I’ve not been feeling like myself…..I think things have been escalating to point of an almost break-down. This weekend was tough…..on Sunday I had stirred myself up to a frenzy … feeling sick, overwhelmed, spinning in circles, feeling like every little thing was going wrong all day long. We couldn’t go to church because most of the family was sick and Seth was miserable. I had been pouring myself out to serve my family and feeling selfish about it, then guilty because I very much just needed a break—(I would eagerly await bedtime, but at night my mind would spin and I had all this energy and couldn’t sleep.) On Sunday afternoon I decided to leave for awhile, got out the door, decided not to go, went back in the house to my room, then decided to go again. That shows how crazy I got! I cried all the way to the bookstore.
After some browsing around and a cup of hot chocolate, I was feeling somewhat calmer and I went to the mall to say hi to my sister (she works there) and to pick up some more children’s Motrin at Target. It was good to see Amanda, and I met her again briefly after I was done shopping. She was just leaving work and we walked out together.
Getting out of the house ALONE, for a breather, helped get me through the weekend. I’m also trying to take better care of myself, confess my selfishness and controlling tendancies to God, pray a lot, take vitamins, drink water and milk, and think positive.
Yesterday David came down with the stomach bug so I had to cancel music lessons and I cancelled another appointment that we had for today. It’s been nice not to have to rush everyone out the door for things.
It’s been a challenge caring for sick children (for the last 2 weeks we’ve been sick) but we are coming out of it now, I think. Most importantly, I am feeling much more hopeful today. 
Random pictures from the last 2 days:
So yesterday, I was feeling pretty blue and decided I needed to wear some color to offset the mood. It seriously helped!
Caleb and Grace bounced Sarah on the bed.
She loved it. Yes, those are Caleb’s happy feet.
But, as usual, things started getting a little out of hand and I had to put a stop to it.
Sarah fell down the steps yesterday. The children took her upstairs and promptly forgot about her. It only took a second and down she came. It was not a good moment for us (I was particularly upset b/c I had JUST told J to bring her to me but he insisted she liked being with them), thankfully she is okay. She has quite the busy life with all her big siblings to entertain her.
Jacob took these pictures of Sarah and the toothbrush. It gives a good example of the things that go on around here, and how diseases spread. Seth was up no good, getting a chair to help himself to the refrigerator, a habit that I am now in the process of putting a complete end to.
And Sarah had found a treasure to chew.
Oh how yummy!
Jacob thought her facial expression was so funny in this one that he showed it to me as soon as he took it.
Seth came along to help her learn how to use it. No matter that she has no teeth.
Hmmmmmm, she needs more information.
“Like this.” “Oh, I see. Fascinating!”
“Now you try.”
Caleb, Grace, and I played this game together yesterday. We enjoy the detailed, colorful pictures on it.
Caleb likes to do this with Sarah and it’s adorable how she looks up up up at him adoringly.
Seth was quite precious this morning. I heard him make a sound “OHHHHH!” –just like he had just seen an exquisite, beautiful ROSE.
I turned around to look at what he was admiring and discovered,
the car battery charger.
Caleb took Seth and Sarah and covered himself and the two of them up with his blanket. It was like a little cave under there.
I imagine that when the children play like this they are making wonderful memories. I certainly remember doing things like this when I was little! It’s magical, child play.
Boy, Caleb has been busy…. he has also started giving Seth and Sarah rides in the stroller (thanks to redladybug’s suggestion!) to keep them out of trouble.
Sarah in the morning sunshine, sitting on her blanket.
Some of the best books to read out loud…..A.A. Milne understands.
David was yellow- sick last night and he was all bundled and covered up for bed, on the couch. I read to him for a while out of these books and he quieted down for a cozy time with his mama.
I love my eight year old boy.
He rested against me and listened. Today I found him quietly reading them for himself.
He said, “Mom, I love how they drew Pooh for this book. He’s SO CUTE!”
This is one of the poems that make me feel as though they were written just for me, and for my boys;
“I’m fishing. Don’t talk, anybody, don’t come near! Can’t you see that the fish might hear? He thinks I’m playing with a bit of string…he doesn’t know I’m fishing.”
