every spring

Posted on March 26, 2025 by Shanda

Thanks to David notifying me I was able to go down to the small pond and say my yearly hello Mr and Mrs Duck. They are a harbinger of spring as they fly over and land every year on or around this date.

*****

They always ask that I stand behind a tree so they don’t feel uncomfortable.

From here I was able to carry on a pleasant catching up sort of conversation with them. They did ask why it was just me this year, me and one solitary cat, and I had to explain to them once again (they are forgetful) that Parker (“that dog who always used to bark at you, remember?”) died a few years ago, and that the children all grew up. Soon we were all crying about it. Then the ducks cheered up(rather too quickly) and confessed, “it’s better this way.”

Ducks like quiet ponds.

I explained to them about how I have grandbabies now and that…… (I dried my eyes and smiled) …..”really I’ll always have all sized children to love and enjoy” and they said “Well as long as they don’t visit”…..

And I said, “Oh, they’ll visit.”

alone with blueberries

Posted on July 8, 2024 by Shanda

Well I am in New Hampshire in our vacation cabin alone for a couple days. How did this happen, you wonder?

Since I had driven here first (with Sarah) to prepare for the rest of the family to arrive it worked out nicely for me to remain behind for a few days because 1. I had my car and 2. My kids are old enough to be alone & 3. baby Lucy my angelic granddaughter was able to find someone else to watch her today. So Rich left with everyone and I was very grateful to have three free days, to spend time by myself. As much as I love and adore my family and honestly each one of them is someone I would always choose over solitude, as a quiet introvert I still believe that when an opportunity to be alone presents itself it’s wise for me to take the gift. (I admit it does feel odd for me at first). Yesterday I stayed here at the cabin, but this morning I thought I would drive to visit our old friends, Karl and Edna. This is an older couple who used to be our neighbors in Connecticut, they moved away a few years ago to spend winters in Georgia and summers in NH. I didn’t have their phone number but I remembered the street they lived on so I put on a sun dress and left Sammie (who is still with me and who lost part of her tail, see previous blog post for the story) to make the sunny forty five minute journey. New Hampshire is a beautiful state to drive in, what with the hills and valleys , picturesque homes, gardens, lakes, forest, and more.

They were home!! Of course the Mr. was in his garden and the Mrs. was cleaning. They welcomed me warmly, as I knew they would. These delightful friends are in their 80s and such a wonderful couple to know and admire. We sat and visited in their beautiful living room and when I left I was given two crispy garden cucumbers and a container of soft zucchini bars (frosted) and a mind full of inspiration. I hope Rich and I, when we turn 80, are just as delightful and kind and friendly as they are. I was so glad I went, I was a little nervous about it but my bravery won the day.

I then went to Bristol, NH to a coffee shop called The Purple Coffee Lounge, and I can highly recommend the pesto, cream cheese and tomato bagel sandwich 100%. There is also a cute village thrift shop nearby where I bought some books for 10 cent each- (note to LeaAnn, I bought an Anne Lamott book called -All New People- and thought of you, although this one is a novel. I’ll let you know how it is)

I also scored some Redwall paperbacks for the kids. (highly recommend)

Continuing on my way, my second shopping stop was at Moulton Farm where I bought food for myself for the next two days.

nutritious foods, and also molasses cookies and a peach muffin

*********

I have decided to start doing my “10,000” steps per day again. I had gotten tired of walking and was really proud of myself for quitting but I also began eating whatever I wanted.

I’m still going to do the eating plan but will walk briskly now, as well. I had enough “rest” (months, indeed, entire seasons).

And thus it was, that on today’s second walk, I found

wild blueberries

of which I have a very

very

long history, as I used to pick quantities of them every summer for long periods of time, as a child and teenager.

I picked often enough that the whole experience is genetically coded in my brain now I’m certain of it. It feels like home to pick them. Only the wild ones though.

