thoughts upon the last day of school

My school children had their last day of it, yesterday.  I had a light hearted feeling in the morning, looking forward to their return, knowing how happy they were to finish up a good year.  Four of them came home on the buses, but I had drive to get Grace, who had to stay after for music.  On the way up to the school I saw the sign that wished the elementary principal good luck on his retirement and I got to thinking…….

I liked that principal.  He was thoughtful and didn’t rush through programs, he was efficient but took the time to care.   I didn’t want him to leave.

Sometimes all of a sudden, the constant moving and shifting of life HURTS.

Caleb sat me down and showed me everything in his backpack from the school year and I was sad because I liked his teacher and now third grade is over.

David’s teacher gave him an old lego set from the classroom and I was sad because he figured David out and saw his gifts, he was another great teacher and now for Dave, elementary school is behind him and middle school is coming in a few short months.

By the time Rich got home from work, I was sitting cross legged on the porch with Jacob and we were listening to melancholy songs and playing war.  He came over to talk to us and noticed I was trying not to let the tears spill over…….(Jacob immediately changed the music to the NFL theme song to make me laugh) and I did— through the tears, as I listed off all the things making me gloomy.  “Women crying make men feel awkward.”  Jacob remarked 10 minutes later when I told him that I noticed his Dad got inside as soon as he could and probably wouldn’t come back out.

I feel like the roller coaster of living is taking me to the tippy top and is about to speed-race me back down to the bottom.

This summer vacation will get me slowly to the crest and then — THE DROP.

At this point I’m crying because, like a child who has second thoughts at Six Flags, I don’t want to go down so fast and scary.

Graduation for the seniors was last night.  Rich had to take Grace up and drop her off to sing and usher.  “That place is packed, Shan, cars all over the place.”

I was thinking, “Next year we will be there, because Jacob will be graduating.”

Yes, Jacob will be a Senior, then the next year Ethan will be a Senior, then the very next year Grace will be a Senior.

And my two last babies:: Seth will be entering Kindergarten in the fall, and the very next year Sarah Joy will go, too.

So you can see, with all these changes at the door how this mama heart hurts a little.

It’s a possibility and I hope this is what happens:

When I do get to the top, maybe I’ll throw my hands up in the air and enjoy the excitement of the ride.

19 thoughts on “thoughts upon the last day of school

  1. I loved this post. It’s beautifully written, and ends with such a great image. You have so much to fill your heart with pride and joy in those beautiful children of yours. I have been thinking of you whenever I see a graduation party, knowing that next year will be Jacob’s turn. I hope you all have a wonderful summer.

    • Thank you, Christie, that means a lot coming from my educated writer-friend. And thank you for being constant encouragement through all these years as a mother. I hope you have a wonderful summer, too.

  2. My oldest just graduated last week. My youngest is now going into fifth grade which is intermediate school here. My boy turned 13 and my daughter turns 16 next week with starting drivers ed. Yes it IS a roller coaster. Lol. Keep your hands up and enjoy every minute;)

    • Wow, a graduate! Did you cry? A new teenager in the family and a sweet-sixteen daughter? It’s such a blessing to know there are other moms out there going through this stage of life! Pray for me and I will pray for you. Glad you’re back on pinterest, too! 😉

  3. I find myself feeling, and thinking this way often. Not just at the end of the school year. It’s almost a panic that wells up inside. I’ve not yet found a cure, but staying up laughing with them and telling stories seems to calm my worried heart a bit.

    • I don’t think there IS a cure, but you’re coping tips work so well. Also, what would we do without Christ? He is what makes our hearts so very tender and He will carry us through those feelings of panic. I will pray for you! You’re a great mom.

  4. You describe it so well. I remember my own school days and that melancholy feeling at the end of each year…leaving a little piece behind. I was too young to realize that’s what I was doing…but i was always so sad. And then three months later, so happy to be shopping for school supplies and new book smells and new teachers and shiny desks. Now as a mom… I still feel those same feelings and life is moving at lightning speed. My oldest graduated high school this year…oh the roller coaster of emotions that is and holding back tears at some points and openly crying others. My middle graduated middle school and enters high school next year. my next to last graduated elementary…they’re all growing and changing and all I can think is, “wait! i’m not done yet! we forgot some things!!!”

    • Yes, the sadness of letting go of one year and then the joy of going forward into the next. So true! I’ve really appreciated your posts on FB about your son, and how you’re letting yourself feel those emotions with so much pride in your son. I’m on the roller coaster with you, dear Penny! xo

  5. I loved reading this beautiful post. What I appreciate about you is that you have the ability to appreciate and savor every moment and day for what it is. I also appreciate that you share it with us. It inspires me to ‘do better’. It’s a quality I don’t possess, but I want it, and I’m trying. You are so incredibly blessed. If I’m honest, I’m a bit sad to think of your eldest graduating next year, too, but just think of the new adventures that await, with grandchildren starting to fill your house someday soon! I’ve missed reading your blog while we’ve been without internet and I’m looking forward to catching up! Hope you have a wonderful day, Shanda.

  6. Oh Shanda, my heart is breaking a bit for the same reasons.. I’m praying to homeschool my soon to be 5th(Sean)and 3rd(Catherine) graders next year. My oldest(Kayla) will be graduating high school on Saturday and my mama’s heart is breaking some…By Gods grace she is going to college on short hour up the NJ parkway!! I will also have a high school junior (Meghan) next year. Where has the time gone?!?!?! It’s amazing to see the adults my daughters have become and lovely young people my other 2 are. I wasn’t thrilled with any teachers this year, unfortunately. I am so excited for the summer and having them home. I pray I treasure each day because it will too quickly come to an end and life will change in a big way for us.
    Thank you for sharing your family with us 🙂
    Have a blessed day!!

    • Cindy, I hope you have a fantastic, busy but restful (because your babies are home) summer! I pray that Kayla has a memorable graduation with a big joyful smile on her face. Take lots of pictures! Glad she’s only an hour away from you for college. Praying that the homeschooling goes well. Keep me posted!

  7. I do believe that the tender mamma heart can be consoled with a bit of romping in the woods, dipping in the pond, laughing at chickens, a new fiesta yard sale find, lemonade, iced tea, cook out, fireflies…..summer. I pray you guys have an awesome summer

    • Thia, the very best of comments, I’m going to write it all down in big letters in my journal. love and hugs! Oh, and Davy caught a firefly last night and put it in a jar. 🙂

  8. I appreciate how well you share your thoughts and emotions Shanda. I think you are embracing these years with your children, and giving them the foundation of such love and happiness. Your home is so welcoming, I can see those big ones returning from college with friends in tow. Our boys would bring others home with them for weekends or holidays, and many were so thankful to have a home away from home. I always ask God for grace for each season, He is faithful! Looking forward to all the summer posts 🙂 Love you!

    • I appreciate you in my life, Jenny, because I can look to what you are doing in your life now and see that the joy never ends. Life has it’s ups and downs for sure, but you and Bob have such a beautiful family and the love you share is obvious. Thank you for leading the way! hugs.

  9. We weren’t singing at the graduation. I was just ushering and was there to wish a very good friend goodbye. She graduated on Monday and will be going to a college in South Carolina.

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