“Yes, there are wondrous times in mothering! And there are also shocking, unexpected days and weeks, when we quickly come to the end of who we are and what we know and we wonder how we’re going to make it through the next twenty years….or twenty minutes.”
“Moms have continuing needs, too. To sleep. To grow. To talk with someone who cares. To regain perspective and find hope. Ignoring those needs not only jeopardizes the health and well-being of the mom but of the whole family.”
‘Moms cannot effectively meet the needs of their children while ignoring their own. And during the days of mothering young children with intense needs, moms must recognize the value of understanding and meeting their own needs, for the sake of their children and families.”
~Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall, of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)
I became a mother when I was in my early twenties. Rich and I were delighted to be parents and enjoyed every moment with our firstborn. Jacob was 14 months old when I had our second son, Ethan. After Ethan was born I experienced several months of post partum depression, which went undiagnosed. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I could not sleep and I spent most of my time anxious and weepy. It was a terrible time for me, I felt very lost and alone. I remember praying and reading my Bible in utter despair, not knowing why I could not make myself BE HAPPY. Thankfully, my depression only lasted a couple of months.
During that time, Rich and I were at a local Christian Bookstore and I found the book, “What Every Mom Needs” by Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall. I bought it and read it, and cried through the entire book. It did not address depression, but it did address the needs of mothers, and the words were FOR ME, as I read I felt understood and not as alone in my feelings, and reading it gave me some good, first, solid lessons on what it is to be a mother. Motherhood is rewarding and involves intense love and devotion, but it is also extremely HARD at times.
I’ve been a mother now for thirteen years and what you see here on my blog is the result of the experience of those years…..I feel more settled and seasoned. Able to laugh and enjoy my days as a stay-at-home mom.
However. When I have a new baby, or when I am extremely overtired, my world comes crashing down around me once again. Usually just for a day or two. I call these times, “crash days”.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was triggered by reaching the end of my rope regarding my husband’s insane work ethic. He is rarely at rest, which in turn places a lot of pressure on me as I watch him, at home, “catching up on emails” almost constantly. This lifestyle of *always being available to the cooperation* has been going on for the last 10 years.
Yesterday, as he drove to work, he listened to me on the other end of his cell phone, YELLING and saying all kinds of lovely things like, “I HAVE HAD IT. I AM DONE. YOU SPEND 12 HOURS A DAY AT THE OFFICE AND THERE IS NO REASON WHY YOU NEED TO BRING WORK INTO OUR FAMILY LIFE, TOO.”
And those were the mild, more gentler of points and complaints. I was so upset.
(Do I wish, now, that I had handled the situation better? yes.)
Thankfully, my husband truly loves me and has a tender, forgiving spirit. He listened to me, and promised to think through what I said. I spent the day yesterday in turmoil, praying to God for some divine intervention (in my own heart and my husband’s)….and trying to rest.
I remembered that I have a responsibility to take care of myself, to take breaks before I break, to relax and rest. To get away from the house and the children, for my my own sanity.
I was too upset and overtired to do much yesterday but as I pulled out my old copy of “What Every Mom Needs”, determined to put myself through a refresher course, I began to remember the days when I was home with little preschoolers, all day, every day, with no car. We lived in an apartment back than, and in order to get away from the house for a little while, I would load up the stroller and walk to the park. Or just go outside on the lawn, with a lawn chair, a stack of magazines, paper and pencils. Jacob and Ethan used to love digging and playing with their matchbox cars and would sit and play. We also had one of those plastic three wheeler bikes, which got a lot of use. Sometimes I would fill up a bucket of water so they could wash their cars and their bike. Bubbles were another favorite item to take outside with us.
The times that they played outside gave me some quiet time to just sit and rest, doing my favorite things, reading and writing.
So yesterday I found myself, once again, loading up the stroller. I took Seth and Caleb down the road, and up the trail through the woods to the big big field. Seth could wander around and I didn’t have to worry about him getting into a pond, running into the road, or climbing tall ladders on the swingset.
It was a lovely hour. I want to do it again, more often.
I thought about my dreams. I am seven months pregnant so I am very much baby minded these days, but after Sarah grows there are some things I would like to do, most of which involve traveling. I would like to go to Prince Edward Island. I would like to go to see Laura and Almanzo Wilder’s home in Missouri. I would like to visit Mary Janes Farm on the fourth of July (with spazzymommy and alaskahannah). I would like to meet Joanna on one of her photoshoots out of state. I want to go on more day trips with my friends…Boston, New York City. I want to learn more about sewing. I’m not sure what else. Rich is encouraging me to make a list of dreams.
On our way to the field, Caleb found himself a toad. It became his friend until I became concerned for his life and had Caleb let him go free again.
