It’s Friday. A golden September day. Leaves just beginning to slowly fall from some of the early changing trees outdoors. My life is full. My heart is full. There have been some significant discoveries in my life over the last month. I had covid in August and I just couldn’t shake it. I began to get weak, so weak that I could not do stairs without having breathing difficulties, I was very sick. I started wondering if it was long covid, so I went to the doctors. I was so sick that I cried throughout the appointment. My heart was racing fast. He had me do breathing exercises but it made no difference. I was truly miserable. Hot all the time, weak, shaking, sweating, and no energy or mental clarity to do much more than what I had to do in a day. I never gave up though. When the blood results came back the doctor called me that morning at 8:30. He asked me if I had any family members with thyroid problems and I said yes, my mother and aunts and some cousins all had been diagnosed and put on medicine. And he told me that I had hyperthyroid and to start taking the medicine that day. It’s been a little less than a month and I feel better than I have in a long time. Rich and I wonder if my thyroid has been acting up for years……it would explain a lot. I don’t have any regrets though. I can see God’s hand guiding me along and always remember that beautiful Bible phrase…..”at just the right time”……at just the right time God will show and reveal and give grace and move and guide. And yes, even each moment is a blessing-moment from above. My bare feet on the floor, the oversized striped shirtdress that I bought myself yesterday making me feel cute, the sounds of my son moving in his bedroom, the anticipation I feel knowing that the other kids will be coming home from school soon, on and on it goes.

My husband honoring me (briefly, during an introductory talk he gave) at work yesterday, and I was there in the front row next to Ethan. Bringing people to tears with his kind and loving words. The way it made me feel so loved and cherished once again, by my husband of almost 29 years (in three days). The sunshine sky above us as we had lunch together. Visiting his office, looking around the room at the many family photos he had printed on canvas. Our little ones.

I’m in my grandma era. Brittnee gave me a sweatshirt for christmas that says so. I wore it last night because the nights are getting cooler. I miss the babies because they have gone on vacation together with their parents over the last week. How lovely it is to receive texts and photos on a daily basis. Lucy and Rorric dipping their toes in the ocean, the bright happy smiles of Jacob and Brittnee, and Brogan and Grace……I love that they can spend time and make memories together.

Ethan and Sierra are doing so well….they have been married for over a year now. They have a dog named Winter. I love them so much.

Caleb is in his second year of college at Liberty University. My darling son.

Seth is in 10th grade, Sarah in 9th. They even have a couple classes together this year. It seems to have given them something to bond over. I love hearing them ask each other about their work and teachers and assignments. Seth is playing football and Sarah is cheerleading; first game tonight! These two younger ones are now 14 and 15 and bring me so much delight and laughter in a day.

As for me, I am taking joy wherever I can reach for it. By God’s grace I don’t ever have to reach far, and often the joy just falls into my hands effortlessly. All this from thyroid medicine! I have to laugh at the difference it has made in my life….so thankful. I have energy again. I feel 10 years younger. Whether good or bad times, God has a way of working in our hearts and minds that makes use of the moments and days and years.

I read books, I feather my nest, enjoy nature, keep close to my circle of friends, went on a trip to NYC with Joanna last week, I cook and clean, and I’m saying and enthusiastic yes to life…..the life God gave to me, eternal life that in some ways began the day I was born and will never end.

PS, oops one more family member to write about—I realized after I posted that I didn’t mention Dave. So here I am to remedy the oversight. David is home and doing great. He’s working for fed ex and is also very helpful when I need an extra driver to run errands. he has a girlfriend named Natalie and she’s a wonderful girl.

Today I was tired most of the day. But very content. Rich had the day off and Grace and Brogan are here from PA. Grace has a big pregnant tummy and looks healthy and glowy. Brittnee texted me that Lucy’s check up went well but they both cried over the shots which I found very charming. Lucy has almost doubled her birth weight. I slept until almost nine this morning and when I got up Grace was making homemade biscuits and sausage gravy. Seth immediately asked me to contact Peg about when he could go to church for community service (he and Sarah had no school). Rich made me coffee and started wrestling Seth. Grace didn’t know where anything was in the kitchen so that became my purpose, and then Sarah started asking me things too so naturally my brain short circuited. I waved my white flag and took my coffee into my room to watch Crazy Lamp Lady, which is a “thrift to flip for a profit” show that I like. I was pleased to solve a mystery that I had of a small clay figurine I found a while ago which she said was a Story teller doll. They are collectible figurines of mothers with different numbers of children hanging off them ready to listen to a story. So now I know how to list mine!

