There is a lot to do today.  I have errands to run (with five precious ones in tow), school to teach, and the van to pack.  We are leaving tomorrow to go see family.  We will visit Rich’s family tomorrrow and have Easter dinner at my parent’s house on Sunday. 

Today is Good Friday.  A day in which my spirit is meditating on the death of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I was reading Spurgeon this morning and thought I would share this quote:

We never should have known

Christ’s love in all its heights and depths

if He had not died;

nor could we guess the Father’s deep affection

if He had not given His Son to die.

The common mercies we enjoy all sing of love,

just as the sea-shell, when we put it to our ears,

whispers of the deep sea whence in came;

but if we desire to hear the ocean itself,

we must not look at every-day blessings,

but at the transaction of the crucifixion.

He who would know love,

let him retire to Calvary and see the Man of sorrows die.

~Spurgeon

“Herein is love! and truly it is love that ‘passeth knowledge.’

O let this love fill our hearts with adoring gratitude,

and lead us to practical manifestations of its power.”

~Spurgeon

“For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son,

that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish,

but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16

There is a lot to do today.  I have errands to run (with five precious ones in tow), school to teach, and the van to pack.  We are leaving tomorrow to go see family.  We will visit Rich’s family tomorrrow and have Easter dinner at my parent’s house on Sunday. 

Today is Good Friday.  A day in which my spirit is meditating on the death of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I was reading Spurgeon this morning and thought I would share this quote:

We never should have known

Christ’s love in all its heights and depths

if He had not died;

nor could we guess the Father’s deep affection

if He had not given His Son to die.

The common mercies we enjoy all sing of love,

just as the sea-shell, when we put it to our ears,

whispers of the deep sea whence in came;

but if we desire to hear the ocean itself,

we must not look at every-day blessings,

but at the transaction of the crucifixion.

He who would know love,

let him retire to Calvary and see the Man of sorrows die.

~Spurgeon

“Herein is love! and truly it is love that ‘passeth knowledge.’

O let this love fill our hearts with adoring gratitude,

and lead us to practical manifestations of its power.”

~Spurgeon

“For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son,

that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish,

but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16

Pastor’s sermon today was EXCELLENT!!  Oh, I am so grateful to God for our new Pastor.  I could listen to his preaching all day long.  It is amazing what God is doing in my heart, I just praise Him, now and forever!

Let me just share one small point that Pastor made.  He said, that the closer we are to Christ, the more aware we are of our own sins and need for Him.   You see, we all have a tendency to self-righteousness and we know that it is happening when we spend more time exalting ourselves rather than focusing on our utter need for Christ, our Saviour.  But a person close to Christ will not be like that, she will be humble and she will know she is a sinner, still needing God’s forgiveness and grace, and won’t try to hide that fact.

Pastor said that his own Grandma was a saved lady and in his eyes, a beautiful Christian.  She is passed away now, and he has her personal prayer journal.  He said it is full of sorrow over her own sins.  Not in a morbid way, but in an awareness that she needed God’s grace constantly in her life. 

The story reminded me of something I read recently about Mother Theresa.  She, too, battled with her flesh constantly–that inward struggle of fighting against personal failings and sins.  With all her outward goodness, she knew her heart was still wretched apart from Christ.

Rich’s grandma is that way, too.  She is 90 years old.  I sang her praises on my blog in November, and what did she do when she read it?  She wrote to me, saying, “Don’t forget I’m a sinner like the worst of them”. 

The apostle Paul said he was “the chief of all sinners”.

Today, on the way home from church, I read this in John Bunyan’s book, Grace Abounding.  Remember, John Bunyan was the man who wrote Pilgrim’s Progress, that great Christian classic.

“I find to this day seven abominations in my heart:

1. An inclining to unbelief,  (me too, me too!)

2. Suddenly to forget the love and mercy that Christ manifests,  (I do that, too!)

2. A leaning to the works of the law,  (oh, yes, that one, too!)

3. Wanderings and coldness in prayer,  (**sigh**, almost everyday!)

5. To forget to watch for what I pray for,  (yes, that too, I forget to look for the answer, did I really believe He would hear me?)

6.  Aptness to murmur because I have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have, (yep!) and

7. I can do none of those things that God commands me without my corrruptions thrusting themselves in. “I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me”  Romans 7:21  (I understand!  So many times I fail throughout the day!)

There is hope!  Listen,

“These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and oppressed with, yet the wisdom of God does order them for my good:

1. They make me abhor myself;  (praise God!)

2. They keep me from trusting my heart;  (praise God!)

3. They convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent righteousness;  (praise God, for I could never be righteous enough!)

4. They show me the necessity of flying to Jesus;  (yes, I need Him!)

5. They press me to pray to God;  (every hour of every day!)

6. They show me the need I have to watch and be sober; and

7. They provoke me to pray unto God, through Christ, to help me and carry me through the world.”

AMEN!

As believers, we still sin!  Don’t let anyone fool you, we all still have a sin nature that we battle against each day.  It’s only because we are clothed in Christ’s righteousness (not our own, praise God!) that we are not in despair.  We have hope because of Christ, we have forgiveness because of His shed blood.  We still, as Christians, need to be confessing our sin to Him and to each other. 

Naught have I gotten but what I received;
Grace hath bestowed it since I have believed;
Boasting excluded, pride I abase;
I’m only a sinner, saved by grace!

Well, you might ask. . what’s all the excitement over being a sinner?  Why is Shanda so happy about this?  Well, it is because I have tried to be perfect!  I was told, years ago, by Christian leaders, that in order to be a good example to the church, that I should “be perfect” (those exact words were not used, this was done over time, in a seemingly sincere and sweet way). . .and train my children to be and look as perfect as possible, too!  For instance, no stains on shirts, instant obedience, sitting as still as possible during a service, etc!  Uggh!  I was told that it was wrong to show people that I was having a bad day, if I was asked “How are you?” I had better give a positive answer.  If I was singing a hymn, it better be with a big happy smile on my face.  I was encouraged to dress a certain way, act a certain way, etc, all so that I would be a good leader in the church (my husband was/is a deacon).  My house should be perfectly clean at all times, too.  On and on, so on and so forth .  It got so I felt like I couldn’t even cut my hair without wondering how it would effect people in the church.  In short, I was living my life for men (or out of fear of man), and not God.  And I take full responsibility for that, and I do not blame anyone.

I just want to be “Shanda, Sinner Saved by Grace”.  My friends will love me even when they find out that I have sin issues.  LOL  After all, my husband and children sure do!   Listen, I love having a clean house, and I love my children to be neat and clean.  I find people who “let their problems all hang out” to be draining.  But, nowadays, my motives for my actions are for the glory of God. 

And if you read all this, I thank you.  Forgive me if I did not make sense!  It’s hard to express myself sometimes, but I wanted to try, just in case what God is doing in my own life is an encouragement to one of you.