Seth, still in his pajamas, but wearing socks and sneaks, had a good time wandering around in the grass.
He worked up a good appetite in no time and I was glad I had taken along some crackers, bananas, and his sippy.
I enjoyed watching the little boys play, reading an inspiring book, writing one short paragraph in my journal, and sipping on cold green tea.
What I personally need as a woman and a mother is time in my life now and then to DO NOTHING, to rest, to have some quiet. I need quiet space in my life or the pace gets faster and faster and I get uptight. I need time for dreaming and planning for the future, even though I’m at a stage right now when I have to be home the majority of the time. I need to get out with friends more often.
My sister works part time, and enjoys getting away from the house to make a little money and to be with other adults. Getting dressed nicely and going out on a regular basis, to work, helps keep her feeling alive and strong.
My friend Joanna has her photography business to keep herself learning and growing, along with many other interests.
My mom LOVES to garden.
What about you? I would love to hear what things you are learning about lately. What do you need in your life to keep your mind healthy and well-balanced? What goals do you have for the future (near or far)? How do you keep your focus as a woman? What interests has God given you, to keep your life worth living?
D R E A M S
Rich came home yesterday, an hour earlier than I expected him to. He didn’t have his blackberry with him. He was peaceful and relaxed. We spent time outside in the sun, on the grass together. My eyes were puffy from crying so much but he made me look at him, and he told me I was beautiful, and the tears rolled down my cheeks yet again. I watched him play on the swingset with the children. We went for a little walk (holding hands) around the pond with the children, we heard the toads start their springtime singing for the first time. We watched the funny chickens and walked to the coop to fill up their feeders. Later on, inside, he read a book to Sethie. After the kids went to bed, he actually lounged on the couch, flopped and stretched out, watching tv with me. He was calmer than I’d seen him in a long time. I felt like he was detoxing. LOL It relaxed me, knowing that he was at peace.
And this morning as we talked on the phone during his commute to work, we made plans for a lovely weekend. What a difference in 24 hours. God is merciful, full of grace and redemption. 
It’s a beautiful morning. The children slept in, and I ate my breakfast on the porch, listening to the rain and enjoying the cool morning air.
Good to be Home 
I can very much relate Shanda. Very much. Very very much!
Thanks for those words Shanda. Becoming a mother to more than just one scares me for those reasons. It’s good to hear your honest struggles and also hear about God’s provisions for you. He never leaves us. I shouldn’t be afraid.
Your photos make me smile. You have a true gift!
I also have a workaholic husband ~ many times we work back to back on our computers ~ I have to about force him to take days off now and then. We are at a different stage in life than you, though ~ more settled into the routine, I think. But yeah, I still dream too. We love to travel and we both like to dream up new places to explore. My very favorite trip we have ever taken was to Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island ~ I just loved it and you will too ~ make sure you can go for a couple of weeks at least ~ we were gone over three weeks and could have easily stayed another three. Keep on keepin’ on, dear friend ~ heaven will be worth it all ~
I am in tears.I can relate to so much…ppd…an insane work “ethic” that is applauded by so many—but not by ME—the wife.thank you for your honesty…and celebrating with you HIS new mercies in the mornings…I love what you shared about your dreams…and looking forward to coming back here to read what everyone has to offer!
You sound so much like a pastors wife, where the husband is VERY involved in ministry and then brings it home with them. I wonder if there are any books out there written by a pastors’ wife on this very subject.I remembered the first time I went to visit you, remember when you and Jeff K. lived in the same town? I sat with you in the kitchen helping you develop a list of dreams and hobbies?! I wish I was there in the field with you helping you again! I laughed when I read “Joanna has her business..along with many other interests” IT is true I have so so so many dreams but what I have learned, or I should say was reminded of this week, is that I needed this rest. I HATED being away from the kids but I was SUPER relaxed and felt so romantic with Steve and smiled so much more, I danced alone in the house to music, I slept out in the sunshine… and had my mind buzzing with ideas of things to create and do. I had been begging God over the long dry season of Winter to bring me out into the open space where I could dream again. I did not know this was how He was going to do it, but I feel so much myself again. What I am saying is that I think Rich is awesome for having you write down your dreams and it will help you SO SO much to get away and DO some of them! Remember how great you felt when you had that time away with Rich? Maybe if Rich continues the old cycle of work work work you can plan one weekend a month just the two of you to get away! And then plan a trip or two a year to get away alone or with friends. It felt WONDERFUL to be with you a few months ago, no kids, no husband, just being with a dearly loved friend, it was like drinking inspiration and love and gentleness..when I went back home to the crazy crazy cycle that is my life, I was a better calmer person!