On today’s walk I found a nice airy five foot high blueberry bush and could not pass them by even though I have no one to share them with and believe it or not blueberries are really not in my top ten fruits to eat, I still HAD to pick them because I wholeheartedly believe that the bush ENJOYS being picked (the birds pick them too), yielding a higher amount of berries for the next year. Plants know when they are Useful and they produce accordingly.

As I picked for that small amount of time (7-9 minutes), I listened to music on my earbuds, felt perfectly content, felt a little bit like I was trespassing as there was a house close by just beyond the bush but then I reminded myself “it’s a ditch” and, also felt, not like a bird, but like a deer. The moment I turned back and jumped up on the road again is when I felt most like the deer, my feet even made the same rustling noice in the bushes and grasses as I jumped.

I had stopped picking when my hand was too full for any more.

It could have been any number of things in my hand; a baby bird, an insect, a butterfly wing, rocks, anything!

As I came out of the woods (from the trail) I crossed the road and deliberately took a photo of this sign as I found it very charming. There is a great deal of honking going on today. God bless Gail, she’s 90!! (I don’t know her but I had also honked earlier).

could have been anything, but it was blueberries, and a buttercup for decoration and whimsy

I found out today that my left hand holds a full quarter of a cup. I hadn’t realized that before today.

If today was a song it would sound like a visit with old friends, driving through New Hampshire, a purple coffee shop, smiles from strangers, hot sunshine and humidity, the sound of birds and lapping lake water, a true crime podcast, laundry machines humming and spinning downstairs, Birkenstocks, a navy blue sundress, iced coffee, dirt roads, the hum of fans in every window, in my voice, my song, of my hand, of my memories, of my blueberries.

You are loved.

speaking of

Posted on March 28, 2024 by Shanda

It’s a rainy day, a steady thick drizzle. I just mixed up a cake from scratch and put it in the oven. I used the last two cups of white sugar so David just left for the grocery store. He is going to visit his girlfriend tomorrow and wants to bake cookies for her so he wanted to make sure to get sugar. He’s not sure what kind he’s making yet. I have some candy for him to give to her, too. I have a candle lit and made a cup of coffee. The house is quietly waiting for its children to come back home. They will all be here this weekend except for Caleb the college boy. It’s Easter weekend and Rich’s 50th birthday on Sunday and we are looking forward to lots of family togetherness. Music, talking, cooking, cuddles.

Speaking of cuddles I got to go and visit Lucy this morning for a couple hours.

I want to always take care of her with gentleness and love. I am beyond thankful for this sweet little baby, our first grandchild.

After I left I visited a local farm for some eggs and frozen meat. We no longer keep chickens or ducks and although we miss having them I am always very appreciative that we have many opportunities to buy them from the farm or different stands in the neighborhood.

Speaking of eggs, I started putting together the kids Easter baskets this morning. I haven’t ever kept a consistent tradition for Easter because sometimes we are vacationing, but because I’m at Goodwill at least once a week to find things for my eBay shop, I kept my eyes open this year for baskets and was able to find some nice wicker ones. Each one of them is slightly different, which I find charming. I lined each one with a sheet of tissue paper and am filling them with different little things. Unfortunately I miscounted one of the matching gifts, I’m one short, and so now Brittnee’s trying to get me to go back to Target with her.

Also thanks to thrifting, I’ve collected Easter decor through the years and it’s been delightful to put things out here and there;

These are the little ways to make a life sing.

Happy Easter my loves ❤️

“I do what my heart tells me to do. I surround myself with beautiful things.” Hilde Leiaghat

“Beautiful homes bring up beautiful people.” Elena salgueiro

“Jesus Christ is our strength and guidance here.” Sister Julienne

“We touch other people’s lives simply by existing.”

PS, he’s back with the sugar and decided to make the Doubletree cookie recipe (oats, walnuts, & chocolate chip).

