thoughts upon the last day of school

My school children had their last day of it, yesterday.  I had a light hearted feeling in the morning, looking forward to their return, knowing how happy they were to finish up a good year.  Four of them came home on the buses, but I had drive to get Grace, who had to stay after for music.  On the way up to the school I saw the sign that wished the elementary principal good luck on his retirement and I got to thinking…….

I liked that principal.  He was thoughtful and didn’t rush through programs, he was efficient but took the time to care.   I didn’t want him to leave.

Sometimes all of a sudden, the constant moving and shifting of life HURTS.

Caleb sat me down and showed me everything in his backpack from the school year and I was sad because I liked his teacher and now third grade is over.

David’s teacher gave him an old lego set from the classroom and I was sad because he figured David out and saw his gifts, he was another great teacher and now for Dave, elementary school is behind him and middle school is coming in a few short months.

By the time Rich got home from work, I was sitting cross legged on the porch with Jacob and we were listening to melancholy songs and playing war.  He came over to talk to us and noticed I was trying not to let the tears spill over…….(Jacob immediately changed the music to the NFL theme song to make me laugh) and I did— through the tears, as I listed off all the things making me gloomy.  “Women crying make men feel awkward.”  Jacob remarked 10 minutes later when I told him that I noticed his Dad got inside as soon as he could and probably wouldn’t come back out.

I feel like the roller coaster of living is taking me to the tippy top and is about to speed-race me back down to the bottom.

This summer vacation will get me slowly to the crest and then — THE DROP.

At this point I’m crying because, like a child who has second thoughts at Six Flags, I don’t want to go down so fast and scary.

Graduation for the seniors was last night.  Rich had to take Grace up and drop her off to sing and usher.  “That place is packed, Shan, cars all over the place.”

I was thinking, “Next year we will be there, because Jacob will be graduating.”

Yes, Jacob will be a Senior, then the next year Ethan will be a Senior, then the very next year Grace will be a Senior.

And my two last babies:: Seth will be entering Kindergarten in the fall, and the very next year Sarah Joy will go, too.

So you can see, with all these changes at the door how this mama heart hurts a little.

It’s a possibility and I hope this is what happens:

When I do get to the top, maybe I’ll throw my hands up in the air and enjoy the excitement of the ride.