“She was….anxious for the holy walk,
 and growth in the divine life.”
  ~Octavius Winslow, of his mother.

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I have to constantly pray for forgiveness, and am continually humbled by the evil in my own heart and the GOODNESS of God’s free grace and mercy toward me.

Just this morning, I was getting more and more irritated

David was not focused on what he was supposed to be doing ~ getting ready for school.  I reminded him “get dressed”  “not that shirt!  you just wore it!”  “eat breakfast NOW”  …… and then, when he ran to me and said, “It’s so NICE outside today!”  I said, “Well, you still need to wear a jacket.”  He said, “No, I don’t!”

That was it.  I grabbed his little arm and said, “DON’T YOU SAY NO TO ME.  YOU SAY, ‘YES, Mama’, AND YOU GO DO IT.” 

He took off running to find that jacket, leaving me mumbling in the kitchen….”WHO dares to tell me no?  Unbelievable!”

So, we get him off to school and then.

Sister needs me. 

She knows tomorrow is brother’s birthday, she wants to sew.

“Where’s a craftbook, MOM?”

“Where’s the thread?”

“Where’s a needle?”

“Do you know where the scissors are?”

Finally, I had to confess to her.  “Grace, I’m not feeling well this morning.  I like what you are doing but I just cannot help you.  at.  all.  You have to do it by yourself.”

I was so irritated in my heart, I was taking deep breaths and just praying, “Lord, this is so hopelessly hard.  I just can’t be nice this morning….help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I felt better after a shower and clean clothes.  Little by little, the Lord settled me down.

Grace eventually got the cutest thing made for Ethan.  I am so proud of her.  I will show you a picture tomorrow.

It’s situations like *a stressful morning* that show me what my heart is really like.  I can read my Bible, study, meditate, and yet…….that flesh is still alive and well, ready to flare up at anytime, to show me how much I utterly and simply NEED MY SAVIOR.  How thankful I am for the throne of grace, and the knowledge that God knows and understands my weaknesses.  It’s okay!  It’s all okay.  I shouldn’t take myself so seriously.  If I keep my eyes on Christ and off myself, all is well.

“I see the face of Christ,
and his loving compassionate look disperses the cloud, 
and all is peace.”  ~ Mary Winslow

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I was in the kitchen, all was calm again, and I was mixing up some bread dough, when my two big boys joined me full of conversation.  They had been outside and when I turned to see, I realized they both had chickens in my kitchen!

(Joanna, look at the light fixture above the entry way.  I took your advice and got rid of the brass one for an iron one.  Also, everyone who read about my garbage bin buying this weekend…it’s there, to the left of Ethan, at the end of the counter.  You lift the lid to throw away trash.)

The weather has been so nice this morning, and we even had some sunshine.

I got Seth all bundled up, grabbed a sweater and my coffee, and the boys and I sat out on the porch together. 

And then we walked and talked and played.

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The girls were all busy, wanting to lay their egg for the day.  We only had 2 nesting boxes and things were getting a little out of hand, a line was forming.  So, Grace and I went in the garage and hunted up a couple of cardboard boxes…and now there are four straw filled nesters, for the chickens to fuss over.  Yesterday we collected a dozen eggs for the first time!  So far today, we have gathered 6.  Five lovely browns, and one beautiful green.

I baked a pan of soft cinnamon rolls and just pulled two loaves of bread out of the oven.

Jacob said, “Hmmmm, something smells GOOD!”

We are all back inside from a morning of play, and ready to eat some lunch.  I just fed Seth, and put him to bed for a nap.  He still has a cold, and coughing some now, too.  He has been extra needful of his Mama, and blankie, for the last few days.  I can’t say that I mind the snugly time, although when both he AND Caleb both need me at the same time, I do kinda wonder what will happen when newborn Sarah arrives in a few months. 

 

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I hope each of you has a blessed, peace-full day!

 

“…They should seek the Lord…for in Him we live, and move, and have our being.”  Acts 17:27,28

 

 

 

0 thoughts on “

  1. I am so glad you told me to look at the light because I was all focused on the the new trach can!  Do you like the light?  Did Rich hang it for you? Where did you find it?  It is so so perfect and just what I had in mind (something Tasha would own!)Wow you are getting so many eggs, I thought of you yesterday when I threw out an egg carton.

  2. A full morning for you! I agree, we so need our savior! I can remember times of correction, and it always amazed me how irritated I could get. God is growing us at the same time we are training them. You are so good about baking! Always something yummy to fill those tummies. Love the little hand. That wood trash bin is a great idea…so large and blends a lot better with the kitchen. I am surprised the chickens can be carried around, but I guess they like coming into your warm home! Do the neighbors with garden veggies have chickens? If not maybe you can trade some eggs with your growing abundance! Cute mittens on little Seth, hope he feels better! Love the pics of you all out enjoying the world!

  3. Austin says “Is that a real chicken? Who’d want a chicken for a pet?”  Just thought that remark from my son might make you laugh:) You boys a hillarious hauling those chickens all over the place:) Austin was exited about the bunny in grace’s arms though because we recently got one (Stacey the bunny makes a frequent appearence on our blog too:)Anyhow I appreciated ou sharing your morning and that you share your struggles. Be encouraged…it WILL be a good day. Satan WILL NOT win!

