Remember, these questions are not from me. They are from you younger ladies on xanga who read my blog. Please, keep thinking of anything you would like to ask an older lady and send me a message with it. Thank you to all who share what the Lord has taught them through the years. Monday is my extra-busy day so I will be back later to check in. . .Have a blessed day. Love, Shanda
I have a hard time balancing everything, God, husband, children, school, chores and housework. It is important to keep up with the house but when you wear so many hats how do you find the right balance between them all?
What does it mean to you to be keepers at home?
Good to be Home 
The previous post with that precious picture of Caleb with his Dad, so very sweet.
As an older woman I guess I qualify to answer your question. We are to be keepers of the home…….yes that includes the house but a home is so much more than a house. I have known mothers and wives who are keepers of the “house” more than keepers of the home. In my opinion a clean and orderly house is important but a picture perfect house and children can not peacefully co-exist for long. Balance in anything at any age is not easy. I have found at any point in my life it has been a constant balancing act. You have God first, husband and children in the right order the other things’ priority changes as the needs change. Because you have a desire to balance things The Lord will guide you. One point I did and my husband appreciated so very much was making Dad’s home coming a big exciting time and teaching my small children how respected and loved their Dad was. We could hurry through the chores and meal prep based on his arrival home. Showing your love and respect for your husband makes it easier for them to look to The Lord with love and respect.
I think we all struggle with balance – and the only one who knows what should be done when and how is God…so for me balance is learning to walk with God and seek His wisdom for what should be done next…for He holds a perfect plan for my days!
I’m excited to see all the comments on this one. I often wonder how so many mothers do this. My favorite thing to learn about so-called “supermoms” is that it isn’t perfect. Shanda has been a good example of vulnerability here on her site. I love pictures of how the house looks most of the time and how easy it can be to become frustrated. I’m learning more and more to seek Him in all things–even this. He has differing levels of grace for each of us and asks differing things of each of us for our families. I think it is important to not compare yourself to others–you never know what may be truly going on behind the perfect facade.
LOL I had to laugh. Long ago in my striving to be the perfect house keeper, thus making myself and my family crazy, a wiser, older lady told me, let the house go! I found out it was more important to spend time listening to my daughter, teaching her the bible and doing crafts. It was more important to have dinner on the table for my hard working husband then the laundry folded. And it’salways good to pracice hospitality…having company over…becasue then the house gets cleaned!
I agree with the above 3 comments! I have 8 children with the 9th due in 4 weeks. I find it difficoult to keep up in all areas of homemaking. So I have to pick and choose my priorities on any given day. I’m not really an older lady but thought it would be okay to share.
For example yesterday our entire fellowship was heading out to the beach so I cleaned up as much as I oculd while making sure I got the picnic lunch packed etc without being late to the event. Naturally I couldn’t get ALL the cleanup done so it got left. But what was so nice about it is that it got left not because I was neglecting my duties, beig lazy but simply only because there was not enough time. The children had a wonderful time and I did as well. It was worth it!! Other days I might consentrate more on the house etc.
I really don’t thing you can do it ALL and ALL at the same time!! I think finding a balance is being content with what you CAN do on any given day without neglecting the members of the home for which the home exists!
Shanda did you get my private message!???
I’m not an “older mother” yet, but Purple knows this issue really resonates with me. I find myself constantly praying the Lord will show me areas to grow in this. When I am unsure how I am doing, I ask my husband to show me if I am unbalanced or where my weak areas lie. He always surprises me, showing me things I didn’t notice that I can work on, and encouraging me that I am doing more in some aspects than I realized.
A wise “older woman” told me many years ago to remember what season I am the Lord has me living now and not to push myself to live like I am in the next season. That helps me remember my home should not look like the children are off in college! : ) Keeping my husband happy and cared for, the children’s needs met and spiritually fed remain at the top of each days priorities. If that happens, everything else is gravy. But I do love gravy!
