hope

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Anyone else tired and blah today?  Anyone else blue? 

I am tired out. . and when I get over tired I start to think negative thoughts.  I start complaining about myself in my mind, “I’m getting old”   “If this is what I am like as a 31 year old, what on earth will I be like when I’m **?”  “My back hurts.  Will my back ever feel better again?”  “My shoulder is aching, too.  I guess I’ll probably end up with arthritis soon”  “So I have aches and pains?  I’m sure even WORSE things will happen at some point.”  “You are so terrible!  There are so many other people out there who have worse things going on in their lives.  So you’re tired and achy, get over it!!!!”

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On and on.  This is my struggle.  Lack of faith, lack of love for God.  I say that, because, when I focus my energies on thinking of MYSELF, I am not looking at God. . .I’m being SELFISH and self centered.

Then I started thinking about Rich’s Grandma.  Remember I did a post about her giving away her dishes?  I thought, here is a woman, a Christian Woman, an OLD lady (she’s 90-something), and she never seems to have any struggles with her attitude.  I compared (bad to compare, very unwise!) myself to her.  I saw myself today as someone who has a great potential to grow old in a very cantankerous way.  Or, perhaps, giving up the fight.  Like, “ouch my back hurts I guess I’ll just stay in bed today and make everyone wait on me hand and foot.”

“I’ll never be able to grow old gracefully like Grandma.”

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I’m in the midst of a big pity party when I go get the mail–and low and behold, a letter from Grandma.  The kids were all in bed so I dove into my own bed to read it.  Right off the bat she mentions the essay I wrote about her for my blog:

Dear Shanda–

I can’t believe you put that out on Internet!  You make one sound so good . Just remember I am a sinner just like the worst of them. . . . . .

She wrote more but that was the part that stood out to me.  “I am a sinner just like the worst of them”.  Friends, I cried when I read that!  Did I think she was “perfect”?  I guess, in a way, I did.  Naive of me, because of course she has struggles and problems, I see that now but, . . . . . .I still believe there is something about old age’s wisdom.  What is different about her?   What do I see in her that I don’t see in myself? 

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I could very well be wrong, but I think it’s patience.  I think it’s acceptance and trust in God.  Waiting.  The wisdom of knowing what life on earth is.  It’s growing old.  It’s good and it’s bad.  It’s easy and yet hard.  You need to be brave and fight, and yet you need to trust like a little child.  It’s going through trials without having a fit. . .it’s about letting go of my “control” and letting my life be held in God’s hands.  It’s knowing that I will never be perfect on earth, (and neither will Grandma.)  “I’m only a sinner, saved by grace!”  And, according to Romans, patience leads to HOPE. . .now there’s a word to meditate on! 

 

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace
with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

By whom also we have access by faith
into this grace wherein we stand,
and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also:
knowing that tribulation worketh patience:

And patience, experience;

And experience, hope:

And hope maketh not ashamed;
because the love of God is shed abroad
in our hearts
by the Holy Ghost
which is given unto us.

Romans 5:1-5

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Rich took the photos of me and Caleb on Saturday night when we were getting ready for our “before bed” snack.

 

Hello Friends~

Rich and I took the kids to Crackerbarrel for lunch. . .consequently I have a short time at home today before going back to church to choir practice.  However, I wanted to share the lyrics to a hymn we sang this morning during the service.  It’s an oldie but goodie.

 

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“Praise Ye the Lord, the Almighty”
Based on Psalm 103
Joachim Neander, 1680
Translated by Catherine Winkworth, 1863

Praise ye the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!
O my soul, praise him, for he is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to his temple draw near,
join me in glad adoration.

Praise ye the Lord, who o’er all things so wondrously reigneth,
shelters thee under his wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e’er have been
granted in what he ordaineth?

Praise ye the Lord, who with marvelous wisdom hath made thee,
decked thee with health, and with loving hand guided and stayed thee.
How oft in grief hath not he brought thee relief,
spreading his wings to o’er shade thee
!

