I woke up for good this morning at 9am. This is a nice and lovely later hour for me. I feel rested. I made coffee and took it to bed with me, after voicing an open invitation for anyone who wished to join me in my room (the Queen’s chamber). I turned on lights and opened the curtains, revealing a rainy world outside. Seth was the first to come in, to eat his breakfast on my bed. He had made himself a piece of toast cut in half corner to corner, an over-easy fried egg that ended up dripping on my comforter (ignored because it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things), and one slice of bacon. Funnily, it was the “last egg” and the “last piece of bacon” in the house…….”It must be his birthday,” I said to Sarah, who had in the meantime got under the covers with me to complain that there was “no cereal”. She and Seth left and Ethan came in with his coffee to drink, sitting in the recliner positioned by my side of the bed. Soon Seth came back in with the laptop open and Ethan helped him order a new playstation controller “because ours all stick”. He left again and Ethan went in my bathroom to take a bath, he’s getting a cold and is all stuffed up this morning. Grace came in with her Bible, I was already reading a book, and she snuggled close. This is where Rich found us and he took a photo at my request………you may see it on the ‘gram.

We are dressed for the day now, and out of the bedroom. Grace is at the other end of the table doing school work.

*********

The other day I went walking in the woods and made a first-for-me-nature-discovery.

It turned out, after I did some sleuthing on google, to be MOOSE POOP. I had no idea they made a multitude of pellet-style poo when they had to “go”. I had no idea that some people even make crafts with them.

We hear of Moose sightings in our area, and I would absolutely LOVE to see one and photograph a Moose, like I did in Alaska once. In the meantime, I delight in the *sign of life* I found. Now I know where a Moose has been, in the woods, by the stream, less than a mile from home.

Then, the woods offered up a proposal to me. A ring in my size! Yes, it is a perfect round circle with no breaks……we sealed a lifelong promise with one another, the woods and I. A promise to always maintain a good and wholesome relationship. I will visit it and enjoy everything I see, and the woods will soothe my soul and calm my troubles. It will add to my joy and subtract from my sorrow. It will give me fresh air to breath, and calming scents to inhale. How can I thank it enough?

“For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know all the birds of the hills, and all that moves in the field is mine. If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for the world and its fullness are mine.” God our Father, to His people, in Psalm 50:10-12

I brought home pinecones and some moss. I emptied Tylenol into a baggie and used the empty jar for my specimens. When I texted my Mother, she said, “Someone will eat that, you better label it.” I was feeling obedient and mischievous, so I did.

She wasn’t going to condescend to answer, so I pressed. “Oh brother” was her reply. I offered some of the “chocolate” to the children but NONE of them were even slightly convinced it was a treat. They all knew right away to be suspicious. They were more alarmed as to why their mother had POOP in a jar in the first place.

It was Saturday morning and we woke up to every growing thing outside bowing down under a heavy load of SNOW. Can you believe it? It was a winter wonderland and we didn’t even mind in the least because we knew it would not last long. In fact, we started a fire and played Christmas music.

Grace and I were on my bed being mom and daughter and I began telling her about what I hung on the wall recently.

My mom sent me a package in the mail for my birthday and inside was a gift wrapped in the paper of my childhood bedroom. I cried and cried. (Not that much though. I slightly cried.) I was moved. I loved it so much that Rich agreed that it should be framed and he even measured the paper and found the frame for me at Michaels. This was way back in February but being quarantined all, I finally got it hung up the other day. Then, it got me to thinking about the little band box that Mom made me a very long time ago, using the same wallpaper. I had Grace get it out of the bathroom for me and I dusted it off. Inside it is nothing but pedals and ribbons from flowers my boyfriends gave to me. Not all of them, as *I received so many flowers that they were too numerous to save, but just a select few, and at this point I don’t remember who they were from except for one and I’ve told this story to Grace several times so obviously it made an impression on me. ….this one flower was NOT from a boyfriend, but from a boy who became mesmerized by me as I sang a solo way back in H.S. during the awards ceremony. I sang an entire solo dedicated to a classmate of mine who had died that spring (heart breaking, I can’t talk about it). The reason I was the one to sing was because I had gotten the highest mark on that year’s NYSSMA solo. I sang the song in German, and a very lovely lady from the school taught me how to pronounce all the German in the song and it was a very lovely song, I still have the sheet music for it. So I was to sing the solo at the awards banquet but then my music teacher changed my song to “I hear Leesha” by Michael W Smith, to be dedicated to our dear classmate. After the banquet was all over, this boy came to me and gave me the flowers off his table. My mom told me that she saw him staring at me as I sang. This was touching enough for me to remember all these years later and I mention it here because it’s just one of My Little Stories.

