I didn’t sleep well last night, I was fitful in a restless night for no reason. I was relieved to wake up the last time. I had a feeling it was a tolerable time to get up but I reached over and turned my phone on to check the time just to be certain. But then I placed it face down on the nightstand so I wouldn’t disturb my husband with the glow, missed, and it dropped and crashed flat on the bare floor with a sound like a shot. I got up. Or rather, I got down on the floor. I patted my hands around in the dark and found my phone; thankful to see it was 5:30 and I could end the night. I went downstairs. We are still in our New Hampshire cabin; we love it here. I finished a book that I found at a second hand shop that ended up being so heart felt and meaningful to me that I had to keep my notebook nearby so I could jot down quotes, here are a couple:

From the book WHEN SORROW COMES, by Grace Perkins Oursler published in 1950; (a book filled with gentle encouragement for loss and facing your own death someday)

“Lucky are the people who have already learned to search the Scriptures for the lines of particular value in particular need.”

“I’ve never known a reader but found the book he needed at the moment and for the occasion.”

“Hundreds before you have found freedom from the lash of remorse and guilt through the actual practice of repentance.”

“She had bettered the world she lived in.”

“All around us we recognize proof of Gods genius in converting waste into usefulness and beauty. With Him, nothing is purposeless.”

“We can never expect mercy and forgiveness if we do not in turn show mercy and forgiveness. The ones that are toughest to forgive call for God’s help and are a spiritual achievement to be proud of.”

And on and on, it’s a book rich with the wisdom of a thoughtful and observant woman. It inspired me to be what I already know I am; a good person who wants to love people. Within reason. There’s a disclaimer for you. I will be cautious but when I know a person is safe I’ll love them forever. In little ways. The ordinary opportunities that don’t shine very brightly are the ones I like best because it’s the closest thing to a secret. I truly feel best when I am hardly noticed. A background type of person, which is why I write. 🙂

I walked to the lake. When I got back Rich was awake and we decided to go to the coffee shop. I left a note on the fridge for the sleeping children and when we returned two hours later after not only coffee but the country store AND the library, the precious little angels were still asleep. I know, I was shocked, too. We got them up (okay it was me with my loud singing “I’m home I’m home and I have muffins for youuuuu”) we took them out to have some fun.

We ended up at the Funstop again for the second time because the other place (which had a sign out front “open year round”) turned out to be closed on Tuesdays. I ask you.

So we played mini golf (indoor) and then I read magazines while they played arcade games.

I don’t know why I’m recording all these details. But on the way to the Funstop the girls (Sarah and her friend from school who came with us as our guest) confessed that after we went to bed last night they got all ready for the hot tub “we even put our hair up in buns” (they both have very long thick hair) and were on our way out but Seth heard them and told then “Dad said to go to bed at 9:30 so we didn’t go out after all.” I told them they were such good children that they could have anything, anything they wished for I would grant. rather like that elf in that three wishes story—remember. You think the very poor man and his wife would wish for something profitable but nooo. In this case I was sort of playing a risky game. But it all worked out charmingly. What they ended up wishing for was “soda, from the vending machine”. At the arcade. It was such an adorable request….I say, it truly is the little things. I don’t know what it is about vending machines but they are a usual “no” from me, but this time I had to say yes and they were so cute and happy making their choices and pushing the buttons. It couldn’t happen fast enough.

Incidentally I got three holes in one but still came in third (I played w Rich and Seth who are both very very competitive as am I, but they are naturally better than I am. It is sincerely depressing. Lol) SOMEDAY. I bet if I ever do win I’ll feel bad bc they lost. They want the wins so badly.

So ummmmm. Oh yes the whole reason why I’m here is to share pictures from the library we visited today and to just say….Ethan and Sierra are getting married on Saturday. Just typing it makes me all excited. Our third child to have a wedding, can you even?

Just look at this charming place.

Just a few feet inside the door I saw this! A shoe organizer filled with not shoes but a birds nest collection! I collect them too! I have quite a few, they are like artwork, no doubt about it. Imagine building something like this with YOUR beak!!