My Davy fishes just like that. I’ve caught him at it before, lots of times, in our ponds.
So when I read it, I get tears in my eyes.
And that’s a little bit of what we’ve been up to.
Love, Shanda
Good to be Home 
Glad you are feeling better….looks BUSY…but BLESSED there!
Glad you were able to get out for a little bit. Hope everyone is feeling better!
i love the colors you chose to wear to help yourself feel better. i’ve had a couple of overwhelmed days…but not had kids that were sick or just a hubbub of activity to try to get on top of…but i hear you on needing to just get out.i love the pictures of Sarah….she’s getting so big. and i love her simple curiosity ..and the demostrations by Seth of teeth cleaning.but my favourite and made me laugh sooo loud was when Seth made the little noise and you turned to see a car battery charger. that made me laugh soooo much i even read it to my mum and showed her ;)hope that today is a grand day Shanda.
Isn’t that Mr. Quiggly (or something like that???)? I had that game as a kid. My mom excitedly picked it up from a secondhand store because she played it as a child. Thanks for the happy memory!My breathers are trips to Walmart alone. Ha! That is small town life–there’s nowhere else to go here besides nature. There’s plenty of that, but I’m a fair-weathered nature lover. Perfect conditions only, please!Those brownies are seriously delicious. I can’t believe how good they are. I can’t wait to wow guests with them!If you haven’t read it, you would like the Serenity Prayer. It goes through my head when I’m feeling controlling and angry. It’s pretty popular because of AA, but I learned it in Celebrate Recovery (it’s a Christian 12 step program for life’s hurts, habits, and hangups). God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next.Amen.I so hope and pray today is better. I pray God’s healing hand over your home!
prayers for you! You are a strong, beautiful, God-powered mother and wife and you will get through this rough patch. They are a part of life ( esp. for us girls, huh!) And I have found that sometimes, my lowest times are right after a mission trip or vacation ( like you just had). It’s quite a shock to the system to get back to the real world after all that rest and tranquility. Go easy on yourself! Perhaps you need a vacation from your vacation! haha. blessings to you and yours!
@mytoesareblue – I’ve been chuckling over that all day. Glad you also thought it was funny! LOL
@Geidlbots – Amanda, my dear hard working mama of TWINS!, thanks for the note…yes that is the game! I found it at a toy store for Christmastime. I’m so glad you like those scrumptious brownies—baking is a great refreshment for stay at home mamas!- and thank you so much for passing along the poem. I’m putting it my day journal today!
@broken_in_violin – Thank you so much! Also, I had those some of those SAME thoughts about vacation (along with, “I brought home germs!”)
Your children are ADORABLE!! I love looking at pictures of them and thank you for sharing about your ups AND your downs. It’s nice to know I’m not alone:) Hope you all can put all this sickness behind you!
Glad you are feeling better……..Cute pics
Hey hun, glad you are feeling brighter today. I do not have kids but I have been looking after my mom who has been battling peri-carditus since Oct. Many trips to the ER but all seems to be getting better now. She is having trouble with glaucoma and had eye surgery throughout all this sickness and still may need to go to Vancouver to a specialist since her eye pressure is still high. So I understand times of stress. Lifting you in prayer for His strength and comfort to carry you through the rough days.{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
I almost called you today because I thought something might be up. We were sick here, I came down with a terrible sinus infection/flu/fever and when it was all over I had not left the house in over three weeks. Now this is the second day of me feeling normal and I keep thanking the Lord for my health and energy. I imagine that it was much harder for you with the kids, I am so glad that you were able to escape for a bit and see your sister!The pictures are so lovely as always, it feel like we are peeking right in on your warm, busy, happy home!
oh Shanda, I am not surprised at how overwhelmed you must feel at times. I feel as though I am losing my mind sometimes and only have two little ones. I am always praying for you and your family. You have such a good heart….feel better my friend.
