I just came inside from walking my crazy dog. He started to bark out there at his house, so I pulled on my tall rubber boots, zipped up a jacket, and walked on down there.
As soon as he saw me coming he was jumping up and down, holding his leash in his teeth, and whipping it back and forth as fast as he could. He was nuts and that is how he always greets me. I have to step on his chain to get him to be still or I’d never get the leash on.
As soon as he’s free from the chain, I get thrown into the pond. No, not really, but that is what would happen if I didn’t let go of his leash. The pond is about 12 feet from his house and the first thing he does is nose and paw around in the water to find a rock, which he carries on our walk until there is something better to do.
Acorns and leaves are falling down from the oak trees. Most of the acorns have lost their caps, but I found a little branch that had leaves and an acorn clump still stuck tightly, so I brought it home with me.
There are tall pine trees next to part of the road, and they have shed so many of their long needles, a light mustard-yellow color. The needles piled up along the edge of the road like a thick carpet and we walked through them, the smell was wonderful.
It’s cool and damp today, no sunshine whatsoever.
I didn’t sleep well last night but I’m trying not to think about that. We were up this morning at 5:30, and by 7:30 the schoolchildren (and their Papa) were gone. I did a little exercising and made another doctor’s appointment.
Had one crying spell, but the gloomy feelings aren’t as strong today.
Being proactive about myself has given me a smidgen of confidence, (please grow, smidgen of confidence, grow big!) I need a backbone, ladies.
Being judged, or sensing that I am being judged for years has left me perfectly trained as a judger. And, unfortunately it has been brought to my attention in an aha! moment, that I have a tendency of judging myself according to a very high standard in some areas. I’m very excited about letting go of this, little by little.
Last night, I was crying, my son came to me with a problem (“the computer won’t work, mom”) and I cried and I said, “I’m overwhelmed, I really need some help!” Several of my children, who were watching TV, silently got up and started automatically CLEANING THE HOUSE. It broke my heart….”NO, no, really, it’s not a clean house that I want, let’s just concentrate on loving each other, and being kind.”
Rich didn’t get home until 7:30, but when he did, he found this tired mama on the couch under a blanket, with little ones PILED all around me….books, TV on (lovin’ chopped!, do you watch it?), boys on the computer (Ethan the Incredible, fixed it)….Grace doing homework, the house in a wonderful state of shambles, so good to see. (**cough-cough**)
Caleb was one of the boys sitting on me…do you know, he has the most wonderful laugh? It’s contagious! Oh, Father, thank you for Caleb’s laugh!
Rich brought me home a bag of goodies from the gas station! The bag said, “Thank you Thank you Thank you Have a nice day!” on it (just a cheap plastic bag)..he brought me oreos, trail mix, a box of junior mints (love those!) and a snapple (they have an “S” on the lid—perfect!) So, I broke open the stuff and passed them all around. We had a picnic on the couch together, and boy did those little ones stay by me for more raisins and candy. Sarah’s mouth was so dirty from her Oreo cookie. She savored every bit of that cookie.
All that to say—sit on the floor and make yourself available, frazzled mamas, and never mind the house. Never mind what you may have been told, “Your Christian testimony depends on how you take care of your home. How can you be a witness if you bring someone into a messy house?” That’s just nonsense. Your home is warm and inviting, like a gift to those who enter, because of the SPIRIT of those living in it, not because of it’s cleanliness.
You know, deep down inside, how things are supposed to be, in your life. You don’t need to be told, YOU KNOW. Listen to yourself. Have the confidence to be a friend to YOU. How can we do God’s will (tenderly love and care for our husband and children) if we are having nervous breakdowns?
There is so much available to us, if we just look and search for answers to our own personal situation.
I’m so excited, to visit a new-to-me GYN. tomorrow, who is known for her care for women and wellness. I’ve had several ladies on here, and my mother in law, recommend products for me (all natural) and I can’t wait to talk to the lady tomorrow, and ask her what she thinks.
We are a soul, yes, but we are also a BODY, and we need to take care of ourselves, too.
