I woke up last night at about 3 and I couldn’t go back to sleep for a long time. I actually don’t even know if I ever did fall back to sleep.
I starting thinking about CHURCH STUFF, which is my term for some of the darkest days that I’ve had. . . . a bad church experience that the Lord has graciously used to grow me spiritually. But, unfortunately I still feel very damaged spiritually. I wonder if I will ever have an innocent, childlike faith again. Like my husband said, “SOMEONE HAS POISENED THE WATER HOLE”.
I was awake thinking that I needed therapy and then I remembered that I already have a Great Physician Who knows exactly what I need to heal.
I am begging God to lead me through my devotions and prayers to just BE OKAY again. I want to be okay. I want to be able to live my life without doubts and fears of “what people will think”. I do not want to be bitter or angry, either. I want to be soft, understanding, and tenderhearted.
I started meditating on this hymn:
Day by day and with each passing moment,
strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is KIND BEYOND ALL MEASURE
gives unto each day what He deems best-
LOVINGLY, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with PEACE AND REST.
Ev’ry day the Lord Himself is near me with a special mercy for each hour; all my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me, He whose name is Counselor and Pow’r. The protection of His CHILD and TREASURE is a charge that on Himself He laid; “As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,” this the pledge to me He made.
HELP ME then in every tribulation
so to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
offered me within Thy holy Word.
HELP ME, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E’re to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.
On my list of things to do today:
Meditate on the THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR. . . . . . .
Good to be Home 
I have been there with the sleep issue (you know that) so I am praying that the Lord will calm your heart, give peace to your mind, and give your body rest. That hymn ‘Day by Day’ is an oldie but goodie. I was raised on the old hymns and I love their truth and the doctrine that many of them eloquently have in every verse. Thanks for sharing it. 🙂
P.S. is that a little Caleb I see hanging in a swing from a tree in the woods across the water?? hahahahahaha sooo cute!
What great picture! Where ever you live, must be like a vacation for your kids all the time.
I know what your going through. It’s really hard when the hurt comes from within the church family. I mean you can still feel hurt from non christians, but you almost let it go, because they aren’t christians. We do tend to forget that even people within the church are just that, people. When we start to to put our faith or trust in them, they will eventually fail our expectations. The only one we can ever fully trust is God. Even he may disappoint us at times, but at least we know he has our best interst in mind.
Will be praying for you, what ever the situation may be.
Hugs
Hugs to you, my dear friend. I was up for a long time in the middle of the night, too. We should have called each other. 🙂 Thankfully the Lord spared me from a lot of the “church stuff” as I came in on the tale end of the beginning… if that makes sense. Growing up the way I did, I don’t handle things like that well. Anyway, I am praying for you. I know you have a lot on your mind and your heart.
That hymn is one of my favorites. It has so much spiritual depth to it. The last verse is my favorite. Remember what the sermon was about on Sunday, out of great trial can come rejoicing!
You certainly live in a beautiful place!! I hope you can get some peace and some sleep tonight.
So sorry to hear about your sleep problem. I know about sleepless nights. I was up for a while last night myself worrying about Madelynn’s reading and writing.
As far as the problems with church…I can only imagine how I would feel. I guess my only thought is to surround yourself with scripture that is where you will find God’s answers. People often will tell you what they have learned from certain scriptures for their walk with God. But I find that the most important lessons are the ones that I learn when I am just reading the Bible to look for God. Not following a devotional book, or Sunday school lesson, but just reading God’s words with the purpose of learning about God’s big picture.
I don’t know if this helps at all or if I am just making things worse. I just want to encourage you to never doubt God. People may fail us but God never fails.
Love Ya!
My prayer from those days: HELP ME, LORD!
I almost missed the baby hanging from the tree! Hahaha, too funny!
Hey Shan, It saddens me that you were sad and burdened. I’ll be praying for you. God knows your heart, your every need, your every care. Cast them all on him and he will lift you up. Focus on God’s word and he will show you His will. Love, Elisha
I can relate to the “church stuff” = dark days. I think the ones who can come out in the end loving God and others without bitterness are the winners in those situations. It took me some time.