“If I go outside my eye feels like it’s burning in oil.
If I go near the chickens, I’m as nervous as a hyperventilating crayfish.
I think I’ve had 6 different kinds of drops in my eyes, don’t you think Mom?
And I’ve had about 5 different people look in my eye.” ~Jacob, age 12
in Jacob’s own words:
“I’m wondering where to start.” (long pause) “Okay. This morning we had just got back from walking the dog to *Mr. Smith’s house and I said to Grace and E, ‘Let’s go and see the chickens.’ So we went in the garage and I opened up the cage to get out Red, because she is my chicken. So. I put Red on my shoulder and she was peeping and looking down at the cage to call down to her friends to come and rescue her. And before I knew it, Red had poked me right in the eye with her beak. Hmmmm. So I put my hand over my eye and said, ‘ow’. And I asked Ethan to get Red and put her back in her cage. And then I went up to the house and told Mom what had happened. An hour passes. Mom tells us to go outside and walk in the woods with the dog. (laughs) To bring back a treasure. So. We went outside to walk in the woods with the dog to bring back a treasure. This is turning out like a Lemony Snicket story. We saw a mallard duck (laughs). When we got back home, my eye was really hurting so Ethan asked me if we wanted to keep playing around the yard or go to the dam but I said, ‘No, I want to go back to the house because my eye is really hurting.’ Um. When I got into the house I told Mom that my eye was really really hurting so she made me lie down on the couch and she looked in my eye and then she called *Dr. Jones to try to get me in for a doctor’s appointment so they could look in my eye. And Mom said that we would be able to go right to the doctor’s office and I was really surprised because it normally takes three or four days to go to the doctor’s office. So. We got to the doctor’s office and waited in the waiting room while Mom signed me up. Then, we got into the doctor’s office and *Dr. Jones came in after Mom had changed Sethie’s diaper in a record time of 2 minutes flat. So *Dr. Jones looked in my eye and he simply could not believe that it was pecked by a chicken. He put in some numbing eye drops and put on this sort of stuff that made my scratch turn orange so he could see where it was. And so it turns out that I have a scratch right across my eye and I cannot to this moment in the day figure out how Red scratched me across the entire eye when I thought she had given me a quick jab. So he said that he was gonna have to call a more professional eye place because he couldn’t tell how deep it was and so he called them and then we left and went home and got lunch and then we got back in the vehicle and drove to David’s school and picked him up. And then we went to the eye doctor in *Crazy Town to see how deep my scratch was. We got there and we waited in the waiting room and then we went into the doctor’s office and they checked out my eye and then they put in some more numbing and the lady who was the doctor was gonna look into my eye with this sort of machine but she couldn’t quite make it out so she had to put some more of the orange stuff in my eye so she could see the scratch better. So then we went back to the machine but she couldn’t get the light to work, it had to be a medium shade of blue. So we ended up having to go in the next room to use that machine. So she checked my eye and then we went back into the room where Mom was and then the doctor told Mom that it wasn’t too deep. And so Mom asked the doctor if it was clean. And I forgot what the Doctor said about that but she did say that it wasn’t as bad as the person who she saw that got hand sanitizer in their eye. Then the doctor told me that she was going to put in some disinfectant drops and then after she put in the disinfectant drops, she had to put in some more drops to dilate my pupils so that she could get a better look. She put in the drops, 2 in my smashed eye and one in my normal eye and said we could go in the waiting room to wait for 20 minutes to wait. So then, after 20 minutes I went back into the hall and a different lady took me to a different machine and looked in my eyes for some reason, I don’t know why. We went into the office and the doctor looked in my eyes and put more numbing in and then we went out and she gave us more drops to put in my eyes if they were feeling irritating or dry and then we set up my next appointment. And then on the way home we got McDonald’s. And then we went to Rite Aid and got some different drops that were to keep my eye from getting infected. And then we got home and we put the drops we got at Rite Aid in my eye and then mom made me tell this entire story and that is what you might call the end. I got to go to the bathroom.” (exits)
*name has been changed to protect the identity of the innocent.
Good to be Home 
Hilarious story! But not so funny for the victim, I guess ~
HA! Ok, I guess I should be more sympathetic. Hope your eye heals quickly and without permanent damage, Jacob. I enjoyed reading your story. Very interesting, and I think I laughed at all the right parts! So, what’s for dinner? Fried chicken?? LOL!
well told! poor kid.