Grace and Brogan left at 1 this afternoon to go visit Jacob and Brittnee and Lucy and they are still there now. David went to visit Natalie. When I saw what was happening I said ”Rich it’s just going to be you and me and Sarah this afternoon what are we going to do?” And he said “Figure out how to get rid of Sarah?“. Ha ha ha ….We took her to lunch with us instead. It was a grand ol’ time. Sarah’s a good sport to be spending so much time with her parents now that the older ones are often doing their own things.

But like I said I’ve been tired all day. Headache and sleepy. I took advil and that helped for a while. I remember when I was in my twenties I used to have insomnia often and I absolutely love that I’m a good sleeper now. I slept so heavy last night. With vivid dreams.

It’s 9pm now and I just pulled a homemade banana oat quick bread from the oven and am waiting for the brownies to finish baking. Tomorrow I am having any old child or my husband do the shopping for the Easter feast which will be a shrimp platter, deli platter, cheese tray, roast beef, and two roasted chickens along with boiled baby potatoes and green beans.

Good night dear friends! I love you!

-Shanda

PS, want some banana bread?

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

I didn’t go to church yesterday because I needed a mental health day. Maybe my busy life caught up with me. I have a lot on my mind. A mixed salad so to speak, with my family and my work and my life, and I am the sort who needs to think (and write) about things. And I know that when I have a struggle, I’m not alone. Some of the struggles I find myself dealing with are painful. And ultimately I think “if I am not alone in dealing with this then I want to learn all about it so I can help my friends if they find themselves in this place.” I study, and search. There are a lot of issues “out there” which I have shied away from because they are so controversial. The pain of the controversy ends up being more painful than I can bear. Injustice seems like a wall that never breaks down. But my heart wants to learn and grow and puff and ooze with tender love. Strong love.

I am always on the side of humanity.

I am always on the side of Christ.

I stand with Christ and the human. I stand with myself.

I am not firmly planted on the side of any issue. I can understand how people are gloriously complex, and I’ve heard enough stories to know that there are always pathways and reasons and journeys to whatever destination we find ourselves at in any particular moment. And then a lot of times we even change. It’s fluid and beautiful, growth.

What I never stand on is the side of the self righteous, the ones who are so narrow minded that they think their belief or opinion is the Only Right One. I don’t stand with patterned ongoing abusive behavior that leaves victims half dead on the side of the road. True evil is bent on trying to destroy peace and love.

True love is stopping to lift up the half dead and hurting people.

I have high hopes and dreams for people. I want to see people regulating their nervous systems, healing their trauma, and feeling safe enough to nurture children instead of neglecting them. The children are our future. Not a cliche but the truth. They deserve to be brought up feeling loved and taught to serve (to lift up). Brought up so carefully and thoughtfully that they don’t have to put in years of healing when they are adults.

My son found himself with the task of having to complete forty hours of community service.

These hours have changed his life. And changed our family, too, as we witnessed him working and serving his “giat” off (I don’t even know how to spell it but I’ve had it aimed at me more than once). This weekend he found himself taking food to people through the cold rain, to their cars, for five hours. He came home soaked. Last weekend he found himself with a group of all different older men, he couldn’t even laugh at their jokes as they cooked corn beef and cabbage supper together, because he was too young to “get them”. But he grew bigger in self confidence and learned a lot as he rubbed shoulders with them. “Mom I sliced ALL the corned beef myself.”

I realized more about my precious child as he explained that he “hated working at the library because it’s so quiet and they had me dusting books and it was never ending over and over and I got SAD.”

Like, I knew this child wasn’t a fan of libraries but to feel actual feelings of sadness and hatred…..I mean, that’s something.

He is a man of action, working busily in teams made up of other active people like him. This is where he thrives.

A day with nothing to do is quite a mountain for that one.

And I think about how I have ten children (teenagers and adults) and one grandbaby (also another one coming soon) and how different each of them are inside and out and how my brain at some point (even now) is going to get tired and I’m going to have to stand on a single life principle as the matriarch of my growing tribe of decendents.

Something to live for.

Something that tells them that they can always come to me and my home for warmth and a grilled cheese sandwich. A snuggle, a talk, or just to be left alone to nap or whatever the heck they need.

(We all have needs that deserve to be met).

What will I be wearing when they come close to me? (Besides the neon hello kitty socks)?

I will be wearing love.

I pray to God I’ll be oozing it.