And then, a butterfly display. Not only these nature items from God’s big beautiful world, but IN A LIBRARY. Books! Nature! A perfect marriage.

Rich called me over to admire the painted mural. Out of sheer habit, we had gravitated straight to the children’s section.

A charming wood carving.

“It’s you!” Rich said, I followed his gaze and found a witch. I’m a sort of witch but I’m not wicked.

It was an elegant library, more about books and wooden furniture and shelving (all wood) and curtains and rugs and character than any I’ve ever seen. The library alone tempts me to change my primary residence to New Hampshire.

I must have been in a mood because even this thrilled my heart—how beautiful and generous! I love it.

And then to top it all off, a hobbit hole. Not that my son David has been wanting to live in one since the first day he read the book!! I texted him right away. And sent the video to my Hobbit loving family.

Happy end of the (tues)day friends! Think of me as we prepare for the big day on Saturday. All my kids except Seth and Sarah and Brogan are IN the wedding. (so-seven in the ceremony, Caleb as an usher). I have my mother of the groom dress I may as well share it now;

It was truly a God and me moment, He basically sent me in to Anthropologie a couple weeks ago and handed it to me off the clearance rack. What makes it special is ITS ETHANS FAVORITE COLOR!!!!!!! My sweet baby boy all grown up, I wear this dress for YOU.

Lake Winnipesaukee, with a book.

I can’t tell you how relaxing it is here.

It’s always a good thing to give thankfulness to God.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

I can hardly believe it. I noticed it the other day but finally got a picture today…..and now it’s being pressed in a book.

as always, for thia

There is so much life in just one single day; potential, joy, discovery, and magic.

“Mom come here. This is my pile of “to be read” books. So ….I’m going to wrap each one up in wrapping paper and number them. Then I’m going to write the numbers on little pieces of paper and put them in a bowl and pick one every time I’m ready for a book to read. So that’s what I’m going to be busying myself with for the next couple hours. Where’s the wrapping paper? Where’s the tape?”

“Tomorrow I’m going to come home from school and start reading for 24 hours. I’m going to take a nap first and then drink some coffee and read.”

She’s got one Dickens book she says she’s afraid to read because she’s going to have to read the dictionary with it. “Everyone should read a classic, even if you don’t know how.”

She said she got this one from Goodwill.

I find her, and life itself, very entertaining.

I have some nostalgia for the Corning “Butterfly Gold” pattern because that’s what we ate off when I was growing up. So just for happy memory’s sake, and because it always catches my eye, I have been slowly collecting very inexpensive pieces of it one dish at a time in order to sell as a “lot” on eBay. I have curly handled teacups, a darling bowl, a few useful small plates, and one lonely dinner plate —so I was pleased to find a dinner plate mixed up with other random stuff at a thrift store last week. But when I got to the register to pay for it (a dollar) I felt a chip on the edge. “I’m going to pass on this,” I explained with regret, “it has a chip.” While I paid for the teacups the guy at the register tossed the poor plate up and down in the air. “These things are unbreakable,” he reassured me.

The next morning I got a text from Target telling me that my prescription was ready. I hadn’t expected to go back to town again so soon but I knew it would be just wrong if I went to Target without also running into the thrift store again even though I had just shopped there the day before. It would just be wrong, I tell ya. So in I ran and right away I found a whole bunch of nice shiny new fiesta teacups and saucers. And then!! Yes! One of those “Butterfly Gold” Corelle plates!

As soon as I got home I set to work washing things up and listing them. I was humming and getting into the flow of washing and scrubbing stickers off everything and it was just so fun and satisfying. Maybe I was even smiling to myself. But when I went to wash the Corelle plate I realized…..

….it was that same stupid plate from the day before! The same chip the same exact plate! I actually bought it that time! Like, I told them it had a chip and they put it right back on the shelves! And I saw it (me!! of all people!) and put it in my cart — two days in a row!! and actually completely bought it with a clear happy conscience (on the second day)!

