control

Posted on February 7, 2008 by Shanda

Here are some things that I said this week:

“Life is HARD” (said in the midst of a sob)

“I’m AFRAID of getting sick and dying.”

“I’m feeling MORBID and thinking too much about death.”

“I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to. When I was having babies I felt ALIVE, now I don’t. I don’t feel lively anymore.”

“I feel like I’ve lost me.”

Okay. I know I said a lot more but thankfully I forgot the rest. I’m sure RICH (my dear husband) remembers, but I don’t. I was at a low low point. My mind can be so negative at times, I’m telling you, confessing those sinful fears out loud to my husband was a turning point for me.

Anyway, this all happened in the beginning of the week. Then I picked up the March issue of “Tabletalk” magazine and got a good dose of truth. A few aha! moments:

“Everything we think, feel, and do is etched into the neuronal fabric of our brains. Think about those things that are good, true, and beautiful, and your brain will demonstrate a certain chemical footprint; indulge SINFUL IMAGINATIONS and it will have another.” (what does God tell us to do? “Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, if there be any virtue, any praise, think on THESE things”)

We may, as Christians, have periods of doubt when we cry, “LORD I BELIEVE, HELP THOU MY UNBELIEF”

“The cure for anxiety is found on our knees, it is the peace of God that calms our spirit and dissipates anxiety.”

“Take any spiritual problem–anger, fear, unbelief, guilt, or shame. Allow it to persist without hearing the truth and comfort of the GOSPEL and responding to it. The result, in susceptible people, can be depression.” (I need to confess my sin of fear and unbelief )

“Suffering, on this side of the cross, has redemptive purposes.”

“This is the freeing truth you can learn through your depression: you weren’t created to love and worship anything more than you love and worship God; and when you do, you’ll feel bad. God has made you to feel pain when you’ve got other treasures that you’ve placed above Him. He wants you to treasure HIM.”

“Rather than considering OURSELVES, our record, humiliation, and failure, WE ARE TO CONSIDER HIM (Christ).” (ouch, very convicting)

“The depressed person needs to repeatedly hear this lovely statement, ‘Take heart, my son/daughter, your sins are forgiven.”

“The depressed don’t simply need to feel better. They need a Redeemer who says, ‘Take heart, my son, my daughter; what you really need has been supplied. Life no longer need be about your goodness, success, righteousness, or failure. I’ve given you something infinitely more valuable than good feelings: your sins are forgiven.’ This forgiveness permanently cleanses not only outward conspicuous sin, but also HIDDEN unbelief, faithlessness, pride, self-sufficiency, and apathy.”

*****************

Anyway, it all boils down to the fact that my depression (and pretty much every depression I’ve had, except PPD, and I believe that was hormones) results from all the obsessing I was doing about the “bad things” that “could happen” in my life, in the future. At times, I think so much about negative things, that I create more and more fear and anxiety in my spirit. I realized this week that I need to quickly confess those thoughts as SIN and get rid of it ASAP so that God can keep my thoughts pure and lovely.

I need to let go of my longing to CONTROL my own life. . . . I even wrote it on my hand, to remind me to LET GO and LET GOD.

(i found hope in the mailbox)

Posted on February 6, 2008 by Shanda

Funny title, isn’t it?

Someone special sent me a little somethin’ somethin’ in the mail, and it came today.

Even the envelope was beautiful. (I simply must learn calligraphy someday!)

The gift was wrapped in pretty tissue and tied with a ribbon.

She gave me a beautifully handmade heart with the word HOPE on it, all done with the sweetest details; crazy stitch, ribbons, and beads galore!

And, a coffee cozy made from cherry fabric!

I looked at it and grabbed the nearest child (it was Jacob) to show him the creativity and love this person displayed. (It’s always good to use these situations to inspire the kids to good works and creativity, too.)

I’ve been crying happy tears today. The first time was when I was watching the news about those massive tornados. There was a college campus in which 51 students were injured~but, not one death. Guess Who the student they interviewed publicly gave the credit/glory to? Yes, she, a cute young college girl, gave the glory to GOD. . . . and she said it was because of prayers that no one died. I just thought that was so beautiful!

The second time I cried happy tears was when I opened this gift from Dawn.

Hope is my word of the year.

“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand–all other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.”

~hymn by Edward Mote

Thanks for the beautiful reminder of hope!

take time to pray. . . . .

Posted on February 6, 2008 by Shanda

“We are, most of us, parents. That includes weighty responsibilities. But we are also children. We need to remember that we are not only teachers, but also students. God, who commands that we call him Father, is our teacher. But unlike us, our Father is perfect in every way.

He never grows weary.

He never errs.

He never thinks the devil’s thoughts.

Rather, our Father leads us in the good way.

He not only leads us beside still waters, but also leads us in the paths of righteousness. He likewise empowers us to grow in grace and obedience. As we come to this duty, this obligation, this challenge from God, ask him as your Father for grace,

strength,

power,

patience.