You look so fetching in your cheerful colors! Made me happier just looking at you 🙂 Thank you for being willing to share your hard days as well as you beautiful days. I continually come back to your blog, because it resonates with me. No matter what you are talking about there is always a strong undercurrent of love, sincerity, and gratitude in everything you write. It is so encouraging to me. Thank you!
I think your temperment must be a lot like my own. A lot of what you say reminds me of myself. I get overwhelmed and worked up into a frenzy sometimes too. It’s nice to know it’s not just me. It’s also nice to see what helps. Getting out helps me a lot too. It’s amazing how much you seem to fight it but feel almost 100% better in minutes. I’m glad my husband knows me and all but shoves me out the door when he knows I need it. I chuckled at so many of your cute little moments throughout the days. Sarah with the toothbrush is just super duper cute! Yes, that facial expression is priceless. And Seth and the battery charger… I had to laugh out loud. It makes me laugh again thinking about it. Guess that’s boys for ya. I hope and pray and pray some more that you guys continue getting better. Just remember, it’s MARCH! Spring is around the corner!!!
Oh, Shanda, your life makes me weary. I remember those days – and we only had four children. Love your posts. Hugs and blessings.
It must be springtime that makes us want the color…I have been wanting a new bright sweater…I saw a pretty fuchsia color one with a rosette on it. I think I should order it It is cold so I will wear my bright lime green fleece in the meantime. You look so cute in your brights!So glad you are feeling better. I think the need for some breathing space is a common need of moms, with one or many children. Add sickness and that increases the need. You are so good in sharing how you work through things with us Shanda. I run off to Trader Joes and get much needed food for my bottom less pits (both Bob and David EAT), but the fresh flowers, happy helpers, and the smell of a European market, help me upwind. The library is another place that is only minutes away and helps. I always love seeing the kids all enjoying life. Caleb is getting so big! I too love Pooh, both the writing and the pictures. I like the green covers on your books.
oh Shanda….it takes guts and humility to admit to the seriousness of life outta control with little ones and mom having no time for anything other than little ones…you are such a brave, strong and loving mother…while i totally hear and understand the hard times you’ve had, it encourages me to know that someone else has those days too?! i’m so glad for you that you got out for a bit on Sunday, and i will pray and hope that the rest of your family gets well soon, and that life can slow down and be less stressful for you!!!
Thak you for sharing your life with us, it is an encouragement to know all the ‘beauties’ of life and motherhood. My children enjoy your blog so much! My three year old ohhhhed and awwed over your baby (not the car battery) -who would have thought:)
Honestly, there is nothing worse than sick kids – it is one of the most challenging parts of motherhood – so don’t beat yourself up too much. God does use it to purge the yuckiness out of us, so there is SOME good use for it! 🙂 So glad you are feeling better!
I’m glad you’re feeling better and that Rich understands your need to get out at times!
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Glad your feeling better! That game-I recognize it as Uncle Wiggly. I remember playing that growing up, it was so fun. Ours is quite old and had lots of loving 🙂 I didn’t even know they still made it! I need to get it out again.Seth sounds just like Luke-the boy I babysit. The other day we were in the garage and Luke goes over and starts looking and messing with the battery charger. 🙂 I’m glad the stroller suggestion worked. 🙂
I only had two but I can remember that sometimes one just needs some alone time.
I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better today. You look so pretty in those bright colors. I love the picture of little Sarah focusing on the toothbrush and has her tongue sticking out. I loved it when my boys did that, it’s so cute.I pray that you have a good and restful Wednesday.
Love the car battery charger story. Too funny. Praying that you will wake up with positive feelings for the next few days, and that if you don’t, you will quickly experience God’s grace and mercies which are new every morning.
So glad you’re feeling better. I was kind of thinking the same thing too…”post vacation-get back to real life mode” ….add sickness and the yearning for spring into the mix, Yikes!It’s thankfulness and contentment that bring me out of those down times. You always seem very thankful and content to me. =)I enjoyed looking through all of your pictures, your home looks so fun. Happy kids making happy memories!Hope your Wednesday is a blessed one.
Sarah is so adorable!! I love reading your blog, as you are so real about every day life. I have this hanging in my kitchen, and thought it might encourage you today.
