Hello dear friends,

How are you?  We are finally settling down here at home after 8 days of no electricity.  Rich, baby Sarah, and I arrived home on Sunday afternoon, and Rich’s Mom brought the children home on Tuesday afternoon.

The area towns and rural outskirts were devastated by our October snow storm (which I blogged about, a few posts back).  The tree and power line damage were monumental; no one had ever seen such a thing.  Huge branches broken, multiple trees fallen and resting on stretched power lines on every road, leaves, twigs, and tree pieces everywhere.  The clean up still continues.

Our local school was closed for a week, and even now the bus routes have been changed to avoid the possibility of problems on the back roads.  We have to drive the children to the end of the road for pickup and drop off.  It has made me very thankful for door to door *bus service* on normal days!

As for myself, this last week has been an amazing testimony of the goodness of God.  When I was at my breaking point, He lovingly gave me the opportunity to rest, as we sheltered in a quiet hotel, and do almost nothing, for days.  There have been ups and downs, mentally, for me.  I hate depression, but even as I struggle and wrestle, I love what God does regardless, I love the gifts of His Word that comes to mind at just the right moment, the reminders that “all is grace”, everything is a gift from HIM, and has already been given.  “Be still and know that I am God.”  In my deepest despair, He is always there and I can rest in His very generous and plentiful promises.  I love Him.  And I thank you, Father.

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Rich and Sarah, at the hotel.

Sarah, pushing her baby up and down the hotel hallway.

We worked on cleaning up trees on Monday.  My farm-raised husband is so attractive to me.  He is capable, a hard worker, and looks strong and handsome as he works.  We both enjoyed the feeling of working together (yes, I helped!) outdoors in the clean fall air, with the smells of sawdust, chainsaw, and fresh wood (a scent from both of our childhoods).

I’m going to make one of those Christmas centerpieces out of the larger log; with candles and pine branches.  I’ll show you when I’ve got it done.

As I walked the dog (with a sob ever-ready) on Tueday morning; my anxiety was discouragingly heavy, I prayed, I talked to the Lord; and He showed me things, like this milk-weed fluff, from their seed pods.

So soft, warm, and beautiful~

It’s now in the house….I put it in an old candle jar and put it on my windowsill.

And this golden leaf, with red veins and a red tip.  The sunshine made things glow that day.

Rose hips, I admire them every fall, for their dark dark red color.

They are full of seeds and thick red “sauce”, I find nature-study so facinating (strange?but true)

It was a 60 degree day, warm enough for my orange toes to see the light of day, but cool enough in the shade for some remaining snow to stay frozen.

Rich’s mom sent me a few pictures of the children, like this one.

I cried to see their happy eyes and smiles.  They had SUCH A GREAT TIME.

Happy Caleb!

I urge my friends to study the Savior today, look in the gospels at His compassion and mercy.  That’s our Savior, and He amazes us with his love and great works. 

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.”

Look up!  He is the lifter of our heads.

You are loved!  So greatly, so abundantly.

And, I have a fun link to share with you if you like coloring!  CLICK HERE

((warm hugs))

Thank you for stopping by today.

Shanda

“She is like a little troll sparkling in the sunshine.  There is brightness and glitter around her, and bubbling and tinkling laughter.  There is giggling, and there is no sorrow wherever she goes.”  Carl Larsson, of his little daughter

I’m hunkered down in a hotel with my baby girl.  She’s such a sweet thing, and no trouble at all.  Not at all.  Quite the opposite, she’s a delight and a joy to me (and, her Papa) in every way.

She’s currently over in the corner of the room in a playpen, sound sound asleep, under her much-loved blankies.  Looking like an angel

Rich helped me figure out how to get online here at the hotel so I am able to blog this morning. 

Our homeplace (our entire town, in fact) is still without electricity after this past weekend’s snowstorm.  So many people are staying in hotels as we wait for restoration.  I am deeply thankful that my other six children are able to visit their Grandparent’s house/farm in NY.  Although I miss them very much, I spoke with them all this morning and they are happy and having fun.  They love it at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  School is cancelled all week long, so they are truly on a vacation.

Rich has done an outstanding job taking care of us, and went back to work yesterday. He is there today, too, after a nice breakfast together at the diner next door.  How thankful I am for my strong husband.  (words can’t say).

I have my camera with me and have been amusing myself by taking plenty of photos of my little dear.