Ask him (who when we ask for bread will not give us a stone) to turn our hearts back to our children.

He delights to answer our prayers.

He is a gracious Father, who has adopted us into his family. He loves us as his children, perfectly. And he does indeed teach us. May he likwise stiffen our backbones and strengthen our hearts, that we might run well the race he has set before us, that we might not grow weary in doing good, that in turn we might honor him.”

RC Sproul Jr. in When You Rise up, A Covenantal Approach to Homeschooling

(photos from a family walk on Sunday afternoon)

“Although he was not book-learned, it was knee-work, knee-work, knee-work with him.” ~ Harvey Leigh, writing of John Oxtoby, a man known for his prayers.

Although I work hard at motherhood and life, I often neglect the most important duty of all: PRAYER. I must remember the knee-work.

Isn’t it wonderful that we can pray at any time, and any where?

Ethan is sick (the boy in the last picture). . .he was throwing up all night long. This family has been sick since Christmas!

I’m tired. But happy in Jesus.

Speech with Mrs. L

Posted on February 4, 2008 by Shanda

If you care for and help my child, I’ll love you forever!

After David’s 5yr. check up in September, with the advice of our pediatrician, I finally took the plunge and began pursuing speech therapy for him. It was time to get the little guy some help. Strangers could hardly make out his speech, and even Rich and I had trouble at times.

Because David was 5, I had to go to the public school for help (instead of the “birth to 3” program). I didn’t mind working with them, but they seemed surprised that a homeschooling mom would want their services. I spoke to the ones in charge there at the local elementary school and we finally arranged a time for David to begin. My friend Caroline generously agreed to watch my other 4 children during the sessions.

We meet every Monday at 10:30 with a wonderful lady named Mrs. L, who obviously likes her job and enjoys David. Last week when we got there, she was ready and waiting for us in her small room, with a cheerful “Hello, friend!” for David.

I have had the privilege of just sitting and watching the two of them work together. And work it is, Mrs. L. made that clear from the beginning, David was there to work hard. She makes me laugh to myself when she helps David along with promptings to sit still, “When we want to learn in here, we need to keep our bottoms in a chair, okay David?” and to keep his fingers out of his nose. (for example). Anyway, I enjoy watching her work with David, her eyes light up every time he does something right. She’s excited with his progress.

She and David sit at a little table together and I sit off to the side. She talks to him and explains the sounds very carefully, with cue words and hand motions. She uses charts, beads, small flat circles, etc, to keep him interested.

Before we go, I make sure to have him run up and down the stairs to get the energy out, and make him go potty so he can sit still. Today we forgot to brush his teeth. Oh well. But we did take her a couple of roses that were still left from my party.

Today Mrs. L. told David stories and then had him tell the story back to her. Each story was full of the certain sounds he was working on (“s” “f” and “t”) David liked that.

Here they are, practicing the angry cat “F” sound:

Mrs. L uses a big mirror. She and David look into it, and David always becomes very animated, making the most fantastic faces that I can hardly control myself with laughter in my corner of the room.

Today David learned the hard “G” sound and the “K” sound. Here she is, demonstrating the sound:

And then David tried it, and succeeded! We were so happy!

He looked right at me, with the proudest look on his face like, “Did you hear that, Mommy?”

I love how he leans into her. He must trust her.

I just want to say, if you work with little children and you do it out of love and joy of teaching or serving, than I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You make a mother so encouraged when you help her with her babies. Sunday school teacher, Doctor, Dentist, Speech Therapist, Music teacher, librarian, babysitter, whoever you are. . . .

THANK YOU! You are so special and what you do makes a difference. Keep up the good work!

3rd annual friends valentine party

Posted on February 3, 2008 by Shanda

Yesterday was my 3rd time hosting a special Valentine’s Day party for my friends.

I love February, it’s my birth-month, and also the month of LOVE.

Anyway, during our party, we were all sitting together in my livingroom, talking.

We talked about how friendship is a beautiful thing, and how blessed we are.

Karen brought up the point that it is beautiful now,

but the wonderful part about Christian friendship is that in one hundred years

we’ll all be gone from this earth,

but together again, in heaven ~ along with millions of other friends.

No sin will be there, our relationships will be perfect, complete and whole.

I told everyone that they are welcome to my mansion at any time!

Shanda’s door is always open to all of my friends.

I like the words to the hymn, “Blest be the tie that Binds”

Blest be the tie that binds
our hearts in Christian love;

the fellowship of kindred minds
is like to that above.

Before our Father’s throne
we pour our ardent prayers;

our fears, our hopes, our aims are one,
our comforts and our cares.

We share each other’s woes,
our mutual burdens bear;

and often for each other flows
the sympathizing tear.

When we asunder part,
it gives us inward pain;

but we shall still be joined in heart,
and hope to meet again.

written by John Fawcett 1740-181

I always make a special dinner. This year was chicken cordon bleu with a special cream sauce. Rice, and broccoli, dinner rolls.