There are tears dripping off my cheeks. These words of yours feel so validating. That it is not wrong that I am constantly feeling as though I am circling, spinning, and about to whirl out of orbit some days. We’re in the middle of 9 days of way too many “musts” and responsibilities and I’m not coping well at all. But instead of resting, I keep trying to move faster and it’s not working. I’m so, so, so ready to have my husband actually be at home when his body is at home. I think after this weekend there is hope. Thank you for reminding me to take care of me, too. You do such an amazing job at living life well with your family. I think that in the past year, you have influenced me in mothering my boys more then I even realize. I don’t think you are actually that much older then I am; but as you put it “more settled and seasoned.” I love that God is allowing “the older women to teach me about mothering” this way. So here’s my little thank you to you this morning! I’m so glad you had a restful evening.
I wrote about this very thing this morning! I never sleep well during the last half of pregnancy, and the baby (now at ten and a half months) is still waking up AT LEAST once a night, every night … I realized today that I cannot expect myself to be able to do everything when I have not had a good night’s sleep in almost a year and a half. Part of me feels guilty, like “other moms can handle half a dozen kids on no sleep, and still keep the house in order and do church activities, etc, etc, and I can’t even handle two!” Then I remind myself that I am the way God has made me, and I NEED sleep in order to function well; therefore I am lowering my expectations and letting myself just *be* for a while.I am home right now with two little ones, all day, every day, with no car, no yard and no park that is easily accessible by walking, and reading your words made me tear up a little because it is such a relief to know I’m not the only one who has endured this, and it will pass! During the last few days when it has been so nice we have opened up the porch door and pretended we were sitting outside and it has felt so good.My dream, what I do to keep sane, is writing. Even if it means I have to let some of the housework go, I try to write some every day. When I feel most alive is when I am creating and crafting a story. Even if it is fanfiction, not something I ever hope to have published, just the act of storytelling on paper grounds me.My husband and I are planning a weekend trip this fall, our first time ever doing something without our girls! Next year we hope to go out to PEI, but we’ll see. I love my babies, and hate the thought of spending time away from them, but I know I NEED a chance to be “just Louise” for a bit, not Mamma.
I think it is so easy for a man to get very caught up in work. They see it not only as their identity, but as showing their family love, to be able to provide well for them. Sometimes they forget that their wife and children need their physical presence and complete attention from time to time! My SIL is needing to learn this, too. He started his own business recently, and it is going very well, but he is putting so much time into it that his wife and child miss him a lot. Don’t you think a good life is so much about BALANCE? I am at such a totally different time of life than you. I feel like I don’t have so many dreams anymore. My life seems to be more shaped with prayer now. I have plenty of time to myself with the children grown and living in different countries. I just try, each day to be available to God, and to do what He asks me to do. This often involves prayer. I also enjoy ministering to my husband and spending time with him. I like supporting and helping him with his responsibilities.
Shanda,I’ve enjoyed so much getting to know you (and your dear family) through my computer screen. Sometimes I look on in awe of your beautiful life, your many adventures in nature, and your gentle mothering style. Your pictures are amazing, yes, you are gifted. I love your posts about the beauty of motherhood, nature, sewing, crafting, etc…my favorites though are these. The real life part of the challenges of marriage and motherhood. Thank you. Thank you for being real, for sharing the hard parts of life along with the good ones.I love the quote from the MOPS book. I may have to go read my copy again. But I’m still trying to finish Lincoln’s Melancholy and Prodigal God is waiting on my table (both from the library); I take your book suggestions seriously.;) My husband has been strongly encouraging me to develop some interests outside our home. He recognized my need for that before I did. And your post really encourages me to get thinking on it! It really is important, isn’t it?One of my long term dreams is to go to massage therapy school. And then offer inexpensive or free massages to my friends and family! Maybe go back to college and get my degree, not sure what for, just to finish I guess. That’s all I have, I need to think of some short term goals and start pursuing them. Maybe gardening? Sewing? I’d say home improvement…but that feels to much like work.It was encouraging to hear the nice ending to this too. And your quiet breakfast on the porch, I can see it in my mind’s eye, how lovely. Oh, what a long comment I’ve posted here…I’ve been interrupted a million times…children everywhere…and a frisky dog…..just wanted to say you’ve encouraged me this morning.:)Lots of love and hugs, Amy
I like the comment above “a good life is so much about Balance”. Thinking back, I realize that over the years I’ve had to give up some of my desires, because of my family. Like going places. I wanted to get out and do things. But Steve came home from work tired and wanted to rest, plus he’s never been a big social bug. And then adding a few more children over the years, my desires started changing too. It was too much work to go places. I feel like our little “farm” has become our life. It’s something we both enjoy, and something that is hopefully making good memories for the children. And I’m learning too that fewer outside commitments, at least in this stage of life, helps in keeping peace and harmony. And that’s not always the most popular place to be, to say no to other things, especially “good” things. And then I keep coming back too, that my desire has always been to be a wife and mother, so really, the sacrifices that I’ve made to be able to be home with them, hasn’t really felt like a sacrifice. Sometimes I feel like I’m “the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker”, ha. But that’s okay, I’m very grateful for the survival skills I’ve learned along the way. And I keep reminding myself that these kids won’t be here for long, and then maybe I can branch out more, travel more, whatever. Blessings to you as you serve your family. I admire women who take their responsibilities as a mom seriously, giving up their “freedoms” for a greater cause.
