It was on December 12, 2006 that I wrote a poem in my journal. I was coming out of a very hard time of constant problems going on in my church. It was at this time that my eyes were opened to what spiritual warfare, church issues, the ugliness of pride, man-centered doctrines, legalism, and other things, look like. I was also discovering that I had those same sinful tendencies in my own heart, which I needed to repent of, and am still battling with, to this day. What I saw hurt me, still hurts me. But God is always beautiful, merciful, faithful, loving, and true, and what I was learning about HIM outweighed all the pain of what I was experiencing in my church and in my heart.
I am and always will be a deep feeler. As a result I tend to be oversensitive and over analytical. These are areas in which my own struggle with pride appear….with the tendency to think on my SELF too much. But, the Lord in His grace and goodness uses my sensitive nature for good–to develop a longing in my soul for a deeper relationship with Him.
The problems we go through show us our utter need for Him. He is our lifeline, our rock, our Savior. WE NEED HIM. And when those needs are fulfilled, it is a feeling much deeper than can be explained in words.
So, one day I sat down with my journal during the kid’s rest time and wrote things out of my heart…..what ended up occurring was a special, refreshing time with the Lord, in which He even allowed my troubled heart to quiet down so that I could actually sleep. I’ve had a struggle with insomnia, so it is quite encouraging when I actually drift away to dreamland………the whole experience was a gift from God and when I woke up, I wrote these words. Maybe it will be an encouragment to my sisters in Christ today, as it serves as a reminder to me of what the Lord has done in the past, and will continue to do….shepherd my soul with His great love.
My Afternoon with God
He was with me all day
as I mothered
as I fought against my flesh
that wants to stress.
He was with me when I put the children to bed for naps.
And He met me in the livingroom
when I finally sat with a piece of pie,
a mug of hot tea, my journal,
and some books.
Write! So I did
Pray! So I did
I faltered–but I gave Him what was in my heart-
praise, love, worship, and questions.
Will you? Could you? Why?
He’ll answer all in His time.
But my love He returned-immedietly
My worship made Him smile.
And it all gave me peace.
I shut the books
and put down my pen.
I covered myself up in blankets.
I thought about Him
and a hundred other things.
My thoughts were buzzing around in my head
He stayed with me.
One by one the thoughts emptied and there was nothing left
but sleep
and Him, always Him.
He didn’t have to grant me sleep-
if He hadn’t, I would have been content.
But He didn’t take me to the edge
He took me over it, and into a refreshing rest
for my mind, body, and soul.
So I awoke refreshed
and my love for God increased,
I am His and He is mine!
“Like a Father pitieth His children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him-He remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103
Be STILL, and know that I am God.
“Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak” Psalm 6:2a
“God is rich in mercies.” Ephesians 2:4
“Oh satisfy us early with Thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.” Psalm 90
Good to be Home 
Been there done that – but I don’t think I ever wrote it as beautifully as you did.
Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes I think I’m the only one going through the ME syndrome. You have truly blessed my heart with your post today!
Thank you for taking the time to point me to HIM this morning. I read it and right away grabbed my Bible and started to pray for this perfect peace and much needed rest that only God can give me today! Have a wonderul day Love ya ~ Sis
What a beautiful post. It shows a heart yearning for all that God has in store for you. Now you can REST knowing that God will take care of you. Thanks so much for sharing. Love, ~Polly~
thanks for sharing this! Those moments are truly “special”, when God comes through for us, and leaves us feeling refreshed and renewed, able to go on again knowing He is really watching and caring for us. Blessings~
Thank You. 🙂 I needed to hear it, too.
its all about Him! Wonderful Shanda
I am so glad that you wrote it down and that you are able to go back and see His hand on your life then just as it is now. Thank you for sharing it!
“The problems we go through show us our utter need for Him. He is our lifeline, our rock, our Savior. WE NEED HIM.”amen!
Living in Fellowship with Jesus Christ – in and out of all that comes our way – oh how merciful that He would desire us as He does. I love this post. My heart rejoices.
Beautiful, Shan. Thank you for sharing your heart. We ceratainly do need HIM!
Love your poem! Thanks for sharing! We had a wonderful ladies seminar at church last weekend and a lot of the focus was on true worship… just being still and letting God speak to us instead of us doing all the talking, asking, etc. and now you wrote of the same thing… so encouraging! I know church issues can be so ugly and really , it’s what the enemy wants to take our focus off of true worship to our dear Father! Blessings to you today!
Oh, to be truly still before the Lord and let him flow into our Spirit. Love your poem.
Beautiful – makes me think of how I’ve been feeling the past couple of days – and what I blogged about just this morning! Love what you wrote – blessings to you.
Thanks Shanda! Amen and amen. My heart was troubled in the middle of the night and I couldn’t sleep. I know that a lot of the problem was just that ME attitude, and seeing some work of mine undone. So when I finally got back to sleep it was singing to myself a song from when my boys were babies “Sleep sound in Jesus” He is good. I even had some sweet dreams!
Oh, I so needed to read this post this morning. Your words are beautiful and an encouragement to this mom who seems stressed today. Thank you, Shanda, for sharing your heart with us and making it real…you are a truly genuine person.
I love that, thanks so much for sharing that with us today Shanda! I can identify with your struggles.
Thanks for sharing, that;s very inspiring for me
Now I know why I like you so much…I’m also a “deep feeler.” Sometimes it’s painful to be like we are. But, He made us just like we are. 🙂 Thanks for again being transparent and sharing. Your blog is my very favorite!
Kitty
I’m glad you went back through your journal and could remember this time. Thank you for sharing Shan. Love you, Lish
Just reminds me that when you’re focused on him and give all your burdens to Him, He will give you perfect peace and rest-just like that song “like a river glorious”
Another wonderful post!
This poem is awesome! Thanks for sharing. I needed this tonight.
Your gentle nature and sensitivity always makes me smile!
What wonderful things the Lord is working in your heart!