Rich is very busy this week, with a conference for work. He will be home late (after 9pm) every night and as you can imagine, it is quite the strain on me as I deal with homelife on my own. I was a big grump all morning but after breakfast and a little cleaning up, things are looking slightly brighter. I’m being “mean mom” and “making” the children do what I want them to do….the little whippersnappers will not run wild….and right now they are playing “Shut the Box” at the kitchen table and listening to good music on the ipod. The little boys are trying to find all the pieces to David’s marble run game so they can put that together.
I’m on edge this morning and want to say that we are all frail and sinfully human. I was irritated by some websites (not yours 
) today that are a little too goody-goody spiritual for my taste, it makes me frustrated when I get all the good of someone’s life and not see any of the struggles. I don’t want to do that here. So brace yourself for some confessin’………
I was stern and grumpy at my kids this morning. I think I may have given a few of them the “evil eye”.
I cried this morning, because I wanted my own way.
I wanted to give up on it all. I wanted to not be a mother, I wanted to shut down my blog, I wanted to let the house fall to pieces, and I wanted to give up on training the children and doing my devotions.
I got mad at my poor husband, and resentful.
I wished I could snap my fingers and make the children disappear for a while.
I haven’t showered or dressed yet and I look like a FRIGHT.
I don’t like the dog.
I’m feeling selfish.
I lost my patience with Caleb….when will he learn to obey right away???
(Although, I admit, Seth is an attitude-saver. I can’t stay grumpy with him in the room.)
Even though I didn’t kneel down and pray in a holy attitude, the Lord heard the prayers in my heart and accepted them for what they were…..little temper tantrums….and He still loves me and will help me get over this bad attitude. Now, that totally amazes me.
Even though I wasn’t sweet to the children, they are still accepting of me, still want to be around me, and are still happy and laughing. They don’t expect me to “be perfect” and I’m not going to try to be perfect in front of them. Ever. I’m about to go say “sorry that I was so grumpy this morning” and get on with my day.
Good to be Home 
I know what you mean by goody-goody blogs……they make me feel inadequate till I realize they can’t be telling the “whole story!” Sounds like you’re back on track! Praying you’ll have a good day in spite of a “rocky” start!~Elaine
I love your honesty and transparency. You make me smile and feel normal.
So nice to not be the only one!
u just a bit stressful. take a deep breathe. things r gonna b ok 🙂
I love your honesty ! I do not like the goody-goody blogs either. Reading your blog and others like it helps me see my inadequate moments are normal and Im not a “bad” mom after all. There are times like you that I dont want to be mom. Ive even thot …….. if everyone could just disappear for the day. Of course I would never want to be anything else than a MOM . Its who I am…. but we all have those moments when life and those around us are just too overwhelming, especially when you have it all on your own.
Great post by a “real” woman. Thank you for sharing your struggles. We all go through them and it’s so refreshing to read about yours too. I’m not alone!
It is comforting to know that you are human like the rest of us. If you only knew what a blessing and inspiration your blog is to me, I’ve been a silent follower for a couple of years now. So with my first comment, I want you to know I am very sincere when I say thank you for your honesty about your struggles and your joys. I pray that your mood and day improves! ~Rebecca
As I did the dishes today, I told the Father that I was just so weary … my heart hurts. Gracie was screaming because of teething pain, and Joy was whining because I could not read her mind and know exactly what it was she wanted without her telling me. Jonah days, as Anne Shirley calls them. It’s nice to know they come to us all! And amen to gratitude that the Lord hears our heart-prayers and loves us despite our weaknesses! He is bigger than all the bad times.
what a breath of fresh air to read this today. it’s the only Xanga post i was brave enough to read. when i’m feeling like you were/are today, i just don’t post! maybe i should and it might encourage someone else….because you certainly lifted my heart today. 🙂 Keep lifting your eyes UP and not AROUND….you’ll make it. and so will I. and all the other “normal” women out there.
Your off day sounds like my everyday. I’m getting better though and have learned to ask for God’s Grace. I often look to your blog for inspiration. Thank you for your honesty. Though you feel more human, it makes ME feel more worthy of God’s love.
That’s why I love your blog–You are REAL. You are a godly wife, mom, daughter who has struggles but still keeps on–loving Jesus and loving your family and not too proud to admit your human. Please know I’m praying for you and love you just like you are. 🙂 (And day after tomorrow is Friday and then you are at the end of this long week.)Hang on!!
It’s very comforting to know that Shanda has off days too. 🙂 And I have to tell you, when I was reading down your list and got to “I don’t like the dog”, I stopped and laughed out loud. 🙂 I’m soooo feeling this about my dog alllll the time. Once upon a time she was the baby…now she is EXTREMELY IRRITATING. 🙂 Have a blessed rest of your day!!!