If you feel alone in your struggles, please know that you are not a freak-case. (LOL) You’re normal. And the things you change for the better, are GOOD. Go us! (high fives)
I really really want to watch “Fried Green Tomatoes” again. Remember Evelyn? In the beginning of the movie she’s a big mess…..and that little old lady tells her, “Honey? You just need to get you some HORMONES!” “You’ll be FINE!”
She gets off her bottom and STARTS LIVING LIFE again. Her husband finds her smashing down a wall in the house. She starts selling cosmetics. She keeps on visiting her little old lady friend at the nursing home. She discovers the power of a friend, and the power of her true inner beautiful, unique, amazing self.
Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. All the glory to God forever and ever! Amen. 2 Timothy 4:18
He saw me with the camera and he said, “Smile, Kitty!” as he twisted poor kitty around properly for the photo. It was so cute.
Sarah joy absolutely LOVES this little hideaway spot (between her crib and the wall).
Amber-dear gave her the pretty puff-skirt.
Sarah has a problem lately, in emptying out ALL her drawers onto the floor.
Her big mess. I love her room. I’m working on it, little by little. The red dress (I want to find a pretty hanger for it) was her cousin Naomi’s. The black and white picture is one I took and had printed on canvas, the picture under it is her name (a painting done by a friend). Over the twin bed (in shabby chic bedding) is a heart (to remind us to love-always) that was 5 dollars at the thrift store, and a plaque about friendship.
And she has dollhouses (really, mine) that we will decorate together, someday this afternoon.
She loves her blankie, and putting her finger in her mouth.
My journal, with the acorns I found today, and a chicken feather from one of our hens.
On this page (from yesterday), I put the title RIGHT NOW IS A GIFT and then listed off everything in that moment that was a blessing to me….shockingly, I ended up with 20 things, like “comfy clothes” “hot tea” “this pen” “view from my window”……it was neat to discover, and I’m sure I could have thought of more if I tried.
I have this idea. I wonder, if you would like a piece of happy mail (from me to you)….please leave me your snail mail address in my message box today. Don’t do it if you think I might be an axe-murderer. It’s not wise to thoughtlessly give your addy out to just anyone. But, if you’ve spent enough time here (or in real life), getting to know me, and you feel comfortable with it, please give me your name and mailing address and I’ll write to you, as a little gift, just for fun, to brighten your day.
Anyway, regardless, please do realize that you are a very special person, created by God, given a LIFE by Him, and that He will continue to keep you, and care for you. Oh, there are tough times, yes, but in His mercy, there are MANY tools, resources, people, available to HELP you&me. There IS hope, always. Thank you to all the kind women who reached out to me yesterday here on the blog, if you get a chance you might find the notes/comments helpful to you, too. Also, I did pray for many of you that left me notes saying you were feeling a similar way. (While I was not sleeping, last night.) 
~Shanda
Good to be Home 
Oh Shanda…I just Love you and your blog!I like the part about the clean house being nonsense….I just finished coming down on my children for leaving things out, then I come on here and get convicted. Ouch. I always say I’m going to let the “perfect” house go, but I don’t. I stress about messes.Such encouraging things written here. Thank you for sharing.Now I need to go read the post I wrote a few days ago about lowering my National Lowering Your Standards Day!!! Haha.I also want a donut now! For this I do not thank you. ;)Happy Wednesday to you. =)
hey Shanda. I always love your posts. It feels like i’ve known you on here forever, but its only been since Jo visited you a couple years ago when Seth was just a wee one and shared of the awesome friend she had in you and what a wonderful friend she had in you. i am sooo thankful that she recommended that i head over and ‘get to know you’. there are sooo many things that i found myself knodding along in agreement in this post…saying amen over and over again. if i respond to it all i fear that i may leave you an epistle to read. I would LOVE to recieve snail mail from you my dear so i shall private message you my addy.first of all, i love that book by sarah ban brethnac…i love reading it and all the little things she speaks of. so many quotes especially in january that i LOVE. and your journal is fabulous. i love that its a mishmash of things…that is so telling of what you are feeling and experiencing in the day. i have gotten away from listing what i’m blessed with, but i should return to it cause it was such a wonderful blessing in itself to go back and be reminded of what i’ve been given and how often i take it for granted. i remember reading someone’s status on facebook that said ‘if you woke up tommorrow with what you were thankful for today, what would your life look like?’ that was a huge wake up call for me.i hope that your new GYN is helpful and has some good advice about some of the natural things that you are interested in taking. i love that movie, fried green tomatoes…so much to take away from that movie. love you girl.
