’ve been getting pieces of jewelry from Brighton for a long time now, but in the last couple years I have noticed they were not staying silvery like they used to. It’s been a puzzle to me, and three different times I asked the ladies in the shop for help. First, they sold me their jewelry cleaner. Although it was in a pink container and smelled good, it didn’t do the trick. Then, I took a piece to the store and had them try. They were just as puzzled as I, and the darkness remained. Lastly, I had a little passive aggressive conversation with the lady a week ago when I went in to use my birthday coupon. She seemed to blame my skin, or my clothes, and again said that no one knows (not even corporate) why “some people” end up with discolored pieces. “Did you try silver cleaner?” She continued with an accusatory tone. I couldn’t leave fast enough with my new earrings.
But I remembered what she said and today I bought silver cleaner and it worked. How dumb it was for me to have to spend several years puzzling this out. Why didn’t I know that their jewelry was real silver, but with a “protective coating”?
It was pretty satisfying to rub the tarnish off. There is something satisfying about taking care of one’s things.
My mom noticed that instead of putting the forks, spoons, and knives into their separate places in the silverware tray, I was just throwing them in. “Housework is art”, she reminded me. Like my jewelry box, my silverware drawer, my life…..all is art.
I was thinking about Genesis the other day, and the first words of the Bible “In the beginning, God created……..”
That soul-nourishing creativity and making all of life my art is important, because it’s of God. It’s a divine purpose. And just like creation, we look and know that what we did in those moments was good.
I got up super duper early today at 6 just so I could see and hug and give gifts to my birthday boy Seth William. He’s just the most wonderful Seth in the entire universe. He’s fun and smart and dependable and very energetic and handsome. Since he was born I have laughed at least once a day just because of him. He has a few faults but we don’t talk about them in birthdays, do we.
Seth, this morning on his birthday
What does Seth request on this special day? I shall be picking him up early from school to go to the mall to try to find the shoes he wants. This has been the only request which I have listened to daily for days. Don’t I feel special, too, that he is glad to be with his mom today. I shall enjoy every moment.
I’m making him a red velvet cake mix cake, but with homemade frosting. (a combination that works for me as it’s easy with a mix and the little extra effort of homemade cream cheese icing offsets the mix-taste of the cake). He has wrestling practice at 3:15 which will be a little challenge because I am picking up my very first FB marketplace purchase off of someone’s porch at three. Stay tuned for what it is. I bet you can guess. What with the busy day and wrestling practice we won’t be able to sing Happy Birthday until around 8pm but that’s okay. It will be a birthday from start to finish.
Here is the video of his latest match. He has only had one loss this season, & has won three first place medals. Sports are a huge part of Seth’s life, with his energy levels he has a great time and we are very thankful to his coaches and teams for making it fun and rewarding.
Happy Birthday baby boy! See you soon.
Mama loves you.
PS. It’s also 14 degrees outside. Probably in honor of Seth.
Do you have a favorite color that represents for your soul all that is beautiful, cheerful, and bright? (Pink)
You know those days when all because of your own dang poor decisions you end up feeling like crap? (poo)
Do you have a calendar, a brown writing utensil, and a pink writing utensil?
If so, I have something to say to you!
January was a challenge for me, but I got through it. And it took the entire month, but I eventually came up with a basic yet beautiful idea to gently motivate me in my #1 life-style improvement goal to 1. Not do the thing(s) that make me feel like poo, and 2. To absolutely do the thing(s) that nourish and heal my soul…….
When a day is complete and I am all ready to slip between the sheets and pick up a delightful book …. I will first think back over the day, and I will take an assessment, and I will color in the square day on my calendar accordingly.
I was so excited to get up and turn the calendar page to February (my favorite month) this morning. A fresh clean month of expectation.
Indeed, it’s only 6:52 a.m. and I just know that in about fourteen hours I will probably be picking up that pink marker, God willing.
February was made to be as pink as possible!!
“Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in.” Hebrews 12:1
I heard from a Faithful Reader yesterday and this is why I took the time to not only find my laptop (the children use it more than I do), but also wipe it down with disinfectant, sign into WordPress, approve a couple comments, put my feet up, tell Sarah where to find popcorn, put a cozy sweater on, stare out the window at the tiny yet multitudinous snowflakes coming down, think, and then…………….. begin to type.