I had a crash day yesterday too and as I came to my Xanga site to rant, I could not log in. I don’t typically use my blog to rant, really not ever. I tried and tried to log in and I couldn’t…I think it was God’s blessing because in my moment of frustration I would have written things that were too personal to write here. It is refreshing for me to know other moms have similar struggles…it makes me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing.I just recently returned to school, with a goal to be a dietician. In the past, when I was young, I found school a struggle. Now, I cannot believe how much I love it! When I am done, I’m hoping my education will benefit my family, but for now I like to think it’s just for me.
girlfriends….time spent with them is crucial ( in my opinon) to a moms sanity!!!!!!!!!(o:
I understand. In so many ways, I understand. SIGH
I would like to go to PEI with you too! I can relate to what you have shared here. I have lots to say- think it’s time to write you. Getting out of the house (alone) helps (when it is possible), getting a haircut, and for me, my sewing. Even though I’m not actually leaving the house or the kids, I’m creating something. It feels so good! Love your pictures- thanks for sharing them!
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
I can so identify, and love my quiet alone moments. I do scrapbooking, but even that some days doesn’t appeal because I have to think…so I guess my all time favorite down time is just plain laying in the sun. I love the warmth and the high it gives me…I know I’m addicted, but it’s my thing. Going out with a friend, a date with my husband, and my walk with my Mom every day. And even then some days are just not that great. I just told my husband the other day that I never have a single day where I get everything right. If I got my house like I like it, I’m a grouch with the kids, if I played and was pleasant with the kids, my house fell apart! So it’s a stage I’m in right now, and my Grandmother said the main thing is to be nice and just do what I can….I’m learning to try and just not have to be perfect, which I can’t be anyways. I can so feel the hate for the blackberry…we’ve got one of those too, and I want to flush it sometimes ;), we need just plain time when we are unavailable to the world, a safe just us place. Hope you have a really good weekend. Blessings,
I hope that you will receive in love what I am trying to say. I have read your blog for a number of years now and I think I “know” you as well as anyone can from reading one’s blog. It is hard to read that you are unhappy and angry at your husband for bringing work home. Your husband has a demanding job and he may have to work at home sometimes. Perhaps if you tried to simplify your life, your poor husband would not have to work so many hours. You are always writing about buying this or that, shopping here or there. You have maids clean your home, etc etc etc. If you did not spend so much money, perhaps your husband would not have to overextend himself to keep up with things.You have a lovely house but is your mortgage paid for? If so, that is wise. If not, why buy so much stuff???You have lovely children. Do you have money saved up in order for them to go to college? If so, that is wise. If not, why waste money on this book or that book or this Fiesta ware or that? Doesn’t make sense.I know my questions are personal and I don’t really need to know the answers. I just asked them so maybe you would think.Your husband seems like a wonderful man, hardworking, and loves his family. You are blessed. Please be wise and rethink your priorities. That would be so much more productive than just complaining to him and about him.I’m not the only one who thinks this here. I’m the only one who is saying this to you on your blog.
Oh, I so relate to this blog! My husband gets so busy with his business this time of year. I do work a couple hours/week at the hospital, but sometimes I feel like I am left out of the equation. I just need some “crash time” to do something all by myself. (selfish I know). I feel like I always run errands with little ones. It is nice to just take the time to slow way down and just read, sip iced tea or lemonade on the porch.You are so normal in all your feelings. Keep posting. It blesses my soul to see that you have “human” days too. (you know how it is in some blogs…you think that they just live in a perfect world without any stress or trouble.).Love your little guy in his pajamas with the muddy knee;).
I want OUT so much. I want to get away with Dave. All day, I’ve been surfing the web, looking for a good deal. I’m at the point where I really don’t care how much it costs–I just want to get out. I’m in such a funk, and I just want to feel normal again. It is HARD living here. I love being at home with my children, but I need time to be “Amanda” and not “mama” for a few days. I want to do it. It’s so hard–hard to find someone to watch the children. I need to recharge. I need Jesus. So much.
