another summer day

Posted on July 29, 2015 by Shanda

Currently, Caleb and Seth are playing with the dog. Sarah is pretending to be “an angel wolf named Angel but she doesn’t have any wings.” Grace is getting ready for the dentist.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 and couldn’t sleep anymore. I quietly opened the door to our bedroom and saw that there were no teenage boys sleeping on the couch. How nice it was to be the first one up. (Rich had already left for work). I got out the thick yellow “Life is Good” mug and made a cup of coffee, ignoring the very messy kitchen.

I went outside with my cup. One of the things I love to do is walk around looking at my gardens.

This summer has been such a joy. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but with Sarah now five, my body has been free from the demands of pregnancy and nursing for 3 1/2 years now. I feel better than I have in almost 20 years! I loved being a mom of preschoolers so much and God’s grace has always been abundantly enough for that stage of life, but I’m still honestly thrilled to be moving out of those years….enjoying the seven children I have….and having a little extra time these days to enjoy other things, as well.

Nothing important, really, just quiet simple living. Gardening, reading to myself and the kids, spending time with friends and family, learning more and more about Jesus and His life-freeing ways, stumbling along daily in need of His grace….free from guilt and condemnation. Yes, it’s been a wonderful summer.

My friend Alyssa is so good about joining her children in their activities and fun. I thought of her when I went swimming in the pond yesterday. Why don’t I jump in more often? It’s not that I don’t like ponds….it’s just that I guess as MOM I feel like I’m better off on the sidelines as Watcher of the Children. Of course, I’m not really the athletic type, either. I’m just not. I don’t like running or spending time deliberately exercising. The only sport I ever really loved was gymnastics. So I do continue to turn those cartwheels. But I really do admire my running friends! (and husband)

The water was like bathwater on top. I swam along the top of the water, noticing the little water bugs skimming along on their magic legs, smelling that pond smell that will always remind me of my childhood.

*A Little Walk*

It was an Evening of Toads….during our walk we saw about 10 of them, all in various sizes. The spring away quickly, making us laugh, but we always catch them and say hello.

all those bare feet

********

Pictures I Took This Morning While Drinking my Coffee

I love this spot in my flower beds, especially the morning glories which are now in bloom just underneath the sunflowers.

I’ve never grown a watermelon before. It gets bigger every day, we (the whole family) love to look at it. Pat it like a baby. It’s going to be strange to eat it later on this summer.

ANOTHER!

basil

Seth woke up. And then I had a friend to walk with.

Together, we thought about how the older kids were going to camp soon, and the funny ways of our dear departed Billy-Cat, and then we saw our cat Sam. We thought about church and I told him why I love to go. (because I love to be around people who love Jesus just like I do) He doesn’t like church because it’s too long. We watered some of my plants together, made up silly songs, and he let me join him on the swing. We saw a spider and watched it work on it’s web. I thought of knitting needles and zip lining but the spider is an expert.

Baby boy was holding a cat. He said he’s not a baby. But I said he was my baby. “I’m not your baby anymore.” Suddenly I felt like writing a sad country song. I’m sure it would be a big hit.

******

“Don’t wish me happiness. I don’t expect to be happy all the time……it’s gotten beyond that somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor. I will need them all.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh

baccalaureate service

Posted on June 16, 2015 by Shanda

I am this sentimental about all seven of my babies, mark my words, but as this is the Week of Jacob, he is constantly on my mind.

I spent hours and hours at the end of our first hand-me-down couch with my first born baby. I remember those hours like they were yesterday. Most of the time he had my undivided attention, but sometimes I would watch TV as I held him. Other times I would read a book. There was very often a cat snuggled with us. We were cuddled under a quilt made by my husband’s grandmother and I would put a glass of water up on the top of the couch. All day long, whenever it was time to eat, we were there, no hurries, no worries. In the evenings my husband sat with us, too.

He was born the very last day of 1996 and we had one solitary year together before his beautiful baby brother joined us. Everything our baby did was amazing to us, my husband and I were both so proud. As he said recently, every parent thinks their child is someone extra special and it is the same for us. What a cherished gift children are and worthy to be given everything they need to grow and learn.

My friends and I used to remind each other now and then about how quickly our children would grow and leave us. Those crazy days when we had a bunch of little ones, healthy, busy, impossible to predict, we were exhausted trying to keep up. “Soon they will be gone” was our mantra to get us through those days but we said it with a laugh because it still seemed so far off.

We had plenty of time.

Last night at 5:30, the family–all 10 of us–were dressed up and in the vehicle, driving to the little league field to drop off Caleb for a game, and then heading for the Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in town for the Senior Baccalaureate Service of Evening Prayer.

I sat on the end so I could lean over into the aisle…all the better to see our boy. Although their handsome Dad did his best to keep them in their seats, by the last hymn my two youngest were hanging off my back. Sarah’s soft hands holding my arm, Seth twirling my pony tail.