Brighton jewelry

Posted on February 21, 2023 by Shanda

Rich had two dozen pink long stemmed roses delivered to me along with a bunch of balloons for my birthday. Their beauty drew my attention for over a week but by today their heads were hanging so I took some sharp scissors, and snipped them off to dry in a box lid. Once they dry I will thread them and have a garland of memory-roses.

He knows my happy color is pink. It’s the little things that mean so much. Like the color pink, and roses, and surprise snow, and the sound of my children in the house for Presidents’ Day long weekend.

I’ve been getting pieces of jewelry from Brighton for a long time now, but in the last couple years I have noticed they were not staying silvery like they used to. It’s been a puzzle to me, and three different times I asked the ladies in the shop for help. First, they sold me their jewelry cleaner. Although it was in a pink container and smelled good, it didn’t do the trick. Then, I took a piece to the store and had them try. They were just as puzzled as I, and the darkness remained. Lastly, I had a little passive aggressive conversation with the lady a week ago when I went in to use my birthday coupon. She seemed to blame my skin, or my clothes, and again said that no one knows (not even corporate) why “some people” end up with discolored pieces. “Did you try silver cleaner?” She continued with an accusatory tone. I couldn’t leave fast enough with my new earrings.

But I remembered what she said and today I bought silver cleaner and it worked. How dumb it was for me to have to spend several years puzzling this out. Why didn’t I know that their jewelry was real silver, but with a “protective coating”?

It was pretty satisfying to rub the tarnish off. There is something satisfying about taking care of one’s things.

My mom noticed that instead of putting the forks, spoons, and knives into their separate places in the silverware tray, I was just throwing them in. “Housework is art”, she reminded me. Like my jewelry box, my silverware drawer, my life…..all is art.

I was thinking about Genesis the other day, and the first words of the Bible “In the beginning, God created……..”

That soul-nourishing creativity and making all of life my art is important, because it’s of God. It’s a divine purpose. And just like creation, we look and know that what we did in those moments was good.

good for what ails ya

Posted on December 1, 2022 by Shanda

A bit under the weather today. I was up last night with a nauseous stomach and just felt super gross all night and allowed myself to sleep until 8. I decided not to go to Bible Study but then I started discouraging myself with self-condemnation since it was a BIBLE study I was going to skip— when every other day I wouldn’t hesitate to go out shopping or what have you even if feeling under the weather. The pros and cons were battling it out in my mind so I called my husband and explained it all to him: I didn’t know if I felt up to going to Bible Study, but I did know that I needed to go to Tractor Supply because I ran out of bird seed. What sort of good godly woman would skip Bible Study because she wasn’t feeling well and yet still go to the store is what I wanted to know.

“God’s birds need to be fed.” is what he cheerfully answered unto me. And that was what did it! A good laugh lightened me up and I remembered something. God allows me the freedom to make choices for myself, He loves me and never leaves me based on what I do or don’t do, or ever at all. I am free. The Bible Study I go to is very comfortable and I am just one of the participants, I’m not a leader or anything. It’s there to bless women in the community, not to take attendance or make demands.

In essence, NO ONE CARES. Lol

So, did I go?

Yep! After all that I still went. Out of duty? Out of the belief that it was the righteous thing to do? Nope!

The only reason why I went was because I wanted to. That was why. I wanted to go because chances were very high that someone might say something or read something that might change my day and my outlook. I wanted to go because I wanted to be around these women who show me what genuine and safe love and acceptance looks like. I wanted to go because I love those ladies too, and I need the fellowship, which is a beautiful word to describe the way humans can be together. I tend to isolate and I know I need people and experiences to add layers to my life. Anyway the Bible Study didn’t disappoint. I was “glad to go to the house of the Lord.”

************

As I drove away afterwards, I decided to treat myself to an iced matcha latte from Dunkin. Now, I had a bit on my mind from the study that I was thinking about and maybe that’s why I ordered a “venti” in the drive through, out of the habit of mostly getting matchas at Starbucks. WELL! They startled me into the present moment by correcting me, “WE only have small, medium, and large HERE!” — oh well my apologies I want a large.

