Yesterday was a rough day for me emotionally….lots of tears…panic…anxiety…upset.  (deep sigh)  

I had post partum depression after three of my babies (Ethan, Grace, and David) and so now that is an ever-present thought in the back of my mind.  If I have a crying spell (like yesterday), I fear that I am going through depression again (even though I know the crying is normal for a new mommy).  So please just cover me with prayer right now, that God will settle my fears and fill me with His peace and warm love.  And that I won’t get depressed!

Baby is doing great.  He slept last night from 8:30 to 1:30, a five hour stretch!  I wish I could say that I slept as peacefully.  I was awake almost every hour wondering if I should wake him up and feed him. 

Rich has been a solid rock for me and really came through last night, taking charge of me and telling me what to do (I need him to do that, because I get so wishy washy and indecisive).  He made up the bed at about 7:30, put some music on in my room, and sat by me, holding my hand, and listened to all my thoughts and feelings.  It was comforting, to have that feeling of understanding between us.

I know that after having a baby there are a lot of emotional ups and downs, right?  It would comfort me to know that I’m not the only one giggling over a cute newborn one minute and overwhelmed with anxious thoughts the next.

(deep sigh again)

Ummmm.  Oh yes.  Listen to this!  Rich’s mom is coming today to pick up three of the children to spend the entire week with her.  I was too afraid of being alone to let them all go (she wanted them all)…so Rich decided that Grace and David would stay home with me and that Jacob, Ethan, and Caleb should go to NY and spend time with their grandparents. 

Also, David is sick and on antibiotics for an ear infection.  Caleb was checked during the same appointment and he had strep throat.  They’ve been on meds for over 24 hours now but the fact that they were/are sick added to my worries.  Ethan has a bad cold and Jacob is also looking run down and getting over a cold, too.

I’ve been asking Rich to fly me to sunny Florida.  (obviously, it’s just a dream)  We need some sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Right now the children are all watching Tom and Jerry on TV.  Rich just left to get some things at the pharmacy downtown and Seth is sleeping.  It’s a mild day, weather-wise, and I ask you to pray that it will be a mild day for my emotions, too.  Thanks a bunch.


Love, Shan



Seth’s first full day home


Seth in his new swing, which I love, the cover is as soft as a cloud


Seth on the quilt that Hannah made and sent to him.  It is beautiful!



Rich brought home the Toyota yesterday afternoon….and asked me to go for a short drive with the family.


Our six precious passangers (Caleb was sound asleep and slumped over)


In an attempt to cheer myself up yesterday, I went for a short walk…..it was so nice to see the woods again.



0 thoughts on “(ugh)

  1. Oh, my dear! These moments come and go, don’t they? I think some of the most comforting words in the Bible are “and it came to pass….” I am praying that this little “hitch in your git-a-long” is not depression at all. May God pour His grace, strength, peace and joy into your weary heart! May you feel encouraged by others, and may He show you ways you can encourage yourself. You are such an encourager to others! You are like a softly-glowing, sweet scented candle on God’s altar. You have so much of God’s precious word stored in your heart, and I know the Holy Spirit will quicken it to you as you need it. God is going to give you everything you need to keep serving your family, because you acknowledge Him in all your ways! He has promised to direct your path. You are a seeker of His righteousness, so all you need is going to be added unto you. HUGS!

  2. “Lord Jesus, bless Shanda with peace and joy today.”
    When my babies were tiny and I would be awake at night rocking them,I had a horrible time of fear rather than joy. It is hard to be a protective mommy and yet remember that God is the ultimate caregiver. You have a precious family.

  3. Hang in there! I will be praying for you  today!!! I don’t know what the emtional ups and downs are like after having a baby, but I have been through depression and watched my mom go through it after she had my last little brother… so I DO know what that is like, and how terribly scary it can be just to THINK that you might be going into it. I will be COVERING you with thoughts and prayers today!! I know that you have such a wonderful, loving, helpfull, and supportive husband and family who will be by your side through all of the laughs and giggles as well as all of the fears and tears.
    Love ya!