I set the table with fiestaware; scarlet, rose, cinnabar, and white.

We filled the glasses with rosy-pink cherry 7-up

All the girls wear red, pink, or white.

We exchange cards and small gifts.

I replaced the family photos that I had in frames, with ones of the ladies.

Everywhere they looked were pictures of us all, from past gatherings.

I made little pretty papers with quotes and ribbon and glitter and scattered them about, too.

I filled a glass canister with valentine m n m’s, 100’s of them.

And a big scarlet fiesta bowl was filled with those little conversation candy hearts.

I bought sweetheart roses, and gave each friend 2 of them, tied with a white satin ribbon.

We had a pretty piano cd playing in the background. (the link is attached to this post)

We always take lots of pictures.

And every year we pull out the same journal (pictured in my last post) and we write in it.

It’s fun to go back and read through the previous year’s records.

After every one left, I sat alone in the dark livingroom, with only the light of the fireplace. I read our journal and thought about my friends. After a group leaves like that, their presence lingers within the walls of a home for a while, and that is what I was feeling. I could still see Cathi’s stricken face as she told us of a friend of hers who had just suffered pain and loss, I could hear my friend Kathy’s familiar and comforting voice (we talk almost every day), I could hear the laughter, hear Jen busily cleaning up my kitchen for me, feel the quiet smiles and the warmth. My heart aches with happiness when I think of the friendship God has shown me through these women, and from all of my other friends— YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

I thank God for you and I love you all very much.

Quotes from the journal:

“My favorite part was reading all the friendship quotes around the table” ~ Kathy, who came at 1:30 to help me put everything together. I could not have done it without her help.

“I’m so blessed to have a great group of friends, each of you are special for different reasons” ~ Jen

“I refrained from telling my teapot story once again, although I did offer” ~ Cathi

“I ate one cupcake too many! I just know that I am so blessed to call everyone here friend.” ~ Trish

“I am so thankful for all the love, encouragement, wisdom, different points of view–I have grown in Christ because of that–from each one of you.” ~ Bridgette

“The profundity of our fellowship here is impressed upon my mind more deeply each year.” ~ Karen

“I have been so blessed to be a part of such a wonderful church family” ~ Deanna

“It was a blessing to be around so many friends and just be able to talk” ~ Suzanne

“I cannot wait til next year!” ~ Suzanne again.

love is in the air/Valentine giveaway

Posted on February 1, 2008 by Shanda

And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three;

but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Good morning! I did take Caleb to the doctor’s yesterday and he has croup, like a few of you guessed. He’s on medicine now, and I bought a humidifier for his room. He was up several times last night, coughing, but my husband got up with him (without me even asking). Caleb is in here with me as I type, with, of course, a train in his hands. The kids have all had breakfast and we cleaned up a little. Now they are having a little bit of play time while I write on my blog and drink a hot cup of coffee. After this, we will start school.

Anyway, did you notice the title of this blog entry?

Love is in the Air!

On Saturday, (which is also Groundhog day, which I think is hilarious), I host my 3rd annual Valentine party for a gathering of dear friends. This year we have 11 total, including me, which is a couple more than last year. . . .I wonder if it’ll get bigger each year? It’s so much fun. The girls come wearing white, pink, or red tops and they bring valentines to pass out. I make a dinner, and set the table with my rose, white, cinnabar, and scarlet Fiestaware. After we eat, we sit in the living room and hand around our cards, and of course talk and laugh the entire time!

Another tradition is the journal. Every year I have everyone write whatever they want in our special pink “love” journal. We’ve had secrets come out in this journal! I also add pictures to it. Because we’re all wearing festive colors, the pictures look lovely!

My favorite book about friendships is titled Quality Friendships. It is written by Gary Inrig and is full of Biblical encouragement to make and maintain good quality friendships. Here are a few quotes:

“The life of union and communion with the Lord Jesus Christ will never isolate me from people, and my dependence upon Him will not make me independent of others “

“The Lord commands those who are abiding in Him to move into relationships”

“As a Christian, I must live a life of love for others”

“To not practice love in my relationships is to be out of the will of God”

“The Lord Jesus tells us that love is a key to our entire spiritual life”

“By abiding in Christ, I am able to love my fellow believers. By loving them, I abide more deeply in the Father’s love. By abiding more deeply, I love more deeply, and on and on it moves”

“Love is an indispensable key to my spiritual health. More than that, it is a key to mental health. In worldly terms, a person who is mentally healthy is at peace with himself. The Lord takes us one step farther and tells us that a person who is mentally healthy is able to express love for the benefit of other people, to sacrifice for them, and to meet the needs in others’ lives.”

I am attaching a link to the book on my site. Please take a look at it, and if it is something that you think you might like to read, leave a comment telling me. I will do a drawing on Tuesday, February 5. I will send one person a free copy of the book. Even if you are not interested in the book, maybe you will leave a comment and tell us of a special friend in your life and why you love that person.