Yesterday was a rough day for me emotionally….lots of tears…panic…anxiety…upset.  (deep sigh)  

I had post partum depression after three of my babies (Ethan, Grace, and David) and so now that is an ever-present thought in the back of my mind.  If I have a crying spell (like yesterday), I fear that I am going through depression again (even though I know the crying is normal for a new mommy).  So please just cover me with prayer right now, that God will settle my fears and fill me with His peace and warm love.  And that I won’t get depressed!

Baby is doing great.  He slept last night from 8:30 to 1:30, a five hour stretch!  I wish I could say that I slept as peacefully.  I was awake almost every hour wondering if I should wake him up and feed him. 

Rich has been a solid rock for me and really came through last night, taking charge of me and telling me what to do (I need him to do that, because I get so wishy washy and indecisive).  He made up the bed at about 7:30, put some music on in my room, and sat by me, holding my hand, and listened to all my thoughts and feelings.  It was comforting, to have that feeling of understanding between us.

I know that after having a baby there are a lot of emotional ups and downs, right?  It would comfort me to know that I’m not the only one giggling over a cute newborn one minute and overwhelmed with anxious thoughts the next.

(deep sigh again)

Ummmm.  Oh yes.  Listen to this!  Rich’s mom is coming today to pick up three of the children to spend the entire week with her.  I was too afraid of being alone to let them all go (she wanted them all)…so Rich decided that Grace and David would stay home with me and that Jacob, Ethan, and Caleb should go to NY and spend time with their grandparents. 

Also, David is sick and on antibiotics for an ear infection.  Caleb was checked during the same appointment and he had strep throat.  They’ve been on meds for over 24 hours now but the fact that they were/are sick added to my worries.  Ethan has a bad cold and Jacob is also looking run down and getting over a cold, too.

I’ve been asking Rich to fly me to sunny Florida.  (obviously, it’s just a dream)  We need some sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Right now the children are all watching Tom and Jerry on TV.  Rich just left to get some things at the pharmacy downtown and Seth is sleeping.  It’s a mild day, weather-wise, and I ask you to pray that it will be a mild day for my emotions, too.  Thanks a bunch.


Love, Shan



Seth’s first full day home


Seth in his new swing, which I love, the cover is as soft as a cloud


Seth on the quilt that Hannah made and sent to him.  It is beautiful!



Rich brought home the Toyota yesterday afternoon….and asked me to go for a short drive with the family.


Our six precious passangers (Caleb was sound asleep and slumped over)


In an attempt to cheer myself up yesterday, I went for a short walk…..it was so nice to see the woods again.



0 thoughts on “(ugh)

  1. I’m so sorry. I got on here yesterday and didn’t leave a comment. I’ve been very sick these past few days. BUT, I have been praying for you since I saw your “Ugh” yesterday!I studied up on “baby blues” after delivery, and every other little thing that might happen to me. What I didn’t know, was after nursing the baby for 5-6 months and suddenly starting food and cutting the nursing time way back, the same hormones are released to return your body to its pre-pregnancy state. It was a kick in the pants. I never saw it coming – not when my baby was 5-6 months old! Everything seemed out of whack. I don’t know that it was depression, but I felt like I was spinning my wheels and not even sure if I was doing *that* right! I second guessed everything.I’m glad you have Rich and I’m glad his parents have stepped in to give you a reprieve.Love you lots ~CHERYLYN

  2. Oh Shanda, I will pray for you. I know what it’s like to go through PPD..I had it really bad with my last. If you need to talk you can call me. I will send you my number. I know how much it helps to talk and know that someone else has been there.

  3. I am so glad you showed the quilt up close because the fabric is so cute, Hannah did such a great job!!!
    Well what do you think of your new car?  Do you think it can hold all the groceries, was it difficult getting the kids in the way back seat?  Are you letting them eat in it? How long until they can? šŸ™‚
    The walk was the next best thing to going to FL, a perfect thing to do, I hope you had sunshine on your face, I sound like an Irish blessing, but really, the sun is like medicine for depression.

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