(Bags)
How are you, my friends? How was your Christmas and New Year? Welcome to 2023 and all it’s many blessings which are in store for us. You know, the other day I was driving to the Post office and I got to the end of our road and stopped and thought, “Remember to expect good things from God today,” I turned left with that intention in my heart, and just a few miles down the road the first good thing happened. A black crow flew over the road, right in front of my car perfectly centered over the wind shied, high enough to not get into my way, yet low enough so I could see its tucked up feet. It was magical! I do love crows, I imagine taking one from a nest someday to raise as my own pet. Or maybe finding a nest of them and just observing their growth and behavior. They are such bright birds, and I am sure they would motivate me greatly.
The second thing that happened on that same trip to town was a friend of mine giving me an index card on which she had written the name of her favorite TV Bible Study teacher, along with the times he came on tv; Four Thirty in the morning (!?) and also Eight Thirty in the morning (much more doable). Now, this particular friend of mine is NINETY years old. And I am simply charmed by her pretty eyes and her friendly conversation and down to earth wisdom.
(In case you are curious, the man’s name was Les Feldick and his program is called “Through the Bible” and I did finally watch an episode this morning on YouTube. What I heard was good. Now, I am very careful about Bible teachers, and I don’t know this one well yet, so I recommend….. with caution.)
(I got the love stamps today!)
Thirdly, I found a bag of dollhouse furniture for my mom at the thrift store- for free. I had already given her the dollhouse, but sadly she had already given her small collection of furniture to me and Sarah, so this was a fun surprise to find replacements and more, for free. Did I mention free?
(I now also collect little shoes)
These were some small examples of what I saw clearly when I set my mind to look for God’s little gifts over the course of an ordinary morning. Quite simple, really, but life always brings that deep down joy of the heart when I determine to recognize the beauty of living around me which will continue until the day I die. And for you, too!
(From a lunch date last week)
Sarah never did find popcorn so she and her friend decided to crumble up a package of dry ramen noodles into a bowl to munch on. The children had an early dismissal from school and Sarah asked if she could have a friend over to which I replied, “no”. But then, after she asked fifty more times, I remembered that Bible story of the woman who asked the unjust judge for something over and over and by sheer repetition and persistence she eventually received her specific request. Thusly, I took the principle and changed my no to a yes— but only if the friend was dropped off and picked up by her own mother so I wouldn’t have to go out.
Our house during a sunset.
I’m trying to instill good manners into the children so when Seth came into the room, I told him to “Say hello to June.” and just as I guessed, he stood there silently. But it wasn’t for lack of manners on his part, “Her name’s not June, Mom”. “July?” “No.” (oh yes! I remember!). “Jill?” “Yes” THEN he said hello.
Christmas Day
I did go out this morning to mail two ebay boxes, but this was before the snow started. Rich had informed me that the children were being released early which was nice because it gave me time to go to the store and get some food (which always boosts the morale of the entire family). Seth fried a hamburger, Caleb had cheese and crackers…..so on and so forth…..nice and happy family.
Christmas Day again
Ebay is going well, however I do have a situation that I hope resolves itself, it’s an item I mailed out the moment I got paid for it and here it is several weeks later and the item was not delivered (to an apartment unit) ….yet. I have tracking and it says it attempted to deliver but was sent back to the post office to be picked up. The buyer said she’s been to the post office and so far they can’t find it. I hate this sort of thing because it takes time and the solving of riddles and mysteries to resolve and almost always costs me money and a loss of the item. It happened one other time but it was for a low-priced item and this one is more of a mid-range value item and I would rather not just have it vanish along with a refunded payment.
I am no longer dying my hair.
Other than slight issues now and then, it’s been overall profitable; not just financially but also in the mental well being of having something to do that I enjoy…….buying stuff that I like from second hand shops and reselling it. I am finding it super fun.