I love your honesty…beautiful and refreshing…warm and inviting!I too have been on the other end of the phone, using inappropriate tones and words. It’s then that I realize, I’ve held in too much for too long! It doesn’t make us bad people. It ony means that we need to be more aware of being honest about the hard things before we get to the boiling point!…Which is part of taking care of ourselves so we can be the best version of the wife and mother our Maker made us to be!
Shanda, I love how real you are. I love your beauty, the beauty you find in the everyday… in nature, in books, dishes…. You call me to open my own eyes, to rest, to live in the simple.I also think that you, as a mother of six and a wife to a very busy businessman, offer so much beauty to them. YOU call them to think, to be more…. you aren’t ok with just stuffing it and letting them walk over you. God has given woman so much power and when I see it used in the way you did here, being honest, sharing with your husband, (sometimes men just need a wake up call) 🙂 taking time for yourself, offering grace and well, it’s just beautiful… it’s living the way God created us to live.This post was just what I was needing… and I know that God delights in you. BLessings to you friend.
Shanda~ we all have “crash days” where everything falls apart and seems so never ending and even “hopeless.” So don’t beat yourself up one second for having them, or sharing them.. it’s just normal life! And I like how you’re quick to process things through.. to recognize what you need to do and stop and take the time to do it. Like getting away. Yes – sometimes that’s the very best thing we can do for our family is to “leave them” for a bit. 🙂 That’s what re energizes and restores me – just a little space of time away to get my thoughts in order and talk to God. And I know you don’t “tear down” your husband {referring to above comment}.. I have never gotten that feel from you. I’d say your relationship is very close and strong and probably because of the great communication you have! I really think it’s what sets a good marriage apart from a great one~ having that freedom and security to just spill our hearts to one another. I appreciate your example in that.Dreams**** Oh, lots of them! 🙂 I think the older I get the less I have maybe – – or maybe some of them have just lost their significance to me. My top three would be~ Going to Ireland. Spending a month on a house boat with my husband. and writing a book~ any book would be fine, but I’d love to write one especially for pastor’s families. lots there that is dear to my heart. :)love you friend.
@Marie_R4 – perhaps something like this would be more appropriate in a private message~ just sayin!
Well.I came back to read your comments…and yes. I am in tears again. So grateful for all the love and encouragement sent your way…but feeling crushed that the privilege of commenting would be used to communicate such hurtful words…Big hugs to you Shanda and lots of love too…for who you are…and praying to the One who holds and knows your heart!
I so relate!!! Husbands in the coorporate world have high demands. It has nothing to do with whether you are doing this or that. My husband is in upper level management with a large coorporation. He works long hours too. The blackberry is always going, lap top… He LOVEs his work, but it is damanding. It isn’t like hourly workers who work over time if they need money. If you are in upper level mangement you work long demanding hours. If you don’t you don’t have a job. You as a homeschooling mom of a large family work long demanding hours too. Two people can only do so much. I think you do a GREAT job, and so does your husband from what I read here. I am inspired, and encouraged by you and your choices. Please, don’t be hard on yourself for choices you make. You are doing a great job!!!!!!!!! Hugs to you!!!! Keep up the great work!!!! ~ Deborah
I too came back to read comments, and I would like to add something in relation to the above comment. From learning to know you through your blog, I’ve gathered that you have lived in times of less and times of plenty. And in seeing your heart, Shanda, I fully believe that you use your money wisely according to your situation. And as you’ve shared before, God has blessed and in return you are able to bless others. ♥
Oh, friend, you have blessed my life so many times and today is no exception! I have the book that you mentioned, but I’ve never finished reading it, I’m going to go blow the dust off of it and finish it. That’s one of the many reasons I like about you, you always point me back to God! I’ve always wanted to visit England and Scotland and visit castles! Have a wonderful weekend. Love ya
You are such an encouragement to me! Please don’t let the one negative comment get you down. There seems to be a lot of jealousy there. God has blessed you, and fills needs you have that are legitimate- like the maids. Anyone who is negative about this has never homeschooled!!! My husband works ALOT too. I joke that retirement will be a 40 hr. week, so I can totally relate to your feelings. Your blog is so wonderful because you aren’t afraid to be real, and most days, it is my only contact with another mother of many- there aren’t many of us out there! Anyway, I hope that you keep on being honest on here because you bless so many of us!