She’s so so cute.  The hair, the tooth (remember, her other one is now a nub?) that special smile just for me, the dress I fell in love with and had to have (matches her eyes), funny gray tights, tightly clasped hands, and her pretty black shoes.

She’s a wonderful sleeper; so content.

She absolutely adores her baby, and any baby at all.

Rich had the vehicle yesterday but Sarah and I were still able to venture (walking) across a very busy street, to some quaint shops across the way.  I had no stroller, and was in no hurry whatsoever, so we took our merry sweet time outside, on the walkways between the shops, in the sun.  Sarah’s feet went tap, tap, tap.

We stopped to visit the ducks (“What do ducks say?  quack!  quack!”)

I thought it was so sweet that they designed the fence so that little ones could see through to the water below.  Even the tiniest child could stand and watch to their heart’s content.

We visited a kitchen store.  Sarah found a plastic orange pepper and said, “APPLE!  APPLE!”

I bought a string bag.  Because it reminded me of Beatrix Potter’s Jeremy Fisher book, in which Jeremy’s friend the tortoise, brings his salad in a string bag.  It reminded me, also, of my talented cousin Erika, who crochets her own string bags.

Our favorite store was the Scandinavian store.  I loved browsing through the pretty things, and looking at the books and stationary.

Sarah found some red round candles and said, “APPLE!  APPLE!”  She saw a pretty red heart dangling from the ceiling and said, “Moon!  Moon!”

I selected some Carl Larsson art books.  He and his wife were both artists and had eight children.  They loved their home and family so very much, and his art work celebrates both so beautifully.  It is delightful to study each detail of the tender paintings.

And, I chose (not the brown ones), but the RED ONES!

Next, Sarah and I found a little coffee shop.  I had the most delicious pumpkin spice latte, it was so wonderfully COFFEE like–dark and fresh and deeply flavored compared to (other places).  Sarah enjoyed a cup of cold milk and a muffin, and I had a orange/cranberry scone.  She sat on my lap in the warm little shop, and I wondered –who could ask for a better companion (besides, of course, my beloved husband, who was very much missed).

I was heavily laden with bags and baby, so I chose a safe looking couple and asked them for a ride back across the street to my hotel, and they were happy to help me out.

Sarah was so tired, she pulled her blankies to the floor and relaxed.

I brought her to bed with me.

We had a tea party;

We read books;

We did nothing;

And then, she took my shoes!

After snowing all day Saturday and losing electricity, this was the amazing world we awoke to on Sunday morning;

All of the trees were leaning over under the heavy weight of their new snow white coats.

So gorgeous!  We were stunned by the amount of snow and damage caused by the storm, but the beauty took my breath away…….

I stood on the front porch of the house in my slippers as I took these pictures.

When the sun started shining it was even more lovely,

Our good neighbor came and made short work of Rich and the boy’s shoveling job.

Later on that day, I ventured out to take some pictures.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  All our fine, tall, trees, were leaning so far over.  These yellows are supposed to be straight up.

The trees next to the chicken yard are bent over the fence.

The children’s “bird forest” is also very tired looking.  It is so bizarre to see!

And this pretty stand of trees on the far corner of the chicken coop is almost flattened by all the heavy snow fall.  I am anxious to see how they recover. 

A branch that we pass under everyday to get to the dog house is broken off.  I’ll miss it.  The children used to perch up there.

Some snow people decided to pick our lawn chairs to sit in, and rest a while.

Davy was desperate to go sledding.

Broken tree at the top of the driveway.  Grace was just climbing this tree the other day.

We lost electricity (there are trees on power lines all over the place) on Saturday afternoon; no power means no water, no cooking, no heat.

This is what all of our area roads looked like on Saturday.  A mess.  There were a lot of trees and branches on power lines, which is why we think it will take a while to have our power restored.

We stayed put for a day, but left the house on a cold (too cold for the little ones) Sunday evening, and are waiting now for the electric to get turned back on.  We think the storm caused so much damage because a lot of the trees still had leaves on them. 

Six of the children are at their wonderful Grandma’s house in NY.  I am here at a hotel with Rich and Sarah.  We plan on heading back home today to check on the animals.  It’s been hard finding hotels to stay in.

Hope my friends are doing well.  Much love~

Last night Sarah tripped and fell on her face and one of her front teeth was pushed up into the gum.  It didn’t go straight up, though, it’s sort of up and bent.  When I first saw it, I was horrified.  (I’m still horrified.)  We called the doctors, who told us to call the dentist, but when we called our regular dentist we never heard back from him.