I screamed into the house. (No one was home) “I can’t believe I did that!!” I cried. I could not believe it.

And then I threw it away. I felt kind of bad to do so, it really seemed to want to belong to me, but what else could I do? I can’t just keep chipped plates. Later on I told my mom the story and we laughed and she said, “You know, they always said those plates were unbreakable but when you drop one on the floor it smashes into a thousand pieces. Shards!”

It took a Sarah and I seven hours. I’m laughing so hard. We drove separately from the boys and stopped many times:

1. A thrift store in Tilton, NH called Tilton Village Thrift. It was one of those quaint towns where Main Street has shops all up and down with parking on the slant in fronts of them. It was a little over 30 mins from our cabin and it was a first time visit. Cash only so we held hands and walked to the ATM in a nearby gas station. We bought some treasures and then checked out a consignment boutique down the sidewalk where Sarah found a gray Champion hoodie and I a silver ring with a purple stone.

2. We were hungry and were told that a good place to eat was the Tilt’n Diner. It was about 10 minutes from the thrift store. It was pink!! There was a 15 minute wait for a table but we were able to sit in the car because they took my number and called when the table was ready. The waitress was friendly. I had coffee and Sarah had coke. We read our books while we waited for our food. She had Mac n cheese and I had a Philly steak sandwich. We saved room for dessert: chocolate layer cake for her and coconut cream pie for me. They make their own potato chips there. The fries were crispy and the coffee was perfect diner coffee. We enjoyed the atmosphere and decor very much.

3. With full bellies we drove to another new (to us) place called Antiques on Elm, in Manchester, NH. I didn’t have nearly enough time to see it all. It was a great antique place with lots of vendors and a great building. Good lighting, heated, and something for everyone. Friendly staff, calm vibe. We found some great things at nice prices. I will definitely stop again.

4. Starbucks

5. Gas station for bathroom break and a bag of combos to munch during the last half hour to home.

Seth said “What took you so long?? Were you driving like a granny?” Caleb brought my stuff inside and ate my leftovers. Rich gave me a hug. I could tell they were all glad to have me back home again.

We are all settled, I’m in bed while they watch Outer Banks together in the living room. I’m in here because I would much rather read. I’m putting aside my current read to read a book that came in the mail while I was gone. It’s called Behind the Dress by Christine Faour, “One woman’s life in a religious cult and the healing that came after.” It will be a quick but interesting book for my ongoing personal education of cults, high control groups, and abuse of any kind. Sounds pretty grim, but the education is necessary so I can be aware for myself and my family.

Much love! I hope you all had a lovely Sunday. I would enjoy hearing from you and any little interesting part of your day if you would like to share. Are you reading a good book? Do you like strawberry plates? Do you eat in pink diners? Do you hug your daughter in the middle of thrift stores?

My body sinks into the couch. My nerves are smooth peace. My muscles are soft. My feet are warm in socks and loose slippers. I’m wearing a thick sweater and sweatpants. “Down shifting” is my personal term for a busy person starting to relax, it takes some time but down we go. For years I was going going going. And now even when I’m busy I can be calm. Going through EMDR therapy last year changed my life. Radically. I am an all-around healthier woman. I knew what I wanted, knew it shouldn’t be that hard, and was finally handed the keys to the abundant life. Trauma therapy. Education. Experience. Growth.

I made a tossed salad for dinner. We have floury rolls and butter to go with it. Rich got the hot tub ready and Sarah’s about to go enjoy that. The boys are playing video games downstairs. It’s been a lovely day and it’s still only 6:30pm.

NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. If life is too hard right now, search and seek your answers. You will find them. He wants you to thrive and enjoy this life.

I love you, friends.

PS. She wrote Johnny Tremain.

“I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditations on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious.” Philippians 4:8-9

Yesterday I ended up not having the time to write….I had Bible Study at 10 downtown at the Methodist church. I go every week along with about five other ladies. The five other ladies average the age of about 85, it’s absolutely the highlight of my life currently. They are my inspiration. And part of the reason why I stopped dying my hair.