Then, I had Grace get me my bear that my mom made me and we agreed with each other that Mom (Grandma) was very crafty indeed. Artsy. I texted Mom right the to tell her that I never got tired of looking the wallpaper, with the pretty girls and flowers on it, and that she did a great job picking it out and I asked her where she got it. She replied, “Binghamton at a wallpaper store off the end of Bevier Street. I can still drive right to it in my mind. It’s no longer there.”

It was the “I can still drive right to it in my mind” that got me in the heart.

Then I decided that I wanted to find a pattern online of a bird. I traced the pattern on a piece of tissue paper and cut it out for the “bird window” that I watch the birdfeeders through. I only made two. I’ll make more someday maybe. One is yellow and the other is green.

I got some lovely bird photos with my big camera. I hope I post them, but I can’t make promises. I have so many things to tell you that I don’t know exactly what will happen or when.

But this blog post is titled “Toadally” for a reason.

It’s about a toad.

A toad on the snow.

A bleeding toad, hopping very very slowly on top of the snow.

I was alerted to it by Sammie the cat. She looked out the window and said very quietly, “there is a toad out there” and I rushed over to the window in disbelief.

Then naturally I had to go outside to rescue the poor frozen toad. I could tell it was frozen by how slowly it was moving.

I made it to the back of the house and found toad in this position. I had never seen a toad on top of snow before. Then I noticed it was bleeding. Whenever I see a small creature outside bleeding I blame the cats. I did ask but he was too cold to answer and I agreed it didn’t really matter. I picked it up and held it in the palm of my hand.

It was a very beautiful toad.

And it matched my brown slippers. It pressed itself into my hand, it was grateful I think.

I took it inside and sat with it for a while until it revived. As I sat I began to feel motherly.

Incidentally, I clipped my nails because Seth tried running from me when I asked him to empty the dishwasher and I grabbed at him in fun, but scratched him. “YOU NEED TO CLIP YOUR NAILS!” he scolded as he lifted up his shirt to look at his mom-scratch. So I did, right away. I need to be able to grab running children without scratching them.

I couldn’t sit and hold an energetic toad and I didn’t want to put it back outside in the snow, so in a box it went. Much like how I dealt with Seth when he was a crawling baby, come to think of it.

This is when he was named Chewy the Toad. You can say it was inspired.

While he stayed in the dark box, I went on to do other things…….

I wanted to show you my “Magpie Findings” of things I pick up off the road while I am walking. This represents about a year of walking. I found two more things today for my jar. I tend to gravitate toward metal but I have also found perfectly good string and brought it home. Honestly, some of the money you see here wasn’t from the road, it just ended up in the jar after I picked it up in the house.

See the cat?

Sarah was reading the paper and then wadding up the sheets and throwing them in the fire.

I am currently reading The Harvester, by Gene Stratton Porter

By the end of the afternoon, the sun was warm enough to melt a lot of the snow so I took Chewy outside to let him go.

I toadally enjoyed his visit and pray he has a nice long life. I hope to see him again.

Wait til you hear what I saw today!! Stay tuned…….

*just trying to be funny, I didn’t get THAT many.

It’s 8pm on a Sunday evening. I am in my room with the door shut but I can hear the children loud and clear. Sarah is playing with the dog, I can hear her talking to him and laughing. I hear a ball bouncing hard on the floor, and the voices of the children talking. I’m smiling, but I’m tired. A lot of their sentences start with “I remember one time……..”