Praise ye the Lord, O let all that is in me adore him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before him!
Let the amen sound from his people again;
gladly for aye we adore him.

this that and the other

Somehow half the day has flown by rapidly.  I just came downstairs after reading (about Bible customs, very fascinating) and waiting for David and Caleb to fall asleep.  We have had sleeping issues with them lately so they have to be watched closely. . .it gave me an excuse to sit still for a while, anyway!  I’m thankful for the big comfy chair right outside their bedroom, that’s for sure!

I have a few more photos to share with you.  On Friday, before my parents left to go back home, my mom and I went for a little walk around our property.  I took some little clippers with me to cut some red berries.  It was so frigid outside that we didn’t stay out for very long.  Still, it was nice to get some fresh air and to give the children a chance to show Grandma all their favorite spots around the yard and stream.

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Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the

most “useless”;

 peacocks and lilies for instance.  ~John Ruskin, The Stones of Venice, 1851

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I brought the berries inside to add some color and decoration to the livingroom.  I love bringing the outdoors in.

After our walk, Jacob and my Dad got out their instruments again for one last practice.  Their song sounds very nice!  It’s so special to listen to them play together and they are making lasting memories as well.  I know Jacob will never forget playing with his Grandpa.  And soon Ethan will be able to join them.

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Play the music, not the instrument.  ~Author Unknown

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory.  ~Oscar Wilde

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That brings us to this morning.  Our dumb dog has been barking in the night so my poor husband was exhausted this morning. . .I left him alone so he could sleep and you all know what I do when I’m free!  Take pictures, of course!  This morning I was keeping my eye on my littlest munchkin, Caleb, who was wearing new pajamas which, by the looks of them, will not last long!

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A hundred hearts would be too few

To carry all my love for you.

~Author Unknown

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They were all watching a Saturday morning cartoon.  Or was it a Thomas video?  I don’t know . . . .

Here is Grace, still wearing her snow suit (she and Ethan went outside first thing this morning). 

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Parker stole someone’s candy apple off the kitchen counter.  He loved it.  (**sigh**)

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The children all enjoy our wood-pellet stove and there is usually one child perched on top when they watch tv.  Jacob and Ethan just got soft new robes.

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Last but not least, Davy-do with one of his typical wide-eyed expressions.

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For you see, each day I love you more

Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.

~Rosemonde Gerard

Rich and I went out shopping yesterday afternoon with the kids.  It wasn’t too bad, actually.  Ever since I went to NYC, Rich has been wanting to get me some proper sneakers (I got sore that day!) so he took matters in his own hands and picked them out for me.  I am not a sneaker girl, I would
much rather wear other types of footwear, so I let him decide.  They are white with pink and silver on them and they feel good on my feet.  (notice I do not focus on brand, but appearance, LOL, they were Nike) Hopefully they will help me avoid back and hip pain!  We bought the kids some things that they needed–pj’s, socks, mittens, boots, etc.  Thankfully some of the children can still use their things from last winter.  But last year’s gloves and mittens completely disappeared.  It’s amazing!

This morning we let the kids watch some tv and then we all cleaned the house (again).  Rich just got back home with Jacob and Ethan, he returned some things to the library and ran some errands.  Now that cleaning is over and done with, he and the older 3 children are all sitting at the table, reading.  I asked husband to pick me out some books, which is risky but better than going myself –(for today anyway, I’m too tired)–he brought back 2 cookbooks that I’ve already looked at many many times and 2 biographies that I have not read but look interesting–one is about C.S. Lewis, and one is about John Wesley.  He did good!

By the way, the leftovers have been yummy! 

Hope all is well with you!

 

 

Thanksgiving Day Photos

 

Mom and Me

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Dad and Caleb

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My brother Isaac

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Sister Amanda and Brother David

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You know this girl!