Dear Shanda, second only to your recent post about the power of praise, I think this was my favorite post of the year, it was so relevant and encouraging! I couldn’t wait to comment, but alas, today of all days I happened to read the above comments and am feeling too sad (and shocked) about a certain one to think past it at the moment. As someone who has read your entire blog, from the very first post, I can say, as chambray7 did, that you have clearly lived in times of less and times of plenty. Who is anyone to make judgements or question this or that? I recently heard a Focus on the Family radio broadcast with Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn where it was stated, 70% of women, if given the choice, would greatly prefer living with less in terms of financial resources, if it meant having their husbands home more. Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if one DID have a choice??! There are problems with that comment on too many fronts to address, I feel like saying more but am mindful of the Scriptural exhortation not to answer a fool according to his folly…Just please know that most of us took your post in the spirit and intent with which it was written, and are greatly encouraged and helped by it. The love in your marriage and family is so very apparent! Much love,Angie
❤ i can relate. take time. relax. refresh. toss cellphones and computers and the tv. =)
whoah, i had no idea what that little mini said lol.
@Marie_R4 – Just wondering about your motives here…It’s so critical to challenge in ways that build up and strengthen rather than tear down and defeat.
Sounds like you and your hubby communicate well and work through things in a wonderful way. Re that certain comment above, I of course don’t know you really, HOWEVER, from your blog you seem like a family who puts God first in all things.
Dear Sweet Shanda, you do so well to share with Rich when you are overloaded. You two are partners and you are one. He is the one God has given to care for all of you. You support him in his work by taking care of all at home as he works those long hours and goes on those work related trips,and by homeschooling your children. We are blessed with husbands that respond to our need. Bob heard many years ago, before we even had children, how important it is to support your wife, to give them some time off,and to encourage them in their friendships with other women. He has always been so supportive to me that way. I think Rich is a wise dear man in that he responds to you when you need a break or support in your daily life. I was blessed to read of your lovely evening together. I am sure, based on the kind of work he is in, that there will be days and evenings when he has to attend to work things. But on the flip side, there is a place for you to place boundaries to the work and its invasion into the household. We have a close friend who is single that works in computer engineering and his hours are crazy. I have often thought a wife would bring some balance. Saying that to say, as Rich’s wife, it is also healthy for him to have some enforced down time too. Technology can be a blessing, but it can also invade our world. We are seeing that more and more and needing to set boundaries with kids in texting and phoning constantly.In having family time at dinner and in the evening. If no boundaries are set it can seriously invade interaction between family. My friend and I were talking about that just today (kids texting during classes with their home-school co-op even though it is against the rules, and it is sometimes their parents…shows how it can get out of hand) I also think as moms that we sometimes just reach the end physically! I can remember Bob coming home and I had a toddler in one arm and a baby in the other and just being worn out and sleep deprived. He walked in the door and I burst in to tears just seeing my help arrive! That is so neat to hear how you remembered something to help you recharge.A sweet getaway in the field. May the Lord give you those times. I had two friends with kids the same age and we rotated the kids from house to house one day of the week. Whoever had the kids that day had the other moms to tea when they came to pick up the boys. The boys had an afternoon of play together,the two moms had off for a couple hours, and then the three of us moms all enjoyed one another. It just helped. Our homeschool co-op has park days once or twice a month and it is looked forward to by the moms as by the kids. We need each other. I have gone through years when I did not have a car and I would feel so cooped up! It helps to get out. Dreams…Prince Edward Island is one of mine too. Ever since reading and seeing the Anne books/movies.I dream of visiting YOU!! I would love to have more time/energy for gardening. Though I recognize our plot as an answer to my dreams! I hope to be able to travel some as we grow older, especially to where ever my children end up as Missionaries!! (Nick just applied to med-school in Israel, as he didn’t get in here…asking for the Lord to give me lots of grace there!)I would like to have time and ability to pursue more in art. I love to read, make things, make the home look lovely, look at girly movies, shop ( not necessarily to buy, just to SEE things) Short term – I would like to sew some pillow covers, clean up the office, and find storage for photos. When my two guys go away I often have a hard time deciding exactly what to do…as I usually have a list I love my hubby and boy, but some downtime to do whatever is always welcome! Hugs and love you bunches!! Jenny
Oh, the pictures of you and the boys are sooooo cute. Love little boys!! Oh I do dream of being a grandma to either boys or girls
Shanda, I’ve also known you for a couple of years (AND pregnancies) and I know so much frustration comes at the end of your pregnancies at right after the birth of your little ones. These days always happen to you at this time. Knowing frustration is coming and actually walking in it are two different animals, aren’t they?You didn’t really ask for opinions, but I might offer one (and the same advice to anyone else with a lot of “littles” around the house), start delegating to the older children and use “the buddy system” when you need a break. Assign an older one to a younger one and ask them to occupy the younger child while you take 2 hours to veg in your room, or outside, or travel to Paris . . . LOL!!! I think you get the idea! I started doing that a couple of years ago and it made life tolerable again. Remember, these last 3 children are my second time around at raising children! I’m older, and everything is harder when you are older! LOL!!!! P.S. I don’t think you make things financially hard for Rich – not at all. You are both VERY conservative in your spending. That’s one thing I’ve noticed about you and your family. Just my opinion . . . Hugs!