Currently reading (2nd book in a series)
Rich and the children are all doing well. Ethan is engaged to lovely Sierra and the wedding is coming up soon (April). With Jacob married to Brittnee, and Grace married to Brogan, as you may have guessed, there are a lot of us to keep track of and visit and support and so on……we have a family group chat on our phones that is active almost daily. Most of us have started doing Wordle and we enjoy seeing who gets the word each day. Jacob is currently on a business trip so Sarah was with Brittnee all weekend which was wonderful for her. Ethan is coaching HS wrestling with his dad and also has moved out into his own apartment. Grace called me today and we had a fun little chat. David works at FedEx and has his own car (a mini cooper). Caleb is busy with wrestling and doing well, he is a senior this year which bothers me because wasn’t he just my baby boy a moment ago? Seth is also wrestling in his last year of the Youth division and so far has won the two tournaments he was in (he had one yesterday). Seth is amazing, a joy, and so very wonderful. They all are. Sarah just recently tried out for the school play and got a good part (Sharpay in HS Musical). Seth is 13 now and Sarah is 12. Our two youngest ones are more than half grown up.
Brittnee and Sarah
It leaves me with some extra time and space in my days and my life to concentrate on myself. I have been working hard on improving and finished a year of intense therapy which really benefitted my life in many ways. I love listening to podcasts, reading books, talking with friends, and educating myself using social media accounts and other online resources, too. I still art-journal and read a lot. I have been feeling pretty tired for the past couple weeks so I’m paying attention to nourishing myself with good foods, rest, slow-living, quiet, and staying hydrated. I stay away from excitement the best I can (although yesterday I was in a crazy loud gym all day watching Seth be awesome). I pay attention to what I give my energy to so that I don’t waste it. And I recharge the best I can. Other than that I just yawn and say “I’m so tired”. What more can I do? It’s that time of year. A long holiday season and dark days……perfect for being tired, maybe I should say “relaxed” instead of “tired”. I’m thankful I don’t have the anxiety to go along with it like in previous times, honestly. I cannot complain!
Self love is another area I am working on. I was listening to a podcast this morning that made me realize that self love can be a way to protect myself from harm, by taking the time to really make sure that what I do, see, surround myself with, and my inner dialogue, are things that benefit ME. We are all so very different, and what works for one person will not work for another. We all need to know ourselves and be true to the person that we are.
Seth and his friend Alex
Is there anything you would like to know, or want my thoughts on, or and update on? I would be happy to take any suggestions! In the meantime, please know that your thoughts and love mean the world to me.
I had to send my little daughter a Christmas dress. I thought about it later and realized that since she was born in November of 1999 I’ve been dressing her up for Christmas. It’s been a source of great delight for me. I’m sure I’ve missed a year or two, but this year I felt compelled to send her a package containing a new dress and a lace shirt to wear underneath it (from Anthropologie).
Grace has made Christmas beautiful for us for quite a while now……
She sent me this photo from her third grade class today. Teacher Grace, dressed in finery and lace.
Sarah heard me decline the offer to purchase a children’s book for hospitalized children at the register this morning at Barnes and Noble.
She thought it was so sad.
She had a check up this morning and had been saving her pennies (in todays world it’s dollars though) so she could shop for Christmas gifts to give to her friends and family.
When I was done with my transaction she paid for her item and was absolutely compelled to buy a book for a child. She had to.
The lady showed her the choices. “Oh I love Harry and the Purple Crayon, do you think that’s good, mom?”
“Yes Sarah it’s perfect.”
“I think you are a very special young woman,” said the lady, ringing up the book.
“Some little kid is going to be able to have that new book that I bought for them! Mom my heart is so full, my eyes are starting to tear up!”
She remembers when she had to go to the hospital a few times as a little one, and how scary it was, and so she has a heart for this sort of thing and can imagine a little bit of joy (in the midst of anxiety) for a child, in receiving a new book in the hospital at Christmas. I prayed several times already that the one who gets it feels that love and care.
The magic already happened in Sarah’s heart; she is figuring out her world, and learning that old and beautiful rule; it is more precious to give than to receive.”
We went to Starbucks yesterday evening and had coffee and wrote in our notebooks. Then we went shopping; the outdoor plaza was decorated for Christmas with lights, busy with shoppers, and it was snowing so magically.
I feel overwhelmed and there’s so much more to do before Christmas Day.
A bit under the weather today. I was up last night with a nauseous stomach and just felt super gross all night and allowed myself to sleep until 8. I decided not to go to Bible Study but then I started discouraging myself with self-condemnation since it was a BIBLE study I was going to skip— when every other day I wouldn’t hesitate to go out shopping or what have you even if feeling under the weather. The pros and cons were battling it out in my mind so I called my husband and explained it all to him: I didn’t know if I felt up to going to Bible Study, but I did know that I needed to go to Tractor Supply because I ran out of bird seed. What sort of good godly woman would skip Bible Study because she wasn’t feeling well and yet still go to the store is what I wanted to know.