My children have one story book (Mennonite, I think) and it talks about teaching young children to help with chores. The theme that resonates throughout the book is, “Many hands make light work.” That’s definitely true! Four of us cleaning the house takes much less time than only one person doing everything!In our home (which isn’t perfect and always serene, and NO!!! all chores aren’t kept up with all the time) we do things as a team. We all help with everything, even the youngest child. We shop together, school together, clean together, and get ready for bed together. I remind them all day long to pick up their stuff (most days it seems like an endless command from me!) and not let things get out of control. But sometimes things just get the better of us because “life happens.”I spruce up the children a bit before their dad gets home from work and ask them to do a quick clean up of toys in their rooms. They do back hand springs when he arrives. That’s an indication that our home is happy. We eat dinner together each night – NOT in front of a TV and we talk and have fun.I battle with my own junk spots every day of my life. Especially my desk and kitchen bar, which have become a joke on my own blog site. Many times I don’t do the dinner dishes until the next day and sit with my family (instead) in the evening.It’s more important to spend time with your children and TEACH them (“train up a child . . .”) because an unmade bed, stacks of laundry, toys spilling out of closets, or dishes left in the sink will, one day, be totally forgotten. Not sowing good seeds into our children’s lives will last a life time.The only other suggestion I have (one I follow, myself), is to make as few commitments outside of your home as possible. I’m a great teacher, but I refuse to teach Sunday school or offer my time in the nursery, because it’s my ONE TIME to be with all adults out of the entire week. Plus, MY children really need me right now, and MY children come before other’s children. Our children are not enrolled in sports and dance, etc. Soon they will be older and maybe will want to, but I will still greedily guard the time we spend together as a family rather than choose to run to a million different places each day.Bible study time with lots of children???? Our rule, if the bedroom door is closed you knock. Even if you knock and open the door without permission, if the bathroom door is closed, too, MOM IS UNAVAILABLE. Hate to admit where some of my Bible time is spent, but hey!, you gotta do what you gotta do, sometimes! LOL
I don’t feel that I am quite qualified to answer this question since I am not a mother yet. However, I struggle with trying to do the balancing act all the time already. I have learned over and over that relationships are much more important than a clean and orderly house. However, both can gorify the Lord. If Jesus were to come for a visit to my house and I was told in advance I would be sure to spend a lot of my time making my house look better but if the needs of my family or friends came up and I needed to put the chores of the home on the back burner I know that He would understand the best. When I think of the balancing act I think of the story of Mary and Martha when Jesus came for a visit. Being close to our Savior is the most important thing. As long as we put Him first and let everything else fall in its correct order after Him I beleive we’ll be more at peace about having a messy house most of the time. A sister in Christ once helped me realize that keeping your house is part of stewardship because God has given me this home. That has always stuck with me. She passed onto me that I should break things into small tasks. You don’t have to keep your home spotless but maybe work on a room each day of the week or maybe make a schedule of weekly chores. Also, I totally agree with a comment above about the kids that are old enough helping with the chores. I am SO VERY grateful for my mom teaching me how to do things like that at a very young age so that when I was out on my own I knew the basics. I am also very grateful for the model she made a keeping a house. I hope this all makes sense and is able to bless someone.
I agree with so much said. Ask the Lord to give you the balance and priorites in your home. Make time for the Lord, make time for your husband, enjoy your children while they are there! Children do not make for a perfect house….or put another way….a perfect house means you do not have time or a place for some of the joys of childhood: baking, forts, block towers, crafts, playdough, etc.
Having a pickup time before lunch….from the fun and work of the morning, and another before Dad arrives helps with the end of the day My Mom modeled freshing up myself before Dad arrives home too! This, of course, is not a hard and fast rule….he has come home to a frazzeled wife, or working wife too….but is nice when possible. I also tend to straighten up at least the main room at night before going to bed….I like to come out to that in the morning…but I no longer have young ones. You have to do what works for you.
Get the children to help by giving them chores and also having pick up times together….it takes the training of doing it together for them to know what you expect. Many times communication helps…tell them what you want and expect, rather than having expectations they do not live up to that are frustrating for everyone! Try to pick up as you go, have a temporary place for things that need to be put away….so they are not just laying all over. Like a basket at the bottom of the stairs etc. I found times to put things away worked better for us than constantly telling them to come get something and pick up….that was too strenuous for my personality. Some kids do need a time of training to overcome or cut off a bad habit from forming…such as never picking up their dirty dishes etc. In that case you may have to take the time and energy to constantly correct.