  4. I just want to tell you that I go throught the exact same thing after having my babies. My husband is also the rock that gets me through. Don’t be too hard on yourself…this WILL PASS. It seems like you will never feel normal again, but you WILL. Right now your emotions are extremely intense (for me a combination of hormones, lack of sleep, and the life changing experience of birthing a baby). I remember being in the shower and crying so hard, but the crying does help. And day by day, you find you don’t need to cry as often. Soon you find interest in household responsibilites again. If your sister can come visit you now and then, that really does help distract you and get you to focus on something else for awhile. This verse was my comfort at this time. I read it and read it to myself. I kept it next to me on the bed and read it when I was overwhelmed and fearful. I hope it will help you as well.
    Isaiah 41:10, 13 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strenghten thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.  For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” 

  5. Shanda, I’ve been praying for you and will continue to. I think most, if not all, moms feel overwhelmed and anxious when we bring a new little one home. When I had my fourth my pediatrician,God bless her, told me each one is like your first at. I SO needed to hear that at the time. 
    As Kitten said, this will pass. And remember that you have a Savior who is watching over you and lean on Him whenever you need too! And lean on all of us too!

  6. I hope you get to feeling better. I had PPD with my first two, but, not my third. Hopefully your hormones are just a little cuckoo after giving birth. Keep your chin up. At least you have a good support system there. Hugs.

  7. Shanda, I haven’t checked in with you for a few days and just now took a quick look. Last night before I went to sleep I was talking to the Lord and asking Him to help you with the baby and whatever you might be going through. I’m glad you have such a good hubby! Seth is adorable and seems to look so much like his brothers! I hope you get more sleep and that your hormones even out. Listen to great music! Keep taking pictures and eat what you love.  Love, Gail

  8. And so are YOU! HA HA! Keep laughing – at “whatever” you can – and LOVE the beauty and preciousness you have around you.  You already know this will pass.
    “Cause every little thing’s
    ‘gonna be al-right!”
    You are loved.  You are prayed for.  You are great.

  9. Shanda, I have been thinking of you and praying for you.  I was wondering how you were doing emotionally.  I will continue to pray for you- that your emotions will stabilize, and that you are NOT depressed.  You are such a sweet, dear friend!  Baby Seth is precious!  Try to just take things one step at a time and not worry about the future.  You have a loving Heavenly Father who cares so much for you! 
    Much love and prayers, Hannah
    P.S.  Thanks for the pictures of Seth on the quilt.  He is so cute!

  10. Oh sweet Shanda, praying for you that God will comfort you and give you JOY! He knows our frame and how we are made. I found the words from His word were my greatest comfort in times of tiredness, sickness, and hormones! As my hormones changed a few years ago I felt so horribly sad and would cry in the shower every day! I finally started some progesterone cream and it made a huge difference. During that time, of about a year, I would pray and read God’s word and He faithfully lifted me up. I will continue to pray for you, I know the Lord uses us all to strengthen one another. So glad Rich is so wise and dear caring for you. Little Seth looks so pink and sweet in the swing and on his beautiful quilt! The snowy woods are beautiful…so are you dear woman of God. Hugs, JennyP.S. I found and took pics of the funny gingerbread beanbag people for you and Davey to see…I will put them up on my site now

  11. We all get those emotions Shanda!! Don’t worry, it’s completely normal!! Heck I STILL(and she’s 7m)  have days when I cry…………….

  12. Shanda, I will pray for you.  I went through PPD with my first baby and have to pray daily not to be anxious as I go into the newborn stage again in a couple of months.  Here’s some things that helped me during the horrid months of depression:  crying out to God, singing praise songs even when I didn’t feel like it, putting verses and truth all over the house where I could read them as I  nursed, washed dishes, etc…, yes, tell Rich what you’re feeling and pray together, get out of the house when you can, have a friend over for a little while, and last of all see a doctor if you need to.  Also, I know you like to be creative but when depression and sleep deprivation (not to mention lack of time) set in creative endeavors can go by the wayside.  I remember my sister coming for a visit and we made really easy flannel blankets for our babies.  I can’t tell you how much it helped me just to do something that kept my mind off the baby and myself.  Above all, I’m going to pray that you are not heading into a depression but that you are having a normal swing of emotions.  This season will pass.  You are a wonderful mommy and what God has given you to do he will also equip you.  Thank you for being honest.  Love and prayers, Maria

  13. one side of me is always relieved when the first few weeks are behind me after baby and the other side wants this stage to last a long time!!! my baby is 7 weeks old today and it is amazing how every day the strength returns!! so hang in there and enjoy cuddling with your newborn. blessings on your day.