Shanda, you don’t know me but I also wanted to put in my vote ….. I think you are amazing! I have read your blog off and on the last couple of years and appreciate your honestly. And you are so right. In the juggle of life it is easy to forget what is important and sometimes time for yourself is the best gift you can give your family.I also am a fan of Fiestaware…the colors just make a girl feel happy 🙂 Agree totally with Hutch5.
…this yet, and then I’ll shut up :)!My husband and I made PEI part of our honeymoon mainly because I always wanted to visit after falling in love with Anne of Green Gables as a girl. It was a HUGE disappointment for me to find out that the movie WAS NOT filmed in PEI!! It was filmed else where in Canada…can’t remember where – so helpful, I know 🙂 The house the author lived in, and based the story on, was in PEI….Just in case you were hoping to see some of the scenes from the film…you may have to alter your dreams !
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Shanda…thank you for being so open and sharing!! I needed to read this tonight, for so many reasons. A mom does have needs, and I think that I overlook what I really need sometimes. I, too, struggle with ppd. It’s not easy. I don’t think i’ve ever made a list of my dreams, but maybe i’ll take the time to do that soon!! Have a wonderful weekend!
Shanda,
I have never commented before, but simply wanted to encourage you after you received such a hurtful comment. I also have 6 children at home, the youngest now 7 months, and completely understand how the level of stress can at times be overwhelming. Please know that 99% of us readers do not in any way view you as the one reader. Thank you for your transparency and honesty. Yes, it makes us awfully vulnerable, doesn’t it?! This season we are in is an incredible blessing, yes, but it can be HARD, too! Blessings to you and your beautiful family!
A fellow sister in Christ,
Carla
My dreams have changed over the years. I have found out over the years my life that all of our lives go through seasons. This is normal! You are in a different season then I am now and each season has it’s hard times and it’s wonderful times. My dreams used to be to travel here or there to just see sights and now I am totally content to travel to see my grandkids and kind of go back in time so to speak. I miss those times in the playground and those times with children in my lap with a good book or giving them a bath that is full of bubbles. 🙂 It is just kind of funny to me how God changes our desires through the years. You have such a wise husband who wants you to dream. He wants what is best for all of you and it shows! BTW~ The book,”The Practice of Praise” came today and it is wonderful but best read very slowly. There is so much in it and I am so thankful to you for giving this suggestion. Hang in there… Dream… and as Deborah above said…… Keep up the good work!!!
By the way……… The photos are awesome! You give me photo ideas all the time. I leave to see my 2 grandsons on Monday and when I get there my camera will get a work out like crazy just like yours does. fun fun!!!
“God is merciful, full of grace and redemption.”Perfect words to end my night. Thanks 🙂
I must apologize for being so blunt. I see now that my words came across harsher than I intended. I meant to come across admonishing and it came across more like condemnation. I am sorry.Reading the comments about my comment also gave me reason to respond.I am a homeschooling mother. I must apologize for being so blunt. I see now that my words came across harsher than I intended. I meant to come across admonishing and it came across more like condemnation. I am sorry.Reading the comments about my comment also gave me reason to respond.I am a homeschooling mother. My four children are grown now. Three of them are now graduated from college and one is currently in college. I do understand about being overwhelmed with the homeschooling and also a husband who works many hours and also travels with his work. My husband is the sole breadwinner of the family and I know what it is like to live on one paycheck. He is a chemical engineer and has a nice paying job. We are middle class. My children had a wonderful childhood. We scrimped and saved but the children always had what they needed and sometimes a bit more. We paid off our 30 year house mortgage in 9 years. We saved up money to send all four children to college.I am not jealous by any means (except that I would love to have chickens). I am very content and happy with how my life & my family’s life has been and is now. God has blessed me so much and I have no reason to complain.I don’t understand any woman’s reason to complain in this day and age of their husband working so hard. Too many men don’t have jobs at all. We are fortunate if our husband’s do. And perhaps has anyone thought that our husband have to work extra hard to prove themselves valuable so they do not lose their jobs? So why complain on the internet about them working hard? I loved raising and homeschooling my children. I miss those days. Believe it or not, those were the “easy” days. It gets tougher as they get older. There is their need for independence, becoming adolescents, learning responsibilities like having a job. etc etc etcGod does provide wisdom and strength and courage to get through all of the above but He also calls us to be wise and to be content and to be an encouragement to our husbands not to disparage them on the internet.
