I wonder, this morning, if anxiety is in the air I breathe. Does it enter into my lungs from the air and spread to my heart, mind, and soul like an unwanted illness? Last night in bed, as the tears silently rolled down my face in the dark, I started to pray, “Lord, WHY did you make me this way?!?”
and His words:
“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God: ‘Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LIKE THIS?'” Romans 9:20
And I breathe again.
I think of the song we sang in church on Sunday about breathing in His grace.
Breathing in His grace and breathing OUT His praise.
I thank Him. I thank Him for making me the way He did.
I have the fatness of a beautiful life all around me, a spacious home, perfectly wonderful children, a devoted husband, Jesus in my heart, so what’s a little anxiety thrown into the mix?
Truly, It keeps me humble, weak, and leaning on the Lord’s strength.
“Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And he has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
At small moments, I even find myself accepting the fact that in my life I will most certainly struggle, at times, with the burden of anxiety, and it is okay and I can rest in Christ. I do what I can do for myself and leave the rest to my loving Father.
What I do: Helps for the Anxious One
I go about my days the way they are supposed to be run, even though on the inside I want to curl up in bed. This means the laundry gets done and the meals get made. Cookies, even!
I read books to the children. Reading out loud shuts up the negative voice in my head.
I take a very low-dose anti depressant (doctor’s orders), vitamins, and drink plenty of water.
Listen to music. Dance. Sing. Whistle.
Read Scriptures, read my favorite books.
Enjoy my husband and children.
(breathing in His grace, and out His praise.)
I share my inner struggles at appropriate times ONLY. This means I will “act okay” to the majority of people around me and I give myself permission to do this; yes, and be “less than genuine”. (I hate insincerity but have come to understand that it would do more harm than good to overshare in very personal issues.)
Remind myself that it will pass, as it surely will, I know from experience.
A confession: I use this blog as an outlet for my inner being. I’ve been blogging for years now and have found that after a good soul-cleansing post like this I actually feel lighter and freer. The burden is lifted for a time, as I allow myself to share here. Also, walking around with my camera is therapeutic, as it focuses my eyes on the good things around me. I love photography for this reason. And I love to share my pictures here.
All spring and summer long, we have had workers here, building a room onto our house. The new addition is a dining room/office/fireplace and pantry. Now that it is almost completed, I have been hunting for a few pieces of furniture, rugs, and curtains. This weekend Rich and I found this perfect cupboard at a shop downtown. I LOVE IT, because it’s country primitive.
But little Sarah loves it because…….she can get away from her crazy family!
She takes her pillow, blankie, and a kitty and gets right in. Unfortunately she can’t shut the door herself so we are constantly answering her request to shut the cupboard.
snapshots from around the house….Seth and his toys….
…Caleb and his current favorite book. He has read both Powerless and Super over the last week. Both books were written by Matthew Cody. Caleb is now currently reading Powerless out loud to me, which touches my heart because it was all his idea.
This is an iphone picture of the pan of brownies I made on Friday. On a whim, I used the leftover decorator frosting from Dave’s birthday and wrote Ethan’s name on top. He was honored with the privilege of taking the first piece. Rich and I thought it was too cute that he took the “E”.
(iphone picture) Seth was sick all day on Saturday with a high fever and stomach upset. Rich took the time to take a nap with the sickie…the toes are what made me grab the camera. Just too precious.
Grace spent Sunday afternoon at Erinn’s house. I took this picture at about 9pm, when she was brought back home. Such pretty girls.
I wrote on my hand and then Seth asked me to write on his.
Books we have been reading every day.
It was a gloomy weekend and a lot of the leaves have fallen down. The weather definitely contributed to my own gloomy feelings.
(iphone pic) Rich and I had the joy of taking all the kids out to dinner last night. When I’m feeling blue I never want to be away from the children, so when Rich offered to take me out I begged him to take us all. It was a great time. I even sat on the other side of the table next to big kids and let Rich care for the littles (picking up dropped crayons, etc).
It has taken me hours to write this, as I keep going off to take care of things, answer phone calls, give baths, etc…..it has been a pleasure to sneak away now and then to work on blogging. Have a wonderful day, my friends!
“The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it” 1 Thessalonians 5:24
“Your own completeness is only realized in Him.” Colossians 2:10