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my niece, Naomi (and Davy-do!)

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Brother David and his fiance, Maria

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I had lots of kitchen helpers

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Our abundant food

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Mom and all the girls–Maria holding my neice, Makayla, Makayla’s mom Melissa, Amanda, Mom and me

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All of us! 

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Thanksgiving blessings to you. . . .

 

You are my friend

You are special

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You are my friend

You’re special to me.

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You are the only one like you.

Like you, my friend, I like you.

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In the daytime

In the nighttime

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Any time that you feel’s the right time

For a friendship with me, you see

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F-R-I-E-N-D special

You are my friend

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You are special to me.

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There’s only one in this wonderful world.

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You are special.

(song by Mr. Fred Rogers)

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Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends. . .

To all my family. . .

To all my brothers and sisters in Christ. . .

To anyone who reads this. . .

You are all so very special.

I love you. 

 

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When I took the kids to music on monday we passed a flower shop.

There was a sign outside that said,

“If you are a turkey,

stop by for your free rose.”

 

I just had to laugh.  I meant to go back to take a picture, but I’m too busy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God. . . .
giving thanks to His name.  Hebrews 13:15

Do you. . . . .

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remember wearing socks for mittens?

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remember making snow angels and the feel

of the icy snow gently falling on your skin?

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remember the intense excitement?

of waiting and waiting for snow

and then finally having it come down?

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remember making snowballs with your brother?

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remember how the falling snow made everything feel dreamy?

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remember the taste of snow?

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It started snowing this morning. 

We saw it start at breakfast time, and from the first flakes the kids were pulling on their snow stuff.

Ethan and David are the only ones out right now, and they’re sledding!

I wish you could watch them out the window with me, and see their smiles.

Jacob is in the kitchen, peeling and chopping potatoes for clam chowder.

Caleb is still in his green striped footie pj’s.  I call him my little caterpillar.

And, Rich is home with us, working on his laptop.  He’s sitting right by me as I type.

It’s cozy and nice being here at home together.

 

As most of you know by now, Rich’s Dad was in a terrible accident yesterday.  I won’t go into details here, I just want to ask you to continue praying.  We thought he would be going home last night, but we were called this morning on our way to church and told that Dad started getting sick and his blood pressure shot up.  Consequently, they are keeping him in the hospital for at least one more night. 

When we got home Rich spoke to his Dad on the phone for a few minutes.  After they hung up Rich decided to go ahead and drive out to see him.  He wants so badly to see his Dad, to hug him, and touch him. . .

Even though it means I am now alone with the kids, I feel perfect peace about this decision.  Rich took Ethan with him for company and to let Ethan experience joy in comforting others.  They should be back tomorrow evening, Lord willing.

If for some reason, you did not get my private message explaining what happened, message me and I will let you know.  Thanks for praying and your concern. 

Here is a picture I took of our gang this morning:

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“Beside us to guide us,

our Lord with us joining,

ordaining,

maintaining His Kingdom divine;

So from the beginning the fight we were winning,

Thou, Lord wast at our side;

The glory be thine!”

~from the hymn, “We Gather Together” by Theodore Baker

(We sang this hymn in church this morning, this was the 2nd verse of it.)

odds and ends

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Now, most good coffee companies have entire lines of excellent decaf products…..

The above comment from yesterday’s post made me laugh and laugh.  Yes, I admit, I did use a bit too many exclamation points as I typed. (!!)

Thank you to all those who understood and commented to yesterday’s post.  My fingers shook as I typed it but it felt therapeutic to write it all out.  Those thoughts had been whirling around my head for quite a while, just begging to be let out.   