Today started out slowly, I slept in and Rich brought me coffee and opened the curtains to the bedroom. I sat up and sipped my coffee and read my book. He sat in the recliner with his, and when Brittnee also got her cup, she sat on the bed next to me on her phone. I was determined to finish my book before the sermon, and I did.

Our pastor preached an appropriate Palm Sunday sermon but made us laugh when he, for one thing, kept saying the word “ass” (Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the foal of a wild ass). And, for another thing, he kept mispronouncing “foal” as FOWL. (Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the FOWL of a wild ass). Gary is happy-go-lucky, in his mid 60’s, very personable, so we felt perfectly free to be amused at God’s messenger. We know he wouldn’t mind.

Sarah and I recently met this mouse under the bird feeder. He was stumbling around with his eyes shut searching for seed. I carefully tossed some under his nose and he immediately worked on nibbling it down. Something was obviously wrong with him, I asked and asked but he never replied. Sarah said, “I want to keep it.” She even told me what she would name it (I have since forgotten). I thought about it as we watched the poor thing but then I told her, “Um, I don’t think so, it seems like maybe it’s sick and we probably shouldn’t touch it.” We observed it until it scurried away.

It was Brittnee’s idea to make stuffed shells for Rich’s birthday (March 31). Without realizing that several of the boys would turn their noses up at them, we made all of what you see here. We ended up eating one pan, freezing one pan and are still eating the third pan.

I put David in charge of washing my biggest pot (which we used to boil the shells) and then was so surprised to walk in my bathroom a little while later, to find him IN MY TUB washing it out. It felt weird to me but as I stood and watched I realized that, after all, he was using the same water that comes out of the kitchen sink, and the same soap, so it was quite a genius move.

I’ve been drawing things. This was a dog that I found a picture of online and I looked at it and copied it on paper with pencil, then traced it in black marker, then colored it with Jacob’s art markers. I have also drawn my first doll, (literally the doll of my youth that I have kept all these years) and my childhood teddy bear. If you want to see, they are on instagram. This dog one wasn’t ever posted on there. I wonder what I shall attempt next?

This was the end of the day of Rich’s 46th birthday. The girls and I made a bowl of non-bake-cheesecake-ish stuff and we scooped it out into waffle bowls and served it with cherry pie filling. Some of the kids put Hershey’s syrup on theirs. It was good but Brittnee was right, we should have made it earlier in the day so it was cold. The leftovers have been enjoyed by me on a daily basis (again, we made too much).

Mr Seth enjoying a show on TV with Samantha cat.

our pretty pretty pond

Well and then I saw this bird dazed and half dead on the ground and Seth said, “Yeah, mom, Sherlock caught a Hummingbird!” I looked around for the hummingbird but then realized he meant this bird, because of it’s long beak????? I mean it’s about 50 times larger than one, and I’ve never seen a brown hummingbird, but okay maybe I can see a slight resemblance?

We found out later it was a Woodcock. Such an interesting bird that eats earthworms. Look it up online and watch it’s fascinating walk as it’s searching for worms.

This one must have been caught by the cat, but I saw no cat by it and I picked it up feeling quite distressed and grieved that my cats would harm such a bird. I didn’t know what to do. It revived a little in my hands and I ended up washing it’s beak and eyes (which were stuck shut with feather-fluff) with pond water and putting it on the edge of the property in the bushes by the pond.

(before the wash)

After the wash (see it’s beautiful black shiny eye?). Oh it was hard to leave it outside in the cold breeze but the next day when we checked on it again, it had vanished. So I hope it goes on to live a long life.

Last but not least, this is what I woke up to one morning. The kitchen and I spend a lot of time together, but the kids also help and with all 10 of us working it can get done in no time.

Grace made dear little mini lemon cupcakes this evening.

I am praying and thinking of all my blog friends.

You are loved.

I thought I would pop in and share a photo from Jekyll. Rich and I went about a month ago and I was able to perch in this tree branch.

I hope and pray everyone who reads this is doing well. Please tell me any stories you might want to share about things lately, it’s such a strange time, isn’t it?