I have those days, too! I wonder what’s wrong with everyone else . . . the world seems crazy and my children out of control. And, truth be told, that’s probably true . . . children and things are *MANY TIMES* out of our control.I’m trying hard this week, too. Trying to bite my tongue and keep my frustration about different things to myself.
Oh Shanda~ What a completely real moment in the life of a Mama. When my husband is away I’m always a little off. It’s hard. Isn’t that sweet that all the children still love you I had a dear friend share that she felt bad about yelling at her kids. How could that be showing them the love of Christ? Then someone told her that it was showing her kids how to ask for forgiveness and be humble I’m glad you’re feeling better. And you’re right you can’t feel bad when the little ones are around and smiling at you~Hugs~ Cinnamon
Shanda, you are absolutely PRECIOUS!!!I know I frequently reference the childhood memories your posts bring back for me, and this was yet another example. I remember many, many times when both my parents would lose their tempers or “handle things” imperfectly, etc., but as I remember they always asked our forgiveness for those incidents. Any negative emotions I can recall from those experiences are eclipsed by the love and respect I had for my parents for always taking initiative to make restoration. Now, as a wife and parent myself, I am starting to realize just HARD it is to fill those roles, and I find comfort in the memories of my parents’ being “human,” too. You are so right about how children are, they are so accepting and resilient, and I bet your children will someday feel toward you as I do about my parents. I am so sorry to hear about Rich having to work late this week, what a challenge that is for you as an expectant, homeschooling mother of 7. I know “He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater, when the labors increase…” Praying for you friend. <3Love,Angie
Thanks for being a part of the REAL crowd! Living alone, I have noone to be grumpy at but myself, noone to gain pity from…so I may as well buckle up and be glad! However, I sure remember the days!…..
Please don’t ever give up your blog. 😦 This summer was interminable. You touch so many lives just being you (the good, the bad and the ugly).I, for one, needed to read this today. Hope the rest of your day turns out better than you could have ever dreamed. 🙂
It’s why I LOVE visiting your blog… you keep it real. You do look to find the good the Lord has blessed you with and encouraging words to share which help keep me going on those days I feel exactly as you described above. Know you are not alone… (I and my little ones are still in our pajamas today too and it’s almost 10:00 – this is not normal I’ll be praying for you and your day and rest of the week!
Bless you sweet Shanda. I had one of those days last Friday, I was just throwing a tantrum at how difficult life was, and miffed at Grandpa for waking me up. So “frail and sinfully human”! I felt better after giving it to the Lord, and going to the garden, hearing the birds sing. I always felt bad about it when I had those days with my kids, but, like you I went to God and then said I was sorry. Made a huge difference. They learned to say sorry too. Praying your afternoon is sweet with them, and that God gives you grace for this long week!
I thought of the Hymn…Rock of Ages. “Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy cross I cling.” How beautiful that we are loved/cherished by Jesus and our husband and children too— in spite of “our hands”. And how often we miss God speaking his love and care to us!Thank you for sharing with us!
Amen!
Shanda I really appreciated this post…I feel like you many days and I do actually try to show “reality” on my blog. I have 9 children and an extremely busy husband (who is going on a business trip for a week soon!) so I totally understand where you are at and how you feel and how you repent and go on. God bless you today with His joy….you are not alone!
i’m smiling.. you make me feel “normal.” ;)love ya.
Hear, hear. Sounds like a duplicate of our household this morning.
Your “realness” is refreshing. Can’t say I am too much different than you!! Makes you wonder how single parents ever cope and thrive, eh. When my husband is busy and gone for lengths of time, it makes me think.
No dog here, but as another comment said, it has been a Jonah day for sure! I pray your afternoon is better than your morning! I wonder…were you trying to do school too? We tried and it had me yelling “Calgon, take me away.” Then I had to tell the children that I really did not want to go away, that I loved them, and that they better go play in their rooms for a while.
I truly understand ~ some days are just the pits ~ but God is always willing to come down in the pit and gently lift us ~ and you are right ~ it is so amazing.
Shanda, it’s 5:29 PM…,and I’m still not dressed….my voice is sore from not just yelling…but actually SCREAMING at my daughter this afternoon…..good ol’ “aunt flo” has been visiting for over 3 weeks now and I feel sick, weak and VERY CRANKY. Jakey has been put on the no-no wall after two spankings twice today. ;(I’ve been very unlady like today (screaming like I did) and I want to go to bed with the covers over my head….but instead I have to get ready to put on my happy christian face and go to church to play piano. :(Not a good day at all…..and yet….I came here and you were so refreshing and real. I love it. 😉 I’ll pray for you……..and you me, please. You’re one of the best mothers “I Know”….and just the way you’ve shared your stumblings and struggles proves it. 😉 Hugs.
I don’t have any children or dogs at home anymore but I do remember those days! Now there are days when the house is too quiet!! Hang in there! You’re a great Mom!
ahhh….pure,honesty; what could be more refreshing? so many of the things you said sound so much like me/my days…isn’t it good to know that the Lord loves us no matter how ugly we see ourselves? many blessings as you go thru this week..♥~ r
I love your blog….it gives a good balance between your enthusiasm for beautiful and happy things……and the un glamorous reality of daily life! Blessings to you! Be encouraged!