“God’s birds need to be fed.” is what he cheerfully answered unto me. And that was what did it! A good laugh lightened me up and I remembered something. God allows me the freedom to make choices for myself, He loves me and never leaves me based on what I do or don’t do, or ever at all. I am free. The Bible Study I go to is very comfortable and I am just one of the participants, I’m not a leader or anything. It’s there to bless women in the community, not to take attendance or make demands.
In essence, NO ONE CARES. Lol
So, did I go?
Yep! After all that I still went. Out of duty? Out of the belief that it was the righteous thing to do? Nope!
The only reason why I went was because I wanted to. That was why. I wanted to go because chances were very high that someone might say something or read something that might change my day and my outlook. I wanted to go because I wanted to be around these women who show me what genuine and safe love and acceptance looks like. I wanted to go because I love those ladies too, and I need the fellowship, which is a beautiful word to describe the way humans can be together. I tend to isolate and I know I need people and experiences to add layers to my life. Anyway the Bible Study didn’t disappoint. I was “glad to go to the house of the Lord.”
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As I drove away afterwards, I decided to treat myself to an iced matcha latte from Dunkin. Now, I had a bit on my mind from the study that I was thinking about and maybe that’s why I ordered a “venti” in the drive through, out of the habit of mostly getting matchas at Starbucks. WELL! They startled me into the present moment by correcting me, “WE only have small, medium, and large HERE!” — oh well my apologies I want a large.
I get up to the window and had to wait because the system was rebooting because of the wind. Fine. After waiting for several minutes I was finally able to pay and was handed a matcha which looked just like a Venti but not necessarily a Large. “Is this a large?” “No, You didn’t order a large”. “Yes I did —remember I asked for a venti and you all laughed and said what’s a venti and I said— it’s a large.” It was all good natured and fun banter but still, I needed my large because, hydration. Ohhhhhh yes he remembered and conceded the point. He was gonna correct the misunderstanding. I went to hand back the medium which hadn’t even made it all the way into my cup holder and he said with a wave of his hand “oh just keep it, and I’ll make you a large.”
Then I was thinking “how the heck am I going to drink a gallon of matcha”…but quickly realized “wait Shanda, you’re sort of under the weather today and feeling a bit weird and I bet this is what’s going to cure you. God knows a good matcha latte has a lot of health benefits that you can’t remember off hand but you KNOW you read an article online somewhere that affirmed your propensity for endless matcha lattes. They’re scientifically proven to be good for what ails ya. This, THIS, is why you’re out of the house today. You THOUGHT it was for Bible Study and birdseed, but it was for the medicinal properties of Matcha!!!!!”
“When you are real shabbiness doesn’t matter.” Velveteen Rabbit
~
I am thinking about how cozy it is in the house when it is raining hard droplets of water, so hard that I can hear them hitting the driveway, the windows, the trees, the house, the roof.
It is so cozy that I wanted to snooze but I couldn’t turn off my thinking.
Instead of getting frustrated with myself, I gave myself some grace. I decided to eat some ice cream, along with one of David’s very rich homemade chocolatey chocolate brownies, and then I started the dishwasher, and …………. found my laptop so I could try to write. A tangled mind becomes smooth again as I type. All is grace and words can be wonderful.
News and Notes:
Goodwill is the perfect place to buy books. Today I found The Living by Annie Dillard, Sacred Time, by Ursula Hegi, A Beautiful Blue Death, by Charles Finch, and Night, by Elie Weisel. I have Night at the Jekyll cottage but wanted an extra copy here.
Sarah is at a friend’s house this afternoon and I’m so happy for her because she really does need time with girl friends. But I miss her, she’s my little chatterbox. The boys are here but you wouldn’t even know it.
Seth had a check up yesterday — he grew four inches since last year.
Wrestling season has started. My husband and son Ethan are the coaches for our HS team. Caleb is a captain on said team, and Seth is in his last year of youth wrestling. This sport season keeps us quite busy.