I’ve gone on frequent walks in the woods lately, both with the family and by my lonesome. When I am by myself, I find myself settling into the same spot by the stream deep in the woods, and leaning against a certain convenient tree. As I walk, I notice the green and various textured moss, fallen trees, rocks, pinecones, puddles and mud, dead leaves, birds, the blue of the sky, and the brown and gray of almost everything else. I drink from the stream, I get caught on briars, I fill my pockets with little nature finds, I breathe deeply, I smell the air.

There are ten of us here at home, with school and college and work all being accomplished from various places around the house. Jacob shed tears when he finally realized that college life for him and his brother Ethan was completely over, as Seniors, this shortened year means a closure of a different sort and adjusting in the arms of family. David kissed his track season goodbye, and there is no Little League for Seth this season, either.

I am very content. I’m spending my free time just the way I always have, but with less running around for the children’s extra activities. I don’t miss attending sports practices or games, at all. Not one bit. I find the children, and Rich and I, doing things that we wouldn’t have made time for if we weren’t spending so much time at home; catching up on mail, making things, more reading, more quiet time, more cooking and baking, more play.

I haven’t been to the grocery store at all. Brittnee and Grace still work there and most of the time, if we need something, they can easily bring it home for me. Rich and Jacob have also gone for bigger trips. We are eating a lot of food and cleaning up the kitchen multiple times a day. Today marks the first day of my husband alarmingly remarking on the money we are spending on food for all of us.

I have gone to Target twice. The first time to get a prescription filled, and the second time to return a couple of items, not knowing that the store would not be accepting returns any longer until April 27th.

I saw a bald eagle yesterday in the top of a tree. Imagine my laugh of joy. And my sorrow in not having my camera with me.

And I saw the first violet in bloom, yesterday. I post the first one here, every year, for all my February friends, especially you, Thia.

you are loved.

(absurd times call for absurd amounts of love)

The boys were getting ready to go back to college after Christmas break when Jacob asked to speak to me and his Dad in our bedroom. He wanted us to know that he would be proposing to Brittnee. We had seen this coming, and gave him our blessing but didn’t know when or where or how and we both assumed this was a plan for the distant future, as Brittnee has another year of college and Jacob has to graduate (this spring) and get some things settled before starting a family.

Soon, it was the last week of February and they were back at home for a week-long break. We spent our days going to the mall, going out for breakfast at Millpond, and spending time together. It felt good to be cooking for a big family again and watching the kids do things like make pancakes and goof around. Everyone was busy with the last week of wrestling season and the boys helped their Dad with practice every day. Jacob and his Dad wrestled together and Rich nearly got a black eye. Jacob would tell me at home, “I don’t want to wrestle, my back hurts, my hip hurts, I’m RETIRED.” but then, once he was in the room, he just couldn’t resist having fun with his Dad on the mat. I know Rich loved every moment.

On Friday there was a major wrestling meet starting. Rich and Ethan took the team to New Haven, but Jacob had already made plans to visit the girls in Pennsylvania. I wasn’t feeling well, so I was able to stay here at home with Sarah Joy. The two of us enjoyed the quiet, and also went out shopping together (Ulta beauty, and Barnes and Noble). Sarah picked out a magic wand and a book of spells at the bookstore. I’m hoping she learns to turn things into cats for me.

Jacob left on Saturday morning looking handsome and happy, with a hug for his mom.

I had no idea he was going to propose to Brittnee.

At 3:59pm I received a photo from Jacob on my phone of a hand with a ring on the ring finger. I think I either didn’t see it or didn’t fathom it and so I didn’t reply until he also wrote, “Mom?” Then, I looked closer. I thought to myself, “Are they ring shopping? Do they want my opinion about the ring? Is this even Brittnee’s hand?” I had two more questions so all I wrote back was : (here is our entire text chat)

“? ? ? ? ?”

“Did you get my picture?”

“Yes, but I don’t understand.”

“I proposed!!!”

“Today???”

“YES!! Joanna is meeting us in ten minutes to take pictures”

“That’s so exciting!!”

“Yes, she cried. It was very emotional.”