Because Sarah was acting normal and happy this morning, Rich and I talked it over and decided that I needed to proceed with my doctor’s appointment today at 10:30.  I had my friend Kathy come to watch the little ones and I went to the appointment, with my little one with the sore mouth and ugly tooth always in the front of my mind. 

As I talked to my doctor and told her my symptoms, she unexpectedly ordered an EKG to be done.  The appointment for that was at 1:30, so  I had just enough time to eat some lunch, fill a prescription, and go to the lab.

The lady who did my EKG was so interested in the children, that I took out my phone to show her a picture.  I turned on the photo album, and the first picture that came up was the one I had “happened” to take of Sarah’s mouth, that morning.

I “happened” to ask her if she knew anything about teeth and told her what Sarah had done.  She immediately told me of a wonderful dentist that she could recommend.  As we walked out, she told me how good he was with children and that he sometimes worked in that building, performing oral surgery. 

We got to the front desk, where she asked the receptionist for the name of the dentist.  Right at that very moment HE WALKED BY.  She stopped him, told him the story, he looked at the picture and told me that she for sure needed to have it looked at, and to bring her to his office today at four.

And, just like that, God arranged the appointment for me.  The lady who did my EKG was thrilled and reached out to pat my arm, “See!  You need to learn to ask for help more often!  Open up your mouth and ask!  Isn’t it neat how things work sometimes?”

The Bible says, “Be anxious for nothing”.   God has a plan and He will perform it.  He will supply our needs.

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The dentist appointment went well.  Sarah had her mouth x-rayed and it showed that the tooth is still intact, although it is out of line a little bit.  The dentist said that he thinks it will move over and grow but it might take up to 6 months.  She has soft tissue damage, so she’s pretty sore.  Soft foods for now. 

I just came inside from walking my crazy dog.  He started to bark out there at his house, so I pulled on my tall rubber boots, zipped up a jacket, and walked on down there.

As soon as he saw me coming he was jumping up and down, holding his leash in his teeth, and whipping it back and forth as fast as he could.  He was nuts and that is how he always greets me.  I have to step on his chain to get him to be still or I’d never get the leash on.

As soon as he’s free from the chain, I get thrown into the pond.  No, not really, but that is what would happen if I didn’t let go of his leash.  The pond is about 12 feet from his house and the first thing he does is nose and paw around in the water to find a rock, which he carries on our walk until there is something better to do.

Acorns and leaves are falling down from the oak trees.  Most of the acorns have lost their caps, but I found a little branch that had leaves and an acorn clump still stuck tightly, so I brought it home with me.

There are tall pine trees next to part of the road, and they have shed so many of their long needles, a light mustard-yellow color.   The needles piled up along the edge of the road like a thick carpet and we walked through them, the smell was wonderful.

It’s cool and damp today, no sunshine whatsoever.

I didn’t sleep well last night but I’m trying not to think about that.  We were up this morning at 5:30, and by 7:30 the schoolchildren (and their Papa) were gone.  I did a little exercising and made another doctor’s appointment.

Had one crying spell, but the gloomy feelings aren’t as strong today.

Being proactive about myself has given me a smidgen of confidence, (please grow, smidgen of confidence, grow big!)  I need a backbone, ladies.

Being judged, or sensing that I am being judged for years has left me perfectly trained as a judger.  And, unfortunately it has been brought to my attention in an aha! moment, that I have a tendency of judging myself according to a very high standard in some areas.   I’m very excited about letting go of this, little by little.

Last night, I was crying, my son came to me with a problem (“the computer won’t work, mom”) and I cried and I said, “I’m overwhelmed, I really need some help!”  Several of my children, who were watching TV,  silently got up and started automatically CLEANING THE HOUSE.  It broke my heart….”NO, no, really, it’s not a clean house that I want, let’s just concentrate on loving each other, and being kind.”

Rich didn’t get home until 7:30, but when he did, he found this tired mama on the couch under a blanket, with little ones PILED all around me….books, TV on (lovin’ chopped!, do you watch it?), boys on the computer (Ethan the Incredible, fixed it)….Grace doing homework, the house in a wonderful state of shambles, so good to see.  (**cough-cough**) 

Caleb was one of the boys sitting on me…do you know, he has the most wonderful laugh?  It’s contagious!  Oh, Father, thank you for Caleb’s laugh! 