I get up to the window and had to wait because the system was rebooting because of the wind. Fine. After waiting for several minutes I was finally able to pay and was handed a matcha which looked just like a Venti but not necessarily a Large. “Is this a large?” “No, You didn’t order a large”. “Yes I did —remember I asked for a venti and you all laughed and said what’s a venti and I said— it’s a large.” It was all good natured and fun banter but still, I needed my large because, hydration. Ohhhhhh yes he remembered and conceded the point. He was gonna correct the misunderstanding. I went to hand back the medium which hadn’t even made it all the way into my cup holder and he said with a wave of his hand “oh just keep it, and I’ll make you a large.”

Then I was thinking “how the heck am I going to drink a gallon of matcha”…but quickly realized “wait Shanda, you’re sort of under the weather today and feeling a bit weird and I bet this is what’s going to cure you. God knows a good matcha latte has a lot of health benefits that you can’t remember off hand but you KNOW you read an article online somewhere that affirmed your propensity for endless matcha lattes. They’re scientifically proven to be good for what ails ya. This, THIS, is why you’re out of the house today. You THOUGHT it was for Bible Study and birdseed, but it was for the medicinal properties of Matcha!!!!!”

The End ….. only it’s not.

Because I’m still drinking them.

belly button piercing

Posted on August 3, 2022 by Shanda

I got it done last week after absorbing the last needed amount of courage from my girls. I was taken back into a little office/medical room by an amazing young lady who had multiple piercings, tattoos, and was wearing black fishnet stockings under her denim shorts. I liked her instantly for her authentic, lazy manner. Nothing was going to alarm this woman. She would probably yawn while pushing the needle through.

She explained things to me and had me stand so she could clean and mark the places where the needle would go. Then I sat on the table while she carefully, while only touching the paper, opened the needle package, and the piercing package, dropping the items onto the clean sterile tray. Then she put gloves on and told me to lay back. She asked if I wanted the door shut for privacy. How comfortable not to care about it and I said, leave it open. There was a fan slowly blowing on the floor in the doorway, and right across the hall was a man in a chair with his back to me, getting a tattoo on his forearm. The two of them didn’t look our way once and were lost in their own conversation and work.

She readied the needle, which was about three inches long and rather thick, and said “Breathe in, and when I tell you to breathe out that is when I’ll insert the needle and then the piercing.” So I took a deep breath and when she said “okay, breathe out,” I felt the needle go through my skin and…….she mumbled, in her quiet yawning manner, “I’m sorry your skin…..it’s tough, you okay? There, it’s through…good…now the piercing jewelry is through, I’m all done, just turning the little top piece on, you okay? Now I’ll just clean you up, the purple marks, it’s not blood…..”.

I had felt like slow motions the stinging sensation of the needle going through my skin and then up and out of it again as she explained to me, in these simple words, “your skin is tough” and all I could think was a shocked, “My skin. It’s tough. I’m rather like an old hen at this point. If I WAS an actual chicken I would only be good for…….for the stew pot.” Wow, what a realization, I’ll tell you.

Oh well, at least this old hen has a beautiful belly button!!!

flash-back

Posted on September 9, 2019 by Shanda

I’m sitting on the couch in the livingroom, after reading through blog archives from 11 years back, searching for a photo of Caleb with his wooden Thomas trains.

School has begun again, and he is now a freshman in High School. He takes drum lessons, is in marching band and also playing football. He’s taller than I am, with light brown, wavy hair, blue eyes, strong arms and legs, and most likely wearing Hollister clothing (my boys’ favorite).

I was busily vacuuming the floors when they left for school this morning, when I stopped in my (train) tracks and turned off the vacuum.

Caleb recently turned 14, and for his birthday we bought him his most requested and beloved gift of dreams…….and it wasn’t a Thomas train like it was 11 years ago.

It was an electric drum set.

I took him to Guitar Center to pick it out. We were there for a very long time, because he wanted to try out every sound and every feature. He was in his own little world, sitting there and moving the wooden sticks, making beats, listening, enjoying himself.