(half an hour later, after I processed things and thanked God over and over, I wrote:)

“The ring is perfect, and I am so deeply happy that she will be my daughter. I felt was soon as I met her that she was someone special. I wanted to get to know her even before you fell in love, I was drawn to her in all Grace’s plays and concerts. And I say congratulations from the depths of my heart. I love you both so much and will always support you.”

“Thank you so much, Mom. I’m so glad that she has such an awesome connection with the whole family.”

“This is exciting and wonderful news!”

*************

And that was that. Soon I was getting quick phone photos from my talented soul-full photographer-best friend, (who watched our little Jacob grow up in all my many many photos, letters, phone calls, and visits), was taking celebratory photos of my first born and his brand-new fiancé! I’ll share them as soon as I can.

So many delightful surprises all along this life-journey from my Father-God.

*****

Seth was thinking about it on Monday morning as he got ready for school and said, “Even when he’s married, he will still be my brother.”

“Yes, Seth, you will always be brothers, nothing can change that.”

“And when I’m seventeen, I will drive to their house and visit them.”

“Yes, you will.”

“And soon, you’ll be a Grandma.”

Oh, gosh. He just had to throw that in. (not that I will mind, you all know I’ll be a wonderful Granny, I just don’t want to get excited so soon!!!). Oh gosh, did I just say Granny?………..they will (I admit) have the cutest baby in all the world, when the time comes. You know, far far off in the future…….let’s get them married and situated first, right? Thank you, Jesus.

“Blessings, all mine, with ten thousand beside.”

I finished my puzzle today and there was one piece missing. Ethan noticed right away “I had OCD so bad I almost got on the floor and looked for it.”

“You should have! I would have been so happy!”, I said.

*****

What the boys have been up to:

Well, Jacob went and got engaged yesterday. More on that tomorrow (maybe). He spent the weekend visiting Brittnee and Grace. He was able to eat lunch with my brother and his fiancé, too.

Ethan has been helping his Dad coach wrestling. States were this weekend and his Dad came home and said, “I couldn’t have done it without Ethan. He’s very good, I just need to get him to talk louder so we can hear him.”

David is still getting over the Worse Cold Ever. He can’t hear very well and has a cough. He went to States and lost two matches and was out. He is now done for the year and I dare say he’s relieved about it. He did so well, and it was a shame he ended on such a low note. In private messages, he admitted “I can’t wait for this nightmare to be over.” Wrestling is brutal, and when you’re sick it’s really a test of character (which he passes every time). I was downstairs doing laundry earlier when I heard him call out, “I know you’re around here somewhere!” And when I yelled from the basement “Who are you looking for?”, he came to the top of the stairs and said, “Oh, there you are. Do you know what time it is?”

“Um. 8? 7:30?”

“Nope, it’s beard growing time.”

He found the right combination of vitamins to take to encourage hair growth. He’s done this before. He gets very involved in it, and I asked him to take daily notes on his progress this time. “Don’t do it on your phone though, because then I won’t have the joy of coming across it in the years to come.”

“You want me to write in my special spiral notebook?”

“YES”.

(The last time he “grew a beard” he even bought himself Rogaine)

Caleb has been busy with wrestling, too, but he didn’t make states. He went to them anyway, to help his partner, Sabrina. Today he was home and was able to rest. He even tested me to see if I would let him skip school tomorrow to rest some more. (no). Consequently, he stayed in the basement almost all day playing video games. He came up to eat now and then and every time he did, he would walk with his feet in loud rhythm on the wooden floor. He’s always drumming. My heart smiles.

Seth wrestled in states today and came in 7th out of 14th. He wasn’t very thrilled with the outcome but the 2 matches he won looked really really good. He fell asleep on the way home and is pretty low-key tonight which is AWESOME. Because of Jacob’s art influence, he is currently in the living room watching Jazza Youtube videos.

Let me take a picture of you before you go.

These are my sons; Caleb James, Ethan Gregory, Seth William, David Lloyd, and Jacob Richard

To see them all together like this makes me kinda awed. So many boys. Each one the dearest and the best.

We were watching TV.

He got closer and closer and then took my arm and held it.

PS, our kitchen toilet won’t flush down anything but fluid so only the boys can use it.

And that’s what the boys have been up to.