  14. Don’t fret little momma. This is a new season of change, and it will take awhile to adjust to having a new family member, new routines, lack of sleep, more responsibilities…but you are never alone. God is with you every moment, and He has surrounded you with prayer warriors to lift you up and come along side you when weary. He ha given you a dear, loving husband. You will be alright, these feelings will come and go, but you security and strength will never fail.I love you dear sister in Christ

  15. yes,i do remember feeling the same emotions..exactly how you described! it’s so nice of your mom to take a few kids for you. marks sister did it for me also,and it did take a load off and help…i just made small microwave meals for a while. i was also sobbing,it hit about the 3rd day i was home.i ran in the laundry room and sat in front of the washer,buried my head in my knees and sobbed for over an hour.i couldn’t figure out what it was…marks sister was here with her family and everyone was asking why i was upset..i just said, I don’t know! it is a strange feeling,because i was so happy,i didn’t even know why i was crying.(and you have a new car too!) my doctor suggested i get on zoloft for the first year to help with the hormones,i really didn’t want to because of nursing,but he assured me the benefits would surely outway the risks.(also because i have hashimotos hypothyroid,a thyroid disorder, it helps,my hormones are out of wack because of that already!)  i hope you feel better soon! we are thinking of you!

  16. I was kinda hoping all that stuff was as a new mom and wouldn’t come with future kids. . . lol. I’m praying for you today dear. My Mama’s heart heard yours in this post and is responding in kind with prayer.

  17. Oh I’m praying! Cast all your cares to the arms of our Sweet, sweet, Jesus. He knows exactly how to comfort you best. But I must say your hubby is extremely sweet to you! My mom says she barely remembers the 10 yrs of having us children and how her mind went to mush when she’d have another kiddo, So I’ve heard the stories and try to understand! The quilt is ADORABLE, i love the fabric choices :). Don’t bank on FL sunshine to bring much.. its rather COLD here now, and I live in the southern area… Hope your other children get better soon!!! — and congrats on the Toyota :), may you have many SAFE miles in it!!!Jos

  18. Thoughts and prayers on your behalf.  You can do this!!  You have been through a lot (the whole growing a baby and birthing him). Sounds like you have a wonderful husband who is very supportive through this time as well.  I think this time of year is sorta “blah” anyway without the hormones, lack of sleep, etc.
    spring will come.  This too shall pass. 

  19. Awww Shanda, the quilt has bluebirds on it!!!  How very sweet!  Prayer sent heavenward for you, dear friend, that the Lord will send sunshine to your skies and to your soul ~ keep lookin’ up ~ 

  20. You are in my prayers.  You have a loving Heavenly Father that is your strength and comfort.  I pray that you have a blessed day and peace that comes from Him.
    Psalms 62:7 – “In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God”
    Your friend did a beautiful job on Seth’s quilt.  How precious.

  21. Just imagine I’m giving you a great big hug right now! Everything will be okay, know that I am thinking and praying for you often. My verse that gets me through so much I pass on to you… 
    Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Eph. 3:20
    Love and hugs,

  22. You sound just like I did after having my babies…..everthing that was normal no longer feels normal. I suffered from anxiety and depression. I will tell you…. get out more…It truly helps…Even if it means going for a short walk breathing in fresh air…My MD once told me that exercise is just as good for depression as anti depressants…I believe it!!! It will take a few weeks but as soon as you establish a normal routine having baby Seth in your home will start to feel like your new normal life…Praying for you…Get into the word,lots. (((Big Hugs)))

  23. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. It’s so normal to feel so emotional and I know that’s the last thing you want to hear, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Your body has just performed the toughest task imagineable and your emotions just need to play catch-up. I will be praying for you and your sweet baby…

  24. It is always good to know that YOU KNOW what your dealing with…wacco emotions but it still isn’t the easiest time…. praying for you and remind me when my time comes that it is ok. šŸ™‚ BTW that is a nice sporty car that seats 8! Good Job Dad!! šŸ™‚

  25. I hope you can get some rest while the kids are gone, and that Grace is a big help for you during the day.  I’ll continue to pray for you, and if you need anything, please let me know.  Love, Trish

  26. Hugs sweetie, its gonna be alright. Seth is so beautiful, just like his brothers and sis. Glad you got out for a walk. That should help. Sounds like having a grandma visit will be a good thing for the kiddos and for mom. šŸ™‚ Big hugs!!