I love that you are writing down your dreams…remember when we talked I said “what do you want? What are your goals? What would make Shanda happy?” I think everyone needs goals plans for the future or even the next day. HOUSE GOALS: I like day dreaming of my “perfect kitchen” someday I will have it (hopefully sooner then later) on our list for the house this yr is the new roof, next yr we are getting our driveway paved and a privacy fence put up!, the following yr we want our house painted and new shutters and gutters. I love looking threw magazines and “stealing” ideas. Benches for my kitchen table. I love turning my Old Historic house into something that is just my style….MY GOALS: do a bigger veggie garden with the girls this yr, take my hubby to two red sox games (we already went to the 1st one), plan a weekend retreat for our 5 yr anniversary, get together with more of my “church” friends. (already planning that one too, Tuesday nite with Jen and Jeff we are going to the driving range and out for a sea food dinner) Find a NEW BEACH around here. Gets season passes to Six Flags, go with you and Rich to the Brimfield antique show. Sign up for 1 college class this fall.Most days I make goals for my day ex: clean bathroom, take children down for slush puppies, run to Costco, make chicken for dinner, ect…. and I hang it on the fridge and cross each item off once I have done it. Then I feel like my day was full and I have done what I needed to do. I also sak Jason is there anything else I should be doing instead of this? So we are on the same page 🙂 I love you and Rich so very much and I am proud of both of you…you both have an extremly hard work ethic and I admire your marage and family. However I am glad you let him know how you are feeling and I am happy he listened and put MS Blackberry away. Because there is NOTHING more important then family…not money, fame, status…your legacy is your family that God has given you. Love ya SISMarrige Goals:
Hi Shanda, Let me pray for your hushband this time, because….in my final year a head of school I took home my work a lot, like sitting at the computer at night and starting off the next morning at 6.00 o’clock and running my family with the household that came with it. Ever seen a toad uptight ?!!!!! I was like that. Your hushband has not to bring home his work but simply his loving and patient and permissive resting self, otherwise, with such a busy life at home with all of you there he will be burned out. The not quiting working is expecially a warning !!! The always stay alert remote= definetely a warning !!! Talking on the cellphone in the car ????!!!!!!Absolutely not-done. What if he causes an accident . Don’t do that ever !!!Breath, meditate, live again mindfull….love with all senses to be in the moment….OK, I will be praying for him, to not just for this weekend better behaviour at coming home…but for ever and each time.You did well to have openend his eyes.For me ? I quit ! august 2008. I was exhausted and so, so unspeakebly sad………It has been a long journey back to me and I prayed and cried a lot along the way….Be well, my friend. Seth loves you very much…he must love himself first to keep in good healkth and spirit for his beloved ones: you all.Enjoy your pregnancy like you did in the woods, okHuggsGodeliva van Ariadone
Sorry, off course Seth loves you….I was to say that Rich loves you very much…he will do what is right: giving himself permission to be in one place at the time !
Oh man, I can so totally relate. My husband is such a hard worker and this quality had enabled him to successfully provide for our family. But when he is constantly traveling, sometimes when he is home I want to toss that Blackberry and laptop right out the window! I also tend to let things build up until I explode. :S I’ve been realizing lately that I need peace and quiet on a regular basis. Referencing the comment above, you really do not strike me as one who forces your husband to work himself to death just so you can buy stuff. If he is like my husband, he feels an intense drive to provide for the family. And because he has done such a good job, he is able to provide enough for you to also be able to get help when you need it (ALL of us moms need it sometimes!), spend time having fun as we all need, and make your house a beautiful home. I have that book but I haven’t gotten around to reading it yet! I’ll have to dig that out. And TAKE ME! TAKE ME! to Mary Jane’s farm with you! LOL!
Also, I had PPD badly for a year and a half with my youngest (it got worse when my husband started traveling too), so for this time my midwife recommended that I do absolutely NOTHING but stay in bed taking care of the baby for the first two weeks. She said this will really help. She has a lot of Amish clients, and as hard-working as the Amish are, the women have everything done for them for a full 6 weeks after they have a baby (and this is true for many many other cultures as well; yes something is really wrong in this country the way mothers are not adequately supported!). Of course it is easier for the Amish because they have so much family nearby, and for me, my family is an hour and a half away and my parents still work. But my husband’s aunt is going to fly up to help me for about a week and after that I’ll probably have to hire help, which will cost money of course but it’s worth my mental health! I definitely don’t want to repeat my PPD experience, which I realize now was due to lack of sufficient support.