Good evening! I’m sitting here in my 8:39pm wide-awake house, with Ethan nearby playing a video game with headphones on and much talking because he is playing Jacob (in the living room) and Dave (downstairs). Yes, three brothers in the same house on three different playstation. My heart is happy. Soon Rich will be home with two more brothers and ice cream. I just got done braiding Sarah’s long wet hair (she is getting ready for bed).

I haven’t blogged at this time of night in YEARS. I was putting together a puzzle and then all of a sudden had the thought, “I want to blog”, and since I’ve been so blank lately, I had to jump on the chance to write.

Just some photos and thoughts from the day.

First of all, Connie (my dear friend), I await your texts. It was a bright spot in my day to get your email. You are such a fantastic pen pal and I am so glad we are friends.

David, you helped me so much today. You’ll never know. I’m so thankful for a brother like you.

Joanna, my dearest friend. Your texts brightened my day so much. I loved the song you shared with me (“Stay Alive” by Jose Gonzalez)

God is so good. I was all in an uproar this morning and wrote out a long wordy blog post but I didn’t publish it. It served it’s purpose (I got stuff out of my system) and I praise the Lord I didn’t publish…..I have had such intense emotions lately but what a difference just a few HOURS can make. (((Never give up expecting brighter days.))) My brother texted me at just the right time and encouraged me to YES go to the doctors (I had an appointment scheduled for my annual exam and was tempted to not go). But I did, and it went so well. My doctor took the time to talk to me for a while and really did a great job at doctoring my body AND my spirit.

Yes, a change can happen in just a matter of hours.

I’m not naive, I know I have a road still to travel, but today was just encouraging to me for so many reasons.

Okay, I said photos, and here they are:

This is me at the Target, after crying my eyes out at the doctors, you see a smile on my face. I am always a lot more ready and willing to smile than to cry. Sheesh.

I’m re-using photos I already sent to Joanna.

I sent this one to her to ask what she thought. She said “on what”? and I said “on a 44 year old” and she said “they were made for us. try them on”

After trying them on and sitting cross-legged on the floor (it’s important), I realized that they fit perfectly. I bought them and the T-shirt.

While at Target, I sent out a message to our family group chat which contains these people: Rich, Jacob, Ethan, Grace, and David. I told them (all are at home this week but Grace) I was at Target and to let me know if they needed anything. Jacob wanted snacks to take back to college this weekend, Rich wanted “good coffee and half and half” and David simply sent me an image of lots and lots of boxes of Eggo waffles. So I sent him back this:

To which he replied “buy them all”…….

When I got home I got the mail and there was an amazon package and upon feeling it I could tell it was a book. I opened it thinking excitedly “Oh I ordered a book and forgot about it”. But no, it was this book that Rich had ordered because he was reading his own copy and lost it. “I think I left it at a wrestling tournament”. Anyway, it’s a book he is really enjoying. Maybe I’ll read it next. 🙂

I went for a walk and my hands froze. However, I was glad to be in the sun and wind.

I made a three box spaghetti dinner. If you turn your head sideways to the right you can see the picture better.

real life

This is the puzzle I have been working on. It’s 1,000 pieces and I bought it at Barnes and Noble. All the rest of the pieces are wood. (!!!!) so it’s going to slow me down now.

Also, Sarah Joy came home full of information about Polar Bears because…..did you know…today is National Polar Bear Day. She and her class joined a live youtube video to watch zookeepers at the Toronto Zoo take care of their polar bears so we found it together and watched it again. She even got to make a paper Polar Bear hat, which her brother left on the bus.

Later on, when I took Seth to practice, I had to go to the hardware store to buy a toilet plunger because our kitchen bathroom toilet is clogged (sigh). I was at the cash register when I found the perfect little gift to give to my girlie.

Happy Thursday, friends! I’ll have more to share tomorrow (hopefully).

You are loved.

Because we are basically the same person at this point.

On my knees thankful for my Joanna-friend.

“Once upon a Time”……but you all know the story at this point, I think.

We met at college just a few (over 20) years ago now. And have been comfortable friends ever since.

best friends in every sense of the word.