Try to simplify life, cut out the things…activites and stuff in the home that is not ness. Once when faced with uncertainty of where we would be living I saw the peace of having a home, and the blessing that it is! It made me value beds, a place to do laundry, a kitchen to make meals in, and just the blessing of our home!
Family meal times are very important….studies have confirmed this. Our mom taught us this so it comes pretty easily, as we would sit down to dinner at a set table every night. I love to have this as a creative outlet and used different table clothes or centerpieces ….they do not have to be fancy! I did not realize til we had others live with us that this was unusual. One mom living with us thanked me for showing her how to have family meal times…they had always eaten on the run, and even diff. foods. It is a nice time to be together each day.
We have hosted Bible study many years in our life. Having something regularly does help with the clean up…. or having a regular cleaning day. I do want to encourage moms…esp. of young children, that you can not expect the house to be clean and picked up all the time. This will just stress you out! I had friends with small ones….we made an agreement to be real….we could see each others homes at any time….they did not have to be perfect. That said, God did seem to wire most women with a desire to have things in order and lovely….so at times that pressure can build up. That is ok too….then you can either get everyone to help or ask Dad to take them all away while you make a clean sweep. whew! it can lighten our hearts to clean it all up, and make things beautiful. Once on one of these cleaning sprees my son asked,’who is coming over?’. I had to laugh, I just needed it clean.
yikes…..I better go make my bed, put some things away, and do some summer school with my son! Lord bless you all! Jenny
Goodness, I think it’s hard to find the balance even now that my children are older…I think that you must pray and seek God about what He wants for you regarding your schedule, routines, ministries, etc…Also seek your husband’s counsel and what he wants and would like for you to be doing!Being a keeper at home to me means being at home and attending to the needs here first and foremost, after God, of course and then attending to outside interests!The most important thing is seeking God!!
I just had my 4th child a couple months ago, and I just feel like I am sinking. My husband would come home from a hard day at work, and instead of meeting him at the door with a smile and “how was your day?” I would immediatly list all the crazy things that happened. I relized this stressed him out, and both of us were misserable all night. So I got to the point where I put the kids down for their nap a little earlier, straighted up the house and calmed myself down. That way, by the time Greg got home, I would be able to smile and actually remember the cute thing Donevin said, or how sweet bella was to Isaac. Our nights were so much smoother, and we were all happier. I guess the tone of the house really is set by the mother. All the things the other women have said are so true. I need a daily reminder that their little spirits need fed so much more then my house needs cleaned. Thank you.
So much excellent said already all above. I suppose I might add this. Each of us has our own level of neatness- comfort. We and our husbands and children have different comfort levels. I found it important to be sensitive to that. Always find a neat place for your husband to land in, for your kids to have their friends in (you don’t want them to be embarrassed about their home) and especially ones quiet time place is imperative for me. I could never sit and look at a mess while trying to pray, so I have always had a ready place, always kept neat, for that special time. Making sure home is a place of peace is more important that a place of absolute neatness. But that peace may include neatness if your husband and children. They may not feel comfortable in messes.And then in the ministry there is the added dynamic (and that changes all of this…your home has to be different as a pastor’s family). In our first pastorate in CA I would get comments from visitors if the kitchen floor was dirty!!! One of our pastorates ( was in PA Dutch country.People there were radically clean about everything. I wasn’t, so I had to develop a strategy to make sure at least the front room and the open kitchen were maintained. Sometimes I would keep the vacuum out in case someone came over. It would look like I was just about to clean!!!
Being a “keeper at home” in Titus two is one of those Greek list describers. The main object that is being described in the passage is for the serious (sober) young wife to “love your husband”. The way that is demonstrated follows: to love their children, to be discreet, chaste and keepers at home, which literally means “housekeeper”, etc etc.In other words the way that you demonstrate your love from your husband is to keep his house in order, clean, and peacefull for him to come to, as well as loving his children, being modest and so on.