“We don’t see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through the mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly has He knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” 1Cor13

Praise the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does such wonderful things. Praise His glorious name forever! Let the whole earth be filled with His glory! Amen and Amen. Psalm 72:19

I am now forty seven years old and my husband is forty nine. Five of our seven children have moved on to other places and are living life fully and with energy and curiosity, learning and growing up strong and capable. Three of them are now married, making our grand total of children, thus far, at ten. Rich and I are still busy at home with our two youngest; Seth is 14, Sarah 13.

The baby (Caleb) who began this blog with me so many years ago is now eighteen and attending college nine hours away (by car). He is doing so well and when I dwell too much on it, I start to get emotional. I know him like no one else, as good mothers do, we know our children. We love them deeply and honestly and keep the precious memories and observations close, in our hearts. And now he’s away living life more for himself, as he should.

So yes, I praise God for Caleb, off to college. His knee is better and he’s on the wrestling team. He’s making excellent grades and has friends and enough to keep him busy.

I praise God for Seth, who is now a freshman in HS. His friendly personality. His talent in sports and how exciting it is to watch him play football as starting QB on the Junior Varsity team.

I praise God for Sarah. As tall as I am now, the youngest of our children. She is my daughter and my friend. She is active with her friends, a cheerleader, in 8th grade now with a wisdom beyond her years.

I praise God for David, who is living his best life with a job he is flourishing in, and friends, and a girlfriend he enjoys spending time with. He isn’t afraid of jumping into each day with both feet, and has a lot of adventures to tell us about when he comes to visit (and collect his mail).

I praise God for Grace and for her husband Brogan. They are coming to visit this week. Both so smart and interesting, both deep thinkers, musicians and writers and readers. Friendly, good people. How I love to get to see, as their mother, how they grow and live.

I praise God for Ethan and his new wife, Sierra, my sweet daughter in law. How I adore her, and it makes me smile to see them together. Ethan as his Dad’s assistant coach for wrestling, Ethan working hard at his full time job, Sierra continuing her studies (dissecting hearts this week), and working at the vet downtown , frequently tempting us with pictures of adoptable cats and dogs.

And last but not least, I praise God for our firstborn Jacob and his wife Brittnee. Because guess what? Yes they are also *Doing Interesting Things to many to tell*, but most importantly…………………..

They are expecting OUR FIRST GRANDCHILD, who we know is a little GIRL, in January.

(insert extraordinary excitement unmatched by any other prior experience in my life)

There are words, but not enough, to describe how thankful to God I am, to be here for this.

To morph into Grandma Shanda!! Daughter, sister, cousin, wife, aunt, mother, and now …..Grandmother. I’m here for it!!

I have a lot of love to give. And there is just nothing like that sweet experience of loving, in this life journey. Every year, every day, every moment, every person in my life is an opportunity to love and be loved. Oh God, give me Your abundant grace to face the beauty of each day. Thank you for allowing us to live wholly and nourishingly, knowing You as Creator and Savior, and Giver of all good things.

“Here’s a new day. Oh Pendulum move slowly!” -Harold Munro

My cholesterol was a little high so I’ve taken to eating a nice bowl of steel cut oats in the morning. I microwave it to cook nice and creamy. The bowl has to be larger than you would think, or we have a spill-over. If that happens I tip the plate and scrape the oats back into the bowl because I don’t want to lose even a spoonful. Then I wash the plate again and put it back in the bottom of the microwave. If you use a larger bowl this won’t happen.

It takes about three minutes to cook the oats the way I like them. This morning I had the idea to drizzle orange juice on top, and a little dab of thick Greek yogurt, too. A sprinkle of salt. A good wholesome breakfast.

I vacuumed the car this morning. I found an extension cord in the big bin on the porch and used it to plug the vacuum cleaner into an outlet. I washed the mats and dried them in the hot sun. I wiped down the interior with wipes made for that purpose. My aunt is coming in a few hours and I am driving us to the cabin and wanted us to have a clean car to enjoy. It’s a beautiful morning, crickets singing, leaves blowing gently across the driveway in the wind. Blinding sunshine, colors in the trees, and this morning a thick misty fog.

I walked Rich to the car. The children had already left for school. It was just us! He looked so handsome and cute I had to take a photo before pretending I was a traffic director and pointing him out of the driveway to work.

Before taking a shower I took my things out to the front porch and did my Bible reading and Discipleship lesson for today. I read about Abraham and the men and women of those chapters dealing with God’s covenant to him, and promises so amazing that Abraham’s wife laughed to hear them. I had the front door open nearby and the cats came in and out as I sat and read and wrote and thought and looked at the sun begin to burn away the cloudy air.