Rich brought me home a bag of goodies from the gas station!  The bag said, “Thank you  Thank you  Thank you Have a nice day!” on it (just a cheap plastic bag)..he brought me oreos, trail mix, a box of junior mints (love those!) and a snapple (they have an “S” on the lid—perfect!)  So, I broke open the stuff and passed them all around.  We had a picnic on the couch together, and boy did those little ones stay by me for more raisins and candy.  Sarah’s mouth was so dirty from her Oreo cookie.  She savored every bit of that cookie.

All that to say—sit on the floor and make yourself available, frazzled mamas, and never mind the house. Never mind what you may have been told, “Your Christian testimony depends on how you take care of your home.  How can you be a witness if you bring someone into a messy house?”  That’s just nonsense.  Your home is warm and inviting, like a gift to those who enter, because of the SPIRIT of those living in it, not because of it’s cleanliness. 

You know, deep down inside, how things are supposed to be, in your life.  You don’t need to be told, YOU KNOW.  Listen to yourself.  Have the confidence to be a friend to YOU.  How can we do God’s will (tenderly love and care for our husband and children) if we are having nervous breakdowns?

There is so much available to us, if we just look and search for answers to our own personal situation.

I’m so excited, to visit a new-to-me GYN. tomorrow, who is known for her care for women and wellness.  I’ve had several ladies on here, and my mother in law, recommend products for me (all natural) and I can’t wait to talk to the lady tomorrow, and ask her what she thinks. 

We are a soul, yes, but we are also a BODY, and we need to take care of ourselves, too. 

If you feel alone in your struggles, please know that you are not a freak-case.  (LOL)  You’re normal.  And the things you change for the better, are GOOD.  Go us!  (high fives)

I really really want to watch “Fried Green Tomatoes” again.  Remember Evelyn?  In the beginning of the movie she’s a big mess…..and that little old lady tells her, “Honey?  You just need to get you some HORMONES!”  “You’ll be FINE!” 

She gets off her bottom and STARTS LIVING LIFE again.  Her husband finds her smashing down a wall in the house.  She starts selling cosmetics.  She keeps on visiting her little old lady friend at the nursing home.  She discovers the power of a friend, and the power of her true inner beautiful, unique, amazing self.

Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom.  All the glory to God forever and ever!  Amen.  2 Timothy 4:18

He saw me with the camera and he said, “Smile, Kitty!” as he twisted poor kitty around properly for the photo.  It was so cute.

Sarah joy absolutely LOVES this little hideaway spot (between her crib and the wall).

Amber-dear gave her the pretty puff-skirt.

Sarah has a problem lately, in emptying out ALL her drawers onto the floor.

Her big mess.  I love her room.  I’m working on it, little by little.  The red dress (I want to find a pretty hanger for it) was her cousin Naomi’s.  The black and white picture is one I took and had printed on canvas, the picture under it is her name (a painting done by a friend).  Over the twin bed (in shabby chic bedding) is a heart (to remind us to love-always) that was 5 dollars at the thrift store, and a plaque about friendship.

And she has dollhouses (really, mine) that we will decorate together, someday  this afternoon.

She loves her blankie, and putting her finger in her mouth.

My journal, with the acorns I found today, and a chicken feather from one of our hens.

On this page (from yesterday), I put the title RIGHT NOW IS A GIFT and then listed off everything in that moment that was a blessing to me….shockingly, I ended up with 20 things, like “comfy clothes”  “hot tea”  “this pen”  “view from my window”……it was neat to discover, and I’m sure I could have thought of more if I tried.

I have this idea.  I wonder, if you would like a piece of happy mail (from me to you)….please leave me your snail mail address in my message box today.  Don’t do it if you think I might be an axe-murderer.  It’s not wise to thoughtlessly give your addy out to just anyone.  But, if you’ve spent enough time here (or in real life), getting to know me, and you feel comfortable with it, please give me your name and mailing address and I’ll write to you,  as a little gift, just for fun, to brighten your day. 

Anyway, regardless, please do realize that you are a very special person, created by God, given a LIFE by Him, and that He will continue to keep you, and care for you.  Oh, there are tough times, yes, but in His mercy, there are MANY tools, resources, people, available to HELP you&me.  There IS hope, always.  Thank you to all the kind  women who reached out to me yesterday here on the blog, if you get a chance you might find the notes/comments helpful to you, too.  Also, I did pray for many of you that left me notes saying you were feeling a similar way.  (While I was not sleeping, last night.)

~Shanda

Life is good!