Today I mailed out these particular items for ebay: 3 boxes vintage glass Christmas ornaments, a Dallas Starbucks mug, an angel figurine tea light, and a set of two Santa hot chocolate mugs. A nice old lady was amused by me juggling the boxes into the Post Office, and opened both doors for me which I thought was just the sweetest!
All of us, praise God from Whom all blessings flow
Thanksgiving was just wonderful. I can tell that my EMDR therapy has been life-changing because my nervous system and emotions were much calmer than ever before. I felt comfortable and safe in my own skin. In years past I would fret, internally fret non stop –about my “performance” as a hostess and feast-maker, the dishes I made, the words I said or didn’t say, all along with my body temperature rising and my cheeks getting flushed. This year I felt like I was surrounded by love and that I could do no wrong, because my family doesn’t care about performances, they care about being together and being close. (that’s what they’ve always cared about, but I was hard on myself, and a perfectionist). Truly, the day was over too soon.
It was simply lovely and I felt the Holy Spirit of God in the house. On a lesser holy note, I also asked for a lot more help this year than ever before. I made the turkey (two of them), stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy ONLY. And actually, I didn’t even end up peeling potatoes OR mashing OR making the gravy. Other people like my mom and niece and brothers did it. Brittnee did all the cleaning up. Thanks, everyone!
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Random photo of Rich and I at the tea place.
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I’ve recently started getting up earlier in the morning so that I have more time in my day to enjoy. I find that I do not watch the clock and am able to immerse myself into my tasks. I don’t need constant distractions, either. i am able to be alone with my thoughts. Unless I’m trying to take a nap, which for some reason is a trigger because i find myself going back into dangerous thoughts that get me feeling melancholy. When that happens I know I need to get up and do something else.
Scrapbook
I’ve been scrapbooking quite a bit, too, along with housekeeping, ebay, mothering, and spending time with Rich. Our weekend at the cabin was a whirlwind, we got so much done, leave it to two firstborns to buy a cabin and fully furnish it— in one weekend. And I had a cold the whole time.
Rich took this as I praised God and greeted the day that weekend in NH
Hello my lovelies, I am back home in CT after a full weekend in NH closing on the house and starting to set it up to have as a vacation property. It was very cold outside but we were so very happy together and alone just the two of us.
Here’s the cabin. I was thrilled to see it in person. It has a beautiful big front porch and a back deck, too. It has a metal roof which will be fun. They say it’s very loud when the snow gets heavy and slides off the roof. I wonder what it will sound like when it rains? The house is surrounded by trees. We live off a dirt road and the driveway is dirt, too. The lake is in walking distance and we don’t have a lake view but we do have community-only access to a beach.
After the closing we headed back to the cabin and immediately turned the gas fireplace on. This is the view from the front entry. The floors are pergo. The upstairs area that you see beyond the railing will have built in bookcases for a library and there’s a bathroom up there too. We are having a window seat built up under the window, as well.
The kitchen is so warm and inviting with all the glowing wood and a textured granite countertop. The sink isn’t in front of the window, it’s in the island. Among the first purchases I made for the place was a few scented soy candles because candles help made a house a home.
I went out shopping and when I got back Rich had the coffeemaker set up. I’m using all white dishes from thrifting adventures in this kitchen and it’s too fun to find mismatched dish-ware and buying it just because it’s heavy, economical, and white. It looks so nice through the glass cabinets.
Back deck.
Looking over the deck, a fire pit and the hot tub.
Door and stairs to the finished basement area, the handrail is a white birch branch.
There is a gas fireplace downstairs, too.And the laundry.
We plan on setting up a gaming area for the kids downstairs with seating and TVs.
The beautiful lake
We took our coffee with us one morning and walked to the lake in the crisp air.
More to come!
We have my entire family coming on Thursday for Thanksgiving so as soon as I got back home last night I turned into the thanksgiving version of myself….lots to do…and I specifically want to do my best to make the day a special one for us to love and grow closer. This will be the first big thanksgiving since Covid. Rich did the Costco trip and had to get two small turkeys instead of one big one because that’s all they had left. Don’t worry —they are the fresh ones, not frozen.
Thank you for being here and interested in what I have to say. I have changed a lot over the past few years and I’m thankful that my friends still love me. Of course you do! Someday I will tell you the details of what happened to me, it was very traumatic but EMDR therapy saved the quality of my life and I am currently healthier than I have ever been, which is sort of sad but also not, both.
Good to be Home 