“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

I didn’t go to church yesterday because I needed a mental health day. Maybe my busy life caught up with me. I have a lot on my mind. A mixed salad so to speak, with my family and my work and my life, and I am the sort who needs to think (and write) about things. And I know that when I have a struggle, I’m not alone. Some of the struggles I find myself dealing with are painful. And ultimately I think “if I am not alone in dealing with this then I want to learn all about it so I can help my friends if they find themselves in this place.” I study, and search. There are a lot of issues “out there” which I have shied away from because they are so controversial. The pain of the controversy ends up being more painful than I can bear. Injustice seems like a wall that never breaks down. But my heart wants to learn and grow and puff and ooze with tender love. Strong love.

I am always on the side of humanity.

I am always on the side of Christ.

I stand with Christ and the human. I stand with myself.

I am not firmly planted on the side of any issue. I can understand how people are gloriously complex, and I’ve heard enough stories to know that there are always pathways and reasons and journeys to whatever destination we find ourselves at in any particular moment. And then a lot of times we even change. It’s fluid and beautiful, growth.

What I never stand on is the side of the self righteous, the ones who are so narrow minded that they think their belief or opinion is the Only Right One. I don’t stand with patterned ongoing abusive behavior that leaves victims half dead on the side of the road. True evil is bent on trying to destroy peace and love.

True love is stopping to lift up the half dead and hurting people.

I have high hopes and dreams for people. I want to see people regulating their nervous systems, healing their trauma, and feeling safe enough to nurture children instead of neglecting them. The children are our future. Not a cliche but the truth. They deserve to be brought up feeling loved and taught to serve (to lift up). Brought up so carefully and thoughtfully that they don’t have to put in years of healing when they are adults.

My son found himself with the task of having to complete forty hours of community service.

These hours have changed his life. And changed our family, too, as we witnessed him working and serving his “giat” off (I don’t even know how to spell it but I’ve had it aimed at me more than once). This weekend he found himself taking food to people through the cold rain, to their cars, for five hours. He came home soaked. Last weekend he found himself with a group of all different older men, he couldn’t even laugh at their jokes as they cooked corn beef and cabbage supper together, because he was too young to “get them”. But he grew bigger in self confidence and learned a lot as he rubbed shoulders with them. “Mom I sliced ALL the corned beef myself.”

I realized more about my precious child as he explained that he “hated working at the library because it’s so quiet and they had me dusting books and it was never ending over and over and I got SAD.”

Like, I knew this child wasn’t a fan of libraries but to feel actual feelings of sadness and hatred…..I mean, that’s something.

He is a man of action, working busily in teams made up of other active people like him. This is where he thrives.

A day with nothing to do is quite a mountain for that one.

And I think about how I have ten children (teenagers and adults) and one grandbaby (also another one coming soon) and how different each of them are inside and out and how my brain at some point (even now) is going to get tired and I’m going to have to stand on a single life principle as the matriarch of my growing tribe of decendents.

Something to live for.

Something that tells them that they can always come to me and my home for warmth and a grilled cheese sandwich. A snuggle, a talk, or just to be left alone to nap or whatever the heck they need.

(We all have needs that deserve to be met).

What will I be wearing when they come close to me? (Besides the neon hello kitty socks)?

I will be wearing love.

I pray to God I’ll be oozing it.

“We don’t see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through the mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly has He knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” 1Cor13