A week ago, I found Sarah Joy prowling around in the storage room in the basement. She was looking for things forgotten about and the next thing I knew, the wooden crate of Thomas trains and tracks were back in the land of family again. They had been away for so long. I was charmed as I watched Seth and Sarah down on the floor, pushing them, setting up track, and making up stories.

Once upon a time, these same trains took naps with a smallest blond haired boy, he covered them in sugar, and paint, and golden glitter. He threw Devious Diesel into the pond, never to be seen again, because he didn’t like him. He parked his trains under the pancake griddle as I made breakfast. He let one roll down the auditorium (it was James) during his older siblings’ music concert, he carried them in his little paws, everywhere. He not only played with trains, he also watched the videos and read the books, he even had Thomas bedding and clothing.

Now he plays with drums. He carries drumsticks in his hands.

So, this morning I stopped in my (train tracks). The house was empty and quiet and the tracks had led me to Caleb’s drum set and a bunch of his old playmates parked underneath. Somehow, as I stood and considered, I imagined that the trains must have whispered to Caleb’s little brother and sister to put them close to where he would be.

Maybe he would play with them again, later.

heart & mind

Posted on May 23, 2019 by Shanda

Rich is away today for a meeting by the shore of Connecticut. Jacob and Ethan are at work, Grace is home with me and cheerful, David, Caleb, Seth, and Sarah will be home from school soon.

I did a lot of crying yesterday but look! I’m still here. I’ve felt like crying a few times today (even now) but so far…..have been able to restrain myself. I feel quiet and calm and deep down sad. This is an improvement over yesterday’s “my heart hurts so bad make it stop sobbing”.

There is a chicken bubbling in broth on the stove with celery, onion, and seasonings. When it’s done I will let it cool, take the meat off, and add it back to the broth with noodles for dinner. Or maybe I’ll make biscuits. This is an improvement over yesterday’s dinner of “nothing”.

Seth has a band concert tonight. Have I told you he plays the trumpet? He’s 10? A new player? Not very good? And it’s loud?

I went for one walk today so far and did some reading. Mainly I’ve been parked here in my favorite spot on the couch most of the day with my camera nearby to snap photos of birds visiting the porch feeders.

baltimore oriole, hopping off the railing to the grape jelly below

They were fussing at each other (oriole and female rose-breasted grosbeak)

“and what is wrong with YOU”, I asked the cardinal

I saw six lady-slippers by the trail.

ground-ivy by the side of the road (“It is used as a salad green in many countries.”)

I think this is called “Celandine” and I read that it is poisonous to chickens. It’s growing and blooming on the side of the road.

In all their affliction He was afflicted. And the Angel of His Presence saved them; In His love and in His pity He redeemed them; And He bore them and carried them all the days of of old. Isaiah 63:9

My mom wrote this verse in my journal for me when we visited last.

tiny soft pinecone

“He started carefully down the trail, knowing that at any moment something unexpected might happen……knowing that nothing was exactly what it seemed to be.” Anpao (newbery book) page 183

back at home with Grace, Bible, journal, markers

Then, my friend Bridgette sent me a link to an article about Charles Spurgeon and I read it with interest and copied down some quotes.

After this I continued reading Beartown and rested for a while.

Caleb just got home from school, Grace is reading and I’m going to go for my second walk and try to get the rest of my steps done (10,000 per day).

Thank you for stopping by, friends, you are loved.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

me

Posted on May 9, 2019 by Shanda

all of these lines across my face…….
tell you the story of who I am……
so many stories of where I’ve been……
and how I got to where I am…….

~brandi carlile

Today I’m looking like a bum. I laugh, I smile, I walk, I clean, I think, I dream, I feel everything deeply, I read books that might help, I play music…..and I have these photos from just an hour ago. But they only show the outside of me. Only I know what’s real (on the inside) and I’m okay with that.