I think we all have those times…but He is so gracious to forgive us and to help us refocus…and what really matters is that your children can see that even Mom knows how to say “I am sorry.” Blessings to you today.
It has been one of those days for me, well one of those weeks! Plus some added stress that I don’t want to deal with! Thanks for sharing your heart and letting me know that I am not the only one who feels this way from time to time. :)~hugs~Lanitha
must be the week for grumpy Mama’s cuz this one has been too. And crying. And praying. Hugs
It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one with a “bad” day. Last week I had a “bad” day all week! I’m so thankful for you and your blog–you don’t realize how encouraged I am by reading your posts. Have a good night. Jessye
So what’s with this day………I started out chewing everyone and their brother out for misplacing my phone charger ;( I mean a woman cannot be without her phone and it’s way more important than a kids feelings right? Oh, I know I said I’m sorry and the rest of the day was a little better, but I hate those nasty feelings! So keeping our minds in the right place is the cure, but some days it seems impossible, and that is just another lie from the pit! So we rise to face a new day in the power of Jesus knowing that we’re not failures if we fail, just if we quit trying. I haven’t quit trying yet and neither have you! And by the way, those goodies are just foolin’ us and that’s a pride issue haha 😉
So, what is it actually like to not be patient all hours every day? -I’ve never experienced that. Oh! was it my blog that you were on? :o) I hear ya, honey! We all have those days! Thank the Lord for those low points where our weakness is painfully obvious, and His strength is GLORIOUSLY obvious. I’ll be praying for a good day tomorrow. Hugs.
Yes, and I am a grandma and already raised my own, but I can sure look back to those days when I felt like I was never going to get on top of my “feelings and frustrations”. I still get grumpy and have my times….would any of us be human if we didn’t? It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I wouldn’t need my Saviour if I was always what I should be. Not???? Bless you for allowing your reality to be known.
If we are honest with ourselves, we all have days like that! Maybe not exactly your kind, but ours with our problems. I think that’s one reason I love the Psalms so much. Clearly,David had bad days, but he is still called “a man after God’s own heart.” FYI… I’ve had a cold and coughed all night… plus I was forcing fluids in the afternoon to try to “flush” the cold, so, I was also doing something else a lot during the night, too! LOL! AND… it’s 12:10 here, and I just got dressed! Yep. One of those days.
Shanda, have you been reading my mail?!?!? This morning I’m starting day 3 of being home with a 2 year old and a 3 week old with no reinforcements! They’ve all gone home or back to work! It’s the small things that remind me that I need to look at the bigger picture. Like the fact that my husband forgot to take the trash to the curb last night (and it was loaded with diapers!) and our sweet neighbor took them to the curb this morning on her walk with her dog. Thanks for keeping it real for us. That’s why I read your blog!
Your honesty is beautiful.
I call those “dust days”. I cry out, Lord I am nothing but dust, HELP! Feeling pretty dusty myself from time to time but rejoice anyway. Honey pie, I want to remind you of something,unless I missed something while I have been busy, YOU ARE PREGNANT and your little hormones are doing dances right now. Give yourself a bit of a break here. This isn’t all Shanda’s normal. I used to just take some time to go off and cry. That helps to. I love you sweet heart. m
a real women with real emotions. 🙂 I love honesty. My husband is Rich too, and he’s also very busy this week. 😉
so sorry you had a bad day, I had to laugh because I feel like that atleast once a day! LOL! I coming in late having already browsed your latest blog and knowing that things are on the upswing, but wanted to tell you that I do care and am so very happy that things are looking brighter now!
I know I’m reading this way after the point but just wanted to say thank you Shan!–for showing imperfection and being real. Love you, Lish
i was so there mon-wed, till i couldn’t hack myself anymore and God met me in my bedroom :), wich always makes me wonder – why in the world do i wait so long to be comforted, encouraged and appreciated by the One who cherishes me? and all I had to do was ask. once. i had been demanding doing the lil 7 yr old version of HELP ME NOW! any way Emma said, mom you haven’t been not stressed about something for a LOooNnnG time. (Okay honey give mom a break, i think it’s been a rough three days 🙂 ) So thankful for Gods faithfulness and love to us who feel like we have the weight of the world to carry. Have a beautiful day!
Oh that feeling of wanting to give up…I’ve had that a couple times recently. (hugs) My husband and I had a discussion about his job…even though I’m “used to” him being away most of the time it’s still really hard to be the mother I should be b/c I’m usually feeling overwhelmed…and it makes it difficult to enjoy my children as you were talking about in the more recent post…not sure what to do about this yet.
i haven’t updated my blog in quite some time. i now have 4 children, and i so had this kind of day today…thank you. thank you very much.