Our Jacob was one of the students selected to read Scripture.

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11

The service had a special meaning for me personally because I have chosen the word “light” as my word of the year and it was the theme of the service. In fact, as we opened with Versicles, the whole room was saying these words together:

Jesus Christ is the light of the world,
The light no darkness can overcome.
Stay with us, Lord, for it is evening,
And the day is almost over.
For with you is the fountain of life,
And in your light we see light.

It touched me to the depths of my soul. Thank you, Jesus.

Do you remember that part in the movie “Anne of Avonlea” when Diana is about to get married and Mrs Barry is carrying on because she’s “losing her firstborn forever”. Aunt Josephine, in her typical bluntly comforting way quickly says, “Don’t get all sentimental, you still have Minnie May”…..that’s what I think of when I see this picture of me and my Minnie-Sarah.

After the service we all went downstairs for refreshments. Seth, the one who is just victoriously finishing up Kindergarten, had two buttered rolls, bypassed the pasta and salad, and then ate four cupcakes. The people of the church were all so kind and thoughtful, and happy to serve the community and class of 2015 in this way.

“You’ve been a blessing from the start,
I love you, my son, with all my heart.”

So thankful for these wonderful, priceless moments!

mothering little ones

Posted on October 6, 2014 by Shanda

I find myself contemplating the end of my *mothering preschoolers* stage of life. Since the age of 21 I have been caring for my own darling tiny children, truly, the work of raising them up has been the joy and purpose of my life, so far. I know that mothering never ends as long as I have children to love, but there is something so sweet and tender about the preschool years.

I’ve loved all seven of them with a love that surprised me. When I wrapped my arms around them and held them close, breathed them in, it did something to me that I will always remember. Does God give children to us because they need us or because we need them? Oh how much I have learned in being a mama.

Now that the older six are in school, it is just Sarah and me at home during the day.

(I’ve given her a bath this morning. Her hair is pulled back in a pony tail now, and she has a sparkly elastic headband around her hair. It has five stars on it. She’s sitting on the couch looking at one of her brother’s Star Wars books. We’re listening to Elizabeth Mitchell music. “You are my flower, you’re blooming there for me.”

She just put the book aside. “There’s no girl in this book.” she complained.)

We went for a walk on Friday and she was crying at the end of it because she was tired, but we enjoyed it anyway and talked about it together all weekend. Three of our four cats came with us and I realized that next year at this time, when Sarah Joy is in Kindergarten, I’ll probably be filling up this blog with pictures of my cats.

As Sarah and I walked, the cats ran past us and one time Sarah almost got knocked over by Billy. If we stopped, they stopped, or climbed a tree. They chased each other and did unexpected things. Walking with Sarah and three cats felt a little bit like 5 years ago, walking through the woods with five little ones and a baby in my arms. (when I was still homeschooling)

We saw some mushrooms. It had rained the day before so they were damp. This one was so very shiny that we bent to touch it’s top and discovered it was very slimy. When we lifted our finger off it a string of thick goo came up, too.

My friend Bobby Jo asked me recently if I had ever seen a “fairy ring” of mushrooms and we came close on this walk. I suppose you could call this a “fairy half-ring”.

And then we saw several of these on the trail under the oak trees in the forest.

Puff ball in Aspic or, “calostroma cinnabarinum”

SO interesting!!

It was the first time I observed them at this stage, just ready to PUFF for us.

Sarah had such fun pinching each one over and over until all the puff was gone, the round orange tops were dry and felt similar to thin rubber.

I carried acorns and other little forest things home in the pocket of my shirt (now surrounding a pillar candle). Sarah worried about losing the cats and eventually gave way to tears. Thankfully she got tired within sight of the house and with some encouragement and we all made it home for a nice nap.

“Oh Lord, thank you for the life you have given me. Help me in the sadness I feel in the ending of these busy years of mothering tiny children. Help me to feel contentment and gratitude that it happened, and not grieve too much, that it’s almost over. Help me to remember that these years have not been easy and there is much to be glad about in moving on to the next stage, such as never having to buy diapers again, (which is all I can think of at the moment). Thank you that in mothering the helpless I have learned so much about YOU, because that is what you do for me. In my weakness you make me strong. When I am hungry you feed me. When I am thirsty you give me drink. When I am sad you comfort me. You are my rock and my salvation, I honor and praise you, Jesus. Amen”

“Children are not angels, and yet they bring from heaven to earth many fragments of loveliness. Their influence in a home is a benediction. They soften hearts and change the whole thought of life in their parents. It is no more of self. They begin to live for their children. The children open love’s chambers. They train their parents in patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness. While a young child is in a home a school of heaven is set up there.” J.R. Miller

time for the yearly mother’s day portrait

Posted on May 12, 2014 by Shanda

Grace and I were out to New York this weekend visiting family. We stayed two nights with Mom and Dad. Dad took this picture of us before church this morning of me and my mom, and Grace and her mom.