That is just too funny! What a good little writer! Hope the eye is ok. =)
Having been through medical emergencies before in your part of the world (though not the CHICKEN kind!), I found “Crazy Town” the funniest part! It made me laugh and laugh. You are right; it IS a Lemony Snicket story.
~get well soon, all of you!~
Does any one else feel like a fried drumstick?
~whatever!
Ouch!!!! Now my eye is watering
I hope he is feeling better soon~ Cinnamon
So glad there was a happy ending! That was a good story Jacob. I sure related…not because of the chicken but because David once poked his eye with a pencil while doing Math, you know how you rest your head on your hand… he slipped and scratched his eye. We went to the eye doctor and he had the scratch. I recommend that you put in the eye drops as many times as they say, because the scratch heals easier and with less complication if you keep it lubricated! Lord please bless and heal Jacob’s eye.
What a good story teller! That was quite an eventful day Jacob and you did a good job telling it! Trust your eye heals completely very soon!
Ow, my eye is suddenly hurting too. Pecked in the eye by a chicken….can’t say that happens everyday (or at least I hope it doesn’t) Hope you heal quickly.
First, let me say, I have missed your blogging so much! Second, I am glad the eye will be okay. Thank you Jacob for sharing your story with us.
Poor Jacob. He sure is brave! I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen next. š I wish I had my own chicken. š¦
Ouch!! Glad you are ok! Thanks for sharing your story with us! Hope it gets all better very soon!!
Poor Jacob! It could’ve been a lot worse and I’m glad it wasn’t! I hope it heals soon!
OHMYGOODNESS *I don’t know why Uncle Jason is laughing right now (I aunt amanda am not:( ) Uncle said if you want he will take you out for a chicken dinner tomorrow if that would make you feel better! We love you …..hope the eye feels better hugs and kisses
what a day! for mom and son!! hope it heals super fast!
Poor Jacob!! Praying for rapid uneventful healing!!Blessings,Angie
Poor, guy! What a trooper! Hope his eye feels much better soon.
As long as it was a “love peck” by Red….I think she should be saved from a hot bubbling oil bath…. š
Oh, my, what a story — well told, Jacob, and I hope your eye heals quickly!
I’m so sorry for Jacob’s accident, but I must admit, I found his story quite entertaining. I’m glad his eye is going to be OK. With five boys, I guess you have stuff like that happening pretty often! LOL!
Nervous as a hyperventilating crayfish! Oh, good gravy!
Poor guy! Hyperventilating crayfish????…that one has me laughing!
What no pictures of you in the waiting room with all six kids? LOL! As funny as this story is I bet it was HARD HARD HARD to go to three different places at the drop of a hat!I laughed that he called it his “smashed eye”!
That just looks like it hurts!!!!I am glad that he is doing ok though!!
Never a dull moment…I remember being so excited about chicks when I was little – until they started growing up and kept pecking at my feet every time I was near them. Hope your eye feels better soon. Love you!
Awww. Poor baby. But I do see a story-telling career in his future!
I am so sorry about his eye! However, the story is quite funny the way it is written but not funny for the victim! š
I love the way boys will write/tell a story in their words. It is very well told. I’m sure his eye will heal quickly and I feel for Jacob, it would have hurt.Angela
Dear Jacob, Aw poor guy. I suppose the lesson to learn, is don’t put a chicken on your shoulder darlin’. Bless your heart, I am glad your adventure is over with and that you are on the mend. Please do forgive Red. Chickens are a silly people. You did tell the story is such a wonderful way. I know how you feel. My grandmother’s chickens used to scare the daylights out of me and they were banties! You will get over it but I doubt if you will ever forget it. You will probably write a children’s book about it some day as a warning to other kids. Blessings dear Jacob and to your sweet and dear Momma, love.
lol…sounds like life is keeping you busy! enjoyed the story and hope his eye gets to feeling better!
Oh that’s good.It feels like I’m listening to a kid who really doesn’t wanna tell the story so he just rushes through it in one big sentence with no breaths in between.Hah :)Hope he’s doing okay now!i
It sounds like you had a corneal abrasion. I’m an eye doctor!
So sorry for the victim, but it sure is funny to read it in his own words. So. Did he suck that hyperventilating crayfish out of his own thumb?
Oh my goodness! I hope Jacob’s eye is doing better by now. Thank you Jacob for sharing your story!
Awwww. I’m glad you are ok! My brother had a fishing hook snap out of a fishes mouth and hook him in the eye once…he was very lucky and there was no permanent damage either. Hope you recover quickly.
HA HA, LOVE IT… Poor Jacob