That takes a certain amount of self discipline. I am afraid we modern ladies tend to tell others that taking it easy is okay, and never mind. But honeys, it takes work. lots and lots of dilligent work. I had six kids, homeschooled them part of the time and was a pastors wife with all of those duties. Yep, I was dog tired at the end of the day, but I always made sure the kitchen was clean before I went to bed….. for me…cause I couldn’t stand it if I had to get up to work already waiting for me.
I suppose I could write a book and this isn’t the place for that. sorry to have gone on so long. Love you, m in sc
Good question! Looking back I wonder myself how I did it! ha Our five children all had chores to do and basically during non-school months, the forenoons were work times and the afternoons rest or fun – at least on some days! We didn’t have as many outside activities that the children were involved in like many of today’s families. Meals were always eaten together, Dad’s return from work was a big event. The house was “picked up” before bedtime and ready to start a new day in the morning. Our children now struggle with balancing the “good” and the “better” with their own families now. It takes prayer and wisdom to know which is the “better” or “best” that one should allow the children to be involved in because there is so much opportunity and it’s not “bad” stuff. Churches can even take away from family time by having so many programs to have youth, parents or children participate in. God help us to find balance in our lives!
My husband is a farmer…which means I never know what time of the day he might stop in…or how many times a day! This can be challenging to not have a SET time to have things picked up by or to have Felicity and I with ribbons in our hair and smiles on our faces.
I always try to meet him at the door with a kiss & a smile though. Also, it means a lot to him if I’m dressed…even if he does stop back in earlier in the morning. This shows that we are UP and ACCOMPLISHING things! =)
I struggle with evenings.Being pregnant, it seems that by the time I get dinner, put baby to bed, clean up the dishes, etc….I sit down beside him on the couch EXHAUSTED. Perhaps leaving the dishes isn’t such a bad idea…but it is so nice to wake up to a clean kitchen! This is a little scheduling challenge I’m facing right now…..=)
I believe that the word keeper gives the connotation of being a guard, like a gate keeper. We have to guard and be on guard from those things that would try to woo us from the place God has designed for women to be. Keeping vigilant guard while our husbands are away at work or working at home. To keep house ~ delegating responsibilities to our children and also delegating to others when we cannot perform a task (i.e. electrical work, etc.). But to oversee all the goings on and see that everything is taken care of – meals, housecleaning, care of children, training while Dad is working.
When he comes home, he always likes the house to be orderly and does NOT like to be greeted with discipline problems in the younger ones, or messes or catastrophies of any kind! That is very important to my husband. His job has it’s stressful days and he like simplicity when he arrives. That means putting things in their place OR just out of the way temporarily to ‘look’ picked up. And that’s OK. Clutter free is the key!
Yes, we do wear many hats, but as the children grow older and become responsible, they work and participate with us (team work) and (in my case), sometimes take over the job! Like cooking ~ my oldest and second oldest have actually been known to ‘fight’ over who would cook dinner! Is that a blessing? My second oldest is a baker and loves to bake, not necessarily cook. Our three youngest have chores daily and are moving into more responsibilities as well. It won’t be long and they will be doing more and more. I think being a keeper at home evolves into more oversight than doing everything (of course if you have trained well ~ which I’m sure you have). When they are young, yes you are doing the bulk of the work unless you have an older young lady for a helper (which my daughters also do to help other families). It is a season, just like seasons change, being a keeper at home changes. Each season is different, but so rewarding.
Also, making it a pleasant experience while they are learning is very important. Proverbs says that “The sweetness of the lips increases learning.” TLB version puts it this way in Prov. 16:21 “Pleasant teaching is the best.”
These are such great comments! I especially like what roseteacup said about the importance of PEACE reigning in the home. For me, that can sometimes mean compromising my preferred standard of neatness in order to quiet my own spirit or focus on my husband, but most of the time I find that physical order in our home contributes to its atmosphere of peace, and achieving and maintaining that order is worth the effort. I thought it was for my mom, who had (and homeschooled) twelve children but always had a clean and organized home. Sometimes the standard of cleanliness/organization varied a little with different seasons of life (i.e. pregnancy, toddlers, etc.), but Mom always worked to have SOME kind of system in place to maintain our home, and I think it made all of life easier and more peaceful.