***

thank you for stopping by, friends!
you are loved.

it doesn’t take much for a heart to glow

Posted on May 8, 2019 by Shanda

Good morning friends! After a raining evening we awoke to a glorious sunshine. Rich took this photo of me at Seth’s little league game the other night. ‘Tis the season. Tonight we have three things going on; David at a track meet (really want to go), Seth at little league (want to go, slightly) and Caleb at a band concert (music trumps sports, IMO). Therefore, the band concert is where I will be.

I was so tired yesterday that I went to bed at EIGHT THIRTY and slept all night. I got up a couple times to get a drink but never fully woke up. Then this morning, when Caleb dared to come right in the room to ask for lunch money, Rich got up to help him and let me sleep for another hour. It feels so good to sleep again after months of restless nights.

As I sit here, I still feel like I could go back to bed and sleep.

However, I have dirty laundry washing, a load in the dryer, a big basket of clean n’ dry to fold, a cake in the oven (dinette), the dishwasher going, and am going out to lunch soon. No time for sleeping.

It’s also the time of year when I’m constantly going for the camera to take bird photos so bear with me. Maybe you like birds, too?

This one was from yesterday evening when it was raining (again). I thought the drops of rain on its feathers was pretty. It sat nice and still so I could get close. I was out on the porch for a while as it rained, it suited my tired mood.

A Heron visited the pond, which is how I got out on the porch in the first place, as Caleb came inside to announce “There is a big bird by the pond, Mom.”

He wasn’t happy about it though because he does not want the fish eaten by a heron. He wants to catch them himself.

In fact, when I see worms outside I think of Caleb. Yesterday I rolled over a log and found a nice big one and put it in my pocket. Thank goodness Rich saw me do it because hours later he had to remind me to get it back out again. (I had changed out of my skirt and into jeans). The worm was still in the pocket, as moist as could be which I am sure was a survival tactic as pockets can be rather dry places for a worm. I said, “Caleb I have something for you,” and you should have seen his face when out came a worm from the pocket. We put it in a small box with dirt in it for when he goes out to fish again.

I kept telling him to smile and he just kept twisting his ears.

Somehow a log ended up in the pond and all day it floats slowly around. Sometimes I see it on one side, at times it’s in the middle, or the other side, but it always has a turtle or two on it. I want so much to add a whole fleet of logs and see if each one will gain a passenger or two. Maybe I’ll even add sails. How charming would that be? Turtle boats.

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Irridescent feathers in the EVENING TIME

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Different lighting (same spot) MORNING TIME….. are you the same bird? I can’t tell.

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Sweet little bird and do you wonder how I got the yellow background? My forsythia bush was in the distance and blurred out as the camera focused on the bird.

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showing off a fine suit of clothing (made entirely of feathers!)

David went outside in the evening to shut in the chickens for the night and caught a spring peeper. I was thrilled.

Spring is made more beautiful because of their sweet singing. Look at those toes.

I haven’t stopped reading the Newbery books. I’m currently on this one and I love it. I’m a forever fan of Nancy Farmer now. What a bright and original mind she has. This is the second Newbery book I’ve read by her.

I made this huge pasta salad yesterday.

But the rabbit got a dandelion salad. (possibly more healthy)

We babysat our neice! She’s so so so cute and looks so much like Isaac (her dad, my baby brother).

After Isaac and Cassandra came back we ate pasta salad and hamburgers and played a game of PIG which I won (as always), humbly noted.

Last but not least.

The beautiful Marsh Marigold (New England wildflower).

******

Thank you for the comments left on my blog posts! I do wonder sometimes if you guys see my replies, as I try to reply to most comments, can someone pretty please let me know if they are seen? Should I bother? Thank you. xo

Happy Wednesday, friends!
You are soooooo loved.

“Make someone happy, you can you know,
It doesn’t take much for a heart to glow.”

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but my heart.”

PS, the cake baked to a nice golden brown and smells so good. I wish I could give you a piece!