I love all your pics! 🙂 Especially the rocking horse. Made me smile. Thinking about you and praying for you today.
Shanda, You are so sweet to encourage others while having a difficult time. I loved Fried Green Tomatoes!! Soo funny! Your little Sarah’s room is beautiful. I love the black and white picture. Great idea.I would love to receive a letter from you. I LOVE to write letters and get them You might already have my address. If not would it be alright to email it to you? Would you mind emailing me or writing on my blog your email address. I won’t publish it.Hoping your afternoon is peaceful, warm, hope filled and lovely!You are beautiful~ Cinnamon
I’ve only just started reading your blog this week & I’m in love with it already! Your words have been a blessing to me-the stuff you write could have been written by me (if I could write so well :))And I too was convicted with what you said about the clean house being nonsense-I just came down hard on my littles last night for not helping out more & my hubby not making them clean up. I had a rough afternoon/evening & was in tears & needed to go for a prayer walk to clear my head & adjust my attitude (it DID help-PTL!) But I still was frustrated at my 3 yr. old when I found out she had destroyed some letters from a circle letter that was supposed to have gone out in the mail a week ago. 😦 You’ve inspired me-I think I’ll let my house go for now & go play with my daughter outside. 🙂
I am glad you let go of the lead…I was just picturing you dripping wet. “OH PARKER!” You are such a blessing to me, I feel like I just spent some time with you this morning. I really like how much better I can picture it all now “Your home is warm and inviting, like a gift to those who enter, because of the SPIRIT of those living in it, not because of it’s cleanliness.” Amen to that. I keep trying to remember that, and have gotten much better about it. When my boys were little and it was so hard to have the house clean, a group of us mom’s formed our own little club of “you are welcome in my house anytime, no matter what it looks like”! By the way YOUR HOME is warm and inviting!! I so agree too with giving the love and attention to your family…it ministers both ways! When I was pretty ill at periods in their young life, I found a lot of sweet time with books and boys piled onto the bed around me. I am also blessed at the willing hearts popping up to help mama. All those bodies do take physical work to care for,and it is good to have the help. Yay for boys who can figure out computers too. I had trouble getting the Skype going the other morning and my son said “isn’t David there?” LOL. Nick’s friends were laughing when they found the 7 month old and grandma Jenny Skyping. The new GYN sounds great. Good to find out what your body is needing. I was so amazed when a cream could take away so many of the sad feelings I had…just because my body needed it. OK, I will have to get off here and write YOU a snail mail. I always love to hear from you!! Jenny
I made a mistake in my comment…when I went to fix it my internet went out!!!My 15 minute edit time is up. Hahaha. Now I have a messy comment! Oh well. At least it was left on a post about not being hard on myself, right?!?! =)
Shanda,I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now, though I’ve never commented. You are in my prayers sweet mama! I have 3 myself, and homeschooling, and there are many days I can’t see the forest for the trees. Praise God we have a God who cares about details! He tells us to cast ALL of our worries on Him, because He cares for us. Thanks for sharing your heart, it is so like many of us. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on housekeeping as well. Our kids are only little once! I have a dear friend who tells me, hang in there! The days are long, but the years are short!Hope you have a very restful sleep tonight! I’m praying that you will!Jessica
I love your honesty. I love your pictures. I love that you hang onto the truths of God. You make me smile and pray.Blessings on your day,I would love a letter from you – see your messages. 🙂
You made me cry:) and I looked up the verse you have printed in your open journal. and I cried more. Thank you for your words today. I needed them!
