I was focused on the church picnic we were hosting. Rich had hired someone to come and do a pig roast. We had a lot to do to prepare and my parents came, too. In all the preparations and busyness, Sarah’s birthday became of a far lesser importance. So much so that I procrastinated in purchasing her gifts. For the first time in all these years, Rich and I shopped for a birthday the actual day of the birthday. But Sarah understood, she didn’t mind at all.
She even wrote me a helpful list.
We drove through the rain to buy our little girl some presents. I found myself sitting and thinking about how much she has changed this year. From someone who was quite shy and very attached to mama, to someone who goes to school everyday cheerfully and confidently. From someone who couldn’t read or write, to someone who is giving me helpful lists.
She is my youngest child. One of the little things I miss the most is carrying someone on my hip. Sarah is much to heavy & big to pick up and hold any longer than a minute.
Sometimes I let her sleep with me when Rich is away. The last time she asked I said, “I just don’t want to be kicked all night long, so no.” But she started to get tears in her eyes and I saw how much it meant to her so I quickly said, “Okay, you can.”
As soon as she opened her eyes the next morning she sleepily said, “Did I kick you, mama?” My heart swelled. “All night long I tried to stay away.”
(Please don’t stay away. Come close. Kick me all you want.)
I taught her to eat violets.
Her grandma taught her how to water a garden.
She makes cookies with me.
She no longer cries when I get too far away.
She can sing and write, and color, and make friends and do things by herself.
How I love my little girl.
Now We Are Six
When I was one,
I had just begun.
When I was two,
I was nearly new.
When I was three,
I was hardly me.
When I was four,
I was not much more.
When I was five,
I was just alive.
But now I am six,
I’m as clever as clever.
So I think I’ll be six
now and forever.
May 30, 2016
“I don’t remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.” Anne Lamott