After church, we drove four hours home and I got to put my arms around all my children again.

so blessed.

a few of my own thoughts about motherhood, for what they are worth:

Motherhood doesn’t need to be put up on a pedestal. Motherhood doesn’t need to be glorified. It is a special work, but it is what it is because of our heavenly Father. He alone provides what a woman needs to be a beautiful mother to her children: HE GETS THE GLORY. I know I am in a sorry place when I begin thinking too much of myself. I want to feel weak and helpless, because in this way I will run to Jesus and his Word for help and guidance.

I love to have friendships with other mothers and be inspired by them, so I hope this blog does a little bit of that for you, my friends. But always remember that we are all children of God, working in the positions God has placed us.

Practically speaking, there is no set of perfect advice or rules for motherhood. What works for us will not work for other families. You need to work on knowing yourself, knowing your husband, knowing your own children. Do what is best for your own family and you will develop fun, priceless, “weird and strange” habits and jokes that no one else will understand. You will develop a love for one another that is not distracted by trying to follow a book, blog, or some other person’s ideas. Follow the Bible and God’s leading always, but never follow a certain man/philosophy/book unless the advice you learn goes along with your own convictions. Bravely live your own interesting and priceless life in the Lord. Be unique!! Life is an adventure!

Any old “fool” can make a baby, but it takes a lot of hard work and mistakes to raise them up in the Lord. Pray for me and I will pray for you.

It’s all grace, my loves.

I truly love and thank God for my children. I enjoy them all very much. I’m so proud of them I could bust. 🙂

God in motherhood

Posted on February 23, 2011 by Shanda

Our little Seth has been sick since yesterday, with a fever.

I love taking care of him.

Holding him when he needs to be close.

Letting him sleep on the couch, in a little spot made up just for him, when he needs to be left alone to sleep.

I want to remember to smile every time he looks my way. Because when he wakes up, mine is the face he looks for. He can’t talk much, but his beautiful, trusting eyes tell me what I need to know.

I want to remember to take the time to read his eyes and answer with soothing words, a hug and a cuddle, a drink. To softly touch his hot face with my hands. To be gentle.

Remembering that he just might form his first memories, around the way I’m caring for him today.

And it’s okay to be spoiling him and doing whatever we can to keep him comfortable. Big sister Grace made up his little bed, on the couch, with a crisp clean sheet, and a soft pillow. He sleeps through all the house noise and wakes up once in a while if he needs me.

Last night, Rich and I sat side by side. He held Seth and I held Sarah. It was good to have his arms home at the end of the day, to help my arms out.

But, when only one lap and one set of arms will do….we make it work that way, too.

Today his blue blankie joins him, and his soft stuffed bear, because we know how much texture means to this little boy. When I hold him, he melts my heart when he gets a little bit of my shirt in his fingers and holds it, because it feels secure and soothing to him. When he does it, I’m reminding of a line from one of my favorite little essays about motherhood.

“Everybody knows that a good mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and their extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world, or in a whole lifetime, who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children’s hands from anybody else’s clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better.” ~Katherine Hathaway

So as I go along, completing the day’s work, I want to remember that I matter to my children. My goal, the way I want to be, is to listen to them, care about what they are telling me, make a comfortable and peaceful home, smile, hug, and simply just be available……to love them in just a portion of the way God loves me.

I’ve been a Mom for 14 years and I have seven children and the Lord has taught me so much during this time, one of the most important being…..that I can give the children a taste HIS LOVE through MY LOVE….and that HE is teaching ME of HIS great LOVE, by allowing me (giving me grace) to love the children He has given me.

I know the powerful, yet imperfect, love a mother feels for her child…..and I am amazed, humbled, to know that His love for me is abundantly MORE powerful than that, and also PERFECT!

” As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13a

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

“Everybody knows that GOD gives His children a feeling of trust and stability. He is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. He is their food and their bed and their extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; He is their warmth and health and their shelter; He is the one they want to be near when they cry. He is the only One in the whole world, or in a whole lifetime, who can be these things to His children. There is no substitute for Him…… Somehow even His clothes feel different to His children’s hands from anybody else’s clothes. Only to touch His skirt or His sleeve makes a troubled child feel better.”

I almost left off the last two sentences of that quote because I could think of verses to prove the previous ones, but not those last two lines……then I remembered this one:

“And, behold, a woman….touched the hem of His (Jesus’) garment: For she said within herself, If I may just touch his garment, I shall be whole.” Matthew 9:21

Oh, how beautiful & lovely!

I’m not doing a very good job of it, but all I am trying to say is that our yearnings and desires (even though we often fail) to care for and mother our children come from GOD Himself…..He is our perfect example and gives us all we need to care for our families.

Thankful today for so many things…including each and every friend who visits me here today. Hope you are having a blessed day!

~Shanda