Actually this cat caused two uproars this morning . He attacked poor Sherlock as he was napping innocently in my room, and then he attacked Sam who was sitting on top of my fiestaware hutch, causing things from my collection to fall along with a strand of lights, a vase, another vase, and a metal tin to fall with a crash as cats ran away in fear. It prompted me to list a set of tiny animal figurines to eBay as they were in the path of destruction and somehow survived unscathed. I also listed an old first edition book, and Ronald Weasley’s wand. I packed up an old cocoa tin to mail out. Took a shower, did some laundry because as you know, it never ends, and now am sitting cross legged in a big comfy chair, with Sam on one of my legs; she’s purring.

I started watching Netflix’s Snowpiercer last night and am going to make a fresh cuppa and finish it now.

Happiest of Thursdays to you my friends!

We are loved. I’ve lived many days, have seen the hand of God in each one, and have passed through the fire and I know it’s true.

*********

“If you want to understand God’s ways, go out and observe His handiwork….ask questions, search for answers…He will fill you with wonder and praise.” B. Schultz

Seth went grocery shopping with his dad the other day and bought Oreos and Nutty Buddies and all kinds of sugary snacks and then came home and ….. hid them from his sister! I know, shocking! And I get to hear all about it!

She got off the bus today and came in the house to continue the topic that began yesterday. “I was right, he DID hide them from me Mom, he was eating a Nutty Buddy on the bus this morning….he HID them, he hid the snacks from me, why……”. Her voice faded at she searched around the pantry for something to eat.

I watched as she searched and then “heard a prompting”——I thought to myself, “my poor daughter is hungry maybe she would like pancakes”. And so I said;

“You sound hungry. Can I make you pancakes?”

She stopped rummaging and looked around the door frame, “Pancakes? Fluffy ones? With chocolate chips? THANK YOU!!”

I got up off the couch and set to work. No milk? Thank goodness there was a can of evaporated milk in the pantry. Soon I was flipping golden circles and serving them with plenty of butter to a happy daughter sitting in a sunbeam. It was fun!

I thought about Jesus’ words in Matthew:

And I thought about the way we can notice each others’ needs and pains and struggles and how so often I might feel that prompting to “do something”.

Sometimes people are hungry but it’s not for bread. Sometimes people are thirsty, imprisoned, sick, and it’s not what first comes to our minds when we hear those words.

Sometimes an addiction is prison.

Sometimes grief is a sickness worse than Covid.

Sometimes people are thirsty to be noticed.

And people hunger to be known.

To be seen.

As we listen to the promptings to do something, anything, to lift the burden of a child, a friend, a neighbor, and we not only hear them but take action, we realize once again why Jesus tells us to love each other in these tangible ways. Not only does it count as doing something for Him, as if that wasn’t enough reason, in so doing, we also receive benefits. We are likewise lifted up, and our heart inclines…… to joy. And joy, that Divine, real joy, is our strength. (Nehemiah 8:10) Strength for today and tomorrow and all the days to come.

Let me give. Let me see. And let me be thankful for what is given so generously to me, as well.

We are in New Hampshire for a little bit, I arrived on Wednesday and Rich and the three youngest kids came on Thursday. I’ve been doing a lot of reading, thinking, watching tv, and spending time with the family and in the kitchen.

Life has been as full as ever. Dear Caleb goes off to college in August which bothers me very much because I will miss him and the time of raising him went by so sweetly and so quickly. He’s always been such a gentle captivating boy.

I made homemade rolls the other day and currently we have a cake cooling on the stovetop. Sarah mixed it up herself, and as it mixed she drew a heart with her finger on the bottom of the pan after she buttered it. She’s a dear soul. Neat and organized, an avid reader, and oh so fun and wise. She held my hand tightly as we waded into the lake together this afternoon. I did up her long blond hair in two French braids there, too.

The lake is beautiful. Of course it’s much different from the ocean on Jekyll Island, and I found myself alone there yesterday morning when I couldn’t sleep anymore. I walked to the edge and looked so far across, and saw the mountains. I waded into the chilly water with bare feet. What I noticed most of all was what the lake was saying; “Lap. Lap. Lap.” I thought of motherhood and all the times I had the children on my lap. I always loved having them so close. As a mother with a very deep mothers’ heart, I listened to the lake and felt a very deep connection. It spoke to me.