  27. Praying for you my friend!  I remember feeling the same feelings that you are going through after both of my pregnancies.  And I can’t imagine taking care of so many other children to add to the emotion and exhaustion of it all!  You just had a baby – take it easy!!  I will continue to pray for a wonderful week for the children and for you as your heart goes with them… (((HUGS)))!!!

  28. I’m one with a couple of your posters above…..Lilly is 4 and I still cry now and then.  Sometimes I feel like I’m in a Calgon commercial!  Hang in there. 
    Now that’s a kind of vehicle I like to see…….one that isn’t filthy from salt and dirty snow!  I like the color.

  29. I am so nervous about this part. I know it’s all coming. I just hope I will have as much support as you do. I will be a first time mom and keep getting the feeling that I have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into. I’m not religious so I can’t even turn to some verse for help. Good luck though! I love reading your posts and looking at your adorable pictures.

  30. You are loved, dear friend – and remember that it was God who made us to be emotional beings.  Enjoy being cradled in His care today, then do it all over again tomorrow.  šŸ™‚

  31. Praying for you Shan.  Even though you been through the ropes 5 times before Seth is new.  He is his own make and model so to speak and takes special adjustment to take care of him.  I can imagine how you’re feeling but God knows and I pray that you continue to trust him and have a real intimate talks with him, just like you did with Rich.  He is there all the time and waiting.  He’s laughing with you and trying to cheer you up.  He is already in tomorrow so you don’t have to worry about it.  I love you Shan.  

  32. What a blessing to know “this too shall pass”…. One day at a time…leaning on Him…..Loving that fabulous quilt! Those fabrics are yummy!You have me singin’ Three Little Birds as I write…:)

  33. Praying for you.  Feb is a hard month many times for me because of the never ending cold here in the frigid NE.  Growing up in TX I find myself ready to go south this cold month!!  Don’t be hard on yourself.  You have a full load, but are able to do it.  God will give you all you need to accomplish the tasks He has called you to do.  The other things can wait.  It sounds like you have a wonderful husband to fill in where you need him.  Find the scriptures that speak to the situation you are dealing with, write them on note cards, and put them where you will see them to encourage you.  Even say them out loud.  Speak the Word of God to your situation.  Something about speaking the Word really gets it down in me when I am dealing with a situation.  A few years ago when my older 4 were little, 3 of which still in diapers, some days all I could do was keep singing “This is the day that the Lord has made…,”  and would say “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strenght,” as I worked.  Now my kids just love to say that verse and sing that song. Isn’t God so good!!!  With #6 on the way we have been singing that song again. : ) Praying the Lord sends you lots of sunshine inside and out!!!  God be with you, strengthen you, and bless you and your family!! 

  34. Shanda — I never experienced what you are going through after having my children so I can’t say I understand, but I want you to know that I care and I will pray for you that you will feel much better soon and will get some rest while your children are away. God bless you dear friend — your baby is so beautiful!

  35. I will be praying for you & your family.   I know I went through that with Matt and it was not easy, you have a very supportive husband that makes alot of difference to, he sounds very sweet.   How nice of your MIL to take the kids and spend time with them and also give you time.   Seth seems like he is doing very well!   I love the quilt you received it’s very pretty.   Your new truck is gorgeous!!    Hoping you get lots of sunshine!   We were in the 60’s here yesterday after having snow on Tuesday, crazy!

  36. i had it pretty bad after Anabelle. the dr had to put me on a mild anti depressent. but it will all go away in time my dear! you have a beautiful family so just try and keep this in mind. i know God will guide you through things šŸ™‚ still, you are in my prayers. <3-Kimberly

  37. Praying!!love the new Toyota! How does it work with loading and unloading? How many of yours are in carseats/boosters? All four of mine are and will be for another 3 years thanks to PA’s wonderful laws!!

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