I don’t want to write, because the stuff in my heart will come out through my eyes.

oh, feelings!

My darling, my joy, my pride, my second born, my son, is graduating from high school in four days.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m super proud of him, I’m not sad in the least.  He is ready, he’s 18 years old and ready to move on to the next chapter in his life.

What I’m grieving is the little boy I used to know.  The one who used to pick me flowers and hug me around the waist.  The one who was a happy sidekick to his brother Jacob.  The one who was busy catching turtles, boiling up the random cray fish, writing funny stories, reading The Series of Unfortunate Events and other books, making rafts, being 100% nature-boy.  Dirty bare feet, happy cookie eater, pancake maker, mama’s boy.

Ethan has changed!!!!  He is a man, the strong, silent type.  When he does speak, I can’t hardly make out what he’s saying because his voice is low and quiet.  I say, “What?” and then get it.  He’s in love!!!!  And his extra attention goes to his girl.  I never know what he’s doing unless I outright ask!  Sometimes when I think he’s texting his girlfriend, he’s really playing Tiny Tower and that makes me smile, because he recently discovered it again after playing it a lot when he was like, 11.  flashbacks!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

He’s 18, of course this is the way it’s supposed to be!!  I’m happy for him.  He’s a man now and does not need his mama.  Rich says, it’s enough for E just to know I am here and proud.

But I miss him.

I have three more younger boys!  Who are very similar to how Ethan used to be at that age.

But I miss my E, the way he was as a youngster…..pure goodness, pure sweetness.  It went by so fast, I enjoyed every moment, but it went by too fast.

I know he has a lot on his mind, changes ahead that he will be experiencing on his own.  He is internalizing a lot these days.  But I hope he realizes that he will always be, just a little bit, my own little boy, always.  And I vow I’ll be here with the cookies and the pancakes, ’til death do us part.

Ethan took Tessa to his Senior Banquet on Friday and I was able to have some quiet time with them (and the camera).  Standing in front of the pond he grew up in.

The natural progression of time……it’s a beautiful thing.  Just makes a mama’s heart ache now and then.  You know.

He’s so happy with Tessa!

And she’s such a sweet, fun girl.  I couldn’t be happier for them both.  They make such a good twosome.

*****

With his sister……(Grace went to the banquet with her boyfriend)

Well, once again blogging has surprised me.  Writing has surprised me.  I’ve got it all sorted out at the moment (my heart, that is).

 

You’ve got to give a little, take a little,
and let your poor heart break a little.
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.

You’ve got to laugh a little, cry a little,
until the clouds roll by a little.
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.

As long as there’s the two of us,
we’ve got the world and all it’s charms.
And when the world is through with us,
we’ve got each other’s arms.

You’ve got to win a little, lose a little,
yes, and always have the blues a little.
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.