I love your honesty! Would have loved to be there for the pinic! Sorry to hear you were crying. I could totally relate to what you were writing about.The rocking horse picture is perfect, it shows so much action!!!love and hugs friend!
oh and yes to snail mail..you have my addy as I have yours:)
I have been reading here for quite a while and I love your strength and encouragement!!! You are an amazing lady Shanda and your family is quite amazing also! (((Hugs)))
I ordered one of these for my bridal gown photos. you can have the wire say anything… thought of this as soon as you said you were looking for a pretty hanger.
The kids were so sweet to get up and clean. Fried Green Tomatoes is one of my favorite books EVER and I will be digging that out. Naomi has the same “problem” as Sarah. She empties dressers and laundry baskets. Sometimes I laugh, other times I groan. Lately, I just scoop it all into a laundry basket and dub it clean or dirty before running off to the next thing.Hugs and prayers Shanda. I hope your doctor’s appointment goes well.
Of course I’d love some snail mail from you. I’ve been thinking of writing you for the past week! Also, I couldn’t help but notice the “Simple Abundance” book you are reading . . . I picked up the same book to reread this past week! I’m needing some hugs for myself this month! Here are big ones to you (((((SHANDA))))))
I’m happy to hear that you are feeling a bit better today. I know exercise helps me too and I must work at doing more of it, just getting out in the fresh air helps. You have a beautiful family Shanda and you are a wonderful mom and wife. I am sure many can relate to what you go through, I know I do. I am happy to pray for you and that each day you will feel much better. I have left you a message too.It’s very generous offer you have made. May God continue to bless you and that the rest of your week will be much brighter. Angela
“When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, I look above and see HIM there, WHO made an end to all my sin. Behold HIM there! The risen Lamb, My perfect, spotless righteousness, The Great unchangeable I AM, The King of glory and of Grace…”Shan,I am sorry to hear of all the troubles that are circulating in your heart and life right now… I know God’s grace is getting you through this rough time..it is evident in your writings. I love you and know that you are being conformed into the image of Christ through these trials and testings in your life. I can’t completely understand the emotional sides you are going through but I can relate with discouragement. I love you lots and send you prayers and lots of hugs. Your friend always,B and ps. I threw the perfect home thing out the door a long time ago. It is just not worth getting stressed over. Just find a good balance for you and go with it. 🙂
when i saw you mentioned “Fried Green Tomatoes” i had to google my favorite scene and see if i could share it w/ ya.. i’m sure you’ll remember it. makes me laugh out loud everytime!! 🙂 kathy bates is wonderful in that movie~http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b9Z3MYo2M0loved this post, shanda! so great- the words and heart. and just so blessed that even though you might be going through a tough time personally, you still encourage and reach out to others. THAT’S what being christ like is all about. grateful for your example w/ that to me.TOWANDA, girlfriend!!! TOWANDA!! 🙂
What a lovely post, I would love a snail mail from you if you don’t mind sending to the UK, I feel like I know you and like I said before you are such an encouragement to me. Thank you so much for blogging, I will email you my address, thanks and God bless you, Beverley
You are a blessing to so encourage others when your are not feeling well yourself. Thank you for the sweet truth of this post. You demonstrate the truth of “For it is in giving that we receive.” I hope you find some good help and answers with the doctor. Thank you for encouraging me. I battle depression since becoming a mom and can relate. But I know that I have often gone to other sources than God in search of answers. I’m so thankful for His grace. And for the encouragement not to be too hard on myself. 🙂 Blessings to you.
I too, would love a letter from you. You have been such an encourgement to me through the years. You have taught me to turn to God with my troubles as well as joys. I sent my address by message. Thank you, Jill
I have enjoyed your blog for years. I also love your honesty…& I pray you will soon feel better…I will whisper your name in my prayers…May the Lord richly bless you as you mother your little flock!!
Praying for you sweet sister. I have to remind myself of this often “take no thought for tomorrow” as moms we get bogged down with everything we need to do and haven’t done. We look at yesterday and tomorrow. When all we really do is get through today. BTY….hormones have made a HUGE change in my life. I do a all natural bio-identical hormone. Bless You~~~~Lisa
Thanks for the snail mail messages you have sent me!! It is such a bright spot in the day. You have encouraged my heart with great words of wisdom about the very things I struggle with so often. Gina G.
love this 😉