I spent yesterday doing the same regular things. . .and was so glad when Rich got home because then the weekend could begin.  We went out for pizza and wings.  Rich and I sat on one side of the booth with David. Grace, Ethan, and Jacob sat across from us. Caleb sat in his high chair at the end.  It was nice to sit together and eat, knowing I did not have to clean up when we were done.  Rich turned to me and told me that I was pretty, that my hair looked pretty and asked me what I did differently with it.  “Ummm” I said, “I brushed it?” We laughed.  (Which was the truth, I brushed it out smooth instead of just pulling it back.  I didn’t think it was that dramatic of a change, however!  I guess the ponytail look is getting old? ) After not being together much this week, it felt nice to actually look at each other. 

Rich is out running errands right now with Jacob, Ethan, and David.  Grace and I just mixed up some dough to make homemade cinnamon rolls.  She and Caleb are watching a movie now while we wait for the dough to rise.

I spent some time this morning getting organized for Thanksgiving.  I typed out a grocery list and my menu.  This year my family will all be together at my house and I can’t wait to see everyone all in the same room again, it’s been a long time. And, by the way, Rich is taking Wednesday and Friday off.  (hurray!) 

The other day Grace and I made some fantastic cookies.  They tasted wonderful and I will make them again over and over.  So, I thought I would share the recipe in case anyone feels like baking today.  We called them Sunshine Cookies because they are a pretty orange color.

Carrot Cookies

2 cups flour
1/4 tsp. salt
2 tsp. baking powder
1 stick butter
1/2 cup shortening
3/4 cup sugar
1 cup grated carrots
1/2 tsp. orange extract
1 egg

Mix flour, salt, and baking powder.  Cream butter, shortening and sugar thoroughly.  Add carrots, orange extract and egg; beat well.  Stir in flour mixture; mix well.  Drop by spoonfuls on cookie sheet.  Bake in preheated 400 degree oven for 10-12 minutes or until done.  One T. grated orange peel may be used instead of orange extract.  Yield: 3 dozen

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And, here is a funny moment from my week.

I walked away, leaving David to eat his applesauce, and when I came back I found him like this:

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He had dropped his spoon.

I say, he gets a perfect score for form!  His technique is a little off, however. I’ve never seen anyone pick something up off the floor quite like this before. 

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!

I read something yesterday on xanga that really upset me. 

It all boils down to the same old, sickening story. 

Instead of love coming from a Christian I saw criticism, judgement, and a refusal to be open. 

I’m so sick of it.

Wake up!!!!!

Christianity is not about WHAT PEOPLE ARE DOING. . .

It’s about loving God.

It’s about the fruit of the Spirit. 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance; against such there is no law.”  Galations 5:22

NOT ABOUT what denomination I am, not what I wear, not what music I listen to, not what I buy my kids for Christmas, NOT the number of children I have, not what I chose to do in my free time, not about homeschooling or public school, not about how long my hair is, not about tattoes, not about reading novels or having a tv in the house, not about the clothes I wear, how many minutes I spend doing devotions, how many tracts I pass out in a week, how involved I am in church programs. . .

 When these things become the focus, it grieves God and makes Satan laugh.

IT’S MORE THAN THAT, MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you think what you DO is what Christianity is you are missing out on the most fulfilling and beautiful part of life!  Throw it off like the rubbish that it is!  Our works are filthy rags.  It’s what comes from the heart that counts.

Am I going to despise my precious sister in Christ because she has higher standards than I do???  Will I chose to stick my nose up in the air because I have the freedom to do certain things that she has said NO to???

Am I going to despise my sister in Christ because she has a lower standard than I do??  Will I look down at her because she feels she has freedom in an area where I feel restriction????

 

DO I NOTICE DO I EVEN THINK ABOUT IT AT ALL???

 

Because, really, we shouldn’t.

Because Christianity is SO MUCH MORE.

 

Move on. . .move on. . . .to better things.

Go further up and further in, as C.S. Lewis writes in his Narnia books.

 

Do you love Christ??

 

Than you love your brother and you love your sister.  LOVE, really love.  We all say it.  LOVE IS A CHOICE, LOVE IS A DECISION. 

You don’t love someone.  What do you do???  You PRAY, you beg God to help you, to empower you to love your sister in Christ.  Show mercy.  And then you wait.  He WILL let His love shine through you.  Try it, you’ll see.

Make your religion about yourself and your Savior.  Not about what Joe Smith is doing across the aisle from you.  Not what Suzy Jones is doing on her xanga blog.

You know, my blog, this blog that you are reading right now—I am aware that it probably seems at times that I have a wonderful dream life of magic moments.  But, I decided early on that I want my blog to be a beautiful place for people to come and visit and enjoy. . .free from (the majority of!!) my own complaints and issues. 

I have bad days.  I have dark spiritual struggles.  I know what it’s like to be utterly confused about how to live my life as a Christian woman.  But, I don’t see the point in AIRING everything out on my blog.  This is a public place, anyone can read this. . . .so I filter my life’s events and share what I think would help others.  Encourage others.  Give others a laugh or a smile.  Show love, share quotes and verses.  I see my blog as a way to make friends and share good things.

But, don’t ever think that I’m proud or I think I’m perfect or anything like that.  I have issues just like everyone else. 

My heart’s passion is to develop my relationship with the Lord.   I read my Bible, I have books that I turn to, like Spurgeon, that edify me when I am low and blue.  I have fears and doubts, I sometimes wonder if life is worth living.

But you won’t read much about it here on my blog.  I have had women send me private messages and we share each other’s heavy burdens in that way.  In private.

I never wanted to write this post.  I don’t want to have one single drop of poison here.  But I’m hurt and I’m crying and I just want to say please—please develop love in your heart toward your sister and your brother.

We are going to be different.  The weaker/stronger brother scenario is never going away.  It was a problem in Bible days and it’s a problem now.  But let’s throw the dirty blanket in the corner and move on.  Read Romans 14.  So you have a ____________ (fill in the blank) person in your life.  Do you love them?  Do you show mercy?   Give Jesus your poison so He can throw it in the deepest sea and give you love to share instead. 

Oh, God help us!

 

“Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.”

 

Hymn of Praise

One week until Thanksgiving!  Rich worked late last night so the kids and I sat on the couches after dinner and sang hymns for about half an hour.  The little ones don’t sing with us, but I was thrilled when I heard David (5yrs) humming and singing “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” yesterday while coloring. . . . .(they are listening even it doesn’t seem like they are!) 

The words to this particular hymn are beautiful.   What is your favorite line?

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Sing Praise To God

 

Sing praise to God Who reigns above, the God of all creation,
The God of power, the God of love, the God of our salvation.
With healing balm my soul is filled and every faithless murmur stilled:
To God all praise and glory.

What God’s almighty power hath made His gracious mercy keepeth,
By morning glow or evening shade His watchful eye ne’er sleepeth;
Within the kingdom of His might, Lo! all is just and all is right:
To God all praise and glory.

The Lord is never far away, but through all grief distressing,
An ever present help and stay, our peace and joy and blessing.
As with a mother’s tender hand, God gently leads the chosen band:
To God all praise and glory.

Thus, all my toilsome way along, I sing aloud Thy praises,
That earth may hear the grateful song my voice unwearied raises.
Be joyful in the Lord, my heart, both soul and body bear your part:
To God all praise and glory.

Let all who name Christ’s holy Name give God all praise and glory;
Let all who own His power proclaim aloud the wondrous story!
Cast each false idol from its throne, for Christ is Lord, and Christ alone:
To God all praise and glory.

written by Johann J. Schutz, 1640-1690

 

I will sing praise

to the name of the Lord

most high

Psalm 7:17

*****

“Praising God is one of the highest and
purest acts of religion.
In prayer we act like men;
in praise we act like angels.”  Thomas Watson

*****

“Self-love may lead us
to prayers, but love
to God excites us to praises”  Thomas Manton

*****

“Praise shall conclude that work which prayer began.”  William Jenkyn