  4. It’s refreshing to hear someone being so honest! We all have times like that, I’ve recently had alot of those hard to be nice times lately! So thankful for HIS unconditional love!

  5. Shanda~How humbling yet refreshing it is when we get to the end of ourselves and find Jesus there waiting… Not long ago I did a post on SELF and the ugliness that all-too-often lies therein. It’s when that irritability, impatience, anger and frustration creeps in that I am reminded that I am far too focused on SELF rather than on the life that is needing my love, touch and attention. Where would we be without a Saviour!?!Blessings to you this day! :o)Mendi

  6. Oh, I know about mornings like that :).  I really like your new trash can.  It definately doesn’t scream “I’m a trash can” like others I’ve seen.  Oh, and fresh bread…mmmm….can almost smell the cinnamon. 

  7. You are making me hungry reading what you have been baking:)  I have had mornings/afternoons/evenings like you had.  You are not alone, thank you for being so honest with us. 

  8. “I need Thee ev’ry hour, Most gracious Lord; No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.  I need Thee, O I need Thee, Ev’ry hour I need Thee! O bless me now, my Savior- I come to Thee!”  Your blog brought this song to mind.  Blessing to you today, Shanda.  Thanks for being open.  Your baking endeavors sound scrumptious!  The light fixture and trash container are very nice.

  9. I can relate so well.  Especially when our physical bodies are weak and tired it is so hard to fight the flesh.  You are so right that we need our wonderful Savior. Praying the Lord bless you today!  Oh, you will have to make omlets for the kids with all those eggs.  I feel like a short order cook, but the nights when my husband isn’t home for dinner omlets are the kids request always.  I go through sooooo many eggs.  Two eggs with some American cheese for each omlet and your are good to go.  my guys usually want seconds.  Enjoy this beautiful day!  Here where I live it is 43 and sunny.  Loving the sun!!!

  10. I remember those kind of days…Call upon Him minute by minute, yes?Whatever it takes!Re/the muffins: Like your little one, I wanted to reach out and grab one for myself! I am drinking a hot cuppa right now, don’t-cha-know!:)Did I tell you that I sewed that photo of your chickens into my autumn journal? I will have to post a pic of that page some time. That particular journal is all birds and nature and earthy stuff. I just love my journals. I could make ten more and not tire of the process!Happy Thursday, friend.D xo

  11. i just sent my boys off to play with a neighbor and they took FOREVER getting their winter gear on, with me hurrying them along, all impatient, irritated, and yelling.  yuck.  i hate that.  when they left i sat down to read some blogs and here you were with this post.  just what i needed.  thank you, friend.

  12. I’m with you in this one Shanda.  Sometimes I marvel (in a bad way) at how grumpy I can get at my own family for no.good.reason.  It requires complete submission to the Lord continually and then we get to see how great and amazing He is when He lifts us up!!  Thanks for sharing!

  13. Love the photo of Seth’s red, cold hand~ I’m sure it was warmed up in no time snuggling up with Mama. When little Sarah is born you will just make a new little spot on your lap and those sweet older brothers will gladly share with their new sissy. Glad your morning got better. Glad you know yourself well enough to step back and call upon the Lord. It’s always mornings like that when I want to crawl back into bed and start all over You are a sweet Mama and friend~ Cinnamon

  14. I know it can be hard. We definitely always need our Savior Jesus. I have mentioned it before, but a book that has so helped me is Sheparding a Child’s Heart. I am re-reading it and trying to put it into practice. It’s all about pointing our kids to Christ and the focus is them disobeying the Lord, not us. When we get our mind off that our kids are disobeying us and that they are truly disobeying God, then we don’t take it personally. We are God’s agents, we are just doing what He has said for us to do. It’s easier said that one, I know. I get frustrated just as you do, and I have to calm myself down and ask God for grace and help. I am right there with you friend.

  15. I thought you might enjoy a laugh or two~ I found these jokes and thought I’d share the laugh~”My daughter asked me one time, “Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?””A homeschooling mother who had a very bad morning was in the kitchen mumbling to herself. Her son walked up and asked her “are you okay?” to which she replied, “yes, I’m just having a parent/teacher conference.”Hope you have a nice relaxing evening friend~ Cinnamon

  16. Love the trash can! And the baked goodies sound so yummy!I had an extremely stressful day yesterday… glad not all days are like that!Hope the rest of your week goes well for you.

  17. I didn’t have a chance to read this whole post but I have to tell you as I was reading Mikey heard the music from the computer and came in and rested his head on my arm and went “aaaawwwh” singing quietly.  It was cute!  I love those little moments. Jeremy and I sat on the couch today and I snuggled close, and Hailey saw me, ran out to the dining room and said urgently to the other kids, I saw them kiss! I saw them kiss!  Then suddenly they said “Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!” and started running laps around the rooms, screaming, smiling, crawling under our legs stretched out on the coffee table.  We sat there looking at eachother and smiling.  I thought to myself . . . a month ago I couldn’t stand the noise and that much activity.  I was used to my peaceful home, not having to worry about anyone falling on the hardwood floors, things falling from the shelves, my neatly organized books on the floors. . . . looking back I’ve grown even if its just a little, it felt like an accomplishment to be able to do this small thing and not make it a big thing.  Anyway. . .Thank you for your note and little bookmarks or quote cards.  They were lovely and encouraging.Love you, Elisha

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