I went grocery shopping, and then ate lunch at home while watching the bird feeders outside the window. I have a rocking chair near enough to put my feet up in the windowsill. The afternoon sun shines in and usually a cat or two comes to watch the birds with me.

I went for a walk. I couldn’t resist collecting a few bottles and cans I found on the side of the road. I ended up with an armful and most were beer, so I wrapped my sweater around them, prompting Seth and Sarah to ask when I got back, “what is it? A cat? A dog?” Always wanting another pet to love…. Boy were they surprised to see it was empty cans. I jokingly call returning bottles and cans my “other side hustle”. I mean, it adds up! Ya know?

And then dearest Caleb had his last band concert. We got there early and as usual I couldn’t take my eyes off my son, in a sea of other children, I only saw him. The drummer boy. Spinning his sticks around. By the end Rich and I both had tears in our eyes, and his were rolling down his cheeks. So many years of these band performances and now they are over. I wonder if he will ever join a band ever again? It was hard for me to keep him in the HS band. I would NOT let him quit. He said he hated it. I can’t believe that’s entirely true. He did admit it looked good on his college transcript, to say he participated in four years of HS band.

He’s always drumming. Even my back is a drum when we hug.

This morning I took him to school. After that I drove to the store to get things for the kids for our road trip to NH this afternoon. I mailed boxes for eBay (china, glasses, and books) and talked to my sister on the phone on the way home.

I’ve been packing for the weekend. Trying to also think of myself and what I want to bring just for me. Books, tea, slippers, my robe, magazines, pens pencils and markers and my notebook. My headphones. I’m certainly not going to go and be everyone’s cook and cleaner and it’s just so lovely to have grown children to be with, I love this stage of life I’m in. Caleb is bringing his friend Dylan so it’s a nice even foursome of children. And Sarah the only girl. It works out just fine. She gets her own room. (Wink wink—yes it’s a bone of contention).

I enjoy keeping busy. By the end of the day I enjoy the tired feeling of a satisfying day. I’ve been sleeping so well, deeply with dreams.

Yesterday at Bible Study we were focused on Psalm 91; (I feminized it)

“Because she holds fast to me in love,

I will deliver her,

I will protect her,

because she knows my name.

When she calls to me, I will answer her;

I will be with her in trouble;

I will rescue her and honor her.

With long life I will satisfy her and

show her my salvation.” Ps. 91:14-16

And these promises are true, absolutely true and comforting like the most comfortable place you can imagine and even better than that. Reading the words, or listening to them being read out loud (I like to play the audio Message Bible as I work), changes our inward being. For me it’s a feeling deep peace and joy and love. Belonging to God and having Him care for me fills my soul with glorious light. I want to stay close to Him always and each moment.

Happy weekend,

We are so loved.

Today I took Caleb for his follow up appointment regarding his knee which he injured during states (for wrestling). The doctor is recommending stitching the slightly torn meniscus together so it can heal properly. He was impressed that Caleb did as well as he did at states, placing sixth after twisting his knee and wrestling two more matches after hurting it. Caleb was relieved to know that all the caution was worthwhile, his wrestling ended that day for the season, and he has no choice but to miss spring sports.

After the appointment we went to IHOP because, as always, he was hungry. He’s the child who doesn’t ask for anything but food (or money, for food). If he sees me or even senses me in the house he finds me and tells me he’s so hungry. It’s half funny and half true, he’s a growing 17 year old, a senior this year in High School. I can’t hardly believe it. Rich is taking him to visit Liberty University at the end of this month.

We sat across from each other and had coffee and breakfast. It was lovely. He’s a very easy going, calm, unruffled personality. much like his Dad. I can depend on him if I remember if he’s home (because he’s quiet). As I ate my bacon and eggs I thought about how good it was to have one on one time with him and how next year it will be so different to have him away at school. No matter the personality, each one of my darlings are a huge part of my heart. So our breakfast together, “thanks” to an injured meniscus, was something I held dear and close to my heart as another memory to save and keep. My favorite Caleb in the universe.

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller