hope

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Anyone else tired and blah today?  Anyone else blue? 

I am tired out. . and when I get over tired I start to think negative thoughts.  I start complaining about myself in my mind, “I’m getting old”   “If this is what I am like as a 31 year old, what on earth will I be like when I’m **?”  “My back hurts.  Will my back ever feel better again?”  “My shoulder is aching, too.  I guess I’ll probably end up with arthritis soon”  “So I have aches and pains?  I’m sure even WORSE things will happen at some point.”  “You are so terrible!  There are so many other people out there who have worse things going on in their lives.  So you’re tired and achy, get over it!!!!”

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On and on.  This is my struggle.  Lack of faith, lack of love for God.  I say that, because, when I focus my energies on thinking of MYSELF, I am not looking at God. . .I’m being SELFISH and self centered.

Then I started thinking about Rich’s Grandma.  Remember I did a post about her giving away her dishes?  I thought, here is a woman, a Christian Woman, an OLD lady (she’s 90-something), and she never seems to have any struggles with her attitude.  I compared (bad to compare, very unwise!) myself to her.  I saw myself today as someone who has a great potential to grow old in a very cantankerous way.  Or, perhaps, giving up the fight.  Like, “ouch my back hurts I guess I’ll just stay in bed today and make everyone wait on me hand and foot.”

“I’ll never be able to grow old gracefully like Grandma.”

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I’m in the midst of a big pity party when I go get the mail–and low and behold, a letter from Grandma.  The kids were all in bed so I dove into my own bed to read it.  Right off the bat she mentions the essay I wrote about her for my blog:

Dear Shanda–

I can’t believe you put that out on Internet!  You make one sound so good . Just remember I am a sinner just like the worst of them. . . . . .

She wrote more but that was the part that stood out to me.  “I am a sinner just like the worst of them”.  Friends, I cried when I read that!  Did I think she was “perfect”?  I guess, in a way, I did.  Naive of me, because of course she has struggles and problems, I see that now but, . . . . . .I still believe there is something about old age’s wisdom.  What is different about her?   What do I see in her that I don’t see in myself? 

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I could very well be wrong, but I think it’s patience.  I think it’s acceptance and trust in God.  Waiting.  The wisdom of knowing what life on earth is.  It’s growing old.  It’s good and it’s bad.  It’s easy and yet hard.  You need to be brave and fight, and yet you need to trust like a little child.  It’s going through trials without having a fit. . .it’s about letting go of my “control” and letting my life be held in God’s hands.  It’s knowing that I will never be perfect on earth, (and neither will Grandma.)  “I’m only a sinner, saved by grace!”  And, according to Romans, patience leads to HOPE. . .now there’s a word to meditate on! 

 

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace
with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

By whom also we have access by faith
into this grace wherein we stand,
and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also:
knowing that tribulation worketh patience:

And patience, experience;

And experience, hope:

And hope maketh not ashamed;
because the love of God is shed abroad
in our hearts
by the Holy Ghost
which is given unto us.

Romans 5:1-5

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Rich took the photos of me and Caleb on Saturday night when we were getting ready for our “before bed” snack.

 

0 thoughts on “hope

  1. I am very tired and very blah today too.  All I’ve accomplished today is make a couple menus for Christmas when the kids come again.  After 4 days with much family around, I am just drained.  Great fun and good memories, but some disappointments too, as there were two sick grandchildren which couldn’t attend a couple of family functions along with their mommies.  That did make me blue at the time.  Today, all I wanted to do was sleep, wake up to eat and flop down again somewhere.  Even my brain feels like it can’t think.  And yes, I feel like a failure for complaining and moaning around.  We probably both need a really good night’s sleep and tomorrow, things are bound to look better, eh?  Sleep well tonight, my friend ~ and may morning bring sunshine and joy to our souls again ~

  2. Gods timing is SO PERFECT. How fitting for you to receive that letter after feeling so blue today. I too have little pity parties often, especially when my body hurts so.Praise God for His mercy and grace and of course HIS patience when we get it that frame of mind. (((HUGS))) going out to you my friend and prayers going up for you, Praying your back and shoulders feel great tomorrow.

  3. Yes, blah days.  No fun, no good and full of the pity party.  I know about this all too well.  It was no accident you got that letter from Rich’s grandma today.  God is whispering to your heart “Love me more” and you’re hearing Him.  I’d say that’s a step in the right direction.  Here’s a ((hug)) for you and wishes for a better tomorrow!!

  4. precious moments with your baby.  i think we all tend to get the “blah’s” after a huge celebration.  there is so much prep work and then then big event is over quicker than it came.  but what a wonderful message you got!  the Lord knew just what you needed 🙂

  5. Aw, Shanda, I cried too when I read what Grandma wrote!
    You’re right, I think, in your summation of it all.  Those verses are so perfect to remind us that this life of ours is a process.  Each successive trial is not quite so hard as the one before, because we have experienced God’s deliverance in the past, and that gives us hope that He will deliver again!
    Awesome words…incredible promises!
    Alesha

  6. I am glad that God understands women!  ðŸ™‚
    We work so hard to make everything perfect for our family – we wear ourselves out during the holidays – don’t get enough sleep – think and rethink everything – compare ourselves to other women who “look” like they have it “together” – then wonder why we feel blah. 
    You did it right girlfriend – set your eyes on the only One who is perfect.

  7. I totally understand how you feel, Shanda! It takes a LOT of energy just to be a wife, homeschooling mom (to 5), and homemaker on a daily basis, let alone host a dozen or more extra and all that entails during the holidays. A little sleep deprivation mixed in, and most of the “blues” are explained…you probably have lots of catching up to do on R & R! Thank you SO much for sharing about Rich’s grandmother and the Scriptures from Romans. I have had the same admiration for certain older ladies in my life, and the same thoughts about the patience they have developed. I often think of James 1 (I don’t have a Bible in front of me, so this isn’t word-perfect) about how the trying of our faith produces patience, and this post reminded me of that passage again. I lose my own patience VERY quickly and want to develop that grace and total willingness to wait on God as Rich’s grandmother has. That is such an example and testimony. Thanks again for sharing.

  8. Lord bless you!  Good to see you hugging that precious baby and know that God will strengthen you.  I too am tired and hurting ….complicated with some chronic illness that is getting worse…and I don’t know what to do!!  Thankful for the precious words you share and for our Lord who brings such comfort and truely understands and also knows our need.  Thanks for sharing your stuggles and your Grandmas words.  Hugs, Jenny

  9. Oh Sweetie…you are just more precious than words can tell!  You know, we all get the blahs at some point and time.  Me…I get them now every 2 – 2 1/2 weeks.  ;O)  You are learning so much and have so much wisdom for someone your age.  I wish I had had even just a 1/4 of what you have now when I was your age.  You are doing great!
    I love getting mail like that…you know…the kind that comes just when you need it the most!  Send me your address and I will mail you a card or two from Kentucky!!!  ;O)
    oxoxo Cat

  10. i feel like a broken record at this point… but yes, very blah day here too. i LOVED the honesty. candor. and spiritual truths of this post. and all the comments – it’s nice to know i’m not alone in my “blah-ness.” thanks friend. 🙂

  11. Hey Shan, I can definitely relate to how you felt today.  It was so nice to read this, at the end of my very long day.  I do hope tomorrow is better for you.  I have something to ask you, I’ll give you a call tomorrow, and see what you think.  Love you.  🙂

  12. I think we have all had those kinds of days. Where I live, there is a very heavy spiritual atmosphere. Many, many people are depressed. In fact, tiny little Denmark has one of the highest suicide rates in the world! It would be so easy for me to fall down under the heaviness. I really have to be careful because I can get “In the mullygrubs” easily. I start thinking about my aches and pains (of which there are many!) or how much I miss my kids, and I can slide down that slippery slope. Years ago, I made the decision to CHOOSE JOY. No matter what my daily circumstances are, I can still choose to rise above them. I find when I choose joy, God steps in, His wonderful peace floods my heart, and I feel a deep sense of joy come over me. Learning to be a missionary has been good for me. I have had to learn not to look at the circumstances (how much money we have for the month, not understanding something because my Danish is not perfect, seeing people fall back into sin when you have worked so hard to bring them forward, A cold that won’t let go etc.) and keep my eyes on Jesus. I am still learning. I was also once a great sinner, but I know the grace and power of God, and I know when I choose to lift up my eyes to Him, help will come.

  13. Amen!  I so needed this post and I wish I read it yesterday because I was feeling the same way!  But I needed it today.  Thank you for letting God use you in this way and lets keep fighting the good fight and chosing Faith and trust in God over selfishness!  Love, Lish

  14. God is so good to have that letter arrive on just the right day. We all have those days, and we all compare ourselves to others… erroneously thinking they are perfect… or at least better than us. But we are all washed in the same blood. Isn’t that comforting?I pray you have a better day today.

  15. Well good job sorting that one out    young mom, 5 children…yes I remember feeling just like that.  I feel like I’m in my 20’s now.     (turns out I’ve had a black cohosh deficiency all my life   ::shrug::  who knew? )   You will do fine love – you are so on the right track.  And…thanks for the window in.

  16. I know exactly what you mean and I don’t even have kids yet. I will be praying for you. One thing that really helps me a lot is God has you in HIS Hand and that He knows where you are at and where he wants you to be. I will be praying for you.

  17. Hello,I was browsing blogrings when I stumbled across The Recipe Box. I hope you don’t mind random new comers. And I love those verses from Romans. If that’s not a good recipe for the heart I don’t know what is.Be His.- April

  18. I think so many of us can relate to you & how you are feeling.   I have been feeling very down lately to.   It’s so nice to read your post & know I’m not alone.   I would love to curl up in bed again!  That is so nice that God’s timing to get the letter on a day when you so needed that!

  19. Your blog is such a sweet ministry…I’ve asked my daughter to consider this question  concerning Eric: “Are you better for the kingdom of God together than you are apart?”. When I read about your life and see the photos you share, I know you and your dear husband are definately better together together!

  20. Oh how I needed this! Thank you so much. Yes, I had that day yesterday and today, it’s been busy, busy, busy and the pity party begins. You just poured water on a soul that needed refreshing. Thank you!

  21. OH Shanda! I so needed this!!! So, So, SOOO…NEEDED THIS!!! Thank you for being real and sharing your struggles…it is an encouragement to see How God sends His refreshment…and that we are not perfect…but God loves us anyways, and He forgives! and He gives us the strength to move on…and fills us with His grace and power when we focus on HIM! What a treasure of a lady Grandma is…and what an Awesome God…isn’t it amazing how he guides even the mail? You got that letter at the exact time that He knew you needed it and needed to hear those very words!

  22. Sometimes it seems like God just knows when we need a letter like that doesn’t he? 🙂 Thank you for sharing that. What a jewel Grandma is!Hugs to you. I too get down sometimes. I am my own worst critic. I know how you feel. But you know what? I like you for who you are. You precious, imperfect, wonderful person I call my friend. :)Hugs to youMelody

  23. We have those moments, those moments where we feel like we do not want to even face the day or we feel as though our energy is just zapped. Joy cometh in the morning my friend and His mercies are new every morning. Praise God.

  24. Once again Shanda, you echo the expressions of my own heart! I love the sweet pictures of you and Caleb. Precious. Thank you for sharing this, dear sister in Him!

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