Today I didn’t say the right things. I didn’t give enough hugs, I didn’t listen to all their imaginary stories.
Today I hurried through what could have been very special moments, to achieve my binding agenda.
Today my prayers were too short and my lectures too long. My smiles, I’m sure, didn’t hide my fatigue.
Today I didn’t heal any wounds; in fact, I’m sure I caused some. Their tears fell I and I felt too lifeless to wipe them away.
Today I felt completely defeated and totally inadequate for this position called parent.
But as I kneel in prayer to confess my failures, I am reminded: I am not their hope. I am not their total joy. I am not their salvation. JESUS CHRIST IS!
And they are His children even more than they are mine. I am reminded: He always listens, always guides, always touches, and always loves perfectly.
I can rest now. Lord, remembering that I am not alone.
God bless your day, Shanda.
@Anna – Thank you so much Anna. I truly appreciate it. Blessings to your day, as well!
I’m so glad you are feeling better, and I’m sure things will just keep improving as the weather warms up and everyone can spend more time outside. I am looking forward to that around here, so that we can get outside every day and for longer periods. We have had some cabin fever this winter, especially as we have had only one vehicle, which T uses for work, since early December. His little car is a standard, which I don’t know how to drive, so I can’t take it even when T is home. Being a homebody, most of the time I love being “stuck” at the house; however, sometimes it is refreshing to get away, like you did last Sunday!I laughed and laughed about Seth’s reaction to the battery charger! Also, I thought that was a great idea about strolling the little ones around to keep them out of trouble! It is amazing what CONSTANT supervision is needed for babies and toddlers, isn’t it?!
Whats the name of the board game?
Poor Mama!!! I do pray this week will be a healthier one all the way around! Keep wearing those bright colors, and ya know, God forgave the controlling, selfish spirit through Jesus years and years and YEARS ago! Don’t let the enemy drag you down in guilt! Just say, ” I know I’m being controlling and selfish and I need your almighty power to lift me out of this and show your love.” Then thank Him over and over for how and who He is. One of THE worst times in my life was when I was overwhelmed as a mom with my selfishness and neediness and I wallowed in guilt about that. Then years later, I finally discovered that the guilt and wallowing were completely enemy-sent. All I needed was to recognize where I truly was, repent and move on, all the while praising Jesus and thanking Him for all He has done. Dwell, wallow in His compassion and forgiveness, His power and glory, His energy, His calm, His grace and understanding, His immense love for especially YOU!
@Richgem – I needed to hear this. Thank you so much!
@Donna7 – I’ll be praying for you and your mom. (((HUGS BACK)))
Grateful to God that you were able to get a breather — a gulp of fresh air that fueled you. “Browsing around and a cup of hot chocolate…” Deep breath. 🙂 I love, love, love your cheerful outfit and the fact that you let your kiddos jump on the bed (for a little while). And praising God that little Sarah is a-okay! Whew! Correspondence between Sarah and Seth is super cute! I too had that game growing up ~ had completely forgot about it until I saw the pictures. Shanda, thanks soooo much for sharing glimpses of your life with us. You are such an encouragement to many!! Love to you, my blogging friend! “And there always are breaks in the clouds through which we can see the blue and the stars. No lot in life is ever so utterly hopeless as to have in it nothing to alleviate its unhappiness. There is always something of brightness, one line, at least, in the darkest experience. There always are comforts, no matter how great the sorrow. Every cloud has on it some bit of silver lining. There are hopes, consolations, encouragements, in every experience of grief or loss, and we are to think of these…” J.R. Miller
LOVE the pictures Shanda! Don’t you just love watching the kids play together with the babe? I know I do,and of course I have to stop them too before they get too rough lol. I can never seem to be good enough with the camera to where the pics are not blurred!Some day I may perfect this. I am so happy you decided to keep going with the blog… I was worried for a bit when you said you would be stopping for a while. Glad you came back so soon!
that’s such a pretty shot of you sitting on the floor!glad you’re feeling